my boyfriend is the same...so i am interested to read the advice!

I love him to bits, but he is just NOT romantic! It sucks! And like you, I plan everything we do too! Even if we are going out with HIS friends!

He is who he is. If you can see yourself living happily with a man who will not recognize special occasions and treat you accordingly, then stay in this relationship. If you feel you deserve better, break up with him. (Hint: you deserve better.)

I kind of have to agree with luisa above. As much as these events are for you, you want him to enjoy them too - but it's not fair for him to sit back with his hands crossed behind his head while you run around making plans for special events all the time. If that were the case, where's the balance in the relationship?

i see this as you being overbearing. you are wishful thinking and you set yourself up for disapointment by thinking the way you do. notice the other kind gestures he does. and if there aren't any, break up with him, but there's no way you can change him.

Because of his culture, if asking him to plan something romantic is like "asking him to pull fingernails," then why are you doing it?
Everyone has their strengths. It just sounds like planning romantic dates isn't this guy's strength. Perhaps he provides something else worthwhile for you...stability or a great sense of humor for example?

I feel ya girl, my bf is similar, in the beginning he planned sweet things and now it seems like he just cant be bothered with anything romance involved. i dont believe in the whole well maybe you shouldnt be with him then theory. I'm still happy with my boyfriend and would never break up with him over this, i love him. i'm sure there is a way you can get him to do something... although it seems to go beyond not knowing how to make reservations if he doesnt even plan stuff with his friends. maybe it's just laziness in which case i would confront him on it. wish i could offer my help, but know that ur not alone, there are lots of us out there wishing there was more romance in our relationship. good luck!!

Yea my boyfriend still does lots for me...like rubs my back, he even gave me his old car I guess I have learned to get other it a bit, and try to focus on the other things. I feel you though, it's tough sometimes!

I can't believe some are telling you to break up with him just because he has trouble to make plans. I don't see human beings as handerchiefs you can throw as soon as they're not perfect and not acting like you would want them too. I've been with my fiance for 5 years and living together for two, and i can assure you, he HAS changed.

Try to make him understand how hard it can be sometimes to have to plan everything. Start with "i've no idea what to make for dinner tonight, wanna go out ? something special ?" and try to make him make a decision like once a week (even if at the beginning, you have to make it happen). Baby steps, you might have to force him a little at first to decide something, but i cannot see why it wouldn't happen AT ALL, even if it's not his culture. (so what, one can't adapt ? )

Stay strong !

Thanks Lilie...I thougth some people were being drastic! I love my man and definatly couldn't leave him just because he didn't do lots of romantic things

I have had the same issue with my boyfriend. I get tired of planning everything and trying to be the one to initiate romantic efforts. I do feel guilty and greedy for feeling this way, but...aren't I worth some effort?

This past Valentine's Day was rather tense. I tried to talk to him about doing something special and he wouldn't say anything about it. So I cooked a nice dinner, baked a fabulous cake and bought him a small gift. He came home late that evening (on purpose) empty handed. We got into a small fight and he said he has had trouble in the past with girls expecting too much and he got upset whenever he did try because the girl would never be satisfied. I didn't see why that meant he couldn't do something small because I would be happy if he had just TRIED. A couple of weeks later he took me out to dinner but I felt like he did it because he felt obligated to. On his birthday the previous year I took him out for a nice dinner and got him a very nice gift and it wasn't really the same on my birthday. I didn't get taken out for anything. I got a card.

I have been upset over gifts I have received in the past, too. For my birthday and Christmas this year he got me furniture. (My b-day is in January.) While that is a pretty nice gift and he did hand-restore it himself, he seems to think that I want "practical" gifts. I even told him I would write a list of things I wanted and things I would like to do and he turned me down because he said "this is too awkward." He has never gotten me flowers and once bought me a necklace but went on and on for weeks about how "expensive" it was. It began to feel like I'd just rather he hadn't bought me the necklace because he complained so much about the price. But I made sure to wear it often to show him I appreciated the gesture. I also say "thank you" to him for everything he does no matter how small and it is frustrating to sometimes get nothing back for it. And it sucks because I know men (such as my boss, and other guys I work with) who buy their wives flowers, jewelry, take them on trips or for nice dinners, etc. He has even told me I would probably "never" get flowers because they just die. But I feel like I'm worth that trouble! So I feel your pain!

