i think you should be forgiven. Flaking out on your friend over a guy isn't really the best thing but i've been there once or twice myself. As for you not responding her calls/texts that I understand because usually when I get mad I need a day or two to cool down and take a step back. Also how could you've known that such an awful thing had been the reason for her calls? I say forgive.

I voted forgive. It's unfortunate that something awful happened one of the few times you've ignored her calls, but like awkwardturtle said, there was no way you'd've known the reason behind it. If you were psychic and knew this was going to happen, but ignored her anyway, I would have voted "not forgive".

I say forgive - how could you have known? It doesn't sound like she communicated any sort of urgency in her text - I'm sure that if she had, you would have responded. In her shoes, I would have said straight away that it was an emergency - and I've sort of been in her shoes, except that my phone was stolen, and I was injured. And you'd better believe that the people that I did call from the emergency room phone knew straight away that something was very wrong - "we need to talk" does not communicate that urgency, especially given the context of your prior conversation. Something terrible happened to her and I sympathize - but it's also very easy to see how you didn't know.

Look- we've all flaked out on friends, and honestly, my phone is always on silent and I'd be the last person to pick up, anyway. It's not your fault! It's a horrible, horrible thing that happened, and I'm sure you've learned a lesson about how to treat your friends, but still - it wasn't because of you that this happened. Apologize profusely and try to be a better friend - your friend may be really traumatized and need your support.

Forgive. You had no idea what was going to go down that night.

That said, flaking on a friend for a guy is annoying in my book.

I voted forgive. I'm sure you're going to be guilted to feeling awful but you didn't know that things had turned worse for the same friend. Try to forgive yourself and try to be at your friend's side because she needs you.

With friends like you...

I say forgive because you couldn't have known why they were calling and no one suspects the worse, but you should keep in mind that after this you probably won't be the person she confides in first, or at all, anymore.

You should at least check the message and call back if it's important like this. The fact that she texted you and then called you multiple times should have tipped you off that something was wrong.

Don't feel guilty, she should have called another friend to go... I hate being anyone's only hope for entertainment.
She decided to go alone, there's always a risk. I go everywhere alone but never at night. Take her a new pair of earrings to show her you care about her and let that be it. If she can't forgive you then it's beyond your control.

I'm in the minority here -- not forgive. I guess I'm one of those women who value their friendships AND their relationships.

You disrespected your friend twice. First, you cancelled plans with your friend over another man. Secondly, you ignored her multiple (urgent) text messages and phone calls over, wait, that man. It's clear that a man will always come first ahead of a friend.

That's your ordered priority. Bottom-line, that's your choice.

Given that, you're whipped. You're a dick-whipped woman who is deficient in capacity to be a friend, especially if a man is in the picture. You don't really value your friend. If you did, you wouldn't have blown her off or ignored her.

Sorry, in my opinion, someone like you don't deserve forgiveness. You don't deserve her friendship, as you don't really value it. My heart goes out to your friend, who probably learned a painful lesson about you.

Sorry, in my opinion, someone like you don't deserve forgiveness. You don't deserve her friendship, as you don't really value it. My heart goes out to your friend, who probably learned a painful lesson about you.

Glowingmoon, don't be sorry. The op sure isn't and isn't even trying to apologize.

I agree that her flaking wasn't the best thing to do and her reasoning that she doesn't do it often doesn't cut it, but not answering the texts or calls of someone you're mad at is logical, childish but it happens.

I'm thinking, that if they hadn't ended on a negative note after she would've put the fooling around on pause and found out why she was calling.

Forgive. You had no idea what was going on, and if you did you would have been there to help.

You couldn't know what was going on. As LeLuxe said, if you had, you'd have been there.

A long time ago, I broke up with a guy after a few weeks' relationship, and he started calling me a lot, very depressed. One night, I decided not to take the call, I was annoyed. And he killed himself - shot himself in the head exactly five minutes after trying to call. I have been feeling guilty for 10 years - what if I HAD picked up the phone? Maybe he wouldn't be dead. PROBABLY, he wouldn't be dead. But my logical self knows that I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life keeping his head above the water every time he felt depressed, and that his suicide had to do with many more issues than just my breaking up with him.

I couldn't know.

