Really? Four years is a lot to celebrate and though he has not done it the way that you would have done it, you two will still celebrate something special with it either at home, on the road, or someplace more exotic. Guys are wired differently than ladies and that is part of their charm.

I am the planner in the relationship with my husband and I have learned that I have to give him the reigns to do things his way. By placing my expectations on him to plan anything my way I end up sorely disappointed, he never feels at ease in his task, and he ends up feeling like crap. And I don't like to make my husband feel like crap. So I give him full leeway these days when he plans a trip, I have given up control. Sometimes he astonishes me, sometimes things don't go perfectly, but there is a bigger payoff with me throwing my full support behind his plans... he is now more motivated plan trips and activities without me having to prompt him to do so.

Be supportive of his efforts and give positive feedback on how to improve things if they need to be improved for future trips.

Well I hope you don't get too excited about DearSugar's suggestion that he may have something surprised. Most men don't think of something that creative and are usually terrible at hiding it if they do. I think you are expecting a lot more than you should. Most people I know that are married hardly ever take a vacation to celebrate EVERY YEAR! You are pretty lucky that you both have been able to carry that tradition for this many years already. Driving somewhere near by doesn't seem like settling to me, it can still be as romantic as anywhere else. Be thankful you two are still in love because many couples don't even make it that far!

i dont know if i'm the only one sitting here with my mouth open and thinking "wow this woman is out of control" you're saying that your anniversary will be ruined because you can't go on a vacation and you are disappointed because you will have to go somewhere nearby. i think it's really bratty and materialistic of you. a wedding anniversary is something to be celebrated and cherished no matter where you are. you should be happy that it's your anniversary and that you are spending it with your husband no matter where it is.

I'd have to disagree with you missjules. I don't think its the issue of going away whether its nearby or far away. The issue seems to be that she is upset that she trusted him to plan something and now the pressure is on her to come up with something last minute. This is an important day and it seems like she is just really disappointed that he did not make their anniversary a priority. I think dear sugar is right on that you need to nip this in the butt. If you dont talk to your husband you will only build up resentment. To ease the stress, why dont you guys come up with a nice day trip, that does not need much planning.

hey...chill for a bit and take a moment to understand that guys aren't on the get go like we are. so if you don't go on a trip this year....make a little vacay at home...romantic dinner..breakfast in bed....you don't always have to go away to make the time special. and if it bothers you that much, next time don't leave the plans up to him. have fun and congrats on your anniversary!

Jules I think the poster is more upset because he didn't take the time to plan anything yet and now its left to the last minute. If it were me, I would be hurt if I trusted my bf or husband with planning something that we traditionally do every year and he didn't take the time or put forth the effort to do so.

i agree with missjules5x.

missjules you're obviously confused. She's not whining about now being able to go somewhere expensive and exotic, she's upset because her husband said he would plan the vacation this year and he dropped the ball. Now, she's still stressed out and she has even less time to plan the trip because her husband didnt do what he said he was going to.

Put it this way, if you could afford to go to Paris for your anniversary but didnt have the time to plan it and your boyfriend said he would and then in the end you two had to end up going to... say... Red Deer, Alberta because he didnt put any effort in then wouldnt you be a little upset? I know I would.

I really don't feel sorry for you it sounds like you knew your husband was a procrastinator and deep down you knew he wouldn't get it together until the last minute. Men are terrible at making plans. At least you get to take a vacation this year my big trip to Italy is on hold because I am probably going to lose my job yeah it sucks but I will get there someday. It shouldn't matter where you are as long as you are together. Get over it!

Don't hold this against your husband. That's really unfair. You knew in advance that you were the planner, and that he was not. Then you set him up for failure by expecting him to plan. Now you're complaining that he acted in a completely predictable manner?

I think if you got mad at him for not planning, it would be passive aggressive. Your real issue with him here is that you would like him to show affection through planning, but you know that he is not that type of person. Instead of telling him directly to change into the person you would like him to be, you challenged him to plan something you knew you would never be satisfied with, so his shortcomings would be on display and you could stew about it.

Cut it out. In the future, just talk to him directly about your concerns!

stumbler, It's unfair that she's upset because her husband said he was going to do something and then didnt even try??? Why are all these ladies automatically forgiving the husband just because he's a man and "men dont really plan"?

Bottom line is he said he was going to do something and then didnt. She has a right to be a little pissed off!

