I'd say yes, it's her wedding day and it's not a difficult thing to do. So if it makes her happy, why not?

I'd say it's time to swallow your pride and do this for someone else.

Do you have a problem with her marriage? Do you know something about the union and why they shouldn't be together? If not, then you can stand up and be their witness. It doesn't mean you will be lifelong friends. I haven't talked to my maid of honor in 5 years, we just drifted apart. But that day was still very special to me and I'm happy that she was there to share it with me.

It's the BRIDES day. Just be happy for her, and if she truly has no one else, well...

I'm not sure I would do it. The maid of honor has a lot of responsibilities. To make that commitment for someone who I'm not very close to might be a lot to ask for.

well i agree with the first two. unless she's done something so horrible to you that you just can't stand to be around her whats the harm in being there for her? maybe it will even give you a better chance to get to know her again and get back to the type of friendship you used to have.

Why not? Weddings are fun and maybe this will bring you guys closer

Why not? It can be time consuming, of course, but unless you specifically do not have the time (i.e., are working 90 hours a week and are pregnant), maybe it will rekindle your friendship back to where it once was, and you'll find out that you still do have a lot in common. Sure, maybe you don't consider her to be one of your closest friends now, but by the time the wedding rolls around... that could change. And doesn't everybody love more close friends?

Yea- I understand that it may be tough if you feel like you are not that close anymore but if someone felt I was worth that honor and asked me I would never have the heart to say no. It just seems really mean and I think the right thing to do is suck it up and just be there for her. Unless I genuinely cannot be responsible as maid-of-honor (demanding job, new baby, etc) I don't see a reason to say no.

This actually happened to me. A childhood friend who I hadnt seen in 10 years randomly wrote me a letter and asked me to be her maid of honor. I wrote back a nice decline letter saying that because of me graduating from college, distance (I was in AZ about to move to RI and she was in KS) and the fact that being a maid of honor is a huge responsibility I didnt feel I was the right person for the job.

I'd say yes. It's the right thing to do. Time to put aside your own wants/needs/desires and be a friend to someone else.

Unless there's something going on in my life that conflicts, I'd say yes. I'm not one to turn away friends, especially someone I've been close to for a good number of years. If the wedding is in eight months, I'd assume she'd have most of it planned and there's not too much too worry about, really. Why not have fun with a friend at her wedding?

No. I wouldn't do a fake situations unless it's an acting gig and I'm getting paid.

"You have nothing against this friend, but most of what made you friends in the first place doesn’t really exist anymore."

this isn't a forgive and forget situation...the chick couldn't find anyone else and she 'found' you... they're basically strangers at this point. Unless you just need an elaborate party that's going to be expensive for you also I'd say no. Why not a bride's maid? Why not just as a guest? That chick is trifling.

I think you should go ahead and do it. Like others have said unless you really are strapped for time I really do not see what the big deal is. Plus you have already been spending time with her so you must consider her a friend while she may not be your best friend anymore she is still someone that you chose to spend time with!

I do not agree that they are strangers. They have reconnected and she is clearly spending time with this person. If you do not like someone or you feel you have nothing in common anymore than why would she spend time with her, she is sending mixed messages in my opinion. I am so sick of the being nice over being honest.

I have a hard time understanding why so many of you are saying she should just do it. Your maid of honor is supposed to be your best friend... which is a two way street. Depending on what kind of wedding she's having the maid of honor duties could be pretty big and even sometimes pretty costly. I doubt she'd do a good job if her heart wasn't fully in it. Why be fake and pretend to be her "best friend" when she clearly doesn't feel the same... "You have little in common, but she still pushes your friendship. You've been accommodating so far, but only to be nice." While it might be difficult to turn down, I think the best thing to do would be to politely decline and suggest someone else take the reigns on this one. Wedding responsibilities should never be half-assed.

I wouldn't do it. Thats a lot of time (even if you aren't pregnant and working 90 hours a week, ignorant comment). Not to mention, it's alot of money. This isn't exactly a great financial time for everybody.

Just say you don't feel you are close enough to take that honored position. I personally don't have any girl friends and I asked my cousins to be my bridesmaids.

Oh and one more thing. It's not the BRIDE'S day. She is not the only one getting married. It is the Bide, Groom, and parents day. AT LEAST. This selfish "my day" attitude is getting on my nerves.

I would do it. Since she doesn't really have any other friends I would hate for her to have stand at the alter alone. I have lost touch with several friends over the years but I still care about them and would be their MOH if they asked.
That being said, if she really doesn't like the old friend then why is she hanging out with her? Don't say you're doing it "to be nice" and then complain about her behind her back. That isn't nice. As someone else said it's totally sending a mixed message.