You couldn't know.

sh*t happens between friends, sometimes we get pissy, sometimes we diss each other - it happens. It's not great on your part, but I've been guilty of flaking on friends for a guy I really liked, and it's not a huge deal. It only became one between you two because of what happened to her; but how could you have known she was calling to get help, and not to vent? Apologize over and over again. Don't make light of the situation, she needs you to take this seriously. Write her a note, even, expressing your regret, and asking her what you can do to make it up to her. It will pass.

Also, I'd like to add something that may raise a few eyebrows, but is it possible she made it up because she was so angry with you she wanted you to feel like sh*t about it? Back in High School, my best friend made up a rape-attempt story to get attention... Just saying, if her text messages were just "call me back", and not "I got attacked, please call, I need help" - then maybe she's lying, or maybe, if the story is true, she didn't fully disclose what was going on because she was testing you, wanted you not to answer so she could have a big reason to be angry with you - and that's really kind of manipulative.

A bit off anyway... I'd say.

obviously that wasn't very nice of you, but you aren't responsible for her safety or emotional health so i voted "forgive".

she soulds really dependent on you, i'm wondering why she didn't call her family. best to your friend and don't beat yourself up over this.

forgive. it's kind of sh*tty that you did that to your best friend and then ignored her texts and phone calls, but you had no way of knowing. and yeah, "we need to talk" doesn't sound like "I just got mugged and am freaking out, and am at the police station". big difference.
one of the big reasons I chose forgive is because this sucks, but it's one of the things you can learn from. it's not something so heinous that even if you learn a lesson it's too late.

wow... reading the comments, I'm so glad I rely on family and not girlfriends. It seems so needy and crutch-like.

"wow... reading the comments, I'm so glad I rely on family and not girlfriends. It seems so needy and crutch-like."

I'm glad for you, too.

However, there are some people who are transplanted from other towns and other states for professional and school reasons. When they're in need, they only have their friends to count on. You may consider them "needy and crutch-like," but personally, I have another outlook. JMHO.

I forgive. You made a bad judgement call. You are human. Also you say you rarely flake on your friends, but you chose to do it this time. In the future, it is really bad form to make plans when you already have plans. I can't imagine ever ditching my friends for a guy -not without expressly understanding that no one would be upset or offended. As for the trauma your friend went through- coulda woulda shoulda...you didn't know and you seem to feel badly. Apologize, apologize, apologize. Then let it go -if your friend comes around great but if not- you tried your best.

I think you owe her a REALLY nice dinner, and a present. A taser, perhaps...?

There is no way you could have known what would happen to her. Granted, your choice probably wasn't the best or most mature, but it happens. You can't worry that, every time you don't know for sure your friend is out with someone else, she will be the victim of a crime. It was just a very unfortunate statistic.

I think your friend should have communicated her distress rather than say we need to talk. Text doesn't really communicate distress, and the fact she didn't leave a voice message says something. She should have said help in her text or something that would show signs that she communicated she was in trouble as well as left a voice message.
I would say forgive, you are not responsible for what happened to her. Just try to spend time with her and work through everything and pave over what has happened, make it known you will be there for her as a friend, even though you weren't there to protect her, even then, if you were there you would have been assaulted as well. So you cannot blame yourself, just communicate with your friend the importance of your friendship and the mistake of not hanging out with her that night.

she should have texted you saying what had happened instead of just that she needed to talk to you, not your fault.

There's a possibility that the text message "we need to talk" was sent BEFORE she was attacked or even left her home to see the movie. So I doubt she's lying. besides, why would her other friends lie about the situation?

Anyways, I voted forgive. There's no way you could have known. However, maybe it's a sign that you shouldn't hold grudges. Life is short and it could've been much worse. (Hate to sound cheesy.)

forgive... having your phone on silent is not a crime! and everyone's entitled to screen calls, and talk when it is convenient for you, and you have the energy and desire to talk. sorry about what happened to the friend, of course, hope the friendship will survive and she doesn't blame you, as its not your fault.

I am on the fence on this one. I mean if someone is calling you that many times something is obviously up. I would have picked up the phone or checked.

I am not ok with the skipping out on the friend to be with a guy part. Guys come and go...Friends stick with you through all the coming and goings!

What happened to your friend is horrible, but ultimately it's not your fault. I don't think you are a bad friend, but perhaps next time you receive that many calls in a row you should stop what you are doing and see what's up. Maybe you should get her some mace?

