Dude! I am going through the same thing except it is with my ex fiance of 3 years. I posted a post about it too a while back! Yeah I would just not contact him. I do have one trick that I have used. Sounds silly but delete his name from your phone. You can keep the number, just make sure the visual name is not there. I think if we see the name all of the time it hypes us up. I think not having a visual helps. Give it a try. Also, make a lot of plans either with work, school, volunteering or friends. Fill in all the time, spaces and voids and it will be easier not to keep checking your phone or wondering what he's doing.

I'm a woman, and you'd drive me nuts.
Distract yourself with your life...I know what it's like to want to be all huggy and cuddled up with a guy around the clock who's completely yummy but if that continues past a couple weeks...it's time to realize you are smothering him. Be secure enough to let him enjoy his life with and without you. ok?
He'll stay or leave...you'll be better off either way.

356UK, i think that's a great suggestion, i used to do that when i was "done" w/a guy i was dating or seeing (this is before i got married). i didn't keep the number tho... and once they were out of my phone the possibility of dwi'ing (dialing while intoxicated) dramatically decreased.... and just a note: nothing is ever as attractive as when you can't have it... he wants his space, give it to him and then some.... dont be available EVERY time he calls... you should be busy living YOUR life, and trying NOT to worry so much about his. i will admit, that when i was younger, it was very easy to immerse myself into the lives of who i was dating... i became one w/them... they became one w/me... or at least that's how i thought of it at the time, looking back i think i was losing ME and my focus on myself... it took me a long period of just NO BOYFRIENDS (for about three years, and i did date here and there) before i got to know ME... and that means me w/out any boyfriend... me on my own and supporting myself, me... knowing what I LIKE, and what I WANT isntead of the me in a relationship that did a lot of compromising (cause thats what you do in relationships)...

Eh. You probably have some deep-seated problem you've not dealt with. Therapy may help you in regards in HUGE insecurity.
You'd drive ANYONE mad if you're that insecure. Not just this guy. Take care of your problem first before analyzing too much of his action.

You need counseling to figure out the root of your insecurities. You should probably start going alone, maybe including him in a few sessions if he's interested and your therapist thinks it's a good idea.

So, don't call him to begin with. Regardless of what happens in your life...don't call him. Do you have a friend you haven't talked to in a while that you can catch up? don't talk to him/her about your current boyf problem, but reach out and start chatting with friends again. Go to a movie--alone. It's quite invigorating. Get a hobby. Clean, read, exercise--figure out who you are, what you really want, why you are acting the way you are. if you think you need couseling get it, but if not, just suck it up and be an adult about things. Trust your boyfriend--if you can't trust him, you may have more problems than you think.

You've gotten some great advice already. The only thing I wanted to say is that, in my experience, the whole jealousy thing is sort of a snowball-effect type of problem. What I mean is that, once you start acting jealous, it easily just gets worse and worse and the jealousy gets more and more intense and shows up in more and more ways/situations. My solution? Just stop it. (Obviously, easier than it sounds!). Really, when you encounter a situation in which you would normally act jealous, just stop, think about how a non-jealous person would act, and act that way. Literally "act" (like a Hollywood actress) if you have to, just don't let any of the jealousy show through. Eventually (over some period time), if you keep this up, I have found that it's possible to actually phase out 95% of your jealous habits. You kind of train yourself to forget/ignore your old jealous traits, and you develop a self-check mechanism that makes sure your first response to situations is not a jealous response.

I have no idea if this makes sense to anyone but me, but I can vouch for its effectiveness =)

It sounds like you are already doing the right things - toning down your calling him and such. Just keep doing that. Let him keep initiating things and see what happens.

