Since your boyfriend is heading out for a night with a buddy, you decide to take advantage of having your shared apartment to yourself, assuming he won’t be home until 2 a.m. But when you wake up at a half past three and there’s still no sign of him, you’re concerned and call his cell phone. When he doesn't answer, you start to become a mix of worried and annoyed.
He rolls in just after four, and you’re still awake waiting for him. When you confront him about staying out so late, he starts getting defensive, and claims he shouldn’t have a “curfew.” His response just made you more angry, so how would you handle this?
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A very obviously untrustworthy characteristic, there's zero reason/need for him to be out that late. I can't survive being w/ a guy when I don't feel 120% trusting of him/his actions. I'd have just give get out of this relationship. And you know what, attached guys should have "curfews" it's a respect issue and nothing good happens that late- just trouble!
1my man would never do this in the first place. he knows...and if he does stay out late (like past 2) he lets me know (calls or tells me WAAAY before).
2My ex pulled this on a regular basis, I'd wait for him and call him (he never answered), turns out he was cheating on me.
3Same thing with my boy Lovely!
4I'd be like, "Okay, I'm staying out until dawn with the girls tomorrow. Let's see how YOU deal with it."
5I think if my boyfriend had a night out with his pals I wouldn't worry about him staying out late (past 4 or whatever time it is), and probably wouldn't pick a fight with him even if I was awake when he came in. So yeah, don't see this happening.
6richkidblues-one of my ex's did too. Only he didnt just stay out till 4 am. He didnt come home til 1 the next afternoon.
7I'm with Jude C.
8I'm with Jude too.. It's unacceptable.
My husband is way more laid back, rarely goes out.. I'm younger than him, so he doesn't mind me going out to 'get it out of my system'.. but I always call to check in with him so he knows I'm okay or whatever. Or I text him. And if he ever gets insecure about me going out, I am more than willing to have him come along with me!
...but I would never tolerate such rude behavior from a lover like that. I try to treat the loves of my life how I want to be treated.
9richkidblues - my ex did this too...in university he'd routinely come home between 4-6am...and he was cheating on me too.
10His lack of respect for me would lead the our shared apartment being his apartment.
11I don't mind having him stay out that late once in a while - he's allowed to do whatever he wants. My only problem is when he says he's going to come home at, say, midnight, and then doesn't show up or call until 4AM. This leaves me sleepless and extremely grumpy. If he calls or texts to say he's going to be out late, then by all means, stay out. At least I'll get some sleep.
12If he's that upset about being confronted, he was likely doing something he's not proud of. If he'd done nothing wrong, I'd assume he'd just apologize.
13I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend stayed out that late. I know his friends (they're my friends too!) and I completely trust him. If I didn't trust him completely and felt uncomfortable about it, I think there would be something wrong with our relationship. Also, if he did it over and over instead of spending some nights with me, I would be a little concerned.
14I'd probably ask him how he'd feel if I were out until the wee hours of the morning.
And the whole "I shouldn;t have a curfew" thing? C'mon, that's just immature.
15I understand that my man needs his time away from me with his buddies, so do I. The only thing I would be getting after him about is answering his phone. He's had me waiting up for him all night worried and pissed off, the least he could do is answer his phone so I know he is alright. But deep down I would be pissed. Of course, no grown man needs a curfew.
16Honestly I would back down and not fight with him, because if this were my ex, he'd be so angry from being drunk anyway he'd take everything I said as a challenge. This isn't something I'd get upset about anyway - sometimes nights go late and chances are I would've been in bed for a few hours already. Now, if the shoe were on the other foot, and I didn't answer my phone while out, my ex would've been really upset. But after we lived together for awhile we just didn't care.
17I'm with Berem, i trust him and his friends..iSince when is 4am out all night anyway!
18I understand being worried about someone being out late for a lot of reasons. If I ever had this problem, I'd just ask him to text or call after a certain time to let me know he was planning on staying out late so I could stop wondering. If your intuition tells you he's up to no good, though, he probably is.
19What's to handle? I'm not his mother. I would have gone back to sleep and not worried about it, so there would have been no fight. I wouldn't be with somebody I didn't trust.
20I don't think my boyfriend would do this...whenever I goes out and he goes out and we know that its going to be a late night we will likely call/txt each other to let the other person know.
Even if he is with the guys or at a place where he can't pick up the phone (ie, loud rock concert, the guys will tease him because its a 'man night', its impolite because it is during dinner..and etc) when I call, he will txt me and ask me what's up and if he knows I am calling because its getting late he will txt to let me know what he is up to (ex. Opening Band was super late getting on...will probably be late coming home don't wait up.). I don't think that is out of common courtsey and there should be no reason he doesn't pick up or calls you or txts you once he realizes he has missed a call
21There is nothing to handle he is a grwon up and I am not his mother. If you really trust eachother this shouldn't be an issue. Common courtesy would be to give a ring but I agree since when is 4am out all night! I stay out that late all the time.
22i backhanded him.
23I'd probably ask him where he was and to let me know what time he'd be out until, or to phone if he was going to be so late again.
If he did it a second time with no communication the fur would fly!
244am isn't "all night long" but bars close well before that, and he could have had the courtesy to at least explain 'oh well we stayed til last call then went out for food after and then there weren't any cabs so i ended up waiting for 20 minutes'...and then you'd understand and not worry...but getting defensive means something is up
25I think if you are married, or cohabitating, a curfew is a little juvenile. People can do pretty much the same things before midnight, they can do after midnight. I think knowing where he is and who with are the important issues, not how late he is.
Last call here is 2:30 Am, must clear bars by 3 Am, so getting home between 3 and 4 isn't shocking. He and his buddy could have been talking or something after they got out of the bar.
It is the unanswered cell phone that sets off my alarms, especially when there didn't seem to be a reason he didn't answer (like an accident, so forth) and then he arrived home shortly after she was calling.
26I would like to know what he said about not answering the call, more then the time of night.
If he had called then it would have been no big deal. I guess I'd get all pissy for awhile and then try to make a deal with him that if either of us are going to be out past 2, to call. But if my instincts were telling me something else was going on besides just a drunken night with the guys then I'm not too sure what I would do.
27My guy is a bit of a homebody so this isn't an issue. If he did go out, he'd know to call me if he was going to be out till 6am though.
28Now see.. I'm with miriah15 here.. If it's after 2-2:30AM - give a call. My husband and I just don't stay out past 2-3 anymore since we had our daughter. Yeah, a long time ago I'd call it a night around 4-8AM, but not now days... now that we're married and getting older. It just seems like common courtesy, especially since most places close up around 2am over here. (My man would have to be at an after-hours bar/club or the porno store or very rarely at a friend's house. But my husband doesn't like hanging out with his friends for that long - he thinks that is 'gay'.. He doesn't even like to leave the house anymore, so it would definitely look ssstrrrange in my husband's case.. I guess that's why he is my husband and not an immature boyfriend).
29My boyfriend is out for the night and I can't help but worry. He rarely goes out but this might mean that, instead of keeping a level head, he might go crazy seen as he's not on a leash. I phoned him up and he was being crazily defensive, asking if I don't trust him and what not. Also he told me specifically that he was quite drunk already (by this time it was only 10pm) having had 8 tequila shots and a few pints. He also told me that he was with about 5 or 6 girls including guys. I didn't ask for any of this info, but it seems like he is trying to give me a reason to worry!
Also he told me that he'll be in at 2am or 3am and if he "remembers" to call me then he will.
Any possible connotations of this?
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