You don't have to blurt it out right at the get go, you'll know how the relationship is progressing and if he's worth being together, then that is probably when you should say that you are waiting for marriage. Actually I'm just second guessing myself now because you'll put a lot of energy/effort into this relationship and then when you state your views he may bolt but then again you'll never know. I'd still wait a little bit unless you are fooling around a little more than you want because that will be when clothes fly off and who knows what will happen then.

I wouldn't worry about it right away. Just make sure you can define your boundaries ('virgin' can mean different things to different people). It is important to know exactly what you're comfortable with because even the nicest guy will test you. When the topic does come up, just let him know and hopefully he'll respect that. I made my boyfriend wait over a year, so guys with that kind of patience do exist.

I don't understand why your brother would be so concerned, though... do the two of them not get along anymore? I mean, I understand he might be overprotective, but he should also be able to respect that you are a 23 year old woman capable of making decisions on her own, right?

I've got a brother that's a few years older than me and I've dated 2 of his friends (1 for over 4 years and the other for like 4 days!) and he would get upset if I expressed interest in any of his friends because he was a little protective. I suggest you talk to your brother and tell him you're developing feelings for this guy and you'd appreciate his support. It will say a lot if he is supportive - and if he's not, listen to his reasoning.

But it sounds like you're more concerned about him not understanding you wanting to preserve your virginity. I can say if he's truly worth keeping, he'll understand, blah blah blah. The truth is none of that will take away the sting of him not understanding if he does bolt, so make him want to stay! Don't override yourself with worry that it takes over the relationship and he's not able to see the real you. Position yourself as a strong confident women with values you fully intend on keeping true to and when you finally do have sex, your guy will know he's the lucky one.

theres two issues going on over here...

first of all you need to talk to your boyfriend. let him know ahead of time before more feelings are involved that you plan on staying a virgin until you get married and its something that is very important to you. explain why, and also be prepared to have him either respect you for it, OR for him to not want to continue further with the relationship if he doesn't want to wait to have sex. If he decides he wants to stick it out with you then be prepared to explain this to your family.

I would tell your family that you are an adult and are mature enough and capable of making your own decisions. Tell them that he makes you happy and respects your decision to remain a virgin and that you don't want things to be awkward for anyone and that you want them to support your relationship. i think the best thing here is honesty with your boyfriend and with your parents.

good luck. i know its a difficult situation to be in, but as long as your happy your parents should respect that you are an adult and they should respect your decision.

Well my brother is gay, so I'd never date his friends - LOL! But you should tell him that you're a virgin and you're waiting until you're married. That's a value a lot of women don't have...hell I damn sure didn't have that value. It's not a bad thing. I'm 35, and I honestly have a friend(since teens) that's 36 and she is STILL a virgin. See where his head is at and take it from there.

First of all, NO relationship is healthy if it has to be kept a secret. Why would your brother and family be upset that you're dating this guy? You're an adult, and it's time your started acting like one. If you two want to be in a committed relationship, tell your family instead of sneaking around.

If the guy you're seeing wants to keep it a secret - that's a huge red flag that he's probably got other girls on the side.

As far as the sex thing goes, tell him you are waiting until you're in a "loving, committed relationship" to go there. That way he understands you won't sleep with just anyone, yet you can avoid using the "m" word which will certainly send him running.

ITA w/ luisa on the secret part. That is NEVER a good sign.

As for the sex issue, I would personally mention it relatively soon. It will save you a lot of trouble in the long run. That's because I'm certain he will flee as soon as he hears that. But why not know that up front?

I was in the exact same position as you a year ago (when I was 22). If you are serious about this guy, I suggest your brother should know sooner or later; maybe you can approach one of his current closest friends (i.e. not your boyfriend) to touch on the subject, when you are not around?
As for the virginity thing, I had/have the same issue and told my guy first thing/first time he approached me in a physical way, and he was very understanding and sweet about it and we are still together despite my wish. I don't think you have to be scared that your guy will go off about it; if he is a sweet guy, he will understand. You can still be very affectionate together/have fun/fool around without having any significant form of sex, make sure you tell him that.

Yeah I'm a bit confused, why would your brother be angry that his sister is dating a friend of his from 15 years ago? Brother's usually get angry when their sisters date their friends when they are teenagers, but I think you crossed that line a long time ago and you're just letting it be an excuse now:) Don't stress, I'm sure he won't care! And if he does, then that's some serious issues on his part!

