I find this so interesting because I look at people that have lots of girl friends in the same curious way. I've never understood how a person could balance all the diff/conflicting personalities most women have, the emotional ups and downs and remain a true friend to each and ever one of them

I don't generally ask someone while being friendly with them "hey, how many friends do you have?" Typically, the friendship will develop on its own, and only later do I learn the extent of that person's social circle. That being said, I don't find that those of my friends who have few friends themselves are solitary because they are a "bad friend". Similarly, I have known many an individual who has a large social circle, but whom I would consider a bad friend... such individuals don't last long in my circle of friends.

Thank you MissyB! I was just feeling a bit insulted by this. I have no girl friends right now. Yes, I have acquaintances that I can grab a drink with, but no one that I really consider a good friend I can count on. I know it isn't me, because I have always put forth my best effort to be a great friend to others. In college I had so many friends who I was incredibly close with, and then I moved halfway across the country and I just haven't been able to connect with anyone enough to make close friends. I don't think it's because I'm a bad friend - I don't even think I've had enough of a chance to show that I am a good one! Now this post has made me paranoid that girls don't want to hang out with me since my current lack of friends must make me appear to be a bad one.

I would be one of those friendless women. Okay, I have friends, but other than my fiance (whom I live with), I have maybe one or two other friends, who are guys, that I would consider myself close to. I've never had a female friend that I could really trust or connect with. It seems like guys are just easier to handle. Over the years, my girlfriends have come and gone because I don't have the time to give them all the attention they require. If I go a month without really talking to my guy friends, we can just pick up where we left off. I think women always wonder if they've done something wrong, or they're overly suspicious. I realize what a generalization that is, but it's just my experience.

some of my friends are the type of girls who don't have any other girlfriends besides me. they're fine friendships for the most part, but i find them actually WAY more dramatic and WAY needier than my other girlfriends.

I actually do not have a lot of close girlfriends. I have always been a really good friend but we either drifted apart or they became people I wasn't all that thrilled with. Being I have a family, young children, and house to take care of, I don't have time to go out and search for new friends.

I do have lots of girlfriends I would consider more of associates. But we have a great time when we do something together.

Just recently an old friend came back into my life and we've become very close. She also didn't have a lot of friends.

I usually don't ask 'how many friends do you have??' before i start being friends with someone... friendships just develop over time..
I've always been the kind of girl that has a buuunch of friends... but truth is that most of the girls and guys I hang out with will tell you I'm their best friend but if you ask me.. I don't really have best friends.
I hang out with alot of people.. but friendship? real real friendship?
ah... I dont know.
my boyfriend is my best friend because there's this big circle of trust around us.
then there are this 2 girls.. and this one guy that i can tell i trust.. but theyre not really best best friends because i trust each oneof them with different things.
i think im one of those friendless woman yall are talking about. but it's not because of me, but because it's really hard to find someone that actually cares about you.

I think it is different if the person just moved to a new city... but if they just don't seem to have any girlfriends and they having been living in one place the whole time, I am probably going to be a little bit suspicious of their friend keeping ability. I also usually steer clear of the ladies who say "My best friends are guys" or "Girls just don't seem to like me"... This usually means they are a terror, boyfriend stealer or general crazy person. Say what you want about your close guy friends... but I don't buy it! You should be able to get along with at least SOME women if you are a normal one.

I give them the benefit of the doubt-- doesn't matter if they have a lot of friends or not. I myself don't have a lot of close girlfriends either because it's very hard for me to open up to people. I am drawn to other loners I guess.

aww, I wouldn't doubt a girl for this reason. In fact, the reason they have no girlfriends could be because some girl gang could have been particularly b*tchy and dumped her.

Quality over quantity.

In the past I've had "friends" who were just not good friends at all. I don't have a large circle of friends, but the friends I have are really good friends.

Like zcoral I was a bit insulted reading this at first too. Making friends shouldn't be a popularity contest.

Maybe she's shy, maybe she's just moved to the area, maybe her friends have moved away, maybe she's in a different place in life than all of her old friends are, etc. And, it's harder to build friendships once you're out of school, too.

