If you've been on and off for years, that's clear evidence you two are NOT meant to be together. Break up, move on.

Get into therapy. You have lots of issues you need to work through, and when you come out and start dating again, don't accept the kind of behavior from your next boyfriend that you have from this one.

You lack self-esteem, self-confidence and are obviously insecure. Stay in counseling. For some people therapy is a long and painful process, depending how screwed up they are and it ain't easy. Many people quit when it starts to get to the hard stuff. You sound like one of those people. You're quite comfortable in the victim role also.

When you mentioned you have had everything handed to you, were you saying no one has ever held you accountable for your actions? If so, I definitely do not blame your bf for wanting to see if your behavior changes. By merely apologizing and not doing anything about it, you're giving him lip service. It's also selfish on your part. I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. I would have dropped you after the first act of your self-induced ongoing drama. Geezzz, he sounds like a saint or you must be good in bed, to put up with all this crap.

Do everyone you know and yourself a favor, get back in therapy and don't quit.

First of all, I think you should give yourself a lot of credit for realizing all of the things that you wrote about yourself. Second, no one is worthless and you sound like a person who has given this a lot of thought. Give yourself some credit here. You are not a bad person and if you have learned this much about yourself, then you can fix these problesm. Everyone has problems and things they need to work on. Make a list of good things about yourself and the first thing to do after you go back to therpy, is to read that list and know you are a good person.

wow, um go back to counseling.
sweetie if he didn't want to be with you he wouldn't have tried for so long.
my advice to you is to just remain good friedns until you get some help with your own issues if you want your relationship to work.

I don't think you're in a healthy relationship. Nor are you mentally stable yourself. The good thing is - you know what your issues are - so you're more likely to be able to work through them. BUT - if you don't love yourself sweetie, others won't either. If you two have been "on & off" AND he sleeps with other women while you're broke up...DUH wake up and smell the coffee. That's gotta be one of the dumbest things I ever heard. It's obvious he can't fully commit. If you break up for however long - he shouldn't be running off with other women in the process.

You definitely need to work on your issues. I say leave the guy alone - he doesn't sound like a good guy. Even if you do start the arguments and keep the drama up. Why would he need facebook and other sites like that where he meets other women and chat's and IM's? Let it go, and work on YOU!!!

My parents were heroin addicts. My dad was NEVER around and my mother committed suicide when I was 7. So save your "I had an awful childhood" story. You CHOOSE to be a victim of your circumstances and use it as an excuse to be a f'ed up person. That excuse doesn't fly with me! I've been cheated on too sweetie - probably most of the people on the site have too. Hell, my ex-husband slept with my little sister and of course we're not married anymore. But I didn't become a victim and lose all self-worth and self-esteem-because HE cheated. Screw him - his loss! I packed my kids and left. And I tell you - he is miserable to this day!! Either you grow strong from tragedy like I did, or you become a victim like you have chosen. But it was a choice you made. Quit being a victim and take responsibility for your choices and learn from them - AND PLEASE - QUIT MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES. And avoid losers at all costs.

Are you the same poster who just posted again recently? It sounds like it.

Honestly, my advice is to ditch this guy and swear of all men for 1 year. Go to therapy, start a couple hobbies, and figure out who you are without men.

You DO have alot of trust issues but obviously your man wants to be there for you and does not want to lose you. He's putting in alot of effort and putting up with alot of stuff from his "crazy" girlfriend. I dont think it's fair for either of you to lose him at this point. I'd give it one more shot.

I know that in the beginning of my relationship I was going through the same thing you were. I never trusted him, I would pick fights for no reason, I was always upset or pissed off for reasons I didnt understand. We came very close to breaking up simply because of my insecurities but I noticed that minutes AFTER my major freakouts and fights I would think "Why did I do that? That was so stupid. I'm going to lose him if I dont smarten up" So finally, after a big fight my boyfriend told me that he thinks we should go on a major break so I can figure out what I really want... I was heartbroken but made him promise to give me one more week to get control of myself.

So, I created this: http://teamsugar.com/gallery/view/1682383?page=0,0,0

I call it my "cheat sheet" Many of the ladies here have heard of it or seen it because I think that quite a few of us girls go through that "crazy" period and this REALLY helped me.

Basically, It's a list of all of the wonderful things about my boyfriend and surrounding the list are nicknames he calls me and the random things I think to myself after one of our fights. Everything I felt myself getting upset or losing my temper I would pull out my cheat sheet and read it over and over again until I calmed down and went back to rational thinking. This paper saved my relationship. I used it for about 3 months and I havent looked at it once since. We dont have those big fights anymore, I trust my man completely and I know now that we will NEVER be apart. I made 4 copies. One for my purse, one for my office, one for my car and one for my home. That way, no matter where I was I could pull it out and calm myself down.

Take a look at the cheat sheet and make one yourself about your boyfriend. What do you have to lose? Besides him.

Good luck!

This really doesn't sound healthy. You need time on your own away from a relationship to garner back some trust. The thing is it's all well and good saying "my parents let me down" but until you resolve in your head that you don't need to rely on your parents for support like that anymore and that it comes from WITHIN you are never going to be able to have a normal relationship.

Here is the thing - you are going to get hurt many times in your life. MANY times and each time will make you more able to cope with it than the last.

It really does sound like you and your boyfriend are not a good match though. Move on and stop settling for somebody who is driving you crazy.

If he hooked up with someone when you broke up, you shouldn't have taken him back. What is he waiting for another break for? To hook up with someone. He's not with you because he only wants to be with, he's with you until he gets the chance to be with someone else. It's not you. It's him and you should let him go for good. Do not listen to women who promote random hook ups and have cheated themselves or are the other woman. They are on HIS side!