I think your bf needs to communicate what he means by needing space. If he is calling you 3x's a day and emailing you a lot, it sounds like he just wants to be in control of the communication which is not really fair. My bf and I had other issues which lead to time apart. The best way I dealt with this situation was by laying it out there and saying if we are going to have time apart then it needs to be time apart. That means NO phone calls, NO emails, NO visits. I said we need one week of NO communication to figure out what we each want in this relationship. This is not going to be easy to do but it definitly helps you see that you CAN in fact, survive without him. I think that sometimes when you are in a relationship it is easy to become dependent on that partner. You forget what its like to be on your own, and begin to think that you may not be OK on your own. This could lead to obsessive behaviors because of the fears that if you did loose him you would not be OK. By taking just one week, I promise you, you will have a whole new look at the relationship. It will help you see if you two are in this because you want to be, or because you feel you need to be. As difficult as this was, it definitly put things in perspective and made us stronger. I know now, that if something were to happen to my bf or if things were to not work out, it would be difficult but I would be OK. Finally, not only did this little time a part help with the relationship but it also made me more desirable to my bf. Obviously, by taking time a part you are risking loosing the person you care about. There are so many more benefits to this though. Your bf will see you as a confident, self-assured person who puts yourself first. This confidence is very appealing and will make him desire you more. Good luck!!

Are you always crazy jealous, or just with him?

If you're always like this, time for therapy!

If it's just him, perhaps there is a reason. Maybe he's inconsistent. Maybe he says he'll call and he doesn't, or shows up really late after work etc. In other words, maybe you're jealous for good reason.

As for what you should do, remember that you're your own person and that you have a life beyond this man. If you have given up that life that is a huge problem. We should never tie our self so much to a man that we can't function if we don't know where he is 24 hours a day.

Remember self-control? Use it. I know it's hard, but he wanted a break, so give him a break.

do something productive. seems like you are doing a good job so far since HE is the one who has been contacting you. call friends you've lost touch with, go out, have fun! do whatever you can to keep your mind off of the situation. dwelling on it is just going to make it harder to deal with. he obviously still loves you so you more than likely dont have to worry that he is trying to end things. if you really want him back and if he keeps trying to get contact, ignore some of his calls and tell him you were busy... maybe he'll start to see that you aren't as clingy as he thought and that you have a life of your own. he'll miss you and maybe appreciate you more.

i dont agree with any of the above posters that said you need counseling. thats just bogus... I DO however agree with cravin sugar... if you THINK you need it then get it. I suggest spending time with yourself though and find out who you are. get some self confidence to rid that jealousy.

Go out with friends, go to the gym, explor a new hobby. Do things to occupy your time! I think a deeper issue you should look at is WHY you need to be obessed about him 24/7. It is certainly not healthy behaviour for you or the relationship. Do you not trust him? Is there a reason why?

Obviously he still cares about you, you need to let him breath, do things with his boys (which by the way, when they are hanging out..don't call a gazillion times or txt to see what he is up to)

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

CYL - I agree... leave him alone when he is out with his friends. the last thing you need is them seeing you as obsessive... because they WILL say something to him and may convince him to think the same.

I just posted this in your other column in Group Therapy but I dont know which one you're actually reading so here goes:

You DO have alot of trust issues but obviously your man wants to be there for you and does not want to lose you. He's putting in alot of effort and putting up with alot of stuff from his "crazy" girlfriend. I dont think it's fair for either of you to lose him at this point. I'd give it one more shot.

I know that in the beginning of my relationship I was going through the same thing you were. I never trusted him, I would pick fights for no reason, I was always upset or pissed off for reasons I didnt understand. We came very close to breaking up simply because of my insecurities but I noticed that minutes AFTER my major freakouts and fights I would think "Why did I do that? That was so stupid. I'm going to lose him if I dont smarten up" So finally, after a big fight my boyfriend told me that he thinks we should go on a major break so I can figure out what I really want... I was heartbroken but made him promise to give me one more week to get control of myself.

So, I created this: http://teamsugar.com/gallery/view/1682383?page=0,0,0

I call it my "cheat sheet" Many of the ladies here have heard of it or seen it because I think that quite a few of us girls go through that "crazy" period and this REALLY helped me.

