I would try to be happy for them. I understand where you are coming from completely but I think you have to find room in your heart to let it goes. If it doesn't work out for them then you should feel bad for her. Please don't think i told you so! Because that's not a very nice thing to do. As for his parents, well she's getting married so it's natural for them to be totally excited about the event! I don't think they value you less at all. Don't feel that way. If they don't like you I'm sure you would have known that by now. I think they like you just as much.

BE COMPASSIONATE: That should be your mantra!

I once dated a guy whose sister was like the goddess of the universe. It wasn't as bad as what you are going through, although I was unemployed at the time and so they didn't have to worry about remembering what I did for a living. But I couldn't help feeling a tweak of jealousy whenever the sister's name would come up in conversation as it always did. No matter what she did, good or bad or stupid, she was always "so smart" and blah blah blah. You just have to accept that this will never change and hopefully you have family who realize how great you are and hopefully your boyfriend realizes this, too. Do you live near this family? Cuz if you only have to see them for holidays or weddings, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just be supportive of the sister. If things do turn out bad, she'll probably need a shoulder to cry on and you could be that person.

I think you need to get over being so jealous and self centered. Not everyone is going to plan their lives to the extent that you do. You cannot plan for the unexpected what if something happened to you and your boyfriend have you planned for that? I think with all your planning your losing perspective on life and missing the all the happiness that is out there. Get over it and have fun planning her wedding!

I have to say, I am with Cuba on this one. You sound really petty and jealous. If you are so happy with your "uber-planned" life, than why are you so worried about someone else? Jealousy always leads back to insecurity and a lack of self-confidence. Maybe you could use a little spontaneity in your life so that you aren't green with envy anytime someone elses life goes off the beaten path.

You guys are so harsh! Anyway. I say congrats on being so mature about marriage. That, I believe, is a great way to go about things. I'm proud of you for taking it so seriously. But you have to remember that it is a fun thing too. This sister and her fiance sound happy. You have to accept their love for each other, and genuinely wish them the best. I would take this as an oppurtunity to get closer to your possible future sister in law, and ask if she needs any help with anything.

The part that irked me about this is when you said, "He's 15 years older than her." Hunny, age don't mean a thing...my husband is 13 years older than I am, and I couldn't be happier. (It helps that he doesn't look his age or act his age either ) Either way, they could simply be rushing into marriage because they ENJOY each other, and they want to BE with one another. There's nothing wrong with that. So stop being a jealous prude and get your boyfriend to propose already! After 3 years together, it's not a "Maybe I'll get married," it's either a "Yes" or a "No", so get crackin'!

I wouldnt say you are being petty or jealous so much about them but the fact that they were able to be spontaneous and more free than you are. While you sound confident and all, you also seem a bit uptight about it. It bothered me too when my ex's sister got married before I had and she was younger and they dated less time as well. I dont think that 3 years is a long time, everyone has their time and should not conform to anyone's time line. Be careful and try to get over your feelings of this.

And the family sounds like they dont mind, so hey you shouldnt either!

you don't deserve this family. they are welcoming and happy for their daughter and her future husband and you find fault in everything they do. who are YOU to question someone elses love and time table? and btw, it's none of your business. you aren't even officially a member of the family and the sister's fiance soon will be. doesn't sound like you'll be around much longer anyway though. since the parents show little interest in you and your forever bf can't make up his mind. maybe the fiance has a sister

Be happy for them and there is nothing wrong being at home with the kids its a personal choice and I respect that.

I also want to know what she means by saying over and over about how she's "preparing for marriage." What is there to prepare for? "Learning about ourselves as individuals," she says. People change as they get older, and if you're not willing to go through that in marriage, then you shouldn't be in a relationship. Like everyone else said...stop being so uptight and go with the flow.

I think people are being a bit harsh here, its for advice not for bashing.

I do think learning about yourself as a person is important before getting married. Sure, we all change over time. No question about that, but I think that sometimes people enter marriages without really understanding who they are and what they want. I think that contributes to the high divorce rate.

I agree that everyone has a different time table. Sometimes when people marry each other during the "honeymoon" phase it works out really well. Other times, they wake up one morning and realize they were totally blinded by love. Waiting until after that phase sometimes helps people make more rational decisions about who they will spend the rest of their lives with.

Marriage is about "love" but also about committment and really knowing a person and being able to decide you want to spend your life with them. If people can make that decision after 6 months, then more power to them.

And I do think the writer is jealous, and probably even a little petty, but I also think we're being a bit unkind to be quite so harsh, since I'm sure we've all had feelings we haven't been proud of throughout our lives.

I really think you sound jealous. Honestly this is not your place and none of your business.
~*~*~ MOM Im Bringing Bubbles back, them other toys dont know how to act! ~*~*~

I dont think anyone was bashing

Im with honey nothing wrong with being a stay at home mommy. I do it every day.
~*~*~ MOM Im Bringing Bubbles back, them other toys dont know how to act! ~*~*~

Oh my God, people. Calm it down. As was said earlier, advice not bashing. Let's make others feel comfortable enough to post their questions and concerns without fear of having everyone go off on them. This is supposed to be a supportive community.

Girls I think some of you are being quite hard on this girl..I think it's human to feel envy from time to time. At least this girl is being honest about how she's feeling. I understand she needs to be more kind but to say she doesn't deserve to be a part of her boyfriend's family is a bit hard

Well I do, there is a difference between giving your opinion and making someone feel like they are completely wrong. Like popgoestheworld said everyone has things that they are not proud of.

unkind is looking for support in ugly thoughts about your boyfriends’ younger sister's future. honestly, how much of a control freak do you have to be to before you're calculating the length of time the young bride to be will be a widow?

her input isn't wanted in the relationship she's writing about. but she asked for our input and she got it. frankly she sounds like a self-absorbed brat that could use a wake up call. news flash izzy; not everything is about you.

