You were young and made mistakes. You can try, but just be aware that she might not be open to the idea and that is something you will have to accept.

It is her decision to forgive you. Hopefully she will because she probably still has issues with what went down between you two and could use some closure of her own. All you can do is reach out to her, and be patient.

i agree. i wouldn't be surprised if she didn't respond or told you she still didn't want you to be around. i think the best thing you can do is reach out to her. send her a letter or an email so you can write your feelings without being cut off. send a gift for the baby. tell her you will prove to her that you have changed.

I chose undecided because to me this is not a question of forgive or not forgive. Just because she is your sister does not mean that she has to forgive you for anything. Sometimes the bad decisions you make in life will be with you forever while it might make you feel better I do not think your sister is ready to have you back in her life when she is ready she will get in contact with you.

Sorry, it sounds like you have some more maturing to do. Your sister's forgiveness is up to her to decide, not you. You seem to think you're entitled to your sister's forgiveness. That's not true.

Look at the situation on her side. Let's use your logic. As her own sister, you "SHOULD" have left her boyfriend alone. As her own sister, you "SHOULD" not have bailed out on rehab, and left your sister on the hook for thousands of dollars. But guess what, you went against those "shoulds" (as her own sister).

As I see it, she shouldn't have to forgive you. She should be as uncompassionate to you as you were towards her.

Your reasoning should go both ways, not just in the direction that benefits you.

I'm re-posting because the quote did not come through.

"but don't you think my own sister should be able to forgive me?"

Sorry, it sounds like you have some more maturing to do. Your sister's forgiveness is up to her to decide, not you. You seem to think you're entitled to your sister's forgiveness. That's not true.

Look at the situation on her side. Let's use your logic. As her own sister, you "SHOULD" have left her boyfriend alone. As her own sister, you "SHOULD" not have bailed out on rehab, and left your sister on the hook for thousands of dollars. But guess what, you went against those "shoulds" (as her own sister).

As I see it, she shouldn't have to forgive you. She should be as uncompassionate to you as you were towards her.

Your reasoning should go both ways, not just in the direction that benefits you.

I don't think that you're entitled to her forgiveness. While you have made improvements in your life, and deserve props for that, the facts of what you did back then haven't changed and I can see why she still wouldn't forgive you. Even though you've made things better for yourself, I don't see here where you've made any real effort to make it up to her or shown her any remorse. Were she ready to forgive you simply by virtue of time having passed or wanting you in her child's life, she would have made the first move.

i don't know. but i feel for you and your whole family. drugs destroy lives. this could be the story of my next door neighbors family growing up, except for the part about you getting your act together. my neighbor is still breaking into houses to support her drug habit. you have come a long way, and your sister will need to see that you have changed FOR GOOD. she has a child now. she won't want to bring an unstable influence into the life of her child.

good for you for addressing your problems. keep working on yourself and hopefully at some point you sister (who sounds amazing) will forgive one more time.

good luck to you and your family. remember, life is a journey for everyone.

Given the fact that you have excused yourself for your past mistakes and used your childhood as grounds to do this; you have to realize that your sister had the same childhood and was also robbed of one in the process. And your acting out contributed to her pain instead of following her example and helping out; which hindered her healing process.
It sounds as if you still want your sister to be your caregiver and give you a clean slate, but you need to be understanding and give her time to heal and bond with her first child which will be hard enough to separate caring for her siblings in a burdened state vs. her own child in a blessed state.
You'd gain more favor with her by sending the baby a gift and written well wishes instead of trying to seek forgiveness and forcing a relationship that may rehash pain for her.

Put her first this time is what I am saying.
To apologize selfishly for selfish acts will gain no favor with your sister. It's entirely up to her.

I agree with a lot of what has been said her, and I chose undecided because, ultimately this is totally up to your sister. From what you've said, she's always gone above and beyond for you, and she really owes you nothing, least of all her forgiveness. You say you've turned your life around, but aside from that have you done anything to show her you recognize how horrible you were to her, and try to make up for that? Offer to repay the money she lost when you skipped out on rehab. Send her letters or emails updating her on how well you're doing. Remember that aside from getting forgiveness, you also need to get to a point where she can even trust you.

I also agree with the poster above who mentioned that keeping your influence away from her child could be a big part of this. You see her having a child as a reason that you are desperate to see her, but you have to acknowledge that her child may be a huge reason she's not willing to let you back into her life. Until you can show her you've really changed and she can trust you again, I wouldn't blame her for wanting to keep you as far from her child as possible.

Mesayme...I am simply terrified of your avatar. What a calculative-looking little toad. hehe

Now on topic.

