Forgiveable, always. That is such a life altering decision that noone has the right to judge you on.

I would say forgiveable. It happened in your past and obviouslly isn't the easiest thing to just tell someone. I would hope that he would understand this.

I would recommend that you tell him before the wedding, even though you had the abortion before he even came along and it's really none of his business. If he feels as though that he can not trust you after you tell him what happened, then he's not the right man for you. You shouldn't have to feel any guilt from anyone else about what you decided to do, and if he would be so immature to let that be a road block in your relationship...then move on. Better to know now than later on in the relationship!

i don't think trust has to mean full disclosure. you had a life before you met him and he had a life before he met you. and i seriously advise AGAINST telling him because a person is entilted to that. if you feel guilty then go to confession, that's what it's for.

why do women feel that if they live something less than their version of a "perfect" life they are either unworthy of love or that they need to burden their significant other with the information? humm, maybe a new way to destroy the current relationship and further prove that we aren't worthy!

think about your wedding vows; they include "from this day forward" for a reason sweetie. let yourself off the hook and enjoy the celebrations ahead. we all do the best we can with the resources available to us at the time and then we need to move on.

I kind of think likckety split is right and I admire her for speaking out. But being the person that I am, I would go ahead and tell him (I'm an honest type, to a fault i think..). I think he'll understand. Make sure you aren't asking forgiveness though! What you're asking for is someone who understands why you did what you did. You didn't do anything wrong (i think you knew that already ).

Absolutely forgiven. LuciLu is right that no one has the right to judge you on such a personal, big life issue. I also agree with lickety that full disclosure isn't necessary when it comes to something like this. My own feeling is that you shouldn't tell him. I'm guessing your fiance had a past too, and there are probably a few things he hasn't told you about as well. And it doesn't matter because it was before you two got together.

You made a decision that was the right one for you. You've moved ahead and now are turning another corner in your life by getting married to a terrific guy. As lickety said - 'from this day forward'. That's what it's about. Not what happened anytime prior.

If you are having trouble, feeling guilty, then I bet you're acting differently. If it will make you feel better, I think you should tell him. It sounds like you have an amazing relationship and from what you said.. he loves and supports you through everything. This shouldn't be any different. I realize there are religious boundaries.. but, just be clear with him who you were in that stage of your life and who you are now. Good luck!

Of course honesty and openness are important in relationships, but that doesn't mean you're obligated to share every extremely personal and private detail about your past. It's not as though this is something about your sexual history that could affect him and that therefore he has a "right" to know (like when one partner has an STD). Even in a marriage, I think people are entitled to keep some things private. That's not the same as hiding something from him--for instance, if this had happened with him and he had been the father, and you didn't tell him about it.

Just follow your conscience on this, and you'll probably realize there's a reason you've never told him.

COMPLETELY FORGIVABLE. I agree with the person who previously said that it would even be fine if you kept this information to yourself. It happened in the past, and you body is your own. Although I see why it is such a dilemma, since he is such a devout Catholic, but this is something extremely personal and private. Honesty may be the best policy, but some things are ok for a person to keep to themselves.

But, if this is causing too much of a strain on your conscience, then do what you feel is best. Make yourself feel ok about sharing first, and never let someone else make you feel guilty about a decision that has made you who you are today :]

i forgive, of course! i agree with everyone here, it's really none of his business what you did when you were 17 and uneducated about safe sex. if you feel guilty about it and it's making your life more hectic than it already is, seek therapy or advice from your priest. after you tell someone else about it, it will probably let some weight off your shoulders. if that doesn't help, then tell him.

sometimes women can't just let a good thing lie. we just have to mess it up somehow, i don't know why that is. maybe we want to feel like it's real or something, who knows. i think that's what is going on here, you want some drama. but it's okay, you're forgiven and you don't NEED to tell him unless you want to.

You should just come out and tell him, if he loves you as much as you say he does there should be no problem considering this was way before you 2 were together and although he is strong in his beliefs he should also understand that your family like you said never put an emphasis on religion. I am sure that he'll understand....