Basically, It's a list of all of the wonderful things about my boyfriend and surrounding the list are nicknames he calls me and the random things I think to myself after one of our fights. Everything I felt myself getting upset or losing my temper I would pull out my cheat sheet and read it over and over again until I calmed down and went back to rational thinking. This paper saved my relationship. I used it for about 3 months and I havent looked at it once since. We dont have those big fights anymore, I trust my man completely and I know now that we will NEVER be apart. I made 4 copies. One for my purse, one for my office, one for my car and one for my home. That way, no matter where I was I could pull it out and calm myself down.

Take a look at the cheat sheet and make one yourself about your boyfriend. What do you have to lose? Besides him.

Good luck!

I agree with lily. Obviously, you need to work on some of your jealousy issues, and looks like there are tons of good suggestions in the above comments. However, like lily said, you need to set some boundaries with your bf too to make sure that if he needs space, he's giving it to you as well. Talk to him and let him know that his behavior is really confusing for you. Try giving each other a week or two of no contact at all -- then set a day or time to touch base with each other after that period. You can then talk about how that time helped or hurt you, and reassess the relationship from there. It will be hard, but you need to remember yourself in all this. A relationship is NOT healthy if it means that you live and breathe only for one person every single moment of your day.

Get YOUR OWN life, something that has nothing to do with him. Be it a hobby or a night out just with your girlfriends or a WE with a friend or your mom. This will help you not to focus on him so much and it will also show him that you have a life without him and make you all the more attractive to him.

Figure out what your boyfriend wants. I wouldn't define "space" as five e-mails in three days or calling three times a day. He needs to tell you what he wants and if he still considers the two together or not.

Meanwhile, go out with your friends and spend time taking part in your hobbies! Even if your relaitonship becomes a more regular thing again, you need to have your own personal jive!

Seems he really loves you. try downloading the ebook Dtaing without drama. it helped me a lot. you will find exercises that help you find yourself and build your own self esteem. it will teach you how to not lose yourself in your relationship and become a better you. when you are healthy then you are more ready to give yourself to your boyfriend and he will love you more. i tried it all and it worked. it is alL BOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING. LIGHTEN UP , GIVE HIM HIS SPACE AND GET YOUR OWN LIFE.DONT BE AFRAID TO LET HIM OUT OF YOUR SIGHT AND SHOW HIM THAT YOU ARE QUITE CAPABLE OF BEING WITHOUT HIM FOR A MOMENT.

I was you 8 yrs ago. You are too clingy, too compulsive, and he does not desire to be w/ you. Sorry if I'm being harsh, but he's letting you go in a nice way. You need to disconnect your phone and start concentrating on YOUR LIFE, and what makes you happy, while excluding him from that equation. It's a harsh truth, but it's got to be told.

im sure many if not all of us have gone through a relationship or phase like this. u have all the advice u need above and i think fallen85's cheat sheet idea is BRILLIANT. hes obviously still in love with u if he has been the one to make contact... take all the suggestions, USE THEM and dont just read them. get ur act together, ur gonna lose him for good if u dont.

Kind of went through this with my girlfriend. First of, it's probably normal. You two love each other, and it's only natural to be somewhat clingy, and him to also show those signs. However, you two NEED, to be individuals. I reacted the same way before, she would be obsessively clingy, and even asking for space, she wouldn't give me any. Unfortunately, it didn't help our relationship any. I know you don't call him, but take this time to find yourself. Do things you like, especially if you stopped them for him. Treat yourself to things and plan out how you want your life to head. If he's asking for this break but keeps a heightened level of communication, it just means he wants convenience, and well, probably doesn't know how to cope with having a balance between being an individual and being with you. You to need to sit down and have a serious talk about what you both want. This break deal isn't fair to you, and he's not being fair to himself either. My sweetheart and I went through all of this, and we lost ourselves in the process, we turned to each other and obsessed with each other to get away from other life troubles. It was great, but did not do us any justice. Now we're on a break, and unfortunately, have been a bit wobbly with the break as well. But in the process we've been able to find who we are and what we like again. I'm not tally sure how she's doing with it, as she still continues to stress. But I've begun to see things clearer, and a bit of where I want to go with my life. I love her incredibly and know she does to, but it's probably one of the best things she's done. Just make sure you set boundaries and everything else, and talk about where you two really wan to go with things.