TScha...sorry.
The first time USUALLY hurts regardless you're doin' it at 20 something or 18. But your body will adjust as you do it more Believe me, it will, and soon enough you'll get to REALLY enjoy it.

Are you not aroused at all with your bf? Do you know how to masturbate or pleasure yourself (so at least you know which part of you that can bring most pleasure so that you can tell your bf to touch/whatever you there)?

If you've not had such things, better talk frankly to your bf, tell him to take it real slow the first time because you're a virgin.
Since you seem to want to have sex with him but just not aroused yet, ask him to arouse you too, and for you guys to read sex books together and find out/experiment what things you guys will like to do to each other.

Make it as much fun as possible, think of this as an adventure and don't be too scared, most girls are nervous too the first time, you're not alone (I wasn't thou, I was actually wanting to get it over with since I hate the 'mystification of being a virgin').

It's always good to be honest and open about your lack of experience, and to let him know to try and be a little gentle. You are probably psyching yourself up and then out and the same time and adding too much pressure on yourself. Since this is your first time I'm just a little shocked that your first thought was to go to "I'm the 1 in 1,000,000 that can't have sex oh no!". You just have to breathe, don't think too much about it, and like hope2be said, it's going to hurt (hopefully not) but don't let that detract from the experience. If you want to do it, your body will let it happen but you must have your body match your mind.

Don't worry about it!! You should totally tell your guy that you're a virgin though, then he will understand why you are so stressed and he can really help you out and make you feel comfortable. If your that stressed there is no way you can get aroused which is why you are so dry. That's normal, it doesn't mean you can't have sex. And also, don't feel like you have to do it, if you are that nervous then just do other stuff, maybe go a little farther each time, but only as long as you are comfortable, and you will get there eventually, no rush. And yeah, like hope2be said, it does hurt the first time. You could get some lube and that would solve the dryness problem and will make it feel much better and be easier the first time. Just don't stress out, if you aren't quite comfortable or relaxed yet, then just don't do it, it's no big deal. Good luck!

well you said "you're not sure if you really want to though" that could be the reason. you probably just aren't ready yet. i would take it slow. do other things first (when you are ready) foreplay is huge and will get you going enough to get into it. if that doesn't work then lube is always a good idea too especially the first time. it will help ease the discomfort that you will feel. but definitely don't do anything until you are 100% sure you're ready for it, and be honest with your boyfriend about that.

Definitely tell him. It will go a long way toward making you more comfortable, making him more sensitive to your situation, and strengthening the relationship (assuming it is a loving, committed relationship to begin with). And don't forget: LOTS of lube. Seriously, you can't have enough. Buy a ton and keep it on hand.
Good luck!

You need to relax and take your time. Instead of thinking of it as something you're doing "for" him or "to" him, think of it as something great you're doing together. He needs to give you lots of foreplay, and maybe even tell yourselves that the next few times you mess around it won't be to have sex - just get comfortable with each other's bodies.

Tell him, then by some lube.

I totally agree with everyone. Talk to him about it, let him know that you haven't actually had full penetration before, BUY LUBE and USE A CONDOM for heaven's sake.

There is no such thing as someone who "isn't capable of having sex". You can absolutely completely definitely have sex. The first step is to stop stressing about it. The second step is to talk to your guy about it. Of course you're dry - you don't even trust him enough to tell him you're a virgin!

Also, don't think that we all show up at sex sessions dripping wet and ready to go. First, we need foreplay. Foreplay gets our body ready for the more serious stuff. So get the guy to tease you until you really want it. Then - get lube; or use saliva. I've been having sex for 15 years, and my boyfriend is a serious pro at foreplay - yet I need to lubricate before penetration, so you see? It's got nothing to do with experience, it's pretty normal. I wish I'd known that the first time I had sex, because I was dry and he forced his way in and it was incredibly painful.

I think you've waited a long time for this to happen, probably because you wanted to wait for the right guy to come along. So if you've made your choice, it's certainly because he's a kind, sweet, gentle person. He'll be understanding; and guys don't usually freak out to find themselves in front of a virgin, so I'm sure he'll be incredibly nice and patient about it. He'll be more careful and make sure it's an enjoyable experience for you.

In any event, I don't think anyone can say their first time blew their mind. It will hurt, and be a bit awkward, and you're not gonna get your rocks off. But it's not what matters. What matters is sharing a moment with someone you really care about, and take it from there - it will only get better!

Good luck

When my now-husband and I first started (I was 22), we were BOTH virgins. It was so innocently awkward.

I was exactly like you. I actually went as far as to see a doctor, concerned about sexual dysfunction. I was madly attracted to him, but had zero interest in actual sex and whenever we tried, it was a mess!

But all it took was time and gentle attempts. I'm not going to lie - it was rather unpleasant for me at first (we weren't smart enough at the time to try some artificial lubricant - I'll bet that would have helped me a lot). But I was very honest with him, and that made the process easier. And lo and behold, after a while, my body had adjusted and I found myself craving it on my own! I never thought I was capable of that! Before I got pregnant recently and my hormones went crazy, we were having sex very regularly and - surprise! - I was enjoying it.

