Porn will always be, but like you said, the type is the red flag here. That isn't just sexual, it is sexually deviant. She should really address this with him.

I would talk to him,then get the hell away from him.

just to play the other side, have you ever searched for something online and this weird page totally not related to your search came up? Maybe he thought he clicked another porn site, but this came up instead. I'm totally not taking his side, but if it was just one page, maybe that is why, but if more, then yep a problem.

Maybe they could try couples therapy.

She should take the baby and move out. If they want to try and work the relationship out together that is fine, but that is not normal sexual behavior to watch, think about, do, etc. That fact that he looks at it online could be that he is intersted in it or fantasizes about it, in which case the baby is not safe.

wow....this is one of those where she is gonna have to take her stand....porn is one thing...family incest porn..totally another....she should bring it up..ask him...if he can't give her a answer...take the baby and walk

I don't think it was a click on the wrong website; after all, your friend confronted him about it and he acted like it was nothing special to watch it, plus he has a history of incest in the family.

That aside, I think YOU should talk to a therapist and ask her how to help your friend. Your friend is not going to take any action on her own, that's clear. Talk to a therapist (make sure you get a good referral from a known hospital) and ask her what the next steps are.
You may feel you are interfering in someone else's life and that this can wreck homes, but you cannot risk this child being abused at any point. Last but not least, kudos to you for wanting to do the right thing! Many people would put their heads in the sand instead because this is after all, a scary situation.

two things jump out at me:
1. he needs to be onling so bad that he's using her cell phone to do it? it's an addiction, at this point
2. he sees nothing wrong with the type of porn he's looking at, even though he has a family history of it? normally people who were forced into this behaviour would not be happy about it and would try to move as far away as possible from it.

unfortunately, we don't know the details of his familial situation but he has a problem, and he needs therapy. i would move out with the baby until he seeks counselling. i can't believe everyone is being so nonchalant about this! he is likely to engage his child in this behaviour if he finds it "normal"

online* sorry

Porn is one thing...everyone has checked out porn before. But it's the type that really concerns me! You definitely need to talk to him. If he really doesn't think there's anything wrong with it then you need to seek therapy or get out!

I would definitely talk to him. I completely agree, it's not that it's porn...but it's the kind of porn.

It is ILLEGAL to be in possesion of child porn - you can go to jail just for looking it up online - and any illegal porn in her house/on her property means she will go to jail as well, when he's caught. If she looks at it on his phone and doesn't report him, she is breaking the law just as much as he is, she will lose her child and be sentenced.

And he will be caught. Many police departments run sting operations, pretending to be porn providers until they've gathered enough evidence to lock up offenders for a long time.

Tell your friend that if she doesn't leave him and REPORT HIM, you will. Now that you have this information it is illegal to withhold it.

I wouldn't need to speak to be honest b/c my child is more important than a man wanting to look at that all day! When it comes to the incest thing thats when you need to evaluate your situation! No family should have to go through any porn, personally unless it's a couple thing! If he's not happy with what he has then he needs to take some time apart so you and your daughter can enjoy life to the fullest! These are all good comments but in reality you have to do whats best for you and yours.

I just want to say...and it seems I am in the miority here--I don't WANT my fiance looking at porn. I will tell him so if it ever becomes a problem, but as it is, he has no desire too and isn't in to it. But if he was, I would consider that a problem in and of itself.

I'm guessing this incest porn has to do with children, which is COMPLETELY illegal!!! Hello, ever heard of Ben Fawley?

And if he also comes from a family of incest, your friend might be asking for trouble. Luisamapacha is pretty much right with this one.

i think everyone is over reacting. first of all, assuming that he is looking at "family incest porn", it doesn't mean he wants to perform those acts in real life. if someone enjoys watching the texas chainsaw massacre, does that make them a psychotic murderer? no.

secondly, if it's true that he does have some sort of incest in his past, it is completely natural for him to search those topics out in his adulthood. a few people up there said that because there was incest, he should naturally stay away from incest topics. that couldn't be farther from the truth. many people who go through hard times as children will try to work those things out as adults.

just because he's looking at something doesn't mean he should be ostracised and you should run away with the kid. he could be looking to work out complexity within himself. i do suggest you talk about it with him, but understand this is going to be a delicate subject.

if you think if HIM as someone who was abused, it all makes more sense doesn't it? i'm sure he just needs some help and understanding.

