Dear Sugar,
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. For the past two months I have had dreams of catching him cheating on me and it's driving me to snoop on him. I look in his email, his Facebook account, and phone whenever I get a chance. But there's no reason for me to do this; I know he would never cheat on me. Honestly it is the most amazing relationship I could ever ask for. So what's wrong with me? Why do I keep dreaming these horrible things? Am I losing my mind? — Mistrustful Megan
To see DearSugar's answer, read more.
Dear Mistrustful Megan,
The expression of insecurities through dreams is no new thing, but avoid taking your dreams at face value. I'd guess that this dream is an indication of things you might have on your mind regarding the future of your relationship or your own personal stresses. The image of catching your boyfriend cheating is only a manifestation of these other concerns. It's normal for a vivid dream to leave you feeling uneasy, but there's no excuse for continually checking up on your boyfriend, especially without reason. He has a right to his privacy, and you're violating it. Plus, the more you play into this paranoia, the more likely it is to keep showing up in your dreams.
Start writing in a journal and see if you can't let some of your insecurities escape more consciously. You can write down your dreams too and see if you notice a pattern. I'm sure they will subside on their own soon, but in the meantime, try to examine your relationship and see if there's something that may have you feeling worried. But whatever you do, try not to let your dreams affect your waking life so deeply.
Christian Louboutin
Yves Saint Laurent
6ixty 8ight
I'd mention the dreams in a joking manner and watch how he reacts..
1sounds like your subconscious is picking up on something. dreams don't always mean something. and this doesn't make you suspicious. you have no control over your dreams.
2Either you have deep rooted trust issues, or he's actually cheating. Life's too wonderful and short to be feeling the way you do.
3speaking as someone who went through a similar situation, i hope you will heed my advice
i was suspicious of my girlfriend who usually gets a lot of attention from other guys. she trusted me with her email and instant messaging passwords so i decided to check up on her a couple of times. I found out that she was seeing someone on the side. but it didnt matter, I was invading her privacy
no matter what the intentions or the outcome is, we have NO right to check our partner's emails and private things.
4dont let your paranoia get the best of you. dont resort to petty tactics. just confront him about it.
(but most guys don't cheat)
you're afraid. things are going well for you and you're afraid that he is going to leave you so you are trying to make up things to be able to put a distance between the two of you so he can't hurt you first.
i agree with the other posters in saying that it's probably a deep rooted issue and you are clearly insecure. maybe you should seek counseling or find someone that's been through something similar that you can talk to.
if your relationship is as amazing as you say, then you need to just have a little faith. you said you trust your boyfriend so start actually trusting him. dreams are just dreams. most of the time they mean something totally different than what they really are. in your case i think it has a lot more to do with you having let your guard down and you just being afraid to lose him.
whatever you do...don't snoop and play the jealousy card because you will just sabotage a good thing.
5Probably just fear of things deteriorating, since you're so happy now. I wouldn't worry about it.
My SO sometimes has dreams about me cheating in horrible ways, but we both know that that would never happen, so we don't take that stuff seriously.
6i know that when i have dreams like that i jump to conclusions too - and it may help you to go online and see what they mean so that you can put your mind at ease since you haven't found anything to lead you to believe that he IS cheating on you. chances are there are just things in your life that are leaving you a bit upset, and you're just placing it on him since he's the one that you're soo involved with right now.
7The advice from Jules and Jude is right on. I had these dreams too right around the time that I got insecure when he wasn't as "touchy feely" with me as before (turned out, he was really stressed about work). We talked through the actual problems and I joked once or twice with him about the dreams. Jumping to the conclusion that your SO might be cheating on you is only going to make you feel like crap. Try thinking about all of the reasons why he WOULDN'T cheat on you. I bet there are some pretty compelling answers to be found there. When I think about that, I realize that I'm awesome and he's lucky to have me
8You should definitely trust your gut feelings. I trusted mine, snooped through my bf's email and phone and caught him cheating...twice. You know when there's something wrong.
9Post New Comment
Please share your opinion with our community, but make sure it is on topic and follows our Community Rules. We moderate comments and prohibit personal attacks, threats, spam, lewd images, or the promotion of your personal website.