I'd say you're jumping to conclusions. Sure, someone may turn out to be a bad friend, but if you get along with someone who doesn't have many friends why not give them a chance?

Again, quality over quantity.

Quality over quantity.

In the past I've had "friends" who were just not good friends at all. I don't have a large circle of friends, but the friends I have are really good friends.

Like zcoral I was a bit insulted reading this at first too. Making friends shouldn't be a popularity contest.

Maybe she's shy, maybe she's just moved to the area, maybe her friends have moved away, maybe she's in a different place in life than all of her old friends are, etc. And, it's harder to build friendships once you're out of school, too.

I'd say you're jumping to conclusions. Sure, someone may turn out to be a bad friend, but if you get along with someone who doesn't have many friends why not give them a chance?

Again, quality over quantity.

Hmmm...I don't really judge friends by how many friends they have. It's more based on their character and how well we get along. Most of my girlfriends now are great and low maintenance, I can go months without talking to them (we are all so busy and some live far away), but know they are there when I REALLY need someone and vice versa!

Depends on the circumstances. But on a slightly different note- I do find myself very wary of girls that claim they do not "get along" with other girls because they are "all catty". Anyone that puts down their own gender brings up red flags for me. I am a strong confident and not catty woman (sometimes) that has mostly female friends and I prefer to attract likewise.

Back in high school and college I had tons of girlfriends, but after joining a sorority, I choose not to have many girl friends. I am VERY careful as to which women I let into my personal life because I've come across a lot of crazies and backstabbers. I'm a very friendly person, don't get me wrong, but it's hard to find true friendships these days. I'm still GREAT friends with a girl I was 13, and I became really great friends with an acquaintance that ran with my social circle of guys and my boyfriend. I guess it just takes time.

I'm with zcoral. There are tons of other circumstances that can cause a girl not to have a lot of friends at some particular time. This post is making me paranoid too, lol!

It wouldn't bother me at all. I'm sort of a loner myself, and am really cautious about girlfriends after having been burned by some exceptionally b!tchy ones, so I think I'd be very understanding.

I certainly wouldn't judge someone negatively based how many friends they have. What is this, high school?

*based on how many friends they have, I mean.

i would be one of those friendless girls.
i had a few close friends in highschool and when they all moved away for college we all sort of drifted apart. im currently very happy that i have my husband and our roomates... and of course we are all pretty close...
i dont think i have any kind of cattyness or that im a bad friend (allthough i could be wrong, lol) i just prefer to have a small amount of people that im close with. im also pretty shy and i dont like aproaching people...

I don't really consider that there may be anything wrong with them or their social skills- I know some people are just private. My best friend and I are ridiculously close, like closer than other best friends we know, but we're also friends with a lot of acquaintances. I think a large part of it is how you were raised- best friends exist to make you laugh, to bounce ideas off of you, to just hang out. for people who want solitude and don't need that kind of constant companion...I don't think I would judge them for that.

There are so many different reasons to not have friends. I just moved to DC and while I have some really close friends, our schedules don't really mesh. Most of my close friends live 500 miles or more away...so while we talk on the phone, we don't get to hang out.

I will say this though. I live with a friendless person, who would rather sit on the couch than go and try to meet people. Especially since we just moved there it makes it even harder to meet other people when I have no one to go out with.

Well, I just got out of a long relationship during which I let my friendships suffer, so though I have a lot of friends I've had to do a lot of work to rebuild friendships. A few months ago, perhaps someone would have thought that I didn't have a lot of female friends because I didn't see them very often. But now, I do, though I do still feel awkward breaking into "cliques" of women who do everything together - I had that in the city I lived in before I moved here, and I miss it, but I also treasure spending time with friends as individuals.

I've always been a bit of a loner and have never had many female friends. I dont consider myself a bad friend at all. Infact I think Im a really good friend, if I can truely accept you as my friend. I just find that its hard for me to be friends with alot of females, because they're is so much drama and gossip and all that stuff, and I really have a very tolerance for that sort of thing. For that reason, I just have a hard time relating to other females.

there*

jopperma, I somewhat agree. I don't judge others on the amount of friendships they have, some people shy away from social scenes. What does send red flags up are women who bash other women and then say they can't be friends with women and only men.