Okay lickety split I see you're a frank lady! I just don't like making people feel bad man..I know you're doing the tough love thing but I guess I just don't want to hurt her feelings. I don't really know her. I don't know if her boyfriend's sister has been nice to her or not?
That's all

Lickety Split is right, if you put it out there like this, people will have opinions. I certainly didn't mean to bash her, but I seem to be one of MANY who found her predicament self inflicted. Of course we have all had envious thoughts in our lives, but instead of dwelling on them and hoping others will validate your her pettiness, maybe a bit of fun and spontaneous living would get her to lighten up???

lol, i'm not one to beat around the bush. my sil did this EXACT thing to me and that is probably why is makes me so angry. when we got engaged her first response was "wow, didn't see that coming". when we bought a house it was "already" when i got pregnant the first time it was "that was fast" the second it was "are you going to cram them in here till you have 20? how many are you going to have?" even after 10 years she says things like "they sure rush into things". i want to scream at her "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS" but just say "we like to actually DO things not just TALK about them. AHHH!

In no way I think anyone should encourage her to feel more jealous! Like I said I just don't like making people feel bad about themselves. There's always a different way of saying something. I can be blunt and often I am. But if I see it's hurting someone I would tone it down straight away. It's hard to be compassionate and I aspire to be as compassionate as I can. It's a good challenge and I think a good way to live. There I've said my bit now I must go and work on my meeting tomorrow.

I really need to unsubscribe from this thread. The evilness running through here is really bringing me down today. Way to treat a fellow sister, ladies. You're becoming like that annoying best friend in "In Her Shoes."

I am with you Lickity. She asked what people thought and she got honest answers. I would hope that we all don't lie to our friends because we don't want to be mean. If she didn't want to hear it she shouldn't have asked. Deep down I am sure she knows she is being very petty. At the end of the day she needs to get over it and let her boyfriends sister celebrate her new life.

My answer to your post, Irritated Izzy, will be short and to the point.
1)Yes, you should be happy for her, you are planning on becoming her family some day. If she seems happy that's all that should matter to you anyways...

2)Jealousy is a normal but powerful emotion, you just need to learn how to read it and manage it.. Example: figure out why you feel that way and change your life accordingly, like getting engaged already...

3) People run their lives differently, that's the beauty of diversity. Just because she's not following your life's plans doesn't mean that she's living her life the wrong way...

Hope this helps...

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"Then comes along this man who sweeps my boyfriend's sister off her feet, and six months after they start dating, they are engaged."

Wow. I have to agree with the other posters that you need to RELAX. I mean that sentence is so telling. Are you wishing your boyfriend would sweep you off your feet? Why does it annoy you so much that someone else has found such happiness? I think the answer is that you haven't found it and you're trying to find it in a relationship that maybe won't give it to you. You've been with your boyfriend a considerable amount of time and I know sometimes when you put so much effort into something and you think it should work out that you don't want to let go. But it sounds like your boyfriend's sister has found what you haven't and instead of owning up to that you're acting petty and immature.

We're all human, and we're not always happy at someone else's happiness. So no; you don't have to be thrilled for you sister. But you also don't have to be judgemental about how she's running her life, either. To each his own, and what makes her happy is one thing; what makes you happy is another. The only thing I ask of my only sister is her support of me for anything I choose, so that's what she would probably appreciate from you.

Hey and sometimes when things are right, you just know and you feel ok jumping on it and making something happen!!!! After nine months my boyfriend and I bought a house together, and three years later I have no regrets and I am FIERCELY INDEPENDENT... I'm talking I had never even had a roommate before, I always wanted to be able to do my own thing, live where I wanted to live, etc etc.

But, I think that you are feeling sorry for yourself, and jealous of the attention they are receiving, which can be normal feelings sometimes. You need to work on yourself, and keep from self-sabotaging the relationship with your bf, your future sil, future family, etc... oh, and btw.... NO boyfriend's family is EVER going to be "normal" my bf's family is a bunch of FREAKS!!!! But honey, that is what dead bolts are for!!!!! Get used to them, they come in handy.... so do unlisted phone numbers, caller ID, and voice mail. All of the above are very worthwhile investments... TRUST ME!

I don't want to bash people either, but I agree she seems jealous that after painstakingly planning her life, the "SIL" slipped in there and is getting married first. You can't expect people to live their lives like you do, everyone's different.

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"What's got two thumbs and hates Todd Packer, This Guy! Jim Halpert

Yes ,be happy for them....if it turns out to be a huge mistake it's her's to make and should not be your problem. I wasn't dating my husband for very long(less than a year) when we got married and we are still goimg strong almost 8 years later. IMO age has nothing to do with it(my husband is younger than me) it's more about the two people who are involved in the relationship and whether they can make a go of it or not.

I think the thing that needs to be looked at here is yourself. Don't spend so much time planning the future that you miss out on today! Also, as you say, you're a really big planner, which tend to go hand in hand with being controlling. On top of letting his sister plan his own life, make sure that you don't become so controlling that you push your boyfriend away. I don't know you, and I don't know what you are like, so I'm not making any quick judgements, but be conscious of yourself. Take those awesome organizational skills and look inside yourself and recognize that there are some things that you can let go of for the sake of other things and compromise.

*letting his sister plan her own life, oops, my mistake.