Move...take the chance!!!! I would!

GO! GO! GO!

London is wonderful! Life is an adventure and you are so young. It is the opportunity of a lifetime. It will open new horizons for you and you will learn and experience many new things. You will make new and wonderful friends there and have the time of your life.

You might find a new person who has been living inside of you and craving to get out. Live your life, don't let opportunity pass you by.

Opportunity often looks like a big scary change. Carpe Diem!

I moved abroad years ago and have lived abroad for 15 years now. I could never go back home.

Get off the farm! Go to London. You can always move back if it doesn't work out. Give it your best shot. Sieze life with both hands and hold on tight!

GO! GO! GO!

4 years and he wants to wait another 3 years to get engaged? i think you need to really sit down and talk to him and see why he is so hesitant to wait another 3 years just for an i can see him waiting another 3 years for a wedding but not an engagement.

Your rational does not make sense to me. You will live with someone before marriage but you won't move to another country unless your engaged. What's the difference? I would go your young and he has been up front he does not want or is not ready to be engaged or married. Actually, my friend just went through the whole visa process for another country and being engaged does not make things easier, for most countries it requires that you get married within a certain time frame usually 90 days.

I would go for sure! If you have nothing holding you back in the town you're currently in (career, child etc.) then GO! Even if you two get married someday or if you meet someone new and run off with a London bloke then at least you got to live in LONDON for a year! I wouldnt even think twice! You're focusing too much on making your boyfriend commit... look at it from an adventurous point of view! You get to go live in this incredible city in a completely different country with the man you love. Maybe he wants to suprise you with a ring in London and maybe not but either way, do this for yourself... not just for him.

I would do it, no hesitation.

Good luck

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

First of all, has your boyfriend INVITED you to move with him? Or are you just assuming he wants you to go?

You two have been together for 4 years, and he's putting you off for another 3 (at least) before wanting to get engaged. This means he doesn't want to marry you. It's a hard reality to face, but that's the truth. If he loved you and had no doubts about your future, he would be ecstatic to propose, move to London for a year, plan a wedding, and get married. He's dragging his feet because he's not sure about you.

The best thing to do is stay where you are (or move somewhere else on your own) for the time he's gone. See if your love can withstand the distance. See if he is happy being with you and not meeting other women abroad. Honestly, I think he's looking forward to this situation to get a little freedom and space. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have applied for the job to begin with, or he would have proposed to make sure he doesn't lose you.

So, do your own thing while he's gone, then see where you two stand when he comes back. If you move for him you'll live to regret it.

Let me add that I too lived abroad and it is an amazing experience. You should consider it, but on your own!

Never move half way across the world for anyone but yourself. If you want to go, do it. I would just make sure that you're able to do so on your own (ie. you have enough money saved up to move, and potentially move back, etc.). Otherwise, it's a fantastic opportunity. Most people aren't able to up and leave whenever they want.

I agree with luisa and pistil. If your going to move make sure you can do it with your own means, that way if something happens, you aren't left in a random country with no one and nothing. You could consider moving to London also, but get your own apartment and still have your own life. As long as it's something you would do even if he wasn't moving there, then I think it should be ok, and as long as he isn't supporting you.
And it doesn't sound like you would want to, but there is always the option of taking a break while he is gone and dating other people or just living your own life and getting back together when he gets back.

Move to London. You won't end up with this guy, but at least you'll have lived in London!

go to London! It is wonderful!

it's a stupid reason to get engaged...b/c the situation arises. Don't get engaged...be smart and date another 3 years. If i were you, I'd let him go to london for the first few months and get situated and used to the new lifestyle (if he's being promoted there'll be little time for him to spend with you upfront anyways and will only cause a rift). After a couple of months I'd go and visit for about a few weeks to a month there, find out if he's planning on staying either the 6monts or the year, and determine if you have something to do there. Realize he's going there for work so you can't depend on him to be there to keep you company when you're in a new country with no friends or family. If he is only gong to be there for 6 or so months, then after you let him get settled for a month or two, visit a month or so, and then come back, it'll only be just a short while before he's back in your arms!

Think of it this way...if you can last through a tiny year with him abroad then there's very good chance it will only make your relationship stronger. If you are following b/c you don't want to be without him then I think that's even more reason for you to distance yourself a bit (but still visit for a while!!). If he were moving for many years then I'd say look into studying abroad or moving there and getting a work visa, but it's under a year so enjoy this time to grow and reflect on your relationship. Think of how much this can help you instead of hurt you.