If he didnt want to do it he should have said from the beginning 'I dont feel comfortable planning this trip' or he could have talked to her a month ago and said that he needs some help! Instead, he just didnt go ANYTHING and two weeks until their anniversary she has to scramble to pull something together! He could have hired a Travel Agent for goodness sakes!

After four years he should be able to communicate with his wife and figure out how to plan a vacation. His wife didnt say she didnt want to know anything about it, she just didnt want to have to plan everything this year because she was so slammed at work.

You ladies who keep pushing the blame on the wife because she expected her husband to do what he said he would do are dead wrong. Seriously. He's a grown ass man.

Ditto to what Fallen85 said. I couldn't agree with you more.....

You asked him to do you a favor because you are swamped with work. He agreed, which was very nice of him especially if he has never planned the vacation before. He could be like my boyfriend and say "No" which you would probably not have been too happy about either. But it almost sounds like you expected failure from the start, in which case you're going to be disappointed no matter how hard he tries. And maybe, just maybe he's got something, not something like whisking you away to Paris but he may have something. Taking a vacation every anniversary just seems excessive. If it were your 10 or even the 5 year anniversary then I'd say go balls out, but it's 4 years. Make the 5th anniversary even more amazing if you don't do something awesome for the 4th. I'd say to remember that he is supposed to be doing you a favor and no matter what happens or how the day goes, you should be grateful that you're doing anything at all. When my boyfriend does plan things, he waits until the last minute but I try not to get on his back about because then he gets frustrated and tells me to do it, but no matter how much he procrastinates everything always works out just fine and I'm happy and he's happy. Enjoy yourself no matter what happens and next time either do the planning yourself or include him more in your planning so he can do better next time. Sometimes the men just need a little help from us.

Amandaletta, plannig this isnt a 'favour' for her, its a vacation to celebrate their life together. It wasnt 'nice of him' to agree to plan it, it is his vacation too and therefore partly his responsibility. And as for her being 'disappointed no matter how hard he tries'... yea I could understand you saying that IF HE'D ACTUALLY TRIED.

Her husband didnt do anything. Two weeks to go and she found out he had nothing planned so they went on the computer and tried to plan something last minute.

The chances of him having planned something huge to suprise her with are slim to none and if he has then she'll eat her words but in most cases... this is just him being lazy and I am shocked that all you ladies are pushing the blame on her for expecting her husband to actually put some effort in.

Wow the claws are out. My goodness. This is my solution to the problem this woman and her husband are having. This is my answer to mine and my friends anniversary woes as well:

Go out to a fancy restaurant, call it a day and get the (insert expletive here) over it.

So your answer is to settle? Well, I dont know about the OP but I dont settle and I expect that when my man says he'll do something.. he does it. But if you're happy to settle for a quick dinner compared to a annual vacation because your man was too lazy to get off his a$$ and pick up the phone then to each their own.

I agree with Fallen. Why are women so mean to each other? There is no need to call her materalistic. If there relationships expectations are a trip on anniversary than that is what it is. It was agreed upon by her husband. Its not like they can't afford it and threw a hissy fit because her hubsand wouldn't take her to Paris to the most expensive hostel. Sheesh!

He dropped the ball...but I would reserve telling him he f*cked up until he actually does. Give him the opportunity to fail or to succeed and just let him do his thing. If you swoop in and take it from him...he's not going to learn how to plan.

Ditto to CYL and Fallen.

He dropped the ball period. Reliabilitly and accountability are hugely important in a relationship IMO and I would personally take him not putting effot into planning the trip as a reflection of his priorities and where our relationship falls on the list. Regardless of whether its an actual reflection of his priorites thats how I would take it.

effort**

Jeez, people are really getting heated about this. Since most people here seem to be more able to relate to Disappointed then her husband re: planning, maybe I can help.

My husband is definitely the planner in our relationship. He likes to have concrete plans laid out days or weeks in advance, and this is for an average Friday or Saturday night, not just for vacation magnitude activities.

We could not be anymore different. I enjoy the spontaneity of doing things last minute and I genuinely do not understand why he needs everything planned out way in advance. Having to plan things way in advance stresses me out and makes me feel boxed in (wedding planning was hell for me, and we did the destination thing where all I had to do was show up in a dress and everything was taken care of for me).