Karlotta, I was thinking the same thing.

I said forgive because
A) You didn't know that was going to happen, no one did.
B) You already told her you were irritated by her being upset so calling you was ...well dumb on her part and
C)Yeah ditching friends is bad but we ALL do it but if she needed help SO badly she should have called more than one person rather than calling someone multiple times who wasn't answering their phone. The limit is 2 txts and one call before you know "Oh wow the phone may be on silent" and you go to call someone else OR the police.

BryPouncy, you're totally right - in an emergency, don't put all of your eggs in one basket, or one friend with her phone on silent. In fact, your first call should be the police, no matter what - the sooner they get to the scene, the better the chances of the mugger getting caught. Maybe the OP's friend did do that - there's no way of knowing from what we know. When it was me, my phone was stolen and the attacker had injured me, but a neighbor found me - and yes, the first call on his phone was 911. I later called friends, family, and my boss from the emergency room pay phone - my first priority was getting treated and telling the police what they needed to know.

I decided not to forgive b/c if you call your self a friend then you needed to answer that phone regardless. I know I may have my spills with some friend's but I'm always going to check with someone about there well being. After reading most of the comments I can see why you should be for given but like it's been said family is the # 1 people you can depend on!! Good Luck!!

Take this as a lesson learned and don't flake out on your friends anymore.

You shouldn't have flaked out on your friend but you could not control what happened to her so I say forgive. We have all bailed on friends at one time or another for one reason or another. I do not think you are a bad person.

I say forgive, but maybe this will tach you to not hold a grudge so easily.

Not forgive. It wasn't your fault that it happened, but flaking was your fault. I can't believe so many people think that is ok. I never flake on plans with friends for a guy (or a guy for friends- I honor whatever commitments I make). You should've told the guy "I have plans already" and made plans for a different night with him. I'm not even saying you necessarily have to answer your phone when you're on a date, but you shouldn't have been on this date when you already had plans. I hope it doesn't work out between you and the guy.

I say forgive

I don't think it's 'needy' or 'crutch like' to rely on a friend, especially if your parents or family might not live in the same city as you.

That being said, I understand the OP being irritated and ignoring the friend's calls, too. I think it's something I would probably have done! Not good manners at all, but if you're annoyed with someone you can't help how you react sometimes. I might have been suspicious after a ton of phonecalls though, but your cell was on silent so I guess you couldn't have known.

Just let things die down for a while and tell her exactly what you've written here when the dust has settled. Say you were annoyed and you didn't feel like talking, and obviously you're beyond sorry about what happened. What more can you do/say to make it up to her?

I say forgive because you couldn't have known what was going to happen, and being there in all honesty may not have changed the outcome. I think you need to go to her and tell her how bad you feel about the whole thing and ask if she can forgive you for being insensitive which I think you were. but all in all it wasn't a horribly abnomral reaction considering what had happened earlier

Not forgive. If my friend is tryng to call me multiple times it would mean that whatever it is, it's important.

I said forgive. You're beating yourself up over this obviously so I'm not going to tell you how wrong you were, you know that.

All you can do is say you're sorry and that you hope she'll forgive you, and then give her time to come around. It's going to take a while, could take a LONG while, but by accepting what you did and apologizing, in this case she SHOULD forgive you.

I'm undecided. I see it both ways. It wasn't your fault that she got mugged, but it was your fault you ignored her calls.
You really owe her, let her be the judge of whether or not you will be forgiven.

I half agree with RockandRepublic on this one. It wasn't your fault so I think most people would say you should be forgiven. However, you don't seem to value her friendship. You should probably feel more guilty about that.

i voted forgive. because she shouldve understood when u wanted to go out with the dude u had feelings for, because u hardly ever cancel plans with her. it may take some time to mend things with her but she definitely should forgive u. give ureself a break. its not like its something u do frequently. if i were her i would understand

'we need to talk' definitely doesnt sound like a mugging situation. it sounded like a break up (lol) or a personal talk. it definitely didnt sound like 'omg i got mugged and im at the police station, please help'. well i dont know. but u shouldve picked up since she called her ass off. and yeah, its a bullsh*t thing to blow off a friend for a guy. but u said that u dont flake out a lot, and u had feelings for this guy, and it was just a movie plan. she shouldve understood. but this sounds like something you could get past.