This is entirely up to your sister. I would say if you are truly, truly sorry and your heart bleeds for the way you've broken her heart, try contacting her again, but only if you can promise yourself and her that this is a new you. If you are not sorry but just want to have touch with her again, don't reach out.
If you do decide you are sorry and reach out, your sister still may or may not forgive you. What you did was beyond hurtful, but on the other hand, blood is thicker than water, and your sister sounds like a loving, selfless and responsible person. But if it doesn't, at least for your own conscience, you would have shown some repentance, which is why I'm saying you should at least try (again, only if you know you are sincere and will not hurt her ever again).
All the best to you, I hope it works out. I'm sorry you've had such a rough childhood but remember that your sister had the same.

(I meant to say; But if she doesn't..)

Not forgive. At 23 you were definitely old enough to take responsibility for your selfish horrible actions. I'm sure her life is better now for not having you in it.

Aww austerity he doesn't bite...he doesn't have any teeth!
He's just sexy that's all.

I agree w/ GlowingMoon. You did a lot of things a sister should NEVER do and now you're relying on that sisterly bond to say she should forgive you? You severed that bond with the way you behaved.

And now you want back into her life because you want to meet her baby?

Why do people think they can just be incredibly selfish their whole lives and then snap their fingers to have those acts forgiven? There is no rule that says we can be sh*tty beyond measure and people still have to forgive us.

I think you should actually listen to your brother and respect her wishes instead of selfishly wanting to be back in her life if she doesn't want you in it.

My fiancee has a bro kind of like you. I totally understand why your sister stayed away from you and thank goddess she did, you caused her lots of pain and she's also dealing with her own pain, she doesn't need extra baggage from you.

You know what, my fiancee told me that his bro does the 'clean slate' routine, and it'll last for a year or two, then off he went to go back to his old way. It's going to be heartbreaking and all drama. TSk. The only difference is that his bro never slept with his exes. Yeah, he was up in his eyeballs in dope, went out sleeping with everyone and cheating on his gfs, but never once he actually tried to bang his bro's gals.

So your many excuses don't work with me, you were being a shrew/backstabber to your own sister, drugs didn't cause you to sleep with your sister's bf. Your real character was what prompted the whole thing, plus your sister's bf was a jerk too.

You want my honest opinion? Listen to your BROTHER, your blood, even HE thinks it's unwise to do it now, and you're just being the little rebel again and think you're all privileged because you went through sh1t in your childhood? Your sister went through the same crap and she didn't end up like you.

I really think you should STAY AWAY from her family. And NO you don't deserve her forgiveness just because you're her 'sister.' That's bullsh!t. I mean, from what it looks like, many drug addicts went back and forth, so you need to make damn sure you're not going to slip back to your old ways...how to do it? Wait another 5 years before contacting her or 'integrating' yourself back to her life. If you want, contact her now, but no need to get to close. If you made it 5 years without slipping back, then by all means, try ask for her forgiveness.

---
Right now, my fiancee's bro is middle age and for the first time in his life, has lasted almost 5 years without drugs. So that's why he finally was in our life, because I don't tolerate drama and drug addiction in my life.

By the way... if you are getting cleaned up and moving on with your life, good for you. I think you can redeem yourself through being good to others and yourself. You did some awful things but that does not make you a horrible person. You can still lead a full, good life.

I guess my point is more that no matter how different you are now, there are some things that others might never forgive you for. And that is just the consequence of the life you used to live, and it's sad. But taking responsibility for it, and not acting "entitled" is also a way to grow up and become a better person.

Forgiveness is a gift. I think you should forgive yourself and understand it from your sister's perspective. She doesn't have to forgive you - and if she doesn't you have no right to expect it. You have to earn it. If that means sending her baby a gift like someone suggested and letting her know you will be available if and when she decides to forgive you that is what you have to do.

Hell NO you do NOT deserve her forgiveness.. if my sister did this to me, I'd never forgive her.. you can't blame your upbringing and past on your mistakes. Be an adult and own up to it and make better decisions. Family is more important that anything and you destroyed yours. You don't deserve her forgiveness..

That's just my opinion, sorry if it's harsh.

I think that you should just try really hard to reconnect with her and show her that you have made significant changes in your life. My older sister was a severe drug addict when I was growing up, she is 8 years older then me and her drug use coupled with her bipolar disorder really tore our family apart. However, she worked really hard to get her act together and clean up her life (it took many years and the final conclusion she wanted to change). And although it made it hard to like her at the time, I never stopped loving her and now I love her and I like her again. I know that there were many factors that made her unable to control her actions and I know that it is hard for non-addicts to deal with addicts because they can't understand what is going on. That being said, I would definitely try and reach out if I were you but know that it may take some time. Try not to go into with the attitude that she owes you her forgiveness but rather you have to earn hers. My boyfriend could never believe when I told him stories of my sister because he met her when she had cleaned up her act and basically reinvented herself as a person so I know that it is possible and probable you have been able to do the same, something you should be immensely proud of. Good luck I hope it works out!