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I totally agree that it's forgivable and i also believe that you should not tell him. Like other said, a real relationship doesn't mean 100% disclosure, esp. about something like this. Some people are funny about things and it doesn't make them or you a bad person. It happened a decent while ago, with someone else, and it was a personal decision for you. It doesn't concern your future and it's probably anxiety about the wedding surfacing in other ways. Let the past be the past.

foregiveable, but i would want to know even though it was so long ago. if you are hurting that bad about it, you should be able to tell your best friend(husband) about it. but if you tell him the issue of "what else are you not telling me" comes up. so its a double edged sword. i personally would want to know.

dont tell him - shhh - itll be between you and the million readers on pop!

Telling will only cause conflict and pain for him. Sure, you might feel a little better, but why potentially ruin a great thing just to get that off your chest? What happened when you were 17 is really none of his business. Don't tell him.

The difference between lying about information and withholding is so subtle...

It sounds like you have come to terms with what happened, but not with the guilt factor. I'm a big believer that guilt can harm relationships if not taken care of so you have two choices:

1) Decide that what's in the past, is past, and that it's not relevant, and STOP feeling guilty.

or

2) Tell him so you don't feel guilty any more.

Like many of the others, I _hope_ you can take the first option and decide that you are going to put this 100% behind you and not feel guilty.

If you are still Catholic, maybe you could actually confess this and then that will help you get it off your chest.

btw, i heart sunday confessionals! so glad they're back!

It's forgivable but I would tell him. I'd be afraid it would come back to haunt you in the future. I know with my pregnancies, my ob/gyn asked about previous pregnancies, miscarriages, abortions, medical history, etc.. and if you two decide to have children together, I'd hate for it to come up then after months/years of being married and not telling him.

definitely forgiveable. ultimately, this is your private & personal matter, and i think it's understandable if you choose to never reveal this. it did happen in the past, and to be completely blunt, has nothing to do with him.

so if you're uncomfy with telling him, then don't.

Forgiveable, and i agree with most of the comments above. However, if this secret is affecting the way you behave and your conscience is not leaving you alone, then I would definitely consider telling him. Good Luck!

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if he really is a good Catholic he will forgive you.

I dont think this is something that you have to disclose to him. It is private and although you are going to spend your lives together does not mean you have to bring up the entire thing. Forgiveable def.

Totally forgivable. That is YOUR business. No one has any right to judge you, and you still agree and accept your own decision. If you think he will be very critical, I would keep it to yourself. He may not ever fully understand your reasons like you do, since you lived it. The only thing is that it will get mentioned at OBGYN visits while trying to get pregnant, etc.

i voted to forgive but also to confess. as a catholic and one who had a good friend and a sister go through this, they both told their significan others. these were very hard decisions for both but in the end, it was very helpful to get through the guilt that they felt after having an abortion and telling their partners helped them both heal and bring closure to the situation.

however, i (and anyone else on this site) cannot tell you to do. only you know how what is truly best for yourself and your fiance. go with your gut and you'll figure out your answer. good luck and congratulations on getting married!

Forgive!!!! I am with everyone else DO NOT TELL. Past is past and you can't change it. Even if you tell him it is not going to change a thing your still going to have the Catholic guilt. Abortion is a very personal decision and it was the right decision for you. Go to confession and don't feel bad about not sharing all your secrets we all have them including your future husband!

Forgive. I think it's a really personal decision whether you decide to tell him about it or not. Is this something that is going to rip your heart out and nag at you if you don't tell him? I think if you believe that at some point in the relationship you will tell him, then it should probably be sooner rather than later. I think if he really loves you he will forgive you for not disclosing it sooner. If on the other hand you think you can get past your feelings about not telling him, and think you can successfully go through life without telling him, then it is also a valid choice to keep your private life before meeting him YOUR business. Do what you feel is right in your heart, only you know what you can live with.

I haven't read all the comments, so I'm sorry if someone else said this already. If you tell him, you might make yourself feel better but you'll be inflicting something on him that will probably always bother him. Why would you do that? Let it bother you, it's your past. Don't put it on him.

So, totally forgive.

forgive,
if he is truely the man you want to be with i'm sure that he will be willing to understand your decision at the time,... i support you in being 100% honest!

