OK, that whole thing always bothered me because clearly they were on a break. What does a break mean: we don't date each other anymore but we can't date anyone else? It's it like, we're together but not together together?

Anyhoo... I think breaks are good because sometimes you need to be apart in order to appreciate being together more. If a 'break' breaks you up, then you we're really strong enough in the first place.

-the ceeg

I THINK A BREAK IS M0STLY N0T SPENDING TIME WITH EACH0THER BUT TALKING @ LEAST EVERY0THER DAY. IT CAN BE G00D F0R A RELATI0NSHIP, IVE HAD BREAKS IN MY CURRENT RELATI0NSHIP & 0NCE WE START SPENDING TIME WITH EACH0THER AGAIN, ITS LIKE WE'VE MISSED EACH0THER S0 MUCH IT MAKES US STR0NGER & HAPPIER!

I think it can be helpful in a relatively healthy relationship that just needs some fresh air and a good step back. However, communication lines definitely need to stay open, and everyone needs to be on the same page as to what exactly the "break" means and what is expected of each party. All that said, I think "the break" is often abused by people who want out of a relationship but aren't able to, for whatever reason, finish things for good.

Dear, it is like every topic this week you are posting about is about something that is going on in my life. My bf of two years and I are on a break right now and I have NO idea whether it is a good or bad thing! I think taking a step back and reevaluating is a really good aspect of it, but then again we have yet to discuss the nitty gritty of our break.

So for all of you who are familiar with taking breaks...how long do they usually last? Just curious...

i don't think there's anything wrong with "taking a break" as long as you are, like dear said, on the exact same page on what that means as far as seeing other people goes.

i've always loved the running joke on friends about the break. my bf is like you, cgmaetc, he was like, "but, wait, weren't they on a break? doesn't that mean other people are okay?" hahaha

so i guess i know that if i ever want a break with him, i'll have to clearly define the rules. lol

I definitely agree that both parties have to be on the same page when taking a break. On that note, I think it's a risk. I've seen some bad things AND some good things come from 'taking a break.' I don't think they should last very long though. I guess it really depends on where you are in your relationship. I think it should be taken with great stride and communication is key!

I always thought Ross was in the right on that. You can't say to someone: "I'm not sure about us right now, I need space, but, uh, could you just not pursue anyone else and wait around for me please? Thanks!"

That said, if the first thing your boyfriend does during a break is to go sleep with someone else, that might tell you something about their personality that you didn't know.

Sometimes when people get together young, they benefit from a break in order to get to experience an adult world without a significant other. That is the most common reason for a break I have heard. It's like people have been sweethearts since high school and they both just have a curiousity about the dating world that they've never experienced. I think that's normal.

The thing about breaks though, is it's usually one person who wants one and the other person doesn't so it's hard. I think the person who doesn't want it should just back off hard and really try to respect the other person's need for space, but it's not always easy.

just becayse he was on a break did he have to go screw somebody else? gee, how special he makes sex seem. sort of in the moment like "i think i'll have another piece of gum". the whole "i'm not with anyone so i can screw everyone" is repulsive to me.

if you need space break up, that's what breaking up is for. if you want to hold your place with "let's wait and see" i call bullsh*t.

Take in consideration that it is a good idea for a break but it is only good if u keep yourself faithful to your partner. You cannot go out and start having one night stand. One must understand that to recoup, u must do it on ur own, find out what is the purpose.

Some couples benefit from breaks, others don't. But if a couple feels they need one, then I say go for it.

to men, sex is always in the moment. it IS like needing a piece of gum, or more appropriately, needing to eat food because you're hungry. it's a biological need. so when you cut them off from having sex with you, saying you need "space", to a lot of men that means, "no sex, no sex, no sex. i'm going to go have sex now with someone else!" the reason why a lot of men stay in relationships is simply because of easy access to regular sex. they don't have to put that much effort into the pursuit of sex. when you cut them off from that, they'll go somewhere else. so definitely think long and hard before considering a break, ladies!