She really has no reason to forgive you.

I agree with the above posters who said you need to get over your sense of entitlement. You weren't being a sister to her when you were making her life hell, now that *you've* decided it's high time she forgives you, you think she should forgive you.

Have you tried making any amends before this? I say you write her a letter with a check for a portion of how much you owe her for the rehab, tell her how much you've changed grown and that the check is part of the money you owe her.

Acknowledge the fact that you owe her more than just money because of her growing you and willing to put up with your crap and take responsibility for your own actions instead of dumping it on your crappy childhood, because if you look back at what you wrote you made it that crappy. Yeah your dad left and your mom was depressed but you chose to take drugs and you put yourself in bad situations repeatedly.

You put in the work to shove her away, now put in the work to get her back.

The word 'selfish' doesn't even BEGIN to describe the kind of sister you've been. 'Nightmare' might be a good start, but still doesn't cover it.

I am a believer that even family members can be fired, and if I were your sister, I'm not sure I'd ever let you back in my life.

Keep moving forward with getting your life in order, but don't do it expecting things from other people. Do it for yourself. You may never get your sister back, and she doesn't owe it to you to come back simply because of a shared gene pool. But the main thing is yourself. Get yourself in a good place and have the best life you can.

Mesayme ~ oh no, now you've changed your avatar? I'm so sorry, that's not what I implied. I failed to see his sexiness. I'm sorry. Froggy, come back!

I think that you need to write her a letter and express to her all of the things and realizations that you have come to both in this post and also with what you aren't saying here. Just because she is your sister does NOT mean she has to forgive you. I have serious issues with my older brother right now, and I know that at this point, I would not be able to forgive him, but I need to decide when that will be and what type of relationship I want to have with him (truly not one on the brother-sister level). Your sister may feel the same way - that she may not be able to have the kind of relationship YOU crave, but maybe she can decide what type of relationship she wants to have with you, if any.

The ball is really in your sister's court, and I think it's important that you tell her how you have worked on things and how you're not the same person. Apologize repeatedly for everything you did as long as you mean it, and also write that you understand if she still does not want you in your life. Tell her you miss her, how ungrateful you were, and I suggest, if you can, try paying her back (set up some sort of plan) for the rehab. Making the effort, however small ($10/week?), will mean something to her. It shows you're willing to take that step.

It might also be an issue of her not letting you back into your life until you have proven yourself as a stable force from afar for several years (that she is aware of), but if this is something that you truly want, you will be willing to do anything and not disappoint her.

Good luck to you.

Hahaahaa...no, austerity...that little guy was creeping me out too!
I just missed my baby. And his birthday is on Thurday... EVERYONE...very important news!!
John Mayer's 31st birthday is on Thursday Oct. 16th.
Thank you.
( refreshments will be served in the break room.)

I agree with the poster above who says you should try to at least repay your sister for the money she spent on your failed attempt at rehab. Also write a letter saying how sorry you are and how you've changed. And a gift for the baby.

Before you even ask for forgiveness, you should pay your sister back the money she spent for your rehab. I'm sure she could use that money now that she has a new baby. She may not need the money but it's the right thing to do so write a letter of apology and send it. And leave it at that. If you're really committed to being a different person, live that out in your actions and reveal it to your brother and create a great relationship with him. When the time is right, your sister will come to you.

NO, you don't deserve her forgiveness.Like you said, she has done so much for you during the past years but instead of giving her a hand,you just went out to totally destroy her life and break her apart.

When you mention about hooking up with her bf, this is both his and your fault as it takes two hands to clap.So if he is a jerk, then what makes you any different?

And before you posted this article, have you even tried to make ammends yet? Yeah, you are trying to make ammends for yourself only by having a stable job and etc.So what? Did you make any ammends for your poor elder sister whom has gone through hell just to make sure both you and your brother have a roof above your heads?Forget about giving her a hand, but you just think of ways to pull her down.

She could have brighter days but suffered terribly just because you have some problems about yourself and wanted attention.Why don't you put yourself in her shoes and see how that feels.She too has her own problems just like everyone else but you dump yours to her and later want her to forgive you?Isn't that asking too much and not being fair?You are her 'sister' but have you ever act like one.It doesn't matter if you are related to her or not, as long as you have done something wrong, you account for ALL of them and she will see if you are worthy of forgiveness.