Forgivable -- it is not any of his business. Did he straight asked you whether you had ever had an abortion before him?

I'd tell him anyway!!The truth is the best!!

If I were him I would be upset, but I would probably forgive you because it took place a while back. That was something that I think you should have shared with him a long time ago. Put yourself in his shoes, How would you feel?

Regarding the above statement:
"I decided, after much consideration, to have an abortion. I know I did the right thing and to this day stand by my decision, but I never told my fiancé due to his strong religious beliefs."

The big problem with this relationship is that the two partners probably have very different feelings about killing human individuals prior to birth. (It is said that the man is a devout Catholic.) If these differences are not fully understood by both partners, the marriage is unlikely to succeed.
There could be a problem with a pregnancy in the future, and the man might not be able to accept killing the afflicted human, though it is already established that the woman in question is able to do this under certain circumstances of difficulty.

she had a medical procedure at 17, she didn't hack up her roommate at 30. go toss a plastic fetus somewhere else. and btw, legally you can't kill something that isn't alive, and until it takes a breath it isn't.

she was 17 , young and scared...sure there are some of us who don't believe in abortions but cut the girl some slack...you can't judge that a marriage won't work because of a little piece of information you read...I've already commented on this but I say tell him, he should understand...he can't shun you because it did happen years ago and don't take this the wrong way...you were young and dumb back then...it happens we make mistakes and we learn from them...I'm sure he'll understand don't keep it in because it will eat u up and don't listen to the harsh words of others...do what you feel is right

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Definitely forgivable.....what's done is done, it's in the past, leave it there and move on. Besides most people don't reveal all about themselves and sometimes to bring up the past does more harm than good.Unless it's on a need to know basis I see no reason for you to tell him......Good Luck!!!

It wasn't his baby + it was before you were with him = NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!

As most commented before me - he does not need to know. It was not part of life that you shared with him, there might be things from his past that you don't know so you have absolute right not to share everything. I would definitelly keep it to myself.

You are NOT required to tell him every single detail of your life before meeting him, nor should you feel guilty about not telling him. Everyone has secrets. He probably has secrets too. Even if he was pro-choice, it's just not something he needs to know.

Sweetie. I have to agree with the comments above mine. Do you not have to tell him every detail of your past? You were 17. You were a baby yourself. You made a mistake and it shows you feel upset that it happened.

You made the choice that was right for you at the moment. You did not think when you were pregnant "Well I am going to meet the man I want to marry in 2007 and he will not approve of this." You did what was right for you and your partner at that moment. The choice was yours. Not your fiancé. I know you love him very much – but why look at the past when you have a beautiful future ahead of you.

If you still feel that you need to work through this and get if off your chest. I am sure there are support groups in your area or a guidance counselor that can help you with this issue.

Good Luck!

I'm sure he's done things he hasn't told you either! Think of that! Why do you have to confess every action of your past? It has nothing to do with him and you don't regret it. It's your body. If you have issues with the guilt talk to a counselor but for crying out loud, he's not your OWNER and he's not entitled to know every inch of your soul! I'm happily married and I have not discussed all of my past with my husband nor do I feel I have to blurt out every thought I have now. A little bit of mystery is a good thing.

Completely forgivable, but it may be an issue for other reasons. You say he may not trust you if you tell him, but isn't it true that you don't trust him to stand by you right now? I believe couples need to be on the same page about such important issues as religion and children. What if you got pregnant and the fetus had a degenerative disease and you wanted to abort and he didn't? You both want to raise your children Catholic? Your Catholic or his Catholic? What if your teenager came to you with the same issue and he condemned her? There are a lot of issues here.

I agree with the others that you are not required to divulge every secret you've ever had, and I guarantee he hasn't either, and you are not required to speak up. However, if you think the two of you are just not on the same page about important issues, I'd find out before you say "I do." I don't pretend to be a psychiatrist, but though you've said you're feeling the need to be honest out of guilt, I'm guessing you also fear he wouldn't love you anymore if he knew. Only you know what's right for you and whether you can deal with not having that question answered before you get married.