And I am very agianst what the other poster said about him dating you for 4 years and putting it off for 3 years means he doesn't want to marry you.

Me and my SO have almost been dating 4 years and we both want to wait at least another 3-4 years before getting engaged (I'm 22, he's 26) and I don't want to be married until I'm in my thirties. It's a stage of life and I think you should devote many years to each one, espeically since you are still growing and maturing in your early 20s. I think you two have a real chance, and it takes a lot of trust, devotion and maturity to be able to leave each other and still remain together. I was thinking of studying abroad many years back and he was looking into the possibility of going to med school in a different city or state and I couldn't even handle the thought of it. Now I have no worries about him being faithful towards me or us breaking up due to distance. I encourage it b/c it only strengthens our bond and it is working towards a better future for us both.

Go to London! Living abroad is wonderful, and unlike some people here have said, I would take it as you moving "together", not as you "following him". And you know what? In every relationship there is a point at which someone has to follow someone. Otherwise nobody would ever move, travel, change habits, have adventures - experience anything! That's one of the richness of any relationship, it makes you do things you may not do on your own, you may not THINK to do on your own. Just go, and have a great time - but you will need to make a life for yourself over there, and not depend on him for everything, or you will be miserable. Find a job, make friends, join organizations or groups or whatever it is you like to do; it will be very important to your self-realization and your balance. Have a great time! You will never regret something like this. Only wish you'd done it, if you don't!

I don't think being engaged will help with the visa at all. All the American and Canadian couples I met while living in the UK were married (usually a quickie wedding a few weeks before coming to the UK), otherwise the trailing person couldn't get a work permit. Of the one couple I knew who weren't married, the guy wasn't allowed to hold any job whatsoever, which left him frustrated and put a strain on the relationship with his girlfriend.

Personally, I think following someone to another continent is a HUGE commitment and often a sacrifice of one's own career/schooling, and I wouldn't do it for anyone less than a husband. I'd go with a boyfriend only if the move would boost my career as well, and I had the means and visa status to be completely independent of him.

"Your rational does not make sense to me. You will live with someone before marriage but you won't move to another country unless your engaged. What's the difference? I would go your young and he has been up front he does not want or is not ready to be engaged or married. Actually, my friend just went through the whole visa process for another country and being engaged does not make things easier, for most countries it requires that you get married within a certain time frame usually 90 days."

I agree with Cubadog. Pretty much my thoughts exactly.

I also agree with Cubadog. I would definitely go because who knows when the opportunity to live in another country for a while will happen again. And who knows maybe he'll propose to you in London just make sure you have enough money to come home should something happen between the two of you *knock on wood* better to be safe than sorry! good luck with whatever you decide!

I would go to London because of London, not because of a boyfriend.

otherwise the trailing person couldn't get a work permit. Of the one couple I knew who weren't married, the guy wasn't allowed to hold any job whatsoever, which left him frustrated and put a strain on the relationship with his girlfriend.

I've heard of this too. The visa situation can be tricky, i believe that you have strict rules to hold down one specific job, if you lose it, you're not allowed to get another one.

Furthermore, recession has hit GB. Rents are up, everything is up. You'd be clinging to him. Don't give up your life for him.

The biggest problem here is that the poster is ready for the next step in the relationship, while the boyfriend clearly is not. That's not the same as agreeing to wait x number of years before getting engaged.

I still want to know if the boyfriend actually asked her to go with him, or if she's just assuming. This could be his big plan to end the relationship.

Has he asked you to move with him with sincerity? Has he told you that he wants to make it work in a LDR? Has he outlined any sort of plan of how he thinks a LDR will work-- like how often will you visit each other, will you stay committed? If he has invited you to move with him, has he offered to help to financially support you until you find a job (since he'll already have one) or outlined some sort of plan for both of you in the next year?

The point is this. If your boyfriend is busting his butt trying to make sure that his move doesn't have a negative effect on your relationship, and/or if he is begging you to move with him, strongly consider the move. On the flip, I'd advise you to create your own adventure abroad (sans BF) if he: 1) hasn't asked you to move with him, or 2) he asked you to move but seems reluctant/wishy washy and doesn't want to talk about details. In those cases, chances are he's trying to be a nice guy but really interested in space from your relationship... after all, he's already put his foot down against engagement, and you've already been together for 4 years.

luisa, just read your comment, i think we're on the same page here.