I do care for my boyfriend very deeply and we live together and I couldn't imagine life without him. I have learned to look at the good things he does for me and not to get my hopes up. He fixes things around the house. He helps with garbage and dishes without being asked. He does and folds his own laundry. Usually when we go out for dinner (once a week or less because we aren't big into eating out) he pays. The furniture that he did get me he hand-restored himself. He talks to me and consoles me when I am sad. But it still does suck because it feels like you're not appreciated when the guy you're with just does not have a romantic side.

I think maybe you complain too much. You are trying to change him into something you want. If he was like this when you met him, what made you think he would change now?

And no, I don't have a man that does all this. My husband doesn't have a single romantic bone in his body. He's a good man, but he couldn't plan a weekend like you're asking either. It's just not him, and I knew that when I married him, so I accept it.

If you aren't happy with the way he does things, get out of the relationship.

I don't mean to come across as a b***h, but I am really tired of hearing people say things like "Well, he's perfect, but if he would just..." If he's not a romantic person, he's not a romantic person. If you want romance, you need someone else.

The ONLY person you can change is YOU.

I feel exactly like you, and my bf of three years and I broke up after our last anniversary because I expressed disappointment that he left my card at the bar when he went out drinking with his buddies before our anniversary dinner. He thought I was shallow.... I just like a card, at least, on a special occasion. I used to drop hints, ask him to plan something, wonder if he cared, etc. I don't think we were matched in the romance department and I know he didn't love me anymore, so... we broke up.

Uh, quit being so whiny? You want him to plan something?? Talk about pressure! And then how sweet you were to take him to the mall to buy YOU a present. You sound like a very overbearing girlfriend and I wouldn't worry about it b/c it's not very likely he'll last with your demands. I understand being disappointed he doesn't put in the romantic effort, but you're going about it in a very childish way. You not only need to understand there's a cultural difference, a gender difference, but also is this really something that detrimental to a relationship? TONS of men aren't romantic and just don't think of wanting to plan something. Maybe it's you:) Maybe he just isn't inspired to plan anything b/c he isn't fully in the relationship (sorry to be blunt!). It is common for a guy to stay in a relationship that he's over just to avoid confrontation. And with that, he's less likely to want to go do things with you or try to do something sweet for you b/c he just really has no interest. If it's just that he isn't the type that likes to plan things than either get over it or decide it's a dealbreaker for you. But don't expect it to change. He was honest and says he hates to do so. So with that maybe find out why he hates doing it and you'll find the root of your problem. But with how you're complaining over it, it doesn't seem like you'll approach it very wisely. Remember guys don't like drama!

He is how he is. The mistake women always make getting into relationships is thinking "well he would be great if only he did this...or was more..". Honey they are what they are...you can't change them. You would be better off to accept this is just him. Learn to appreciate what he does that shows you his affection (if he does)...and if that is not enough and you are still not feeling apperciated, talk to him about how important it is..and if he can't deliver and make you happy its time to walk and make yourself feel happy. But honestly...most men are not romantic and like the movies where they are going to suprise you at work with flowers or take you out to the park for a picnic...a lof that is what hollywood has drilled into our heads. Some men are...but not most!

"We are all the same colour when you turn off the lights"

Er.. okay, so this was my topic, I dont really care if it's anonymous or not but I get better responses when posted on Group Therapy.

First of all, I would NEVER break up with my man just because he cant plan a special occasion to save his life. I love him dearly and for all of the things I'm not totally fond of about him, the amazing person he is makes up for anything. He may not plan special events but he tells me everyday how much he loves me, he does his best to make sure I'm happy, he never goes one day without giving me a compliment and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Second of all, I dont need people giving me opinions on how I cant change a man, I'm not trying to change him, I'm trying to encourage him to start planning suprises for me! He is willing, he's just never done it before. I am looking for tips on how to encourage him.. sending emails, circling fun things in the phone book and putting it on his pillow, casually mentioning how much I love ziplining and how theres a nice cheap place right near our house... stuff like that. I was hoping to hear from some ladies who have somehow convinced their man to start taking hints but apparently, they're not out there. Thanks for the opinions anyway haha.