I would never write someone off unless they give me good reason. I make friends slowly, but when I make them, they are for life. There is plenty of time to dismiss someone for bad behavior before they become my friend. I don't need to base it on their # of girlfriends.

Amen to Leenie and Jude C.

I do not like having a huuuuge group of friends. I prefer few, very close friends. I have two girlfriends and that is perfect for me. That's not to say that I have reached my quota or anything, I'd welcome more if they passed my rigorous screening process .

Also, now that my husband and I have been married for a few years, we find many of our friends are couple friends and I like that also.

And as far as having a group of close girlfriends, that stopped for me in high school. I actually remember the precise moment I was done with it.

I will befriend her.

When I was in High School, I used to boast that I had over 500 "Friends". They knew me, I knew them and they were friends. I actually had about 5 very close girlfriends. The funny thing is, 3 of those girls are still my dearest friends. We've all been through absolutely everything together. Marriages, divorces, kids, parents dying, everything. These women are the closest thing to sisters I have and I wouldn't trade them.

So, I don't have a ton of friends, but I'm extremely loyal to the ones I do have.

I will befriend everyone, because to me, EVERYone needs a friend. What the degree of that friendship is is unknown, and won't BE known until you spend some time with someone.

I'll start talking to someone and then take it from there. If we like each other, it all happens naturally. But I don't know how I would even *know* if someone had no girlfriends until I'd reached the point of being somewhat of a friend already.

Yeah, I'm also one of those people "without female friends." I have lots of aquaintances, lots of kinda-friends (coworkers, people I've known for years, friends online) but I don't go out of my way to hang out with any of them, and I don't feel especially close to any of them. I'm just a private person I guess. I don't see why there is anything wrong with that.

after being burned time after time after time by "my friends", i've narrowed them down to 2 very close friends, a few close-ish friends and hundredssss of acquaintances!

and unfortunately i live across the border from my close friends and since i've moved (over a year ago) i havent made any close friends. tried with a few girls, but realized theres too much cattiness there!

so, my point is, i wouldnt judge a girl for not having friends, cuz i know how hard it is to find quality friends. i would judge her upon her character.

I would be open to being friends with her. I wouldn't write her off over that.

Personally, I'm VERY selective about friendships these days. Firstly, I'm a private person, and I don't socialize a lot. I have a few people in my inner-circle, and I'm content. These people are similar to me. They're independent and low-maintenance. They're introverts, like me.

This friendless woman may be an introvert as well. It's plausible.

Also, I agree with all the red flags mentioned. I think the same way.

I would never judge someone by how many friends they have...having a lot of friends doesn't necessarily mean that someone IS a good friend and vice versa. However, I have recently had a major falling out with a very close friend. I have wondered in the past why she didn't seem to really have any other close girlfriends...now I think I may know why. Who knows maybe it is just a coincidence, but it does make me wonder if similar things have ended her friendships with other girls in the past.

I know this girl who has more guy friends than girl friends, and she says it's because girls bring more drama and attention.

But really she's the one who starts drama so.. it's probably different for every person, like whoever they feel like they can be themselves too. Nothing wrong with having more friends of the opposite sex instead of the same.

I don't think it's a bad thing. When I go out of highschool I didn't have any friends because I was homeschooled. My only friend was my boyfriend and my sister. I started working in my 20's and still didn't have any friends. My life revolved around my family and boyfriend. People would ask me to go out when I started working at my job and I would decline because I just didn't want to deal with the drama that comes along with certain people. It took me a LONG time to go out with people and become friends with them...but I have my best friend out of that now. I have a pretty nice size group of friends now. I don't think not having any friends indicates anything about the person...they could just be shy or just not want to deal with the drama of it all.

It wouldn't stop me from being friends with someone. I have a hard time meeting people because I'm shy, so I would just assume they were like me in that aspect.

It is NOT a bad thing to have only a few or no friends.

There are so many reasons, it is horrible to judge someone based on this

I only have a few friends, but ive just moved here and friends are hard to come by in the countryside. And Mykie, your right, everyone needs friends

So so b*tchy, main reason why some girls dont have friends in the first place

Yeah, I pretty much agree that the size of a person's social circle is not an indication of how good a friend she would be.