Sake-

If he is seeking out the topic, shouldn't he be doing it through forums and support groups, and professional help to help him sort out his feelings? nopt to relive it while watching it occur to someone else? It would seem to me that watching it would make him rationalize it is ok more so than it would help him through his past.

cravinsugar-

yes, he SHOULD be, but he's not. there are many people who don't know where to turn with their feelings of abuse. going to a support group or therapist is a form of accepting what happened in the first place. maybe he's not ready to do that so he's looking in other place.

none of us know exactly what is going through is mind. we can only speculate. i'm just trying to make the point that he's not automatically going to abuse his child because he's looking at something online. also, we don't have ANY idea that what he's looking at is child porn. it could just as easily be grandparent porn or something of the like.

everyone is so quick to judge.

"none of us know exactly what is going through is mind. we can only speculate."
"everyone is so quick to judge."

Perhaps I'm judging quickly, however IMO watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre (available for rent at any local movie retailer) is not really comparable at all to watching incestuous pornography.

You're right, this man clearly has some unresolved issues, but that doesn't make his actions acceptable. There are healthy ways of coping with his trauma, and watching this happening to other people is definitely not one of those ways. Agreed he needs help. But in my opinion, the poster should speak to this man's wife, tell her to be honest with her husband and offer her support, but to keep watch over her baby. I don't think she should get up and leave without giving him the opportunity to get help. Sounds like he needs support and unconditional love to get through this and abandoning him will not solve anything. At the same time, she has to put the baby first, and if she feels at any point that he is a risk to the well-being of her child, if he refuses help and considers this to be completely acceptable behaviour...well she needs to get away before its too late.
JMHO

disgusting disgusting disgusting! you're SO right to tell your friend to get their child away from him. If he is dabbling in something such as family incest porn god knows what else he is looking at. he is obviously sick in the head and lacking in the morals department. if i were your friend i would go to a councelor WITHOUT the husband and ask what to do. Then maybe even go to a lawyer to have someone record the history list on her phone showing what exactly he was looking at. talk to my husband about it. if he lies i would leave his as and give him absolutely no custody to see my child. that is just horrible. I would suggest having HIM seek counseling but then again... i personally have trust issues and would give no second chance. that is just disgusting to me.

"we don't have ANY idea that what he's looking at is child porn. it could just as easily be grandparent porn or something of the like"

Just wanted to add that I don't think the OP would be so concerned if he was looking at "grandparent porn" (whatever that is?) ... sounds like she and man's wife are worried about the baby because the porn has something to do with a child...either a minor or potentially an adult child, but a parent-child sort of dynamic nonetheless... maybe I'm wrong but thats how it comes across to me...

LOL@ Grandparent porn. Ok even if he STOPS looking at incest porn it is obvious he is stimulated by it...why else would he watch it instead of say girl on girl...or whatever. Men look at porn that sexually stimulates them...especially if he keeps looking at it, and its not just a one time deal (which could be attributed to, someone sending them a link or clicking a wrong button..whatever). And he is looking on it on HER phone with the possibility of getting caught. Obviously he has a problem, and its not just a small one.

LEAVE. ASAP. A child is invovled..and if he sees nothing wrong with looking up INCEST porn than something is wrong here. And if he has to do with children..that's just an abuse of kids already by him looking at it..someone is profiting off of the kids!

Get him into therapy and leave ASAP. No way, no how should she stay.

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

I would run!

Regardless of his reasons for looking, it is disgusting, unacceptable, and it's wrong. This has nothing to do with his feelings now. It has to do with sexually deviant behavior that can be indicitave of deep psychological problems that may make him unfit to be full time gaurdian of a child. What happened to him in his life sucks, but that is NO REASON to expose a DEFENSELESS CHILD to his possibly unstable behavior.

cravinsugar-

how do YOU know that this has nothing to do with his feelings and now has to do with sexually deviant behaviour?

none of us know. that's the point. can you not read what you wrote and see that it's possibly an over reaction?

if this was a woman, not a man, would everyone be reacting the same way?

Regardless of the sex of the person, anyone looking an INCSET porn, for ANY reason, makes me feel this way. I don't think it is an over reaction at all.

if this was a women looking at incest porn? What difference does it make?! I would still advise the person to run the f*ck the other way...I don't see how this is defendable behavior. Its INCEST porn..and its being visited repedately (at least from what i gather) and its obviously doing something for him..would you be visiting grandparents porn if you aren't into it over and over agian. Let's face it...there is only one reason for porn and its not artistic expression. Anyone getting off on incest is a bit wacked and having a child in their vicinity its not ok. We are not talking about gay porn, or S&M or that stuff here.