If anyone has any good ideas about how to get it through to my amazing, wonderful, sexy, kind but less-than-creative boyfriend that I would love him to suprise me with something on my birthday... I would appreciate it.

Thanks ladies!

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

You ARE trying to change him. You're trying to make him be a romantic, thoughtful, plan-ahead kind of guy. He's not that guy! If you can't deal with that, let him go or drop the subject. It's no kind of life to spend all your years hinting, harrassing, hoping, then being disappointed.

Luisamapacha, do you dump a guy as soon as he presents something you might not be 100% happy with in fear that it will drive you mental for the rest of your life? Never try to ask him to adjust himself for you? Women are constantly adjusting themselves to fit their jobs, their friends, their husbands etc but we gasp at the thought of ever asking a man to step out of his comfort zone to make us happy. Every time you post you're telling a girl to dump her man for this reason or for that. I agree that men cant change completely but they can adjust if they really want to. I'm not asking him to suddenly turn into a party planner just want him to do something special for my birthday. He's talked to me about it and said he's totally willing he's just not sure how to go about it.

But, Luisamapacha, obviously you dont have any tips for this subject so I think your opinions are no longer needed.

Thanks though!

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

You asked...we gave what we think from our expereince things are. If you can't handle it don't ask for for people's opinons. Invariably there will be some things you don't want to hear...and some things you do. There is no need for name calling.

I don't think its very nice for you to tell lusia that she doesn't have any tips...she is just saying what her opinions are and what her views are. How would you feel if after giving your hearfelt advice to someone on group therapy they come back and tell you that you have no idea what you are talking about?

CYL, I've appreciated the people going on and on about how you cant change a man etc etc but the problem here is that obviously, I didnt explain myself correctly. I'm not trying to change my boyfriend, this is not a deal-breaker for our relationship etc etc. I am simply looking for some good tips on how to help make this easier for my boyfriend as he is WILLING TO DO THIS HE JUST DOESNT KNOW HOW and you are all giving me sh!t about how men dont change and I should break up with him and blah blah f*cking blah.

Luisamapacha is a tough cookie, I am not afraid that she's going to run off and cry into her mothers apron because the big bad stranger on TeamSugar asked that she stop writing on the topic if she doesnt have any good tips. Luisamapacha will probably just roll her eyes and move on to a different topic because she realizes that this is all just a bunch of strangers asking for advice from people who dont know the issues personally. I get that people are just giving me their opinions on whats best for me and him etc. but I'm trying to clarify that I'm looking for tips to make this easier for my boyfriend... not reasons to break up with him.

But thanks for your concern.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Fallen, does he have any good friends that are girls? A sister?

From your other posts it sounds like you guys have a good relationship. Does he know how important this is to you? If so, then he definitely should be willing to put in some effort, even though he's not completely comfortable doing so.

If you asked him point blank, can you make reservations at such and such a restaurant for my birthday, do you think he would do it?

Maybe if you are just really specific at first it will lower the stress for him and he will be more likely do it. Then as he gets more comfortable perhaps he can plan some stuff on his own.

See popgoestheworld, I can always depend on you. He would definitely do whatever I told him to do though I would like to encourage him to try to suprise me with something I like the idea of just taking it slowly so that he can build confidence and eventually blow me out of the water.

Thanks pop.

Again, any ideas that are helpful like popgoestheworld are welcomed!

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Oh Fallen, you are my hero

Wow, okay despite the possibility that I will get yelled at for expressing an opinion when someone asked for one, I am going to contribute.

