Uh... get therapy and soon before this amazing man runs away from the crazy lady. You dont appreciate him and you have some trust/commitment/abandonment issues (for obvious reasons) you need to get help ASAP or you will make him just as jaded and suspicious as you are.

Good luck.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

You don't say how much time passed between your ex and your current boyfriend, but something tells me it wasn't much. Is there any chance you tried to pick up with your current guy where you left off with your ex? It's easy to make that mistake and almost always dooms the new relationship.

Also, nowhere do you say you love your fiance. You say he's perfect on paper and everyone else likes him, but YOU don't have those feelings for him. You need to call off the engagement, get into therapy and spend a good amount of time being single.

i think you need therapy.

Wow. It sounds like you just described the past 3 years of my life, girl. I'm totally feeling for you.

I dont have much advice, but eventually my fiance broke up with me because of the way I was acting (very similar to you). So, I dont know if you want that to happen to you. And it aint real pretty right now...but I think it was kinda necessary to happen for me to get it together so to say.

I dont really have any answers for you, but I guess I would suggest really trying to figure your head out, if thats even possible, and I do not mean that in a mean way, I say it might be impossible because I cant really figure myself out either right now.

I will cross my fingers for you. The only thing I could suggest is maybe you could contact your ex and maybe he will be really rude and sh*tty to you and that will make you appreciate what you have in your fiance? I hope you can work it out sweetie. I wish I could help!

Sounds like you feel really guilty about the thoughts you're having about your ex. There is a wall there because you feel like you are keeping something from him. And that wall is getting in the way of intimacy between you two.

I would recommend some kind of therapy. I'd also recommend giving yourself a little break. I had an ex who hurt me badly several years ago, and there are still times I think of him and am sad. But that's just life. Try to just accept your thoughts about your ex for what they are - you're still mourning occasionally - and don't think it means that you want him back or anything.

Good luck!

Honesty. Honesty. Honesty.

If you still want to keep him, tell him that you're sorry you're pushing him away and will work on addressing your feelings.

And then DO it! It's not going to change overnight but if you love him and he loves you you'll work though it.

I agree -- seek therapy. You need professional help to sort out your feelings. You're psychologically unheathy. You're suffering.

On top of that, you're mistreating your fiance. He's a good man who loves you, and you're abusing him. If you're unwilling to got to therapy for yourself, perhaps you're willing to go for him. Seek help so you have the capacity to love him. Right now, as it stands, your actions, your words are very UNLOVING.

Ask him to sit down one day and gently explain to him why you are behaving the way you do, and how much the devastating experience with your ex affected you. Explain that the hurt of that experience is suddenly coming up again, now that you are engaged yet again. Explain to your current fiancé that you love him and don't want to hurt him or lose him, and ask for his help to deal with your hurt, because you want to become the best possible wife he could wish for and need his help to heal. If he's half as amazing as you've described him, I'm sure he'll help you deal with it or give you time to heal. Good luck!

This is not a question for a website, and i don't know if you love your fiance. If you have to ask someone else, you're in trouble. Get help.

You basically don't want to fall in love with a seemingly great guy only to wind up disappointed. You're keeping him at a safe distance to protect yourself. Just a hunch...
Talk to HIM. We can't tell you what to do.

*end up...sorry.

It would be good for you to have someone to talk to about this, maybe in a counseling setting EVERYONE needs someone to talk to at some point. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and there have been more than a few times where I felt the way you do! he would even ask me point blank if I wanted to break up with him because I was acting so weird. I don't doubt that you love your boyfriend and want to be with him, but our other issues can get in the way sometime, you not wanting to kiss him etc...iscoming from a different place and does not mean that you don't love him anymore, it seems like maybe you are suffereng some post traumatic stress and you pushing him off "mid session" is bringing back memories of you trying to have a baby..thus you "pushing him off" is you attempting to deal with that traumatic experience of being "thrown away"...you just have to deal with building up your self esteem and how to deal with the traumatic experience you had happen to you..do you realize that you may be treating your boyfriend the same way your ex was treating you? I wish you the best!

