Yikes, I would consider enlisting the help of a professional - this is something that could really confuse a young child and maybe cause some resentment later in life if handled the wrong way. Good luck. =(

well your kids are still very young. a 6 year old isn't going to really grasp the situation about "daddy having an affair and getting the woman pregnant" maybe you can explain the situation when your kids are much older but for now it wouldn't make a difference to them anyway

all you can really do is assure her that you both still love her even though he is now with the other woman and tell her she has a little half brother. i would explain it so that she understands he will be living with her and that is her other brother.

but like i said its good that your daughter and son are still young and still too young to know the details. by the time they are old enough to understand what happened they would have already gotten used to the idea of their fathers significant other and the half brother.

the shock and resentment that would normally come from finding out about this situation won't be as great because they would already have had years to get used to the situation before the reality of what really happened sets in.

I second caryatid, this requires more help than a message board is qualified to offer. See if you can find a family therapist, preferable someone who specializes in dealing with kids around your daughter's age. It sounds like you'll be pretty well-equipped to help her through it, but I think your family would benefit from the guidance of a professional as you navigate these life changes.

I'm with the others who think that this requires the help of a professional. It's beyond complicated, for you and your children, and an experienced counselor could offer much more help than could any of us.

A therapist should be involved. Also, your ex-husband should be the one explaining it to your daughter, not you. If he's uncomfortabe 'fessing up to his mistakes, that's his own problem. Thankfully, your daughter is still young enough that she probably won't understand the gravity of the situation and be torn apart by it.

Yup I agree- I don't think any of us (unless one of us is a therapist and even then) is equipped to answer your question in the best possible way for your kids. You should really talk to someone about how to broach this with your children.

i've had 2 friends that had this situation happen to them, although they were the kids and their fathers had the affairs and got another woman preggo. i think that it's going to be hard to really explain this to your kids since they are young, and they might not really understand what it all means. i think that the fact that you're being civil to one another is going to help since if you don't outwardly show hatred, then they might be able to have some type of relationship with the half brother.

They're babies, what will they really understand? I think you're being a little too nice in helping him with something that, as i said, they're small and wont really understand. I think a counselor is the best way to go, but then i wonder what that person will recommend. Probably to put it off for years.

I agree with geebers and the others... professional consultation is the best way to go. I am sure there are details we aren't aware of and won't take into consideration. For now, what they need to know is that mom and dad aren't in love and it doesn't affect your love for them in anyway and try to keep their routine as normal as possible. YOU NEED to make sure you have some emotional support for yourself and NEVER feel too guilty to let someone help you with your children since he cast this burden on you while you were pregnant. Take care of yourself also!!!

*On a side note: if you want to give us his name and address I'm sure there are some 'Sugars who'd love to drop by and say hello...

Encourage the kids to all play together to get them accustomed to spending time with each other? I think that telling a 6 year old about his "other brother" that daddy had with another mummy would just confuse him right now. I think the whole situation may always confuse him and he may grow up resenting his father...

I think enlisting the help of a child psychologist to facilitate this introduction would be a good idea. I had a friend who was pregnant with her child whilst the woman who her husband had cheated on her with was pregnant with hers. They both gave birth at the same time in the hospital and then found out about each other later.

She now is FRIENDS with the woman and they both steer very clear away from the guy. The kids play together and it's a very bizarre "family 2.0" situation.

How does the other woman feel? I mean, not that you'd care but if she is going to make this awkward then you'll need to factor this in too.

For the record I also think you're handling this VERY well. I would have driven over to the other woman's house and ripped her face off by now, after castrating my husband.

If she was due 2 months after you, how is his other child their older brother? This one doesn't make much sense to me.

In addition to everything other people have said (which I agree with), I want to commend you for your mature reaction to the whole situation. Your husband had an affair and got another woman pregnant...but you seem to be level-headed and thinking of the kids first, rather than turning this into a resentful, mud-slinging situation (which I'm sure you are sometimes tempted to do because of the hurt ) Hats off to you! *bows*

Yes. Serious kudos to you. Take your strength all the way to a therapist's office so that you can maintain it! And bring your kids along. My best friend is a child psychologist and she said that the subject needs to be introduced slowly, best through play therapy. And I agree completely with mesayme- be superextra loving to yourself. You definitely deserve a hand. Good luck. We can't help you much here, but we can give you mega Sugar-Support!

um candace.. nowhere does it say OLDER brother.. you probably just read it wrong.

go see a therapist, it well efinetly be easier and they can give you a heads up as to what you might expect, lke questions, certain behaviour etc.

good luck, and good job!

first of all....nice to see that everyone is trying to be cival about it...not the man hating blog you know? second.....you deserve the best and sound advice for your family and none of us are qualified to help you......someone who has experience in this area will benefit you more.....good luck to you and your family

my 2 cents: having gone through something similar myself, tell your kids, even if they don't understand. Waiting until their older won't protect them and you're adding a heavy load to your own shoulders - you may think you're fine now, but anger stemming from betrayal can fester and creep into your life dragging you and those you love down with you. I do agree that speaking with a professional therapist is the right way to go, however if the advise you get doesn't feel right in your gut, get a second opinion - it's cheaper than therapy bills later!

Hopefully all of you can lead happier lives now. Congratulations and kudos on taking this like a real woman. I think your kids will be fine, if the adults can all continue to maintain a calm and pragmatic demeanor about the whole thing.

wow. this guy has 2 woman willing to have his children and you think he's a good father. what does a bad father look like to you? this is psychologically damaging to your children to have a father that has been deceitful for YEARS. i can't imagine what you would tell your children because the truth is so sad. your kids are going to look at the situation as a choice daddy made; the new baby over them.

in addition to getting therapy for the kids, get some for yourself. he's not a good dad, he's an *sshole. someone needs to explain the difference to you.

Like others have said, I really think you should go to a children/family psychologist.

ummm lickety split i disagree with you. there are many men out there that are incapable of being faithful in a relationship and do stupid things when it comes to their relationships however they can be good fathers to their children. he did something stupid that will affect his children but what he did really doesn't undermine how he feels or treats his children and i think that if this woman is strong enough to leave him and try to make it work for her kids she sounds pretty strong and level headed so i don't think she's trying to make excuses for him at all. don't assume that because he messed up with his wife that he isn't a good father because that simply isn't true.

I agree with MissJules5x. This is a support board, not an insult board.