Taking a break just gives that other person the freedom to do what they want, not really something i would go for so if you want a break with me, i assume that its over not some free reign to be w/ other people!

To me, a break means "we are not dating right now." But it allows a little room for the possibility of getting back together. I think that a break can work. It depends on the reasons for taking a break in the first place. I took a break with a cheating boyfriend and then after some time I realized that my feelings for him had changed and we broke up for good.

I dunno Katie - I agree that some men may need sex more than some women but calling it a biological need is kind of excessive and a cop out. If you have a fight with the bf and he has another girl in his bed that night chances are it is not because he HAD to have sex but more because he doesn't care enough about you to avoid making that rash decision. Either way I agree with Irish Babe, breaks work for some but enter at your own risk :\

maybe he doesn't need to do exactly that night, but i wouldn't be surprised, especially if the ground rules weren't laid out. i guess i have a pretty cynical opinion of men's sex needs, but it's only because i listen to tom leykis on the radio a lot.

for me taking a break is as good as breaking up!

i dont really think breaks make much sense. as everyone here seems to realize, it's a murky puddle where right and wrong have to be defined down to the nth degree in order for everyone to be peaceful. screw that. just break up, and if you guys find you made the wrong decision, get back together. the end!

its best if its not called a "break", technically speaking. usually we assume that break it to not see each other and chill out in our own time, but mostly will lead to think that it will be a real break up. the word "taking a break" is not the best of ideas.

perhaps just say to have a lesser "us" time because of the situation and more communication because thats how relationship goes, to be fair to both parties.

to me, a break-up in general really just means a time out. and taking a break is basically breaking up. it means the relationship is bad. something is wrong. im not even sure it needs to be said. just, spend less time apart. make yourself busier for a week. thats all.

Oh my God, my now ex-boyfriend and I took a break about two weeks ago and a week later he broke up with me, telling me that he needs sometime for himself. He says that he still loves me and to just have patience with him, to basically wait for him. What does that mean? I say breaks are just messy things that happen in relationships and that ultimately lead to a negative path.

I came across this page and I guess I was surprised to see so many people say that they think that a break is a good thing.

I am currently undergoing or just realized that my bf and I are on a "break" after dating very initimately for 15 months.

Although I love him with all my heart and more than anyone ever before him, part of me feels like the safety that I once felt in trusting him to always be there for me and me for him is gone. It is not that he is seeing someone else during this break, it is just that he feels that he is still battling childhood scars at his age that he feels he needs to conquer alone.

So for me this break has broken my heart and faith in trusting him to be there in my life.

My question to all and to myself now is this....even if we get back together when the "break" is done, will I be able to feel like I can open my heart back up to him?

If a break means take a time out for a few days or however long you need (not break up but take a breather..just to have some space) then Id say that's probably good for you. But if you need to break up as in not be together for a few days..that seems really stupid. Some people have been known to hookup with someone else during that time and think they can get off the hook cause they were "on a break". (is anyone remembering that episode of friends?) Well..that is true..I had a good friend who had that happened to..and it's horrible. I think that if people are gonna take a break (in that way) they should at least lay down some rules and let each other know what they're both wanting out of it and what they both want from the other person like "i am not allowing you to sleep with someone else..so if you do, I consider it cheating and we're through". But i guess it all depends on the relationship and situation.

I've recently gone through a so called "break" with my girlfriend, and it absolutely killed me. Things were going great until she started acting a little strange after her mates going away party. She decided that week that we needed a break from each other, just for a few days to give her some space. That was fine with me, until i found out that she was only using it as an excuse to hook up with some guy from the party and keep her conscience clean. It absolutley broke my heart, and although i'm still with her as i write this i don't think i'll ever be able to trust her again. Breaks are a bad idea, if you can't sort out your problems in a relationship together, or if you need space from the person you love you should probably re evaluate why you are with that person, and if your feelings are really genuine or not.

me and my bf are having a break right now and i understand that it might be a good thing but im so heartbroken. he has friends to help him get pass by the day i lost most of my friends when i started dating him so to me a day feels like its never going to end.i just want to know how do you go back to normal after the break is over