Why would there be a mass refusal to help you enjoy your day? Did your friends and family disapprove of your marriage?

Good question Lindsb. Something is wrong with this picture. You weren't a Bridezilla?
Don't friends usually throw the showers? And no cards with money or gifts, thats down right rude imo.

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"All my life, I wanted to be someone, I guess I should have been more specific." Jane Wagner

Hmm this is odd!! I am also wondering if there is something left out of the story, like Lindsb said. If you want to remain anonymous you could write another Dear Sugar group therapy post: "Still Bitter part 2" and give more information. Did people have to pay travel or overnight expenses to get to the wedding (still NO EXCUSE for not at least getting you a card!!!) Are these people you have considered close friends for a long time period (years??) Were the bridesmaid dresses ones that cost a lot and can only be worn once? Is your new husband someone your friends for some reason didn't approve of you marrying??
None of this excuses the rude behaviour of your guests, but maybe some of it factors into the "why".
As you have described it, I think you have every right to be upset with these people, you invited them to join you on your special day and it sounds like for whatever reason, they acted immature and rude. I can only say that I think your idea to pull away from these people and look for other friends is probably what I would do as well. You might also want to talk to one or two of the girls you considered to be close to you (those you chose as bridesmaids?) and ask them about the situation. Don't be accusatory towards them, but let them know that you were hurt by how the showers/weddings went down. I think their reactions to your direct questions will tell you a lot about what kind of people they are, and maybe you will find you are better off without them!
Either way, I am genuinely sorry that you have such bad feelings about a memorable and special day. I would concentrate on the good aspects of it: Your union with the man of your dreams, how lovely the venue looked that day, the thoughtful gift from so and so, and in time the parts that didn't go as you had hoped will begin to fade from your memory.

this is horrible and i think u need to find new frieds

I can't imagine behaving this way, or having anyone behave this way towards me. Like the rest of the gals, I feel like I need more info. Was this like your 4th wedding? Was the reception at a place that people thought was casual? Did you send out proper invitations, or just email everyone or something?

I don't think these people sound like good friends at all.

Oh and by the way, all bridesmaids dresses are more or less awful, so you can strike that off your list of things to worry about. I haven't known a bridesmaid yet who liked their dress. Sure it was tacky to make fun of it while you were listening in, but that part isn't a big deal I don't think.

Wow!! I can not fathom any reason for them to act like that, from what you said.
I would suggest trying to get together with one, some, or all of the people involved. Let them know that you were hurt, and you still hurt, and you want to put it behind you but you can't do that unless you understand why they acted this way. Why they were able to so easily disregard your feelings.
I really sympathize with you, and wish I could give you a much-deserved hug to help you feel better!! Just take a leaf from Sex and the City -- "The worse the wedding, the better the marriage!"

the two separate showers thing is a little weird. why would you do that? was one a work shower as well? yeah, it was rude of them to be rude to you, but a lot of the things you're mad about (dress code, gifts, staying at a reception for a gazillion hours) just seem like things you shouldn't be mad about. in fact, when i hear you whining about them not giving you gifts and not dressing appropriately, i just hear "bridezilla". if you don't state a dress code on the invites, you can't expect people will dress a certain way. gifts are gifts, and you should be grateful you even got any at the wedding. you had TWO showers, how many more presents do you want? greedy much? okay, i get it, gifts are just "what you do" but it's what the guests do, it's not what the bride and groom EXPECT to be done.

i agree with everyone here, it seems like there's something missing. and i can guarantee it goes something like this: the bride was a royal pain in the butt the months leading up to her wedding. if it was anything else, she would have mentioned it in this letter. people like to play the victims, especially when they want people to agree with them that they were wronged.

That sounds awful. I'm so sorry that this is what you you think of when you remember your wedding. I would try to find out what the deal was from one of your really good friends that you don't think will lie to you. If you did nothing wrong, I think you need to find some friends with manners- and nice personalities.

my guess is something was said to your friends by your dh just before the wedding that they didn't like. think about it, his coworkers and your family brought gifts but no one else. so basically your friends came because they said the would but weren't happy about it and decided not to hide it. when i go somewhere i don't want to go i certainly don't go out of my way to dress up or bring a camera (i don't want any memories!). if you really want to know what's going on i would pick a really trusted gf or 2 and go out for drinks. after a drink or 2 feel them out and see if you can find out what was said. does your dh like your friends? what is his reaction when you mention their behavior? we can only guess, you need to go to the source.