Tell him the truth. I'm sure he'll be understanding and as gentle as possible. Definitely try some artificial lubricant. It helps a LOT, especially in those early stages when you're not comfortable with sex yet. I wish we had done that. And, if you're trying and it's just not going to work this time, don't force it! It's going to take time.

If you aren't comfortable enough to tell him you're a virgin, then either he's not the one for you or you're just still not ready to have it. You should be able to be completely vulnerable with your partner and if you cannot, there is another issue at hand. And with that added stress of him not knowing and your fear of it all, it won't help out your anxiety.

If you want to have sex with someone you are with and love, then you should certainly be able to tell them and not worry about their reaction. If you just want to finally get it out of the way then, sorry, but safe and tipsy one-night-stands work wonders b/c you won't be worried about what they think of you b/c you'll never see them again, and your inhibitions are low.

So it all depends on where you are in your decision. But it really doesn't sound like you're all that thrilled with it being with him. You should be able to be comfortable enough with him that if the sex is awkward or painful that he'll be there supporting you, not feeling anxious about it.

Just make sure you're fully getting in the mood and not worry about what is going to come next, just be in the moment and you're body will tell you when it's good and relaxed and the timing is right. Lube can only go so far!

You know, sex is the big Kahuna. I mean, if you can wait a little longer and enjoy learning the other stuff first, sex might end up entering the relationship (no pun intended) much more naturally. You should be focusing on falling in love with this person (unless you're just trying to get this over with). If you are in love, then this virgin thing shouldn't be a secret. If he cares about you, he'll feel really bad about sleeping with you afterwards.. because he might have wanted to make this is really special for you and to make sure you felt ok.

Spend some time making out with him, fooling around.. getting aroused (which will make you wet). Touching, massaging, all foreplay are good ways to start out. If you work that in before you start making love, it's more likely that you'll continue to have good foreplay in the future. And believe me, I love sex, but there's nothing like good foreplay, from giving and receiving.

Good luck to you.. and I hope you enjoy this experience. Try to embrace the nervousness you're feeling and the sense of excitement, because one day, this will be old hat, and you'll nostalgically remember how your heart raced the first time you looked into your boyfriend's eyes as he made love to you for the first time.

If you're not comfortable telling him you're a virgin, there's no WAY you should be having sex with him! Talk to him, take things very slowly, and enjoy each stage. No need to rush, at all. I was 22 and it took me a few years to learn how to enjoy it. Take it as slowly as you need to and make sure he's a gentle and careful partner FIRST. Learn to have an orgasm first, before intercourse (it helps a lot!!); use lots of lube (I like Liquid Silk - drugstore.com); have him go slooooowly; and research your G-spot (the key to sex feeling good, for me at least). Seriously - take all the time in the world you need, and be 100% honest. This is a big burden for you to bear alone. And if foreplay is good enough for you, stick with that and improve upon it. Good luck!

Hello,
How are you doing? I hope that you are having a great day.
For a woman to admit this at your age I would say that takes a lot of guts and if you are uncomfortable about it then I think that you should wait until you are ready because that is when you will really enjoy it. If your boyfriend loves you or care about you then you should talk to him about the problem and if he is pushing you to have sex, but you do not want to have sex then maybe you should find anther boyfriend.

yeha. Lube is THE most awkward thing to ask for or suggest, but LET ME TELL YOU. it's so worth it. SOO SO SO SO worth it. i'll help a LOT.

speaking from experience - if you keep psyching yourself out like this you're gonna give yourself vaginism. RELAX!!! I suggest masturbating so that you feel more comfortable with the idea, get used to the sensations, and discover the ones you like! Take the "scary" out of the equation.

And talk to him about it. Of course! How can you be thinking of sleeping with someone you're not completely comfortable talking to? It's a special and important experience and he needs to know that so that he can treat it as such and be gentle with you. Oh and make sure you have some lube - cannot stress this enough.

Buy some lube...and talk to him...relaitonships are all about communications if you don't feel comfortable telling him that...well don't have sex with him.

Adn being nervous = more dry and trying not to be nervous = even more dry..just bring some lube and it will be easier. First time always hurts no matter what...all the romance harlequin books say otherwise but it hurts...lube makes it hurt less.

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

First of all, tell him!!!!!!!!! You should be able to talk about this if you intend on having an intimate relationship. Also, I did not find sex painful at all the first time.
I think that that happens if you are not aroused enough. Have lots and lots of foreplay (like at least half an hour)-with him giving you lots of oral sex and touching you before even trying again. Take your time, and tell him, because he will be more patient with you next time. Make him get you really aroused before trying again. And don't rush into it, pay attention to your body and do it when YOU feel ready. Good luck and have fun.

How much I read all of the comments after mine I really did not agree with, but Janine I agree with you. If you really feel uncomfortable about it tell him and trying foreplay out first is a great start. Sex for me in the beginning was not painful to me either and I really enjoy sex, but their are many ways you can enjoy sex. It is just up to you to find your chi with sex.

trust me, this isn't an uncommon thing - i've had sex for a while now and there are times that i still don't get 'wet' and it's challenging. that's one of the great things about retail these days - there are tons of products out there that can help and i think that you'll find when you're less nervous about things, you'll have no problem at all.