i don't think i'd handle it at all. i'd be happy that he wanted to share a life with me, in the event that it actually happened, which is isn't likely to, if you're safe

converesely, the last guy i dated made me promise that if i got pregnant i'd abort it, as he wasn't ready "at least for 5 years" to have a kid...he was 30...and he told me this was a deal breaker and if i didn't agree he wouldn't sleep with me...now that was a little off-putting, to be honest

thank god i escaped that

You take every precaution you can take to make sure you don't have an unplanned pregnancy. Either that or you go your seperate ways.

No one would ever tell me what I'm going to do with my body. 1/2 his or not. But really there is no easy way in a situation like this. I also have a HUGE problem with women who get pregnant and force a baby on a man (I know I'm going to get bashed for that one). But that's the reason why there are lots of preventive options.

I would make sure he triple wrapped that sh!t and I'd get an IUD, the Pill and those little spongy thingys. If somehow one of those little suckers snuck past and knocked me up... well, then I would make my choice and if he didnt like it, then we werent meant to be together anyways.

Thank GOODNESS by man and I see eye to eye on the subject now... Pro-Choice! Woohoo!

Totally agree Kristinh1012, I know too many good guys who were young, dumb and full of come and knocked some chick up who figured he would stay with her forever if she had the baby. Now she's ruined his life, her life and possibly the childs. C'mon ladies, smarten up!

Gee, um... I don't know, I'm personally pro-life and politically pro-choice, so I don't know that I'd be dating this guy in the first place since I don't see it as men's business. Otherwise, I'd use as many contraception methods as possible. It wouldn't be an issue for me *personally* if I accidentally got pregnant though, because I'm at the age where I only have sex with people whose children I'm prepared to have anyway. I'm personally not prepared to have an abortion anyway, but it would bother me that this guy was politically that different from me. LOL. hope that makes sense...

don't tell him. the end. =)

My boyfriend and I agree 100% on this subject. We are both not ready for a baby but if I get pregnant we will be keeping it! We will accept and handle the responsibilities as best we can. We both have close-knit families who I know would support and help us when needed.

PRO-LIFE for us!

Personally, I would NEVER ever have an abortion, but I believe every woman should have the right to choose.

In the case above, I would certainly respect his opinion, and I doubt it would affect the way I feel about him our or relationship. If we're sleeping together, and I don't want to get pregnant, then I'd just make sure I was on BC or using a condom. If for whatever reason he's against using protection, then there's no doubt in my mind that he'll be out the door in a matter of seconds.

I fall in line with almost all of you. I would probably never get an abortion because I will make sure I am not pregnant until I am ready. That being said, every woman should have the choice and I abhore the idea of an abortion for an easy fix.

If the guy I was dating refused to use protection, I wouldn't be with him. Period!

I would tell him his opinion is duly noted if I ever I have to consider an abortion.

Well I'm not going to have sex until I'm married, but I believe that a lot of women steal something away from men when they abort a baby. Yes, I am a woman too and I know that it is hard on the body especially when you don't want a baby or any to know you're pregnant/having sex (some people don't), but if the man wants to be a father and is ready and mature then he should have a big part. I am pro choice, but hey, everyone has the right to do what they want for the most part. I just believe that if the man (boyfriend/husband/ex/whatever) really wants the baby then he should be given the baby. The woman doesn't have to do anything after birth and the man should help her if she decides to have the baby and give it to him. I know it is the woman's body, but still it is also the man's child and he should have a big say in it, too.

i'd respect his opinion- one of the issues i have with the pro-choice thing is that it really doesn't matter what the father wants. i get that it's the 'woman's body' but i think it's heartbreaking if the father wants the child and the mother aborts anyway.

Im not sure what i'd do with an unplanned pregnancy but I'm totally with rachel from friends on this "not uterus, no opinion" this is a choice that in the end ultimately will affect me the most and i should have the right to choose and i would hope that my partner would support me in my decision

how old are you, Pallas Athena?

it's not too often these days you hear someone say they're not having sex until marriage. well, i said it too, when i was about 14, and then i actually experienced a good relationship and threw that nonsense to the curb

you just have to be safe. i always played the game with myself "if i accidentally got pregnant now, what would i do?" and based on school etc. i would kinda make a plan in my head...well now i have a full time job, and am stable and whatnot, and while i don't WANT a baby YET, i would keep it..and my man is happy with that!

Since I am on birth control, I obviously do not want to have a baby. I would love to some day, but at 21, I feel I would be being a bit too selfish to have the baby who belongs to a mother that wasn't 100% for the birth anyway. Oddly enough, my boyfriend isn't too keen on abortion, but wouldn't lose sleep over it if I got one. I, however, am pro-choice. I would DEFINITELY, no questions asked, go to the nearest abortion clinic if I found out I was pregnant. However, if I was one of the few who didn't know until the 2nd trimester, I would not get an abortion, and keep the baby. I'm weird like that.