Backstabbers can have a large circle of friends just as easily as someone perfectly nice. It's kind of like when people have 5493 people friended on Facebook. That doesn't tell you anything.

Loners and introverts already get the short end of the stick in much of society. Constantly being told there's something wrong with them even when they're not hurting anyone. Oh, and if a high-profile murder case involves a "loner", you'll be sure that point would be highlighted in every media outlet. Funny how it's apparently so "wrong" to be friendless, but these stereotypes do their damnedest to keep people friendless. Is it one of those constructs of society that's there to make sure the masses always have scapegoats and "other people who can safely be considered less human" to look down on? I think so.

As for me, currently, I have one best friend and the rest are all just acquaintances. I find men and women about the same to get along with. Over the years, there have been groups of friends that came and went as a matter of changing locations or interests drifting so we no longer have anything in common. No huge falling outs or anything like that. There's only been one friend I actually decided to cut out of my life, and that was way back in high school. Over all, I'd say I've bonded more with female friends than male friends.

Mostly I just like to do things by myself. Things that absolutely require a group (parties, team sports...) don't really interest me, so I tend to be not very active in instigating activities with other people. On the other hand, I am one of those low maintenance friends who get that people have busy lives.

I have to agree with a lot of you ladies. I'm not really into having a big social circle but I happen to be a very good friend. I think that having true close relationships often doesn't equate having a boatload of friends. It's a matter of quality not quantity and I know plenty of women who don't have other female friends because they have tried and had very bad experiences. I usually have one or two really close friends but more than that and I don't feel I can really devote the kind of time and energy it takes to be a really good supportive friend

I don't ask people how many friends they have before I befriend them; I find out after I have already connected with them to a certain degree. I am also offended by the assumption that loners are bad friends. I am a loner and a great friend; if I feel my bond with you is strong enough, I will do just about anything in my power to help you. However, I have been burned so many, many times, and I just don't have a lot of close girlfriends now because of that. For instance, in high school I had a friend I loved to death, and she started to show me scratches on her wrists sometimes. One time she came to school with a wrap (like the kind you wear when you sprain something) around her wrist, and when I asked her what happened, she said, "oh, don't tell anybody but nothing happened. I cut myself is all. Things just get too violent at home, you know?" I ran crying to the counselor's office after school because I was so scared for her. The next day she cursed me out; turns out she had never cut herself - all she wanted was the attention and sympathy she got from me in response. She swore never to speak to me again, and wouldn't even acknowledge my existence for months after that. It hurt me terribly.
More recently, I joined a club that had been active for only one semester last year again this year because I wanted to reconnect with the friends I had made that year. Every single person within that circle shunned me, for a reason I cannot even fathom; it's not like they tried to contact me at all during the period in between, even though I did try to contact them. I couldn't enjoy the club and had to quit because they were making me cry every night. I also decided to room with a girl who was my friend before the summer started; we messaged each other over facebook regularly during the summer & I thought things were fine, but now that we live together, she acts very angrily towards me whenever she sees me despite an initially warm reception. We even have completely separate rooms and schedules - it's not like I'm around to be in her way, and not like she has tried to let me know about whatever she is mad at me about either.
Now most of my friends are mutual friends of my boyfriend and me; I have a couple female acquaintances I see every so often and have fun with, but no close friends, and through no fault of my own. So I think people who assume things like that are being extremely unfair.

I was a tiny bit offended by this topic, myself...
I definitely wouldn't assume someone is a lousy friend just because they don't know a lot of people. During the early part of my teenage years my family moved around a lot as a side effect of my father's job. I never really had an opportunity to put down roots and establish lasting friendships. About 3 years ago, my family finally settled down, and I decided to homeschool my last two years of high school to finish faster. Because of this, I never really had the opportunity to meet people my own age. I'm taking a year off before starting college next fall, and I'm finding it difficult to connect with the people I've met because they already HAVE an established group of friends. I feel like I'm intruding whenever I'm invited along. They'll always tell me I can bring along one of "my friends" to parties, outings, whatever... and awkwardness ensues, because I feel like there IS no excuse for me not to have a group of friends after living the the same city for almost 4 years. I have no friends, because I HAVE no friends... it's a vicious cycle!