In my opinion, it's none of his business. It happened before your relationship with him. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about as far as he goes. You may be harboring a sense of guilt from the abortion itself, in which case, I recommend talking to a professional.

I honestly think to quote Kelly Osbourne, "It's your vagina, your business." I do think that you should be honest in a relationship, but you also have a right to keep certain things to yourself, and you don't have to give your fiance your autobiography. Obviously an abortion is a big deal, but this happened a long time ago, and it wasn't his baby so I don't think it's his business. But since you're so afraid to tell him out of fear that he'll judge you I think that either he must be very judgemental or you might be feeling guilty and judging yourself too harshly. So maybe you should work on accepting yourself and forgiving yourself and once you do that you won't care about his or anyone else's approval on the matter. Make peace with the issue on your own, and you might want to tell him in order to be more authentic, but withholding this doesn't make you a bad person in the least, and if he thinks you are you need to tell him it's not his place to judge, when's the last time he's gotten pregnant?

I think it is alright to forgive, mainly considering it wasn't HIS kid you were killing. You should be honest about it with him, the sooner the better because if he finds out on his own he may not be so quick to forgive.

I voted forgive and say that telling him would be a mistake. Your life before he entered it is yours to disclose. It's virtually the same as your right to tell how many partners you've had. It's your business, your past, and your past heartbreak. The only person who will need to know this is your Ob-gyn when it is time for you to have kids.

Although that could pose a problem if your husband plans to be a part of that whole process, he may inadvertantly find out. But if it were me i would tell him then, when the time arose. Not now, right before a wedding where giant confessions can throw people into a tizzy b/c of the stress.

He fell in love with the woman you are, not the decisions you made at 17.

Certainly forgiveable. One thing you may want to keep in mind though, is that some women have complications with pregnancy further down the road following an abortion, and if you do have complications, your secret may come out with the doctor and you'll be forced to tell him anyways.

Good luck with what you do! Congratulations on the wedding!

Not forgivable. As one might expect, your concern here seems to be about yourself. You might lose YOUR fiance'. How the baby that resulted from your freely made decisions would cramp YOUR style. Your fiance' absolutely needs know the magnitude of self-absorption and narcissism he'll be dealing with, since you may have otherwise been able to hide it from him. These decisions are integral to and reveal who you really are. If this comes out later, you will be facing divorce and more ruined lives. Nip it in the bud. You should be familiar with the concept, although in this case it may cost YOU, not an innocent life, so will be more difficult. If my partner has been in prison or is a psychopathic killer, I really need to know. Listen to all these people advise you it's forgivable but, oh, by the way, don't tell him .... that ought to tell you everything.

To put it a different way: telling your fiance' is an excellent opportunity to find out if he deserves you. If he is willing to forgive you, you will know you have a gem who will likely let you do whatever you push for as long as there are no consequences to him. No judgementalism, no accountability, just lots of fun. 'Cause that's what marriage is for. If he doesn't forgive you, why would you want to spend your life with him anyway? He obviously only wants to control you. Good riddance! (I'm just trying to phrase this so it sounds reasonable to narcisstic personalities; if I were to say things like "Apparently, he can't have the freedom to choose, can he?" or "Why do you care what strangers on the Internet think more than your fiance'?" it probably won't resonate ... but whether he forgives you or not, or you tell him or not, you are already setting up for inevitable divorce. The fact the advice on here is almost entirely along the lines of "forgivable ... but don't tell him" and the culture has 50% divorce rates, well, you start to see why.)

I would tell him now. It was something in the past and if he really love you it will not be a problem for him. You need to let go of the guilt so tell him. I'm sure it will be hard but I'm sure he's done things he hasn't told you about. It's the past....if it is hurting you now...you need to let it out and you can move on.

I agree that is in your past.
If you are truly ok with you decision then leave it there and do not tell him
. It was a choice you and your then boyfriend and partner made. He loves you for who you are.if you cannot keep this from him, then explain that to him and I am sure he is smart enough to understand your position back then.if you think he will get really mad at you being' ok' with aborting then feign you regret it . The argument that would otherwise follow is not worth it. How you feel inside with your decision is all that matters.