I would say your friends AREN'T YOUR FRIENDS. They are either jealous or you've upset them badly before your wedding. If I were you I would actually tell them how you feel and ask why???????? If they say because that's what they do normally I would say sorry but it's not good enough for you and find yourself new friends. They sound very very nasty. Honey find yourself some new friends.

I think you should definately find a new group of friends. That's just me being honest. It's not very nice to have done what they did on your wedding! Even if I was mad with a friend I would not leave early to show that I was mad. Jesus!

You have every right to be upset about the dress code and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I ALWAYS dress up when going to weddings. It isn't a movie theater or a rodeo, though I've been to weddings where apparently people though it was, and it just seems rude that they couldn't even take time out to show some respect and look nice. At least LOOK like they wanted to be at your wedding. As for the bridal party leaving early from the reception, NO. They are supposed to stay until the end and help with anything that needs helping. That is their job. As a maid of honor, as a bridesmaid, they are your helpers and they should be there for you. It was YOUR day, not theirs.

I'll agree with everyone above & say that's there's probably more to this that we don't know, but for me it boils down to this... you have every right to be upset by these things - friends do not act this way to friends - if they were upset over something during the wedding process, they should have been able to come to you & talk about it (at least one person!); the fact that they didn't to me also speaks to their lack of being real friends. I think the best wasy for you to "get over it" is to actively start making efforts to meet new people. Good Luck!

I am with a few others and feel like there is something missing from the story. All you can really do is talk to the 1 or 2 that you feel the closest to and ask what is up? I agree that you probably need to start to look for better friends if you can even consider these people friends. As far as dress code for the wedding if it was to be black tie then the invite should have stated. Most people for the most part do dress appropriately for weddings. I don't understand your reasoning behind having 2 showers. Your expectation of receiving gifts is a little greedy but at the same time they should have at least acknowledged the event with a card. Even when I was unemployed and could not afford any gift at all I made sure to at least give a card. These people are clearly not worth your time and energy!

There's got to be something more to this story. Girls can be jealous, especially when it comes time for a wedding. But if they were all acting this way, rather than just one or two, something must be up. If these girls are your friends, then you should feel comfortable talking to them and asking them what's up. Stand up for yourself. You need to find out what's bothering them if you're going to continue to be friends with them!

Hi!
Like everyone said, unless you acted really bad to them before the wedding (people tend to get really mean sometimes, when they're stressed out), your so called "friends" don't seem like friends to me.
Going under-dressed to a wedding is just rude, some people came to my engagement party dressed in jeans, casual stuff or outfits you wear to the office, and i thought it wasn't normal, because in my country engagement parties are just as important as weddings, therefore you have to dress up just as nice as you would for a wedding!
As for the gifts, i don't think it's greedy from you to mention it! this is called "group therapy", so we're supposed to be honest and open about our feelings. Not receiving gifts, when you know they usually bring gifts to other weddings, is an insult to you, and to your big day. It wouldn't be the case if it were just one or two people who didn't bring anything (everyone has circumstances sometimes), but this is a general movement, if i may say so).
You wanted to share this very special moment with them, and they reacted really bad, they don't deserve such attention from you.
So i think you should talk to these people, like suggested by some other comments, and move on with your life! You were disappointed, it hurts, but you can find new friends in the future, who will deserve your attention and friendship!
Good luck honey!

Wow. From your post, it sounds like you need to find yourself new friends. I know when I was getting married, I had a couple friends "wig out" on me. I'm not sure if it was jealousy or maybe some other deeper issue... but I think that your wedding day should be remembered as the culmination of the love between you and your husband. These "friends" who treated you badly... screw them. Let it go, and be happy in your marriage and life. Sometimes people do stinky things, but that's no reason to let it ruin what should be remembered as one of the happiest days in your life!

i totally understand. my best guy friend said that he wants nothing to do with my wedding, including being there. whats up with that? if i were you, i'd sit them down and talk to them about how you feel and then, depending on their responses as to why they acted like than, decide whether their friendship is that important.