Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I dated for three years, and were fairly serious. We had a future mapped out and were practically planning our engagement. However, during those three years there were some major personality clashes I just couldn't ignore. For instance, anytime he pointed out one of my flaws, I'd apologize or try to work on it. Anytime I tried to point out something I didn't like or something that I thought he should work on, he'd say, "If you don't like it, you can leave."

I did finally break up with him, though we're still good friends. But there's one issue that lingered with me after ending things. About three or four times a year he'd get a random message from a girl on MySpace. He has the kind of job that allowed him to just sit there and email her all day. He even met one of the girls once; she came into his work unsolicited. (I explained to him that that's because she saw their frequent conversations as intimate.) And that's what he'd do at least six times an hour, for three or four months, until he got bored with them. He never understood why I was upset about that; it wasn't because he was talking to other girls or that he had "friends," it was the frequency. Every few minutes, every day, for two or three months at a time!

The other day I went with him to celebrate his birthday. One the way home he was texting a girl, as usual. But this time I lost it. I told him that that's exactly why we could never work — he never cared about how I felt or even acknowledged my feelings. I know I broke up with him, and I'm happy with where things are. But even as friends, to see him pulling the same kind of stuff is just so frustrating, and I guess I hit my limit. My question is, do you think I can be forgiven for my behavior? I don't want to be his psycho ex.

— Angry Ex Andrea

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Dear Angry Ex Andrea,

Though I think it's safe to say that yelling at your ex now that things are over isn't exactly productive for your relationship, I don't think that you're the one that should be asking for forgiveness here. While you were together, your ex had inappropriate relationships with other women and when you voiced your concern he proceeded to not only ignore you, but put you down. I can say with some certainty that if anyone should be embarrassed by their behavior, it's him!

From what you describe, breaking up with your boyfriend was a very good decision on your part, and I'm glad to hear that you're not wishing things were different. I have to wonder why you're still willing to be close friends with a person who doesn't seem to care a lot for your emotional well-being. Like I said, snapping at him may not have been productive, but it certainly sounds like he had it coming. Don't worry about his forgiveness! It's time to put some distance between you two and work on surrounding yourself with people who do care about your feelings.

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