Besides that, I've always been the loner type. Not because I'm anti-social, but because I'm good at keeping myself company and am very easily entertained. I haven't met a lot of people who are interested in the same things I am. I'm the kind of girl who would rather stay home and read a good book than go to a party. Am I a bad friend because of this? I doubt it. I would hate to think that the people I meet are judging me for my less-than-abundance of friends.

I'm always the person in the group that doesn't have many friends ... probably because I never have time to go anywhere since my work and family take so much of my time ... and I'm just now starting to build a social life now that I'm newly single.
I also grew-up with really over-protective parents who never let me go anywhere ... so many of my past friends felt that extending an invitation to me was an invitation wasted since I would never show up.

I was a bit hurt by this too, but the comments made me feel so MUCH better!

I agree with allourregrets. I dont have many female friends, since I tend to get along better with guys since you really can just pick up where you left off with them! Especially now, in my last year of college I just dont have time for hour long conversations every night that some of my older (and ultametly, quite catty) friends needed.

Also, many of the girls I meet now are very into partying and going out to meet guys. I have a long term relaitonship and like relaxing (with a good book =)) rather than partying. But I do consider myself a good friend to people who I truly trust and who are good friends themselves.

Haha I feel like I could be really good friends with many of you guys!

i prefer to be close to only a few people, others i keep at a distance. the women at my girls school for example, this is our 5th year there and none of them know much about me or our home life. when i see them whispering and acting so self important it reminds me of why that is. frankly most people are so self absorbed that they don't give others much thought. when someone needs something i offer to help, whether they are a friend or not. when they don't need anything usually they forget where the help came from. when they don't, we become friends. that's fine by me because i get something out of being nice and feeling like i'm helping, but nothing from fake friendships. i find them exhausting and distracting.

I have in total like 3/4 of a friend. I don't really have any great friendships, and it makes me so sad, because I have in the past had some great friendships, and one of those "there's no way we'll never be apart, we're soulmates" friendships. I lost them all through the years, and if you ask me most of them were mutually to blame, but in many cases, especially when trying to make new friends, I find that I might be trying too hard, and feeling taken advantage of. I would love to have a good friend, or even a few casual friends. I hope that anyone I might meet in the future isn't wary of me because of my lack of social circle.

see - asking questions like that sometimes makes me feel like i'm a failure. i don't have a lot of friends anymore but that's partly because i'm very independent and partly because i move a lot and i can't be the only friend to make the effort to stay in touch. i send emails and call from time to time, but i've found that people that i had considered to be friends really aren't friends since they don't reciprocate. that doesn't mean that anything's wrong with me i don't think - but some of the probing questions kind of make me feel like it could be a bad thing with me...

I am one of those gals without many girl friends. But in my theory, friend is a friend. Although I barely have any girl friends, I have tons of supportive, caring, and fun guy friends.

DearSugar, maybe you should change the title to 'friends'? Since the content does not specify 'girlfriends', anyways. Just a little suggestion.

i hang out with guys. it's just a personal choice. i've been screwed over so many times in h/s and even in college that i've lost all faith in female friends. i like it but sometimes it sucks bc i end up being pushed out of certain things bc i'd be 'the only girl'. i have 'friends' that are girls but they always disappoint me in the dumbest ways.

lilCROAT03, I know how you feel. Some of my friends don't let me come along during football nights at a pub, and I have to gain their 'new' girlfriends' trust every time they meet a girl. Girls are definitely too cattie and jealous. Although I'd like to have a great girl friend, it's unfortunate that it's so hard to find one.

I don't really have any girlfriends but that is just because guys are so much easier to hang out with. I like hanging out with my friends girlfriends but there is always more drama with women. I don't think I give off that vibe though.

One of my guy friend's girlfriend doesn't have any female friends outside of her family and there is definitely nothing wrong with her. She's shy like me so that makes a difference. She doesn't really talk to anyone so has no way to make friends.

Bottom line: Don't think that just because a girl doesn't have girlfriends that there is a deep underlying reason for it.