I think that what people are trying to explain, though maybe coming across as more judgemental, is that a lot of guys don't take hints, aren't good at planning, and don't come up with surprises. It doesn't mean they aren't wonderful men who do many other fantastic things for their significant others, but there are some guys (and even girls) who just don't think that way. So trying to get them to think that way can be difficult, especially if trying to rely on subtle hints.

Also, it is a matter of expectations in a relationship. If this is clearly a running theme, then I think you have to understand that no amount of circling things in phone books is going to make him wake up one day and start planning things if that is just not the way he usually does things.

I think the best advice I've read on this post is to ask him to make simple decisions or plans starting out small - birthdays and anniversaries and holidays can be a lot of pressure. Just sit him down and say "I want you to plan a night out for us. You choose the place for dinner, make reservations for 7pm, and I'll be ready." Or even set up some sort of system where every other week on of you plans a special date - you can even set budgets or themes. This will get him to be more creative and pro-active, and take the pressure off while making this fun.

But don't get your expectations up high that the first time it's going to be a ziplining adventure in the moonlight followed by a candlelight dinner in the treetops with champagne -- it might just end up being dinner or a movie. However, once he sees how happy his planning things make you, I wouldn't be surprised if he starts coming up with more and more ideas - especially with positive reinforcement.

As for the birthday, honestly, just sit him down and say "look, I know you aren't big into planning and surprises but it would mean a lot to me. To help you get some ideas, here are some things I really like, places I would like to go, things I would like to do. I don't expect you to do any or all of these things, but this may help you to get more ideas for how to make my day special." And once again DO NOT GO INTO THIS EXPECTING A TON.

Honesty and communication in all relationships - romantic and friends. It helps, I swear.

You say that he's willing to do this but doesn't know how? Isn't that contradicting your prior statement that he told you that he hated to plan things?? That's a big indicator that you ARE trying to change his behavior from something he hates to do into something YOU want to do. I think it's ridiculous for him to ask his friends for ideas...girl they'd laugh at him! How old are you? lol. Sorry it just seems very naive to think that guys' friends are similar to girls...they don't sit around with ideas for what to do for your birthday or a night out. It isn't what guys do. If you want him to plan things for you then sit him down and tell him how important it is to you and what it means. But don't really expect anything truly heart-felt...it will all be because you pressured him rather than something that he really wanted to do.

quietriott, good advice

Thanks Lovely_1 its based on a lot of experience with both friends and boyfriends. As I've gotten older, I've realized that people (including myself) don't always take hints, so being direct and honest is usually the best course of action. I've also learned that while I should expect a lot from the people I love and deserve the best treatment, I do need to realize the realistic limitations they may have as individuals. This doesn't mean I expect less, but that when someone isn't perfect in every way, I am more realistic about it and able to realize that there may be other features of them that makes them still wonderful in their own way, even if they may at times disappoint. Maybe its good, maybe its bad, but its reduced the stress in my life (and my ulcers). This is not to say I don't get hurt or disappointed, but its made me reevaluate the way I think about it.

And I know it may just be a result of smarting a little from other's comments, but I do not find "Hitler" jokes or comments to be funny or appropriate in the situation of a difference of opinion. I hate to lecture, but really, let's try to be civil and positive, even if our feelings are hurt/opinions differ.

Oh come on, it was a joke. She's not hitler, more like Nazi Barbie. "Now even blonder!"

Okay okay, I'm sorry Berlin. But again, your opinions arent helpful so unless you have some good tips, I think that chick who thinks her boyfriend cheated on her might need some advice!

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

thanks quietriott...I need that advice...I get way too anxious sometimes about those little things.

Oh wow. I didn't realize this was a place where we only tell you what you want to hear.

You ARE trying to change him. You just don't want to see it. That's great. I hope you have a great life together "Adusting" to each other.

And before you tell me to go away because I'm not helpful, I'll go away.

Oh COME ON, what is so wrong about trying to help her bf please her from times to times ? I don't understand you guys, if your significant other is not absolutely perfect you should just dump him ?? You never explained to your bf what you liked in bed, or just tell him his spaghetti sauce is the best while it's too salty ? He's trying to make the effort cause he's in love, and that's all that matters.