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

sake - YES! Woman or Man, it is still against the law and still a situation that could potentially be putting a child in danger. I dont see why you are so quick to defend this person. we have already heard from the OP that he was looking at FAMILY INCEST PORNOGRAPHY. im sure if it was an "accidental" click they would know... internet history keeps track of how many times your have looked at a page or clicked other links within a page. im sure if it was an accident he would have said so but no... he said himself that he sees nothing wrong with it... there is EVERYHTING wrong with it.

k8 rckstr-

i understand why everyone assumes that it's child related porn, but i feel that the OP would have said "child porn" instead of "family incest porn".

but, just as you said, that's how it came across to me.

cravinsugar-

i should have been more specific. when i mentioned the point of people possibly thinking differently if it was a woman instead, i meant about sympathy regarding incest in their past. not excusing the behaviour of looking at the porn. you said "What happened to him in his life sucks, but..." and i just think that outlook would be different if it was a woman that was abused, but i could be wrong. maybe you wouldn't have very much sympathy for a woman either?

Sake so looking at porn featuring Brother and sister.. is ok?

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

I have plenty of sympathy for women/men who have had this happen....my BEST friend was molested by her father when she was a child until she was 11 years old. I know how it has effected her, and I can tell you right now: if I found out she was loooking at incest porn, I would report her to social services. I am the godmother of her children and I would still do that.

Ok I am out..not going to dicuss this anymore because this is just going to result in a battle of opinion..but any form of incest porn is not ok with me. I mean....if it was less questionable incest porn (which I don't think exists...) I don't think the OP would have bought it up as an issue...the fact of the matter is..the guy is getting sexually stimulated by it...so yes it sucked it happened to him in the past..but he should be seeking therapy for it..dealing with it before he starts a family...and until he deals with these issues SHE shouldn't be with him. End of rant.

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

i think everyone needs to calm down and re-read my original post. i do not defend the behaviour. i simply want people to stop and think that this is a deep rooted issue and can't be dealt with drastically. many people told her to take the child and run, which is an over reaction. i'm not in any way saying that looking at "incest porn" is the greatest thing, but people do things for reasons and before they are judged we need to look at it from all prospectives.

Sake,

My question to you is this: If your boyfriend was looking at incest porn for whatever reason, would you feel comfortable leaving him alone with your child?

I don't think it is drastic/unreasonable to take the child out of the situation until he boyfriend/husband is seeking help and it can be shown the child will be safe.

cravinsugar-

it is all situational. IF the porn was child porn, no. if the porn was anything BUT child porn, yes.

I think she should just tell him it's inappropriate to be looking at that type of porn especially on HER cellphone.

It doesnt matter if it's incest, diaper fetish or BDSM porn, it's all kind of weird and it's inappropriate for him to be looking at when it's not on his own private machine.

I think you all are way too involved in the idea that it's incest porn. First of all, incest porn is RARELY child porn. It's usually adults having sex with other adults that they are "related" to (most of it is fake anyways) Really, incest is less about family and more about how taboo it is.

I've said this before and I'll say it again, I openly admit to lookin at some naaaasty ass porn in my life including incest, stuffed animals, hemaphrodites and even fake-death porn sites... none of this turns me on, I just happened to see the link and clicked on it. Curiosity killed the cat and in this situation, it's threatening to kill a relationship.

This woman shoudl talk to her fiancee about what is appropriate and what isnt. If he shows signs of abusing the kid or anymore interest in child porn/incest, then worry but for now.. it was just one site. Get over it and give him another chance.

The bottom line is that A) Incest is illegal B) Pedophilia is illegal C) Child porn is illegal. All involved partied risk child endangerment charges (at least!) when this situation comes to light.

luisa, A) Most incest porn is fake and therefore not illegal. B)incest doesnt always interest pedophiles and C)incest doesnt mean child porn... which is kind of the same point as B.

Most incest porn is about a sister and brother who are 18 and fall in love or a mom and her 18yr old son or an 18yr old girl and her gross old grandpa. Bottom line is that if he was lookin at porn on a cellphone then theres probably a 95% chance that he was looking at fake incest porn about some people over the age of 18 givin it to someone "related" to them.