I think you need closure on your past relationship. Why not just contacting him to see what happens? Be honest with your current finance and just tell him what you are feeling. If you don't want to lose your current finance, you have to be honest otherwise he is going to think you don't love him anymore. I don't doubt that you love him or want to be with him, I just think you need the closure. You should seek therapy just to talk out your feelings. It always helps! Good luck!!

Sounds to me like you are afraid that what happened with your last finance will happen again with this one. I do this all the time...i am afraid of getting close to someone because i think that they will hurt me when in reality i have no reason to be scared. I have ruined a lot of potentially great relationships. I think you need to find a way to fully move past your last relationship before you ruin this one.

i think the reason you're doing all this is to avoid the past from happening to you. so you're trying to push him away before he can hurt you. it's the fear that's inside of you that's making you do this. you're afraid that your current fiance will do the same as your ex. maybe you should tell him about you're past and help him understand and help you to move on to the next stage of life. you still love you, but you're just afraid. it will be hard for you and him , but if this is the love of your life then spend some time and get through this. put things in the open is better. good luck

You need therapy.

get yourself to a dr.....depression..bi-polar...lots of possibilites....you're messed up and admitting it....so help yourself

It sounds like you're distancing yourself from him because you're scared you'll get too close and/or attached and then he'll leave you like your ex and you'll be devastated again. I don't think you're crazy or bi-polar but I think everyone can benefit from therapy...it could work wonders for you! )

Wow, you made him get off of you and told him not to touch you mid-sex? Umm....STOP!!! Do you know how much damage you're doing to this amazing man??? Get therapy, get honest, do what you need to do, but stop doing that, it's SO unhealthy!

Some people might think your actions are crazy but I know exactly where you're coming from. I used to be in a relationship with a man I was SO happy with that I started to get scared that it was too good to be true. I loved him so much and was so worried he would leave that I needed to know if he would or not, so I started acting like a brat, subconsciously reasoning that the more he put up with the more he cared for me and the less I would have to worry. Infrequent sex, picking fights, you name it. He put up with everything - at one point I told him I never wanted to be with him anymore and didn't talk to him for a month. I thought that we would of course get back together, all of his friends had always told me how much he liked me and he made it through all of my craziness, but when I went to his apartment to give in and ask him back he told me "no."

So I was crushed. Cried for months. He told me when he turned me down that we could still be friends and I have finally accepted his offer but there seems to be no chance of us turning into anything more.

In short, being mean to him was the biggest relationship mistake of my life. I miss him every day and although people tell me time will help it's been a year and nothing has changed. TREAT HIM BETTER and APPRECIATE what you have. Think about it - if he did the same thing to you would he be that great of a guy? No. Realize you're not being that great of a girlfriend and it IS possible he will move on.

Look, if he's the compassionate guy you say he is. TALK TO HIM. Tell him everything. Tell him how you're feeling, discuss what happened in the past relationship, tell him what it did to you. (I'm assuming you two probably did not discuss this with each other). In my opinion, discussing your past is probably the best thing for two people who want to share a future together. There's no reason for you two to break up, or anything. You guys have fights but you actually move on from it. The only thing hindering things is YOUR past. You have to let go of it. He's not your ex, he's a complete different person. The fact that he has changed himself and continues to work on self-improvement, as well as being engaged to you, proves that he is willing to be with you and make you happy, not break your heart. I'm sure he senses there's something wrong, and he may take it as his fault, so you MUST talk to him about this, as to not have him blame himself. It might be hard, but again, talk to him about it, before it wears him out. He's definitely a keeper, and I'm sure you don't want to let this one go. If need me, go to counseling, and take him with you. Don't know what else I can say. Since I'm writing this 2 weeks later, hopefully, you have, but until till you talk to him about this, nothing may change. I'm sure he loves you greatly and will do anything to fix things and help you.