6 months to a year is nothing - just go!! it'll be a great time. If you have recently been a student, you can obtain a BUNAC student visa if you're under 26. that will enable you to work a job for a set amount of time. I've lived, worked and gone to school in England and have considered a permanent move there- you'll love it, but it's expensive, and you need to make SURE you can have an income of some sort. Otherwise, you'll be sitting around knowing only your boyfriend, and with limited funds London is very, very difficult. I'd go, but be sure you have some income. You could apply to do a one-year MPhil or MA at a London university, too, if you want to go to grad school and can find a good program in your field. I don't see any reason why you two need to get engaged for this - you're both really young, and if you were prepared to move in together anyway, I'd take the chance on going alongside him for your OWN cultural experience. If you can't swing getting into school or an income, stay at home and visit him from time to time - LDRs really aren't that difficult and often make a relationship stronger, in my experience.

If there is one thing I know people regret in their short life times, it is that they haven't experienced enough of the world. I also realize that a lot of people haven't hardened themselves to the idea of change. You're either someone who is independent and can handle it or not. Relationship aside, would you be able live and fend for youself London alone? It certainly is a wonderful place, expensive but wonderful. I love it there. While your boyfriend may have the promotion and the pay grade to go with the international move, you also need to have your own independence in the case things don't work out i.e. he breaks up with you or he loses his job and you would need to catch his fall.

My first instinct is to tell you to go to London because it's an AMAZING city, and it'll be a great experience for you! Plus, long distance relationships are tough. I was in one for over a year and it was the hardest year of my life. We are now married, so we got through it, but I would never actively advise a couple to pursue a long distance relationship. It's truly a HARD thing to get through.

Therefore, before you make the decision to go with him make sure he's all for you coming, as well as 110% committed to you. Regardless, it'll probably be one of the most exciting times of your life.

i think more than anything, make sure that moving is something YOU want to do for YOUR career, not just the relationship. make sure you have the resources, funds, family support, a job/school lined up and some other outlets other than your boyfriend in case for some reason it doesn't work out exactly as planned you aren't stranded in a foreign country.

otherwise have fun! you're 22, just enjoy the opportunity to live in another country.

London is a fantastic city, and I think that anyone benefits from living abroad. However, you need to do your research before letting your heart make the decision for you. Do you intend to work while you are over there, or will your boyfriend support you entirely? The EU, and particularly the UK, are very strict about visas, and it will be almost impossible for you to get a work visa. I'm not sure how the "fiancee visa" works over there, but if it's anything like the American policy, then it would be to your benefit to get engaged, though I believe you only have a short amount of time to get married before you move over there. London is one of the most expensive cities in the world, and you need to consider your housing and daily expenses, taking into account the lousy exchange rate.

I'm sorry to seem so negative, but the worst thing for you would be to pull up stakes and move over there, only to find that you can't afford to stay. I know you were looking for more romantic advice, but before anyone can advise you on whether it's a good idea to move with your boyfriend to another country, you really need to find out if it's even possible.

4 years and he still wants to wait? honey somethings just not right there!

My first reaction was complete jealousy because I would do ANYTHING to move to London. If I could get a job there I would. I love my boyfriend however and moving means that I would want to seriously discuss it with him and see if it can work out for us together. I would not hesitate to be engaged if he wanted it- even if I currently want to wait a year. At most I would go for a few months but ultimately, I would want my life with him. So it concerns me that your BF hasnt even considered your feelings and seems to be ignoring what you want. And the biggest difference between me and you is that I would move to London because I love London and would see it as a great opportunity for me. You would be moving solely for him and you want a serious committment. I have to go with Luisamapacha.

If you are worried about visa or medical rights, how about you get your own job in London? Why depend on your boyfriend? If you have your own job in London, even if your relationship does not work out, it will be a great living abroad experience.

Remember Carrie in Sex & the City when she moved to Paris for that Russian guy, and how well that worked out for her?

My boyfriend is from England and we have been together for a long time. I have considered many times what would happen if he moved back. First of all, I'd only be able to do it legally if we were married, so you need to look into Visas and such.

I have been to London many times with him, and although it is fun to visit, I wouldn't want to move there. People think it is the same as the US but with an accent and that is not true. The culture is very different and people there do not think very well of Americans, and people were often rude to me. Lots of things you love and take for granted cannot be found there. No Hershey's Kisses. No Fritos. No Mexican food. Etc.