I think its completely necessary for him to know about your intentions to save yourself for marriage at the start so he doesn't get surprised a couple months down the road....he could get upset that you didn't tell him right away or he may not be prepared to wait that long for sex... IMO

I don't understand why your bro might be angry! He should be happy for you that you have found happiness with someone special. You are not a teenager anymore, you are a young woman who has the right to make her own decisions about who she dates. Your brother has no right to be mad! Unless, of course, he knows something about this guy that you do not: is he a dog? Is he only after sex? Does he disrespect women? But I don't see why you think he will be angry unless you specifically know that he does not like this guy.
As for the virginity issue, I would tell him soon. You will find out really fast if he is willing to wait until marriage to have sex. I would be seriously surprised if he was. If you are looking for that, I would suggest dating a religious man with the same values as you. Good luck to you.

I hear a lot of fear in your letter - you sound like you've grown up in a really protected environment; perhaps your brother is overprotective of you. Look - we're not getting the whole story from you here, and I'm not sure if other commenters have mentioned this, but - why is this person "friends with your brother 15 years ago" but not now? Is your brother much older than you are? Is this person someone that your brother has legitimately good reasons for not wanting to be around his family? I think you should consider these questions. How does the rest of your family feel? What was the fight about and who was in the right and in the wrong? I hear a possibility that this guy is highly unsuitable for you.... talk to your brother and remain calm, but don't keep this a secret.

As for virginity - this is no reason to fear getting into a relationship - after all, if you can't do that, how are you going to find someone you want to marry? I'd be up front about it, but not immediately - when sex comes up in conversation, or if kissing becomes a little hot and heavy, lay it on the line and explain why you are waiting (I assume it's for religious reasons). He needs to know sooner rather than later. Though, I have to tell you, I grew up in a very conservative family and town, and it often works out much better to date people who go to the same church or who you know already have the same sort of values as you do. My sister waited until marriage and she met a very religious man on EHarmony whom she married. Is this guy religious? Ultimately, I think that's more important than the virginity question. Do you share the same religious values or will he respect yours? I'm assuming your religion is extremely important to you, so don't waste time with anyone who's not on your wavelength.

Do you know anything about his values? If you were to tell him a story about a friend of yours who was waiting until marriage, would he say, "oh that's dumb of her"? Know what i mean? I think you should bring it up sooner rather than later.

I'm also confused about the brother thing. This guy was friends with your brother 15 years ago? or for 15 years? Talk to your brother directly about it.

well like i said before i would have the "sex" talk and where the relationship is going before you go and tell your parents that way you can be prepared to answer questions about your boyfriend to your family.

i wouldn't go and tell your family just to have him break up with you if he doesn't respect the fact that you want to remain a virgin. make sure everything is settled with him before you go and tell your parents that way they can see that everything is stable and happy and he doesnt just leave you after going through everything to tell your parents and have them accept it.

You have to talk to your brother before anyone else if he's the only one you're worried about. Just tell him you recently reconnected with an old buddy of his, and you're casually dating (no need to make a big deal out of this relationship during your first discussion about it with your bro). Imagine how out of hand this will get if you wait even longer, or your bro somehow finds out from someone else other than you. Best to nip this in the bud. Tell him; it'll relieve your conscience.

well as a girl that is waiting to get married to have sex myself, I think it's better for you to tell your boyfriend about the virgin thing as soon as possible. Is not healthy for you to go deeper in the relationship not knowing what he is gonna do when he knows, or what he is expecting from you. Guys can be asses, most of them LIVE and BREATHE sex, so you need to tell him before you fall for him, or fall even more for him, because if he's not willing to wait, then the one that is gonna get hurt it's gonna be you. Plus, you need to know if he's worth your brother getting mad at you. I also know older brothers are complicated. My older brother is married, and he doesnt even want me to look at his friends, or his friends looking at me just because he gets jealous. I guess older brothers don't want their "little" sisters to ever grow up. Anywho.. he'll get over it.

Now going back to the sex thing, don't be surprised, or get depressed if your boyfriend doesn't want to wait. That's the way things are, and if its important to you [just like it is to me] you're gonna have to stand for it. There are guys that are willing to wait, that are actually worth it. I dated a few as*holes before finding my boyfriend, so.. good luck girl and hopefully your boyfriend loves you and respects you enough to wait.