I would make sure that he and I never get pregnant until we are both ready. So the birth control would be my friend, however I would remind him that I am very pro-choice and believe that nobody has a right to tell me what to do with my body. Of course it's easy for a man who doesn't have to carry the child and deal with child birth during which a woman and some have died to say my child no abortions and he can't accept that then Peace out. I bet all those men who leave after the baby is born because it's just to much are anti-abortion as well.

I almost always agree with GlowingMoon. I do now, too, except I'd like to add that men make a very miniscule contribution to the creation of a child--we have to "house" the child for 9 months and cope with everything that entails. For all the men who are so insistent that a woman keep an unwanted child--those men should HAVE to take the child at birth and deal with those 2 a.m. feedings and diapers. That's just the thing--not only do we as women have to incubate the child for 9 months and then go through torture to give birth to it, we are also almost always the main caregiver. My opinion is--men should have no say in this whatsoever. Pregnancy and child-rearing are not all-consuming for them the way they are for women.

I would never date a pro-lifer. That would just be a deal breaker from day 1. My brother is pro-life, and it boggles my mind. Every time we talk about it, I want to smash his brains in.

Actually, my BF and I had the opposite talk - I'm 31, and if I got pregnant by accident, I told him it would be really hard for me to get an abortion, as I am mature enough to handle a baby - AND, if I got an abortion then turned out to not be able to have a kid in a few years (when we decide to!) because my ovaries have fallen out, I'd never forgive myself. He's younger and isn't ready, so I hope the subject never has to come up in reality! GOSH THAT WOULD SUCK.

It's much easier to have an abortion behind a man's back, than a whole baby!!

I don't think it should be the man's choice, regardless, because it IS the woman's body. I just have an weird thing where personally, I think this is not a thing for men to butt in and be all conservative because they don't have to deal with the physical part, at least, emphasis on "at least." Just because he might have fathered the baby and is very pro-life, the mother is the ultimate decider. It's really out of his control.

I'm with SkiGurl, to have a man willing to step up to the plate in that worst case scenario would be something to be grateful for!

I'm in this situation, with my husband, but in the reverse. We're in NO WAY ready for a baby and hadn't talked about our stance about abortion until a couple weeks ago and I was heartbroken to find out that we weren't on the same page at all.

That being said, I would never, ever push my views on another woman because I can't even imagine what it's like to be in that situation. I do know that I couldn't make the call to end the life growing inside me, even if I were raped by a stranger. I wouldn't keep it, I'd give the baby up for adoption in that case.

If two people can't agree on the abortion issue, not ready for children, and still having sex, maybe they shouldn't be having sex with each other...

Pallas Athena- it doesn't matter how old you are. I think it's great you've decided to wait until you're married to have sex. I did- it's not as hard as people think, and was completely and totally worth it.

I second what tweet said! Totally worth it, and I never had to get tested or worry about a pregnancy!

On the abortion topic, I would be incredibly glad to have found a man that thinks that babies are special, life is sacred, and murder isn't the way to deal with a problem.

It makes me physically ill to read about all these people saying they would end the life they created. Killing someone to make it convenient for yourself is THE MOST SELFISH decision you can make. And the 'it's my body' argument is total bunk. It may be inside your body, but is a new, innocent life with its own blood, heartbeat, brain.

If you don't want a baby, don't make one.

Awesome comment ElisabethRae! I agree 100% that the whole argument that " its my Body, ill do what i want" is B.S. its scientificaly proven that the baby growing in a woman's womb has its own DNA, so that throws that argument out the door. its all about lack of conscience, irresponsibility and selfishness now a days. back then with Roe vs Wade it was about the feminists getting back at men by controlling what happens to " their bodies." ANYWAY, if you dont see eye to eye on abortion, then you shouldnt have sex with that person. if youre not ready for a baby, you shouldnt be having sex period.

"If you don't want a baby, don't make one."

With all due respect ElizabethRae, if you don't want an abortion than don't have one. But please, try to refrain from calling those that choose autonomy over their own bodies (which or may or may not involve electing to have abortion) murderers or killers.

Sexual activity, for some people, is not tantamount to procreation. I am personally choosing abstinence until marriage; but, that is my choice...

And alynn28, you're right: all organic matter (from bacteria to plants to viruses) contains genetic material...

