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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should She Take the Next Step?

Oct 4 2008 - 9:00am

DearSugar and Confused Casey need your help. She doesn't know if she should take her friendship to the next level with her best guy friend. All their buddies say they should, but she doesn't feel the spark. Is she overlooking something or is she just not into him?

Dear Sugar,
I call my best guy friend my quasi-boyfriend, because we have a very close relationship that is everything a romantic relationship should be, minus the physical stuff. We’ve been very close for about three years and though there have been flirty moments, we’ve never crossed the line. His buddies insist that I’m perfect for him and that we should be together, and my friends feel the same about him. They are also quite vocal about the issue and won’t let it go. Because they keep bringing it up, the issue is on both of our minds.

Last weekend, he confessed to me that he wanted more than friendship when we first met and that he still thinks about being together, especially because of the prodding from our friends. He called it a “deliberate suppression of attraction” because he senses that I just want to be friends. He reassured me that we are friends first and however I choose to proceed is fine by him. I am confident that our friendship will remain intact no matter what.

I have no doubt that we could have a very good romantic relationship if I chose to take it there, but I'm just not very attracted to him. He's a very good looking guy and regularly dates very attractive girls, but I just don’t feel a spark with him. I am very worried, however, that I’m overlooking something here. He’s smart, successful, fun, kind, and attractive; in other words, he's a total catch! What if I look back years from now and wonder why I didn’t take advantage of the situation?

How do I figure this out and distinguish my emotions? Am I stuck in friendship mode and missing out on something great? Or should I take my apathy as a sign that we just aren’t romantically compatible? — Confused Casey

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