You should listen to your brother's advice but out of goodwill, give her a call to congragulate but that's it.No coming closer to her or taking the chance to apologise cuz it will only sadden her more.By asking her forgiveness, it is like siting there waiting for money to drop from the sky and that's not happening.You should earn it first and by doing that, understand what she's been through, which means knowing her so well that it was like you being in her shoes up til now.But that's not all, you should make ammends for it too.So to summaries how you are going to earn her forgiveness is:

1.Forgive yourself (For everything you done wrong)
2.change yourself to be better(NOT worse!)
3.understand her
4.Make ammends(NO matter how long it takes!)
5.Be like how a sister should be (Treat her good from the bottom of your heart cuz she deserves every bit)
6.Give her time and space to adjust
And from there, let nature take its course, done!=D

I know I have said alot but hey, its worth it,Good luck!^_~

We all take family for granted...but like the other posters said, you feel regret, but just because you are ready to move on, doesn't mean your sister is. After all you did the hurting and she was the one that was hurt. It really is up to her to decide when it is 'time' to forgive you....and balls in her court.

You could say that sisters should be able to forgive everything, but that's not true. There are some things that cannot be forgiven, and pushing your sister like that is one of them. It's selfish to think about contacting someone whose life you almost ruined,whose patience you tried.

Let your brother know you've reformed. Let your brother tell her, but don't contact her. Don't think of your own selfish desires. If she's ready, she will contact you.

"I know I've done some bad things, and I know I'm still imperfect, but don't you think my own sister should be able to forgive me?" The fact that you seem to feel like it's your RIGHT to be forgiven by your sister is almost more despicable than what you did.

I voted undecided because I do believe in family, but, if your positions were reversed, would you forgive you?

if i were in your sisters shoes, i could forgive you... but there is no way in hell i would ever trust you again.

OH BOY

wow you are/were a really bad sister!

No, I don't think your sister "SHOULD" forgive you, mainly because you had the audacity to even say that, like it's only her issue. Frankly, you sound just like my mother: a person who drank away her feelings and now wants instant forgiveness because she's "changed".

I'm going to sound like a jerk, but it sounds like you don't understand what it's like to deal with an addict. You may have been the addict, so yes, you have that perspective, but how many nights do you think your sister sat up crying her eyes out because she thought you were dead in a ditch? How many times were you in the hospital and she was there for you? How many times did she have to take you to the hospital herself? How much did you honestly think about her when you were trying to score that next hit? How many screaming fights did you have about your addictions?

Look, when you have someone in your life who is hellbent on destroying their life or numbing the pain through alcohol or drugs, nothing you can say or do will save them, and after a certain point you give up because it's either your life (your sister) or their life (yours). The hurt and the pain that is experienced from living with or taking care of an addict takes many, many years to heal. You can still love someone and not want to have anything to do with them, and it's not forgiveness that your relationship needs. It's trust, and you shattered that long ago.

If you want to do something for your sister, go put the money you owe her in a bank account for the baby and have the bank call her and let her know. That way, she will know that you are making an effort without there being any confrontation. Maybe it will broker fragile communication between you two, maybe it won't.

You never miss the water 'til the well runs dry.

i think that if there's anyone in the world that will forgive you and let the past be the past, it's your family. now that your sister has her own child, you'd be surprised how much she'll be willing to let things just fall by the wayside, so it can't hurt to reach out to her. i think that one of the best things to do would be to send a congratulations card or flowers or something and write a sweet note in it about and mention that you'd like to reconnect so you can get to know your niece/nephew. chances are she'll be open to do it and you'll be able to start mending fences. i'm sure that once you show her how much you've managed to turn your life around, things will start to get back to normal.

drugs is not an excuse for what u did. im sorry u had a hard childhood but so did ure sister. and it would be harder for her, because she looked after all of you. instead of thanking her u hook up with the love of her life and waste a lot of her money which she obviously would have struggled to make. and now that uve changed, you think that ure sister should forgive u. if i were her, i probably wouldnt because not only did u betray her, but u also disrespected her. but ure sister forgave u after u hooked up with the man she loved, so maybe she would forgive u if u really changed and if u asked for it. but its completely wrong for u to think that u deserve her forgiveness, because u so dont

yea what u did was horrible u made mistakes alot of them and i understande why she is acting the way she is but since u said u changed completely i think u should maybe try right her a letter a long letter of how u feel and how u want her back inyour life and what she means to u and how u have changed and send it to her or make your brother give it to her and see were it goes from there