*then

eilonwy, i dont think she was calling anyone a murderer. she was just calling the act of abortion what it is. a baby in the womb is a human child, and killing a human being whether it be by shaking it to death at 2 yra old, throwing it in a trash can as an infant, or pumping the amniotic fluid with acid and basically dissolving it to death or cutting it to pieces while its alive in the womb, is all murder to me.

and sex isnt always for the purpose of getting pregnant and starting a family, i know, but its what can happen to a woman regardless of how careful she is. condoms and birth control are never 100% effective. so, with that in mind, anyone who is too young or not ready to at least be able to carry a baby for 9 mos, should not be playing with fire.

but to get back to the subject, its very important to be with someone who shares the same views on something as important has having a baby when youre having sex. that i think everyone can agree on.

When you're having sex there's always the risk of getting pregnant - no matter whether you use BC and condom and watch her cycle. The risk is there; you can only minimize it.
However, it's the woman that gets pregnant. She has to share her body for nine months with something, and later someone, else, and in the end she most likely has to be there for the kid 24/7, so she should have at least the option to think about an abortion. Regardless what *he* thinks about it.

The life of a man will be less changed because of a baby than the life of a woman. Sad but true.

alynn28, I agree with you; when you're having sex then please with someone who shares your views. It'll turn out healthier - physically, and mentally.

I don't think I would date someone who was anti-chocie, even though I would never have an abortion.

I completely disagree that having an abortion is anywhere near comparible to murder. Until the heart can beat on its own and its brain can form thoughts, it's not a human being. Just because there is DNA doesnt mean theres a person yet.

Nevermind the woman who said that if she was raped by a stranger she would have the kid and put it up for adoption.. how f*cked up would that kid be?! You would be ruining it's life from conception by allowing it to come to term! It's father was a rapist and it's mother was a coward? Come ON! THAT is inhumane.

For an unwanted child the merciful thing to do is terminate.

This would be a deal breaker for me. I am absolutely pro choice, and if any man thought his part in a 9 month pregnancy and then actually having the child and nursing the child and caring for it for the rest of it's life is in any way equal to my part in this business, omg, he would be out the door so fast!

I agree with Eilonwy: "Sexual activity, for some people, is not tantamount to procreation." And even though obviously there is always that possibility, it is really not fair to limit people just because something is possible. You can't limit the actual living, breathing, thinking person because there is the only the possibility of another person. I don't understand why non existent childrens rights are put over an existing mother's rights?

I also agree with everything Fallen said. And yeah, DNA doesn't mean a thing. Should we not ever cut down trees or cut the grass? They have DNA. So do ants and mosquitoes, have you ever squished one of them? Was that murder? Humans are not above other organisms in any way. And I agree that it's only a child when it can live on it's own.

"But please, try to refrain from calling those that choose autonomy over their own bodies (which or may or may not involve electing to have abortion) murderers or killers."

My point is that it is not HER body. It is the body of her child. She's not getting a tattoo or a boob job, she is killing her child. I'm sorry if 'kill' is harsh for you, but I can't think of a more gentle way to phrase taking a life.

"Until the heart can beat on its own and its brain can form thoughts, it's not a human being."

The heart starts beating somewhere around 18-22 days after conception and abortion is legal throughout all 9 months of pregnancy, so for 8.5 months, it's a human by your standards. As far as brains and thoughts... that excludes young babies who only eat and cry as instinct - and even some mentally handicapped people. I would hope you agree that killing post-birth babies and retarded people is wrong.

"For an unwanted child the merciful thing to do is terminate."

So just kill the baby to spare it the grief of living with a mom who doesn't want it? Adoption?

I agree with a lot of people, I'm very pro-choice but I couldn't ever see myself getting an abortion. I have sex but I don't want a baby, so I wear condoms. I don't consider abortion in the first trimester murder at all. A fetus in the first trimester couldn't possibly survive on its own. IMO until a baby can survive on it's own (5 months and on), then it's not murder.

My boyfriend says he doesn't want kids till he's at least 40 (he's pro-choice) but if we accidentally get pregnant, I'm keeping my baby. That's just how it is for me.

Fallen85, I have known a set of twins (now adults in their thirties) that were conceived by rape. They are doing quite well for themselves as happy, functional people in society.
I don't see how you can make that assumption that the child's life would be ruined by putting it up for adoption. First off, it is entirely possible to have a closed adoption where the child knows nothing about his or her biological parents - exactly how would the circumstances of the child's conception have any effect on it's life in that instance? Secondly, I think that we all have our own issues to deal with - I'm sure all adopted kids wonder about their biological parents at some point. Even if they knew that they were conceived by rape and put up for adoption because of it, I'm sure most could deal with that fact just fine in their own time.
And why would you label the mother in your scenario "a coward"? Is she a coward for not having an abortion, or not fighting off the rapist? Either way, I think you are completely way out of line with those comments.

I love all the women on this site who say "Well I'm pro-choice but I personally would never have an abortion." It's obvious by the way they say it they've never been put in that situation before and it makes me laugh. They must be young and overall, very inexperienced in life because mature, wise women know not to say "never" until you've been faced with the situation, no matter what it is.