Maybe the OP can clarify if any children were involved.

Just wanted to add that I don't think the OP would be so concerned if he was looking at "grandparent porn" (whatever that is?) ...

Oh, Kate, you rock! Grandparent porn? i thought id heard it all.
Anyway, he in general has an issue with porn if he feels the need to access it from a cell phone.

Fallen, How on Earth do you know "most incest porn is fake"? I highly doubt this guy is jacking off to it because he doesn't believe the people involved are related.

Secondly, I never said incest porn involved pedophiles, and I never said incest means child porn.

Luisa, have you ever seen incest porn? It's these ridiculously hot chicks with fake boobies doing these really old creepy dude with hairy backs or its really young looking skinny guys doing these super old women with fake boobs and huge lips. It's really quite disturbing and obviously fake.

Also, to quote you "B) Pedophilia is illegal C) Child porn is illegal. All involved partied risk child endangerment charges (at least!) when this situation comes to light." and we were discussing incest porn. So you see how I assumed you were talking about incest porn involving pedophiles and child porn.

If she said he was looking at child porn, I would take no issue and agree wholeheartedly about getting away from him but I think the OP just need to have a more in depth chat with the guy.

That's just so inappropriate. It doesn't matter if what he looked at didnt involve children.. it would still make me uncomfortable. Extremely uncomfortable.

Ok I said I would butte out..but I am home today from work..and can't help it.

Fallen but don't you think that the premise of the fact that it IS incest that turns him on, regardless of whether its fake or not..is something to be concerned about? I mean if he wants to watch girls with fake boobs doing old men he could watch I don't know cheerleader/coach porn, not that it makes me feel any better about the situation. The sexualization of young girls by our society at a younger and younger age is very disturbing to me. (hello Bratz dolls?!)

If you are watching that, aren't you caught up in that fantasy and it is the idea of incest that is getting you off? I don't know much about porn so I wouldn't know, so please correct me if I am wrong. The porn I watch is pretty vanilla I have to say.

And besides, it sounds like from the OP it wasn't an isolated incident?

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

Fallen, I'm happy to say I've NEVER seen incest porn. The thought of it is sick, fake or not.

Well CYL, if this WAS an isolated incident (which it sounds like it is to me, other porn sites not withstanding.) and there was only one little page that happened to be incest related then there may not be a problem. On the other hand, if there are pages and pages of it and it keeps popping up then he's probably pretty into it and it can present a problem.

Thats why I keep saying she needs to talk to her fiancee more about this issue and let her know why she feels that it's a problem. I totally understand what you guys are saying but you have to be careful about blowing it completely out of proportion and painting him as a monster when it may really just be a misunderstanding.

well luisa, I suggest looking at it before labelling it as child porn or if you dont want to, then keep your uninformed opinions to yourself. I'm not ashamed of having seen some porn labelled "incest". I highly doubt I've ever seen the real thing though.

I'm a young woman who grew up in the world of internet. I doubt there are many people out there who havent seen their share of nasty things on the internet, you may be an exception but you are a few years older then I am. When I was 15 and 16 a big group of friends would look at some of the grossest websites on the net and in that I learned ALOT... and was a little tramatized haha. There are some messed up people out there but there are also some very misunderstood fetishes. I suggest reading Savage Love by Dan Savage. He will really open your mind.

That I agree with 100% Fallen. If its one page..then it totally might be a wrong click or a link someone sent him he checked out like "Check out the hot chick" ..whatever...however the fact that he acted like nothign is wrong worries me about that though Let's hope you are right Fallen about the isolated incident!

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

Well he may say that there's nothing wrong because he realizes he clicked on it accidentally or maybe he's totally embarrassed that he got caught lookin at some nasty porn and just wanted to brush it off as if it never happened. Either way, if he continues to look at it there may be an issue.

Lol @ Fallen... Two girls one cup? Anyone? I am going to kill the person who sent that to me without warning.

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

Fallen,

I realize that you have a unique perspective on this but it is not okay to tell someone to shut up because they are uniformed. I think we all KNOW what goes on in a porn, so to say that we are uninformed because we choose not to expose ourselves to that filth is not fair. I think incest porn would be just as disgusting to me regardless of whether it was fake or real. I think porn is disgusting, and I have less respect for people who willingly, knowlingly sit down and watch it. sorry if that upsets anyone, but that is my opinion, and I am not "way older" than you, and I too gew up as the internet was growing up.