Imagine if you moved there and had only your boyfriend- no job, no friends, no family members, nothing familiar to comfort you- and how you would feel being in a city you didn't know, surrounded by people who disliked you. I considered it very seriously and decided I'd rather stay where I am. Luckily my boyfriend decided to stay in the US for good.

If he really loves you he will wait for you, and vice versa. Six months really isn't that long. During that time you can visit him in London and enjoy the sights. If you love it and it seems he will have to be there for a long time, you can consider moving at that time. But don't do it without a commitment, a job, a home, SOMETHING there for you. You need to put yourself first here.

I can't believe how desperate some women are to get a ring on their finger!! How absurd to actually tell this girl that just because he wants to wait a few years to get married means he never will! This girl is only 23, they're very young and have a lot of life to live before they settle with the responsibilities of marriage and kids. And I totally believe that some of that life you gotta live is right there in London. You can figure it out, get a work visa or a student visa and have some fun just being a couple living together in a new place.

It's not that any of us are "desperate" to get engaged. This girl is ready for the next step, but the love of her life is telling her to wait three more years. I would NEVER give a guy 7 years to make up his mind.

I say go to London! Sounds like a great opportunity! I'm not sure what an engagement ring really means. You can always break up if your engaged too...might at well see how it goes! Take a chance! Plus London is beautiful!

Wow this is almost exactly like my situation about a year ago... I was 23, he was 24, except AU not US. I moved, and I tell you what, it is GREAT!!!

All I can say is, go for it. The worst you will do is break up, and at the VERY WORST be working waitressing or bar on minimum wage, which, you can still live off in a sharehouse. London has so many opportunities, it is unbelievable. I had to rely on my partner for a while as we moved to the countryside, but London. OMG. As long as you get a work visa you will be fine and go and HAVE FUN!!!

~Gem

emososays17 -- Since when does getting married automatically equate with having kids? Also, just because a girl wants to get engaged doesn't mean she wants the wedding to be just around the corner. I think the girl's confusion was more with the fact that if the guy says they'll get married anyway, what's wrong with a long term engagement.

what's with this rush to get married? waiting 2 or 3 years for marriage seems reasonable. regardless of how long you two have dated, you are still so young!

that said, i think you should move only if you the move benefits you, not just the relationship. will you find a career-related job? will you be going to school there? do you know anyone there besides your bf? i'm all for living in the moment and I think London is awesome, but remember, think rationally and look after your own interests (and I don't mean the interest you have in you bf).

I agree with the last poster - you haven't mentioned your own career at all. Do you have a great job that you are leaving behind just to follow him? Are you going to make sacrifices in your career/education just to end up living in a wildly overpriced apartment in London for six months and waiting tables for extra cash?

I am not saying that you shouldn't do it, because living abroad is an amazing experience, but be smart about it - think of the worst case scenario (you move there and he dumps you while there or after). If you are OK with that outcome, then go for it. However, the fact that he doesn't want to get engaged right now is a big red flag.

i did it. i lived 17 years in the states and i just moved to the balkans. i work, i cook, i clean, we have a dog too...it's pretty great. i wanted to leave the states anyways. we were engaged but now that's taken a back seat bc we're pretty much living married life already. you can always go back... you really have nothing to lose. however i will warn you of 1 thing. you're going to be on his 'home field', you're going to feel a LOT of jealousy and even some nights alone. you'll probably hate his friends for a while. until you get a job and stuff you'll be alone and frustrated but don't let it turn into fight that make you pack and unpack your suitcases 100 times. patience and be excited not anxious.

if you really wanna talk about i'm in your same situation PM me and we'll get more in detail. i can give you a lot of advice about how it was for me.

Just keep in mind that 6 months to a year is not that long to wait for him back in the states. If you feel you are too young to get married, then maybe that time will let you take a step back to look and plan out your life and see if it's going to be with him or not. I'd say anything over a year is a little tough to do distance wise but you would be surprised how easily you can stay connected with him on a daily basis with a camera for your computer and good calling plans!

He wants to put off engagement for another 3-4 years? I don't think the engagement would make it easier for you to obtain a visa and medical rights because an engagement is not a legal contract so you can't throw that in his face. Especially since anybody can get engaged and use that to get a visa... Marriage on the otherhand? That would help you. Though barely since he's going to be an alien too.