I agree, Fallen was way out of line. How can you be pro-choice, and still so harshly condemn the choices people make?

use bc and back up bc. it's not his choice because it's not his body. i'd tell him that up front.

I think the man in the relationship should have a little say, but it's ultimately not his choice.

I agree with tweet_hotpants that it is is a flaw with pro-choice. I mean I'm totally for a woman's right to choose, but I would be really torn if the father wanted to keep it but couldn't. It's like, technically it's half his, but the fact that the woman would be the one having to actually carry the baby I guess tips the scale in the woman's direction. But it still would be really sad for the father if he really wanted it. Oh dear, abortion is so complicated.

Also, I just wanted to point out that even if the guy you're dating (hypothetically, not to anybody) is pro-choice, he might feel differently if it was HIS, were the situation ever to arise.

I used to be very much against abortion.

I dated a girl that I really liked when I was younger, and she tearfully confessed to me one night that she had an abortion (her ex's baby). I dumped her that night and never spoke to her again.

These days, my point of view is more pragmatic. Stephen P. Leavitt has confirmed it in his brilliant opening essay in "Freakonomics". In that he explains why crime rates went down drastically - just when they should have skyrocketed. The reason: Roe V. Wade. 20 years after Roe Vs. Wade crime rates plummeted. That's right, the scumbags could now murder their unborn children instead of unleashing the unwanted monsters on society and having the S.W.A.T. Team do the job 20 years later.

So I now support abortion. Mainly because it is those in the shallow end of the gene pool who consider killing their children, who they were going to raise to be criminals or lowlife anyway. So in fact, from a Kantian Categorical Imperative perspective, is a societally acceptable outcome. Less lowlife to carjack my kids.

After all, decent people don't murder their children even if it is legal, so let the scumbags suck their kids out of their womb if they regard them as parasites. They were probably right.

I wouldn't have sex with a guy who told me up front that he'd want me to abort any child we conceived. I think it's pretty irresponsible on both parties' parts to do so.

Fallen, you're comments are pretty offensive. A woman is a coward unless she makes the choice that you're pro? I too know a woman conceived by rape, adopted and later reconnected with her birth mother. While I can't see into the depths of her soul, she certainly seems to prefer being alive to the alternative.

I have to agree with the rest Fallen -that comment was way out of line. I am pro-choice and believe that abortion is a VERY difficult choice for many women (while some could care less) - it is not fair to judge someone for keeping their baby nor is it fair to judge someone for aborting it. I believe in CHOICE - and there are many reasons for abortion besides the superficial convenience reasons.

That would be more than enough of a reason for me to not want to continue pursuing that relationship unless he at least tried to understand where I was coming from.

All in all, it's my body ,my choice.

Fallen I've read your comments and tried to see them from your point of view.

I can't.

As an adopted child, I am thankful that my Mother didn't take the abortion route. I am a happy, successful adult. You call her a coward because she spent nine months carrying a life around in her belly and then gave that life to someone else to raise because she wasn't capable of doing it right?

THAT'S a coward? Wow.

Right. No one gets a vote or a say over what i do with my body. Got a problem? Want to sue? You'll lose.

I agree 100% that the whole argument that " its my Body, ill do what i want" is B.S. its scientificaly proven that the baby growing in a woman's womb has its own DNA,

Unless it doesn't completely need the mother to survive, your argument would actually mean something. But since it does need a host, you're just blowing a bunch of smoke. Calm down, dearest. You can't control everything.

Okay okay as I explained on Conservative Sugar (I'm not a conservative but one of my TeamSugar friends are so I always read her super right wing posts for fun) "Coward" isnt the correct word for a woman who is raped and decides to give the child up for adoption... "masochist/sadist" would probably be the right word.

If you're raped by a complete stranger and get pregnant it should be terminated. Why would you want to carry a child into the world who was created by a person who chooses to force women to have sex with them? The man would have tramatized that woman and potentially ruined her life yet she chooses to bring his child to term and then pass it, and it's tainted DNA, on to some unsuspecting adoptive parents and their society? That scares me.

Thats why conservatives scare me. If I was ever raped and impregnanted and then it was ILLEGAL for me to abort the pregnancy, thats just f*cking sick.

Thank god I'm Canadian.

Fallen, i'll venture on to say this: In the event that the man isn't convicted or if the woman doesn't press charges in the first place, nothing would keep him from trying to get custody.

RockAndRebuplic, that is absolutely terrifying. Especially when you look at the stats for the amount of rapes reported and convicted compared to how many rapes actually occur. Women are often too scares, too confused or too late (DNA purposes) to report their rape and get a conviction so there are SO many rapists that are running free out there who could do this to any woman.

Can you imagine if we didnt have the option to terminate the pregnancy? Scary stuff.