Miley Cyrus, Zac Efron, Hilary Duff. That's how you know them, but to the scientists at Disney's Genetic Engineering Lab where child stars are produced, they're referred to as 6831-A, B, and C. You see, at the Disney lab, their brains were engineered for dancing and singing and their looks tweaked from the same genetic structure. Let's check in with the Onion News Network and their report on Disney's new batch of stars, including Haley, a half-Japanese, half-Indian girl who sings, dances, and snowboards . . .

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