I find that things usually work themselves out when I kind of just go with the flow. If I'm planning a vacation for the two of us, I usually do wait until the last minute to finalize anything. This doesn't mean that when I plan something it means any less to me then it does to him. We just go about it very differently. It doesn't mean that I'm not thinking about it, because I am; probably more then he would, because not finalizing anything weeks in advance allows you more time to think about what you'd really like to do and find a way to make it happen.

i think the problem here is not that they're not going somewhere fancy or exotic, but the fact that he took responsibility for something important and didnt come thru.

she'd have to be a saint to not be a little resentful when they're celebrating at home rather than, say hawaii or cabo! if they couldnt afford it or didnt have time is one thing, but to miss out on it due to lack of responsibility is just annoying.

I personally think people on here are just sick of all the boo-hoo people that are on here lately. I don't think people are being "mean" intentionally if you think about what is going on in the world when so many families are losing their homes and jobs put it in perspective. Like I said at least you get to get away for an extended period of time. I would hope she knew he was like this when they got married and she admitted to being a control freak. How long does it really take to plan a trip? They both should have sat down together and planned their vacation together. Really, you both didn't have an hour out your day to plan a trip on-line? I honestly don't want my BF planning my vacation without my imput. I can just imagine where we would end-up if I allowed him to plan the whole thing on his own.

I'm with Fallen. A man needs help planning a trip? Then he should call his mom or sister and ask for it. He can put a little effort into it, especially since he offered in the first place. If he couldn't do it, then he shouldn't have offered.

honestly, anyone this upset about 1 thing in their marriage; this is probably your last anniversary. save the money on the vacation for your divorce attorney and then look for a robot who will spit out EXACTLY what you program it to do rather than a living breathing person for that next relationship. this is like a speck of nothingness on the problem scale. he didn't cheat, didn't gamble away their savings, isn't a drug addict, isn't abusive, he JUST didn't plan a vacation for THIS EXACT WEEKEND. if you try counseling you might rehearse that speech to the therapist about why you are so up in arms. she'll say "so you feel like he didn't take you needs seriously this time. what else?" and your response will be "um............." yeah.

your anniversary is just one day in your marriage, try and focus on the other 1,460 days you've had with him.

so lickety split, you're saying that if a guy isnt a cheater, a gambler, a drug addict or abusive then he should be absolved of all of his mistakes and shortcomings?

If your boyfriend told you he was going to pick you up from work when it was pouring rain out and then he never showed up or called with enough notice for you to call someone else so you ended up having to walk in the rain; then you found out he was just sitting at home watching The Simpsons and just didnt feel like coming to get you, you wouldn't be upset with him just because he doesnt do drugs?

Sounds a little ridiculous to me, doesnt it? He's an adult, he should take responsibilities for his actions (or inactions) and he should have enough respect for you to talk to you about his comfort levels! Just like he should have taken the initiative to get some help in completing the task he told his wife he would complete.

I think you need to get higher standards or you will be tromped all over by the men in your life.

i've been married for 11 years. during that time our only son died and our oldest daughter developed severe autism. there were 2 years in there where we both FORGOT our anniversary because of the grief and burdens in our lives. my husband and i got through real problems; trust me, a missed vacation isn't diddly squat in a real marriage.

oh, and we don't have tv. we have "higher standards" for our free time.

How hard can it be to plan a trip?

You still have two weeks so either express to him that you want to do something more special than a day trip or plan it yourself. You aren't going to get what you want by pretending that nothing is wrong and letting him plan some crappy trip that you'll throw in his face for years to come.

i think that you have every right to be a bit frustrated with your man since he said that he would take it on but i think that it's something that i've come to expect from men - they say that they will do it and they don't. i figure that you should probably just mention to him that you're disappointed that he said htat he would do it and he didn't..and then go to orbitz.com mor expedia.com and see what you can find in last minute deals to do. you'd be surprised what's still out there that won't break the bank. a LOT of hotels are trying to get business this time of year and if you look online, you'll find GREAT rates and plenty of availability.

Lickety split with all due respect this has nothing to do with a truly tragic event happening in their lives which caused him to forget their anniversary... this is a much simpler situation where he said he would do something and then didnt. Simple.

Obviously at this point in your relationship if your husband dropped the ball on something it could be easily forgiven because you both realize there's so much more important things in life but for this new young couple... they are still working out the kinks and her husband should start realizing that if he agrees to do something he should do it no matter ow much effort it causes him to put in. See what I mean?