My boyfriend and I went on a break for a few months 2 years ago, and we both hooked up with other people during that break. When we bring it up it causes a lot of pain - It's just an unbearable thought! So I don't think it's nuts of you to feel that way. Nobody wants to think about their loved one screwing someone else. TOTALLY NORMAL. Stop feeling like you're "freaking out" and that you're the bad guy here; I really believe you are right in feeling the way you do.

Also, both my BF and I react a bit sensitively when people of the opposite sex leave comments on our MySpace profiles, or sends text messages. We just have a lot of patience and understanding towards each other and always take the time to reassure and comfort the other. We don't have trust issues; we love each other very much and are very loyal; but we are just the jealous type! And seriously, my BF is a great guy, and there are 11 million women out there trying to get him in their pants. And I'm hot stuff too. LOL.

Anyhoo, just saying, maybe you're not overreacting, maybe your feelings are normal, and maybe this guy is not responding to you with the level of reassurance that you need in order to feel better about those female intrusions; if they're not his "friends" but random chicks, seriously, I'd act just the way you do. I'm just lucky I have a great guy who understands that. If he doesn't reassure you enough, it will just feed the cycle of mistrust. And if you keep breaking up and he's hooking up with other girls during your breaks, no wonder you're insecure.

I'm sorry, you may have work to do on yourself (yes, try to stick to therapy) but he sounds like he's got efforts to make too! Stand up for yourself and your emotions - they don't come out of nowhere, and I think some of them are plain justified!

Keep your head high, do some introspection, some growing up, some personal work, but also don't settle for something that doesn't make you happy under the pretense that you're not good enough and/or acting like a crazy female. Not everyone is made of self-assured stone in front of a plethora of text messages and skanky comments on their boyfriend's online profiles! And that's more normal than the other way around, I think.

You need to get back into counselling like previously mentioned. You are not in any shape to be in a relationship right now as you're just harming yourself and him and that is totally unfair. I agree with Dina May, all this may have happened to you but you cannot use it as a crutch and keep playing the victim card. Eventually you have to get better, and the only person who is going to make you happy is you - so learn how to be happy and independent and work through your issues before you decide to get into another f'ed up relationship.

Look, you may have jealousy issues, but the bottom line is that this guy hasn't given you any good reason to trust him. You're on-again, off-again, and it sounds like every time you're on a break he has sex with someone else. This isn't okay. If a couple does take a break, it should be to think and reflect on the relationship and decide whether it's worth continuing. Not a free ticket to go screw other people.

If this guy was "the one" for you, you would know it. He's not. End the relationship, get back into counseling and learn only to date men who respect you and are honest. Once again I'll recommend the book The Rules. Great read, interesting, entertaining, and it has lots of great dating advice in it.

YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS sh*t. Start by talking to a professional therapist, and if you can not afford it, I suggest you swim or yoga your anger out. You're very negative right now and the only thing that will make your positive is the new you and you can only get the new you by doing something about it. All the readers in here can give you tips but at the end of the day its up to you

Break up with the guy. Get into therapy or if you're in one and it's not working, get another therapist that will fit you. Get into local group therapy or whatever, if that'll help you out too. Just do some major healing to yourself.

Learn self-restraint, practice self-restraint, get a real hobby for yourself instead of dwelling on sh1t and make excuses for your bad behaviors and your bf's. Take time for yourself, pamper yourself, surround yourself with positive and helpful individuals. Volunteer, help other people, learn causes bigger than yourself.

Oh yea, I Hope you're current with your health checks, if you guys are sleeping around during breaks, let's hope that no one brings a 'surprise,' and always be protected: BIRTH CONTROL.

Sounds like u need some u time. Just throw yourself into yourself. Does that make sense? Spend time on things that make u happy and enjoy urself. Eventually u'll come accross the 1 that loves doing all the things u do and u can do them 2gether.

I agree with karlotta. Sound advice from an empathetic person. Why do people make such disparaging comments about those who are asking for advice?

wow, it sounds like i wrote this....

You know what has honestly helped me?? At least calm me down anyways, I have started to go to the gym. I know it sounds lame, I'm not really that healthy of a person, I eat whatever and am not the thinnest person in the world either, but honestly, for that time you are pumping away on the elliptical or something, it is agood time to just work your tension out. I am surprised at how stress relieving it is and actually puts me in a better mood to deal with when some girl decides to leave flirty messages on my boyriends wall. (I still creep tho, but I think thats expected of a girlfriend to check out the scene)

Anyways sorry this wasn't all too constructive, but you are preaching to the choir here sister, sometimes I leave my boyfriends after a big fight (that I picked)and realize how stupid the whole thign was. Somteimes I'm even embarassed for my own actions... Similar situation with my parents too, I think it contributes more than people realize. Keep your chin up and try and resist sending b*tchy texts or yelling phone calls until you give yourself a chance to calm down

well i think that one of the hardest things is breaking habits..and realizing that you can't control what other people do. i feel like you're setting yourself up to be miserable since you're always putting that catalyst on other people. if you think that someone's going to let you down, then you are actually tempting them to do it and setting them up to do it. break the pattern and realize that you're not your parents, and that your boyfriend isn't your past boyfriends. i've had EVERY guy that i've ever dated cheat on me, yet i still put myself out there and hope that i'll find someone that WANTS to be with me, and i've finally found that person. it's hard to put yourself out there whole heartedly, but it'll be worth it.

I know first hand that people DONT change.