Lillie, wow, great job! I agree! I don't see the big deal too! I do things and have changed for my boyfriend to make him happy, so why can't the male do the same??? Even if it's something small! It still makes us happy

Excellent point, Lilie, thank you.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Huhu, i just didn't get it, honestly It seemed very sexist and engagement phobic at the same time (i dont know if i'm making myself clear, english is not my first language sorry )

engagement phobic = commitment phobia?

No, you're totally right. I'm not trying to change everything about him and make him into a different person entirely, I just want him to do something nice for me. Thanks for the support. This isnt the type of topic I thought would blow up into a huge fight about morals and the strenght of my relationship. Good greif.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

That would be it Lovely, thanks

My ex was like this. His idea of a good night out was taking me to the same restaurant and then splashing out on a massively expensive gift. Well, it worked for me. ;p

Write down suggestions for him? Stick them to the fridge?

Firstly, you absolutely have the right to feel any emotion you choose regardless of what some readers think. Whatever the situation, it's important people recognize that while they may not understand/feel the same way, the other person does and one does not invalidate the other.

In past relationships I accepted the person was not ever going to come through in a meaningful way. I even convinced myself it didn't bother me. The fact is it did. I had more than one disappointing birthday and X-mas. It's never about material goods or any self-serving garbage. It's about thoughtfulness. I've been with my bf four years and honestly there is something nice about an unexpected surprise.

Yes, Fallen, you do deserve this, and no, you shouldn't have to settle. There's nothing selfish about it. All of the people we love have flaws and we love them anyway but it is far from reasonable for him not to come through for your birthday (and X-mas). Subtlety is probably not going to work since it looks like you've tried it. It's good to hear he is willing to step up. That being said, it's clear he is more than aware of the situation. I'm not sure what else you can do. Since his friends' women seem friendly, he might be more comfortable asking their advice because they are women and not his pals. (You know, that silly subconscious male ego thing.) If you're comfortable talking with them they could possibly help.

Keep us posted.

I'm with you Fallen, and Lilie and Lovely_1. Geez loweez! It doesn't really matter whether we think OP is trying to change the guy or not b/c that isn't what she asked about!!

And Lilie excellent advice!! All people change little tiny things about themselves to accommodate a friend, family membor, or S.O. from time to time...what's the other word for it...ohh yeah, we usually call it COMPROMISE!!!!!!!!
This is the same thing as a girl maybe watching a football game a couple weekends even though she hates it, just to make him happy. As long as both people give a little and it's equal and they are both overall happy and care about each others happiness, then what on earth is the problem???? :/

Fallen: I like pop's idea a lot. Maybe start even smaller than that though. If he really is just afraid and doesn't know how to do things, make a date WITH him. Make it an activity for y'all to do together. Tell him you want BOTH of you to plan a date night together. Then sit down with him and have him help you look up a restaurant, and then help him find the phone number for the restaurant and then have him call the restaurant and make reservations and even tell him what to say to make the reservation if he needs help with that. Whatever he needs help with that first time, then help him. Then y'all go enjoy the date. Then, do the same thing again, except each time y'all plan a date night, you should back off a little and give him a little more of the responsibility for the planning (just a little at a time), and he will eventually get more and more comfortable doing it.
Other than that ...does he like going out or is he a "homebody"? Because if he is a homebody then it will be harder because he is perfectly fine staying home and doing nothing. If he does like going out like you do, then try the "show him how it feels technique". That technique works very well with guys because they don't understand how other people feel until they experience it themselves. So to do that, just quit planning ANYTHING that includes him. You can still go out with the girls so that you don't get bored out of your mind, but leave him at home. Don't plan anything for special occasions like birthdays/anniversaries/holidays, etc. Don't even get him a present, b/c he doesn't get you one. If he likes going out and celebrating then that should shape him up...b/c as soon as he realizes you aren't going to do anything, he will start feeling like you do. A lightbulb will (hopefully) click on in his head and he will realize that he is feeling the same way you have BEEN feeling. Then he will really want to do something about it, and he will put in effort to try to do something special. It's almost like the "momma's boys", when they are taken care of, they don't try to help with anything b/c they are used to being taken care of. But if you stop taking care of them, then they have to learn "real fast" how to do it themselves or they don't eat/have clothes/etc., so they learn it. Words don't get through to guys, especially about feelings...you literally have to SHOW them how you feel, or they just don't get it, even if they say they do.
Good luck!!!

