You're not in love with your ex, you're dreaming about him because you're thinking about the days where marriage and commitment werent even in the cards. It was just about sex and adventure. Now you're being "tied down" by an amazing guy and you're trying to find a way to escape.

The best advice I ever got was "In a relationship, if you dont know what to do.. just dont do anything at all. Soon it will be crystal clear and thats when you make your move" in other words, if you dont know what to do in a situation, just keep doing what you're doing. Dont make any brash decisions until you are 100% sure about what needs to be done. So in this situation, just keep going along being engaged, dont start planning the wedding and dont start planning the escape route until it is totally clear to you what needs to be done.

Good luck

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

You're not ready to be engaged, let alone married. "I just couldn't say no when he proposed" is the worst reason EVER to get engaged. It should be because you love him and can't wait to spend the rest of your life together.

Tell your fiance that while you love him and see a future with him, an official engagement is too much, too soon. It sounds like he'll understand.

Your fiance sounds really understanding, and it's nice he's willing to hold off on getting married.

As for your ex, danger and excitement breed "passion" but that doesn't equate to lasting, true love. It just equates to having some extra adrenaline in your system. Don't worry about dreaming about him and you'll probably stop.

Just remember that there are two people in this potential marriage, flip the situation around and if you were the one wanting to get married but the guy was like "I don't know if I'll ever be ready" would you be able to accept that your life dream is never going to be fulfilled. Even if he is happy with your decision right now, it'll come back to bite you because at the end of the day neither of you will get what you want.

Fallen said it all. Don't worry about the dreams, they're harmless, they just bring you back to a simpler time, where your connection/relationship was mostly physical and didn't involve heavy-duty commitments, which you're fixating upon at the moment. Look at the symbolic of the dream instead of its protagonists - you're not dreaming about your EX per se, you're dreaming about a relationship that freaked you out less than the current one (meaningful things freak us out, and that's pretty normal!). As soon as you stop obsessing about that marriage thing, the dreams will go away.

As for the marriage thing, since your guy is so understanding, I don't see why you're stressing. Just live your relationship day by day and you'll see what the future brings - no need to think about it now! Nothing we plan ever happens, so taking it easy is a great way to live. It sounds like you guys have a great thing going, so continue on that path and blow off people who question you about dates and stuff. Tell yourself you're engaged to this man because he means more than just a boyfriend; but it doesn't mean that you belong to him and that everything is set in stone. You are still free; and maybe one day you will be ready for that next step, maybe not - who cares, at the moment? Just relax, enjoy the ride, and don't overthink everything.

About the sex - passion fades - fast! You can bang some dude 13 ways to Sunday and think that it's awesome, but at some point his CHARACTER would turn you off. However, love breeds desire; so maybe your current guy isn't the apollo you're fantasizing about, and you feel a little even-keyed compared to when you were with your ex - but as long as your sex life is healthy, and you're satisfied... then it should hold the distance.

I think you're anxious about all of this, and you should 1. stop telling people you're engaged, they'll leave you alone; 2. be honest to those who inquire that you don't have a set date and that you don't care for one, and would they please shut up; and 3. be happy you have a great guy by your side, and just enjoy that. Stop asking yourself questions. And maybe go for a few sessions of counseling, to clear out any strain your parents' recent divorce may be putting on you.

You will be fine. Just don't freak out. Breathe easy, nothing's set in stone!

You don't HAVE to get married. Plenty of couples aren't, and simple choose to be in a committed relationship (ie: domestic partnership). Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel would be one example, they've been together for 25 years. That's really just my 2 cents here.

You need to take sex out of the love equation. People have great hookups and that has nothing to do with love.
I've had to think...what would I do if he wasn't here to marry? What would happen if something bad happened to him? When Travis and DJ AM were in that plane crash I thought about that.
I've been in that situation, sort of, and reached out to both of which I had no communication for quite awhile. One guy was living it up and let me know that if I was the one needing him...he wouldn't be there for me.
The other, was miserable, and also recounting our friendship. If I had to chose, I'd chose my friend. I'd marry the man who's there for you when things go terrible wrong. Not the one who can provide great sex. (after 50 don't they all suck anyway?)
JK... 60. lol

*terribly... and I don't know what to tell you if the friend also provides great sex...
ur screwed either way.

DON'T take sex out of the love equation - PLEASE. Bad sex or lack of passion is frequently a sign of love that won't last. Trust me - I found this out the hard way with someone I nearly married. When it comes to getting married, *do not settle*. It is FOREVER. That word should not scare you. You have way too many doubts and concerns to be engaged - I agree. Take it slowly. You don't have to break up with your current boyfriend, but I'd get some counseling sessions to try to work through why you're fixated on your ex.

There is some great advice on here! All the posters covered points I would have-

Oh, so you're engaged to the rebound guy and now having fantasies over a guy who you considered not worthy of dating when he tried to get you back?

You need to step AWAY from the relationship wagon. AWAY. Take some time on your own to figure things out and properly get over your ex.

i think your dreams are trying to tell you that you're ready to get married now .. or if at all. i don't think it's saying that you're not in love with your boyfriend.

my take on it is, there's certain parts of your mind that you can't control, dreams being one of them. it's a vicious cycle. you have these dreams about your ex, so in your day to day life, you can't stop thinking about him or the dreams. so then you question the relationship you are in now. did you question it before you had these dreams? someone on here said to wait it out, and i agree.

good luck.

you're not* ready to get married is what i meant.

If it makes you feel at all better, I'm in what could be described as the exact same situation: I've been engaged for seven months and I'm freaking right the f*ck out. When we got engaged, we had only been dating for around four months, which (when considered in retrospect)is absolutely ludicrous. Given, we had worked together / been friends for about two years when we started dating, but nonetheless, in hindsight, I wish we would have never gotten engaged.

It's not that things aren't prototypically "wonderful" - he's a great guy. He treats me well, and I can easily say that I've never been in a better relationship. All are reasons which (I am convinced)I agreed to marry him so readily. Now, however, with nuptuals looming, I can do nothing but look upon the prospect with fear and loathing. I feel like I am nowhere near ready to get married, so what the hell was I thinking when I agreed to it?

To make the situation even more intense - we put an offer on a house a few days ago. When viewed from a financial perspective, it makes total sense. Why continue to put x number of dollars toward an apartment when we could be building equity, blah, blah, blah. I get that. But I can't help but feel like this is one step closer to me shutting down and running.

Truly, I have no real advice to dispense. More than anything, it's somewhat therapeutic to write things out. I hope that, at the very least, I can offer a shoulder of commiseration to lean upon.