If they are so close...why is she asking strangers what to do...that should be the answer. She's expected to throw a shower remember...and purchase the dress, shoes...etc. and be in the photos...forever. It's not a birthday party.

I would decline. I agree -- being the maid of honor is a lot responsibilities. It's a considerable committment of time, effort, and money. I would only step into this role for someone I care about.

Only agree to it if you care to rekindle the friendship (which it kind of sounds like you don't...) It just sounds like she wants you to be MOH because she doesn't have anyone else.

How does anyone know that she would have to buy her dress and accessories. All the weddings I have been in the bride bought everything for the bridal party as it should be. Sorry I think it is tacky to ask someone to be in your wedding than expect them to buy everything.

cubadog, it's customary for the bridal party to pay for their own attire etc. The bride usually purchases a gift for each, which can include an accessory to wear on that day. You're certainly lucky to have been in wedding's where you didn't have to pay for anything.

Honestly, depends on how much I like the person. If I really like the person, but I'm just not that close to them, then I'd say yes. If they really annoy me and there's a good reason I'm not close to them, I'd say no. It would be dishonest to be part of such a big day otherwise. And knowing me, I'd probably have an excuse of distance or being busy with school.

cubadog - have been in several weddings and paid for everything. I didn't realize there were such generous brides out there!

sonya I know it is customary but this one thing that I am old fashion in my thinking the bride and groom should take care of it. I plan to do it when I get married just as my friends did for me. At this point (I am 38) I doubt I will have the big church weddings that all of my friends have had,

I've been in many weddings, too. I was the MOH a couple of times. I ended up paying for my attire, and funded the bachelorette party and bridal shower. For one wedding, it was out-of-state, and so there were transportation expenses, too. Oh, and we also paid for nice wedding gifts.

here's a question - what if you try to "rekindle" and there's no flame? or worse, she's developed some irritating bridezilla habits since you last knew her?

definitely not the time to be testing those waters. either you'd end up being miserable, or being the jerk who backs out of being a maid of honor halfway through.

see i'm having this problem sort of. i've kind of severed ties with just about everyone that i grew up with because i was in a bad place for a while and now that i'm getting married next year, i'm in the problem of trying to find someone to be my MOH. i think that if you dont' want to do it - then be honest and let her know that you don't feel comfortable. i would much rather have whomever i ask tell me that they are so happy for me that i'm getting married and would love to be there on the day but they don't feel like they are the right person to have the role. i think that i would be happier knowing that who ever i ask tells me the truth than to be stressed and upset behind my back

I hope i'm not too late. I've actually been in this EXACT same situation quite recently. This friend felt much closer to me than I did to her, and having the same feeling as you did when I was asked, I respectfully said that I was honored and appreciated the request that she would even think of me, but I didn't feel comfortable taking on that responsibility and she respected that 100%. I was at the wedding (which took place a month ago) and we hugged and took pictures together and I waved her off to her honeymoon in a very un-fake way, I must add.

If you do decide to say yes, regardless of how you feel...fact is, a lot of things, like paying for and throwing the bridal shower and some other parts of the wedding are traditional and totally up to each bride; so those responsibilities may or may not fall upon you - it's not mandatory, and each bride's consideration of tradition is different, so you may want to ask her about her perspective on bridal traditions if that weighs in any on your decision-making process.

No, you do NOT have to put aside your feelings or your needs or your pride. You SHOULD put your feelings and needs FIRST. You both parted ways naturally and for reasons that are obvious. You dont owe her anything. You obviously do not want to continue being friends with her, so do not say yes. Anyone else that tells you to accept against your better judgement is selfish. You cannot always like everyone and not all people can be liked all the time. I think this is a great opportunity to distance yourself from her.

I give you the permission to decline her offer, you simply state "I appreciate your offer, but I do not have the time or resources to accommodate for your wedding unfortunately." This may sound harsh and it may feel difficult for you to say to her but if you cannot reject her, the only choice is for you to end up hurting yourself. There is no other option. More than likely, this would be a good test to see if she is really in it for your friendship or in it to use you because she doesn't have any other friends to invite. I feel really uneasy for you about her coming into your life like this and with such drive. I will repeat--you do NOT have to be friends with everyone that wants to be in your life. Take this opportunity to find out for yourself if this is a friendship for you. If it's not a friendship you want in your life, do not have any guilt about distancing/ending this relationship. Remember, if you cant hurt others, you have to hurt yourself. Good luck. Whatever you decide, do it because you want to, not because of obligations. It wont be beneficial for anyone else.