I am probably the person that HATES planning but I do it because otherwise we would rarely go anywhere. My BF is the same. We both are not big on planning big things (maybe vacations together once in awhile). I think I would have to advise you to just tell him what you want exactly without making it into a big deal (believe me that is PRESSURE). I have female friends that are all about big events and I feel pressured from THEM. Imagine how it must be for their guys? Please take it from me- don't do that. Just say "Hey can you reserve make a reservation at XYZ for us for my bday? I always wanted to go there" Or "Let's have a picnic- I will bring plates and napkins- why dont you bring wine and the food- you have such great taste in food" - that shows positive reinforcement and will help him to relax and maybe he will see it not as "planning" but as something for you both to ENJOY.

So happy to hear I'm not the only one who feels this way, and not the only one that gets this kind of response when I bring it up!

This aspect of my relationship is one of the most complicated points for me and my bf. In previous relationships, I got the "picnic treatment" from most of the people I dated on birthdays. Looking back on it though, I think it was actually a sign of immaturity. These boys were mostly high school/ early college, and probably just acting like they thought they were supposed to act (thanks hollywood!). The older the man gets, the less likely they have been to make a huge fuss over my birthday.

Two things happened to me to make me realize there was a happy medium and room for compromise:

First, my current bf didn't want to celebrate our 6 month anniversary. I bet most of you will chastise me for making him do something he "wasn't built for". But my opinion was 'more romance is better than less, right?' So, after hinting alot I got frustrated and made plans myself. He didn't understand why it "just wasn't the same." Later I told my father this story, and he actually laughed out loud. He said that no guy has ever thought of celebrating a 6 month anniversary, and that I was being totally unfair. I realized the anniversary was going to have to be something I planned if it was important to me, and we found a compromise I could live with. He would make a fuss for my bday, and I would take charge of the 'perfect anniversaries'. (and his birthday)

Second, we didn't really communicate about what we would do for Christmas. After he repeatedly had acted like mr. NOmantic, I didn't see the need in making elaborate Christmas plans just to make him uncomfortable. I assumed I knew he didn't want to do anything. Boy did I look like a jerk when he showed up at my door with an armload of presents all for me and reservations at the nicest spot in town. I was really bummed that I had let myself lose faith in the person I love, when really it was just our communication skills that were kinked up. It turned out that although he doesn't subscribe to the "fake holidays" like dating anniversaries, and as a kid for some reason he never really had birthday parties, he did however very much celebrate Christmas. Infact, he had been thinking about what to give me for months!

So now we talk about all our expectations very explicitly. I've had to sacrifice the "surprise" aspect, but I think when you're honest with yourself you'll realize surprises for surprise's sake is completely overrated. It's much better to make your own reservation, buy yourself a sexy dress for dinner, tell your guy you want him to pick you up with flowers, and let him buy dinner. (Usually that's expensive enough!) If you want to walk on the wild side, have him order for you

Fallen -- Story of my life. My birthday is on Oct 2nd, and I told my boyfriend last night he isn't allowed to buy me a present, I wanted him to spend 0 dollars. I said, you have a month to think of something thoughtful and genuine, spending no money, even if its just a massage and a drive to the silly places around town we would go when we first started dating a couple years ago. It's hard to give guys a shove in the right direction, but at least he's willing. Don't listen to the girls who say break up with him, it doesn't sound like he's a jerk or a crappy boyfriend, just a guy who probably has a few good ideas up there, but doesn't want to look like an ass! I hope you end up having a great birthday. And oh, for any girl who says 'how sweet of you to take him shopping for your birthday present', my man almost begs for me to give him a list of things I want for Christmas.. which works for me, since a couple Christmases ago I got stuff for a car stereo!!! He thought it was such a great idea too.........LOL.... oh man. I hope you have a great bday.

