Dear Sugar--
2 years ago, I had a small courthouse wedding and my husband's family was sadly not able to attend. We had a "homemade" reception at my mom's house afterwards, mainly involving my family and close friends. Because we were low on money, I was not able to have a gown, or a bridal shower or bachelorette party.
My question is would it be appropriate to have a shower or bachelorette party for renewing my vows? I would obviously not want any gifts, seeing as how that would have been saved for the original wedding. Would it be appropriate to purchase a wedding gown? I am normally not a person that likes material possessions, but I do feel a little down that I was not able to celebrate my marriage the way that I originally wanted to. Am I selfish for wanting all the glitz and glamour of a traditional wedding? --I Missed out Melinda
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Dear I Missed out Melinda--
If you had always dreamed of a large, elaborate wedding, I can completely understand why you still feel a void by not having your "dream wedding". Most often couples renew their vows after a milestone anniversary, but if you want to fast forward a few years, by all means go for it!
Since you are technically married already, I feel a bachelorette party in the literal sense might be a little inappropriate. Bachelorette parties can get expensive so a good alternative to spend quality time with your friends could be a fun night out on the town or a trip to the spa one afternoon. Since you are not asking for gifts, perhaps a ladies lunch would be more fitting than a bridal shower.
There are no rules to celebrating your love, so if you want to re-walk down the aisle in your dream wedding gown in front of all your family and friends, I don't see why you shouldn't. Most people love an excuse to attend a fun party, so have fun!
Red Herring
Heine
Apepazza
I don't think you're wrong for wanting a wedding dress to renew your vows. My husband and I had a similar situation as you and when we renew our vows, I was thinking about getting a wedding gown myself. Do what makes you happy and it sounds to me that the dress is what is going to do it!
1Sure you can its the perfect opportunity to have your dream wedding!
2I think the dress and shower are appropriate! It's not like you're just doing it for gifts and every girl should have her dream gown for keep sake!
"Aint nobody out there swift like this."
3I think that as long as none of the showers are to solicit gifts (which I am sure they aren't, you sound really nice) then there is no problem. I think it is nice that renewing vows gives people an opportunity to share their marraige with friends/family who may not have been there at the original marriage.
4Go for it! Its never to late to have your dream wedding. I'm sure those close to you would have loved to be a part of your big day and will share in feeling of filling the void! Good luck!
"Party like a rock star, pound like a porn star, play like an all star!"
5I don't see why you can't. Do what you want to do.
6I think that would be really nice to do. I say - Have fun and do whatever feels right for you. You seem to be really taking the high road and not requesting gifts, etc, so I don't see why not
7now nobody jump on me for this. first of all why was the reception "home made" and not worthy of being remembered as your reception? i've been to several lovely weddings and receptions at private homes and see nothing wrong with them. i also don't think that you can really re-do a wedding. either you are married or you aren't and you and your dh are.
having said that i see no reason why you cannot buy yourself a dress and have a party. i think that i wouldn't tell people what the occasion was before they got there, maybe send out invitations that say "please join us for a special celebration on July 20th" or something. then announce that you are having a recommitment ceremony once they are there. then you don't have to worry about people feeling as if they need to bring gifts and everyone can just enjoy the spirit of the event; the fun and celebration of your life together.
i say no to the shower (it's for gifts!) which wouldn't have cost you anything the first time around because it's hosted FOR YOU not by you, and no to the bach party (that's for saying good bye to single life and you already did that).
are you sure this is really about the wedding? sounds as if you are feeling ignored and unappreciated. i don't think you are selfish at all but i don't think that doing any of this 2 years after the fact will change your feelings about your original wedding or make you any less dissapointed.
what about taking the money you would spend on all of this wedding stuff and having a bon voyage party for your going off on some rockin belated honymoon?
8Of course! Be intensely happy!
9*************************************************************
"To be or not to be: That is the question!" William Shakespeare
I wouldn't have a shower or bachelorette party, just my opinion...it's a little much since you're already married. As for the dress, you only live once! If you want to dress up and remember the day as something beautiful and special, then go for it!
10Yes, buy a lovely dress and get married again!
But you can't have a bachelorette party any more in the literal sense, and the word shower just implies gifts.
So you'll just have to use different terminology and you can probably get away with it throwing a party in honor of your recommitment.
But honestly, I think you might just be suffering from a little jealousy or envy or something of people who have had bigger affairs. Your wedding sounds perfectly lovely and intimate and to me would be the perfect sort of wedding. Don't let the pressures of what is normal make you feel like you had anything less than wonderful!
11Melinda...first of all, congrats on the happy marriage and the vow renewal...go out and get yourself your dream dress if you so desire, do it up in fine style, and have a blast.
However, don't feel like you missed out on the big "white wedding" and enjoy what you have. My folks had a small wedding without any of the bells and whistles we incorrectly assume to be "traditional" and they're still happy, 32 years later.
12I think that you should- I'm doing the same thing. as my husband and I were married in the registry office and only had a few family members and friends attend. My own family we chose not to inform as they were causing problems.
We have been married going on 9 years and are going to have a ceremony with the dress included in our 10th year- with those family members invited!
Go for it girl and Congrats!
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