That said... London is awesome! What would you do in London? Live off him and idle your time for 6-12 months?

i think that since you've been together for so long, moving with him to London if that's what YOU want to do - then i would do it. i think that if you're able to find a job and make it on your own while you're there - then it's an ok situation. i know that a lot of people say that moving like that for someone that you're not married to is a big risk - but if you've been together for 4 years, then consider it an adventure and have a good time. being that far away is a hard thing to do if you're in a relationship. i live in NYC and i dated someone in London for 6 months (i met him while i was in school there) and it was more work than benefit. you have to plan to talk and with the time difference, you miss each other and resent them.

I totally understand your situation. I met my fiance online, whilst he was living in Norway and I was living in Belgium. We met for holidays four times, and then he asked me to move to Norway. Now I'd already done something completely stupid for a guy I'd been dating a year, and moved to be with him, but that went disastrously, so this time I wasn't going to go without a commitment. I think you should hold out for an engagement, you've been dating for four years, sure you're young and maybe marriage isn't the greatest idea, but an engagement could last a couple of years, while you're both getting ready for such an important step. Why not get officially engaged with rings and things and then move to london with him. That way you can feel secure, but at the same time he can wait a little while longer.

If you love him and want to be with him and can do so then do it. Don't pressure him into giving you a ring. Being engaged doesn't give you any more rights then being a girlfriend does. You are young and you don't need to rush into being married. If you were going to move in together and now you have the opportunity then you should do it. You'll also get the opportunity to live abroad and you'll avoid a long distance relationship.

I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and he is from Australia, and will be moving back this summer. We genuinely think that we have something real and special and that our love is worth shaking things up. Next year when his family moves to Australia, I'll be joining them. It's a stressful stressful thing to be doing, but one that I know I won't regret. If things go sour between us, I will still be in an amazing country that I have always wanted to visit. I understand your worries about commitment, it IS a big move to make. I wouldn't worry about him not wanting to be engaged now, it doesn't mean anything, but really sit down and talk to him, tell him you want to truth and be sincere and genuine. Make sure this is what he wants too, it would be awful to move your life only to find out once you get there that it wasn't what he wanted.

But good luck! I would go in a heart beat!

I am in almost exactly the same situatoin but the other way around. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years now. When we first started going out he said he'd like to go live in America and I said if he expects me to follow he might as well dump me cos I wasn't going to leave all my dreams and my family and all I knew. So he dropped it, now I've been in love with him for years and it's mutual but this year he said he want to move to Boston, England doesn't feel like home to him. I was so upset, his family go over all the time and he's used to it. I adore my culture, I live near stratford-upon-avon and was dreaming of taking my kids there and visiting mum every wed with then or something. Plus his family is really healthy, my dad's 65 with a heart trasplant and a ticking time bomb and I can't imagine only seeing him like twice a year and then one day hearing he's gone. On the other hand I don't want to stay in this country and be miserable without him. I've heard Boston is lovely tho. So I've agreed to go, but not until we're married, cos if I put savings into a house, or end up with kids over there or want to come back and he doesn't I don't wanna get into a mess and be left in another country in a crisis. So I would say go, give it a try but have a back-up plan or and some emergency savings squirelled away so you can be happy, but if it doesn't work out you're not left high and dry and miserable. (London's very exciting btw

Ever heard that saying, Opportunity Knocks Just Once? Open the door. As you get older the roads becoming longer and steeper and the days become shorter. You wind up on the same path. The same faces. The same life. And nothing changes. Nothing gained or lost. Too bad I saw this so late. I wonder what happened? I read a lot of advice up there. I have a husband from the Netherlands. Talk about a beautiful place. Wonderful people and a happy lifestyle. I would have packed my bags and gone already. Talk about the opportunity of a lifetime. With or without a ring I would have considered it enrichment for me. Learning a new language, a new culture, rather than sitting around this city for another 10 years. But you know what? He had to come here. That's because I have a son who I can't take with me because of legal issues with an ex husband. Young people should take as many opportunities as they can before things like that crop up and then you're stuck. Really stuck. Stuck from money. From jobs. From family. I like what Meike said. That would have summed it up for me. I hope she went and didn't look back.

London will be a piece of cake!!! You should check out my dillemma! I have a Brazilian boyfriend that wants to move back to Brazil next summer. If I go with him, I'll have to learn a different language, and the worst part...I'll have to deal with all the women that are notorious for being the most beautiful in the world. Imagine having to do that!

I wish he were from London!!!! I'd love to move to London.