Fallen, you've already tried hinting, you've made it clear how important it is to you, you've given him ideas, you've told him where to find more ideas, and still, he put zero effort into recognizing your anniversary. I don't know why you insist he's "willing." Nothing about this guy says he gives a rat's a-- about romance, anniversaries, holidays, or your feelings. Stop making excuses for him. The truth is, he doesn't care enough to do anything for you.

I know from experience that when a guy loves a girl, he'll do anything, including fold a piece of paper in half and make a homemade birthday card, take her on a drive in the hills, show up with a DVD and six-pack of beer. It's about seeing the one you love happy. It's about celebrating milestones together.

I'm not saying dump him for not being romantic. I'm saying "let him go" if you're going to spend the rest of your life nagging him and trying to get him to be a certain way. He's not that way. At least not with you.

Well there goes my idea that Luisamapacha would leave it alone. Luisa, did you not read any of the things I said after you mouthed off? Your ignorance amazes me. I've already mentioned that I've talked to him about it and he's willing to try to set something up he's just not sure where to start. Maybe you should read all of the responses before you go making assumptions about a relationship. This totally explains why you're single.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Oh, by the way, he doesnt mind giving me gifts, it's the planning that intimidates him. For our Anniversary I told him I didnt want a present I wanted him to plan something for us. I gave him a few ideas but he just felt like he didnt know where to start so when I talked to him and found out he had no clue what to do he said he just wanted to buy me a present. (This was in my original post but it got cut out during TeamSugar editing as it's not THAT important)We went to the mall and we went our seperate ways for an hour until he found something for me and then we went out to just one of our favorite restaurants and exchanged gifts. He got me a very nice diamond necklace, I got him an xBox 360. He puts effort in through gifts and the nice things he says but I just want him to go a little further and actually call a restaurant so I can be suprised.

Luisamapacha, your "advice" isnt helpful and doesnt really apply to my situation. Maybe it will be appreciated elsewhere.

Thanks anyways

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

I know I'm going to get in trouble for this, but Fallen, why are you getting so angry? She gave you advice you didn't agree with - I'm sure pretty much everyone who has posted to Group Therapy has received advice they didn't like. I suppose it's the danger of asking for advice from strangers in a public forum where all they have is a couple paragraphs to go from.

And why should she leave it alone? You came out swinging. I personally wouldn't run and hide if someone called me out. I wouldn't have bothered responding to all this but saying that's why she's single is going too far, imo.

It wasnt advice, it was a personal attack. She got all upset because I told her that her comments were not helpful and were off topic so I preferred for her not to keep blathering on about it and she bit back. Eye for an eye, isnt that what they say? And honestly, how can I take relationship advice from someone who is 10yrs older then me but dumps every single guy she's ever been with because he isnt good at making reservations or wears blue socks instead of black socks. If she dumps guys because they arent the epitome of perfection, doesnt that explain why she's single? I dont think it was too far, it's true, isnt it?

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Actually, the saying is "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." I didn't attack you, Fallen. And I didn't get "all upset." I simply explained my response and backed it up with more evidence. You continue to make excuses for your boyfriend. It's a total joke that he's "intimidated" by planning. If he can order a pizza, he can make reservations at a restaurant.

I've never dumped a guy for not making reservations or wearing the wrong kind of socks. You have to admit you totally made that up.

If you think my advice is worthless, take your drama to another website.

Actually Luisamapacha, he's never ordered pizza. He is Jamaican and moved to Canada 3 years ago so he grew up without those types of things, he had never even tried pizza til he came to Canada... and he's not a big fan of it. All of this is completely different for him which, golly, would explain why calling strangers and asking them for a table is a little intimidating for him!

Also, I was being fecetious about the socks and reservations but you're suggesting I dump him because he cant make reservations which I see as just as silly as dumping someone for wearing the wrong coloured socks.

If you dont have anything constructive to say, go away. to reiterate: I'm looking for help and tips not another reason from you to break up with guys.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"