Are you interested in fitness at all? You could join a yoga/pilates/etc class. You'll have somewhere to socialize, something to do without your boyfriend, and the exercise will give you a physical and mental boost.

What are you doing right now? Are you working? In school? When you don't know what to do, the best thing to do is everything. Even something you're remotely curious about (painting, photography, gardening, local history, car maintenance, whatever)-take a class, read a book, join a club, go job hunting, volunteer, try something new. If it turns out you didn't even enjoy half the things you tried, that's even better because you're one step closer to finding something you will like.

i think you should be commended for looking to yourself, to see what makes you happy. That will only help your relationship. I think you are on the right track and should really feel good about yourself. Make a list of what you like and then go from there!

You are at a very exciting place!

i 100% agree with Pistil, couldn't have said it better.

Find something you like to do by trying lots of things. After a soul-sucking relationship, I started taking weekend classes at a local community college in all sorts of stuff. Candle making, script writing, yoga, appraising real estate- anything that sounded interesting. They were cheap, and I felt independent and had fun. Plus they are a good way to meet people. In the end I discovered that what made me the happiest was volunteering with a dog rescue group and creative writing- 6 years later I still do both and couldn't be happier.

Also, don't forget who is #1: you!

im in that situation right now. ive been in this relationship for a year and half and i feel like reading old journals help to freshen my memory of who i was before i "merged" into a team.

pistils def right. i recently joined a yoga class and its a time set apart for myself without him in it. also try going to a party or event by yourself instead of being invited as a couple. it helps remind other people that you can be independent.

what an odd coincidence- i JUST experienced that over the last month. i'm in a long distance relationship, and after my boyfriend's last visit i had been at a crossroads when he left when i realized how utterly sad, depressed, and confused i was by being a part of a couple, having to have blind faith, and missing someone i love. i totally withdrew for about a week to figure out why i felt so lost without him, despite having so much to focus on (school, namely), and why i felt so hopeless.

i completely commend you for recognizing this and being determined to seek out your happiness. a happier you is definitely a happier relationship, but more importantly it strengthens your self-esteem and your sense of well-being for years to come.

i agree with all the others who have mentioned fitness and other activities you've ever been curious about. after my recent bout, i decided to train for a half-marathon (something i've never done before) for a good cause and i've met some wonderful people and feel really empowered training for a goal. you should consider something like this!

all the best, and have fun on your journey

I know how you feel, I've been in a relationship 4 1/2 years now and while I love my boyfriend to death I've had to take a look at myself recently. I don't know if you're a big reader but I love reading when I have "me" time. Sometimes being so wrapped up in my relationship I can get upset when my boyfriend takes an extra shift or goes golfing. That's when I remind myself I need to be equally as independent so even when I can't see him sometimes I'm happy about it now because I can finish that great book. I agree with others too that joining a class or attending an event on your own is great too. I have a few places I can go to and take part in a dance class whenever I want for $10 a class and it's a really great way to feel like I have something of my own to do.

You received some excellent input so far.

Your struggle hits close to home. What you're trying to attain is something very important to me, too. The way I balance my roles (wife, sister, friend, etc.) and my independence is by regarding myself as wearing different hats. There are times when I'm wearing my wife hat, and other times when I'm wearing my friend hat, etc. Every given week, I try to wear as many varied hats as I can. As far as my independence and caring for myself, that special hat is called "Being My Own Bestfriend" hat. Like the other hats, I try to wear that hat some time during that week, too, by pursuing my own interests and hobbies. This is when I exercise, and work on my own business projects. I have a big hat closet, and one of those hats is about me and my self-happiness. I make sure I put that hat on regularly (as well as my other hats).

Hope this helps.

Trust me those kinds of feelings are normal. It is hard to remember there is an "I" in the relationhip & not just "we." I am somewhat in the same kind of situation - I broke off a 3 year relationship because my time was like work, school, boyfriend, work, school, boyfriend, etc. I woke up one day and was like wait what about me?

The others' suggestions are great. You just need to sit back & actually think about yourself for once. What makes you laugh/have fun? Try different things.. the possibilities are endless

Good luck!

One of my friends said something to me a few years ago "you need to get used to spending time on your own because you're going to spend a damn long time with yourself!"

I recommend the gym, going walking, taking up extra classes in a college (like learning a language or something) or... I don't know. I volunteer at the local animal shelter and walk dogs when I feel down.

I'm pretty sure everyone has been in this situation before. I know I have. There's plenty you can do: join a dance or fitness class, explore hobbies online or in classes, and just know what you like to do when you're alone at home, like reading or blasting music (my personal favorite.) Also, declare your individual favorite things. Just make sure that you're not sucked into every aspect of his life to the point where everything you do is done because HE likes it.

I am going through this exact situation right now. I'm 19 years old, and I have let the past two years of my life be completely centered around my relationship. My boyfriend and I were on and off through this entire time... It was very rocky, mostly because of my personal problems. Like you, I have been struggling with depression for a long time, but it seems that when I had such an unstable relationship, it made it so much worse. I started taking Yaz birth control when I realized I have PMDD, but when I was still upset all the time anyway, I started to realize that it is a problem with myself, one that I can't blame on my chemical makeup.

Now that my relationship is over for good, I have realized what you have: that I have lost my sense of self. I don't even have fun anymore, because my sadness and bad attitude literally effect me physically. Everyday I am always just exhausted and lethargic. All I want to do is just lie in bed and read or watch TV and sleep.

I finally decided that I must change, and I realized that I can't change by living the same life as right now... so I decided to study abroad in Spain this semester. I look at it as not only a way to get away from my ex-boyfriend so that I can get over him, but mostly to get out of my comfort zone, live by the basic necessities, and learn about life and a new culture... This is really cheesy, but I really was inspired by the movie Under the Tuscan Sun in doing this... not that you have to go all the way to Europe to start anew. You can certainly make small changes in your life. Everything from cleaning out your house or closet to getting a new haircut to taking up a hobby that you've never considered before. I think the most important thing is to just LET GO... let things just take a natural, worry-free flow and to never blame yourself for anything anymore. Another thing I am trying to do is to have a more positive outlook on my life. I feel like even if deep down you are negative about yourself or about something in your life, by being positive outwardly and even telling yourself positive things mentally, you can train yourself to stop thinking negatively.

I didn't really understand if you and your boyfriend are back together or not, but if you are, just remember that your life is YOUR LIFE! Your relationship will be so much better if you have your life and he has his... but you still can come together and enjoy parts of each other's lives. I know that I smothered my ex-boyfriend, because when he wanted to do his own thing at certain times, I was always angry. I realized I wasn't angry at him, I was jealous, because he still had his life even with me, yet I had none.

I hope that helps. Please keep in touch!

Find a list of community education classes and sign up for a few. They cost as little as $7.00 peterm, meet once a week usually, and you can take everything from hip hop dance to creative writing to chemistry. This is a great way to explore new hobbies and meet other people who are interested in getting out and expanding their horizons.

I think it's wonderful that you are doing this looking inside yourself and trying to figure out what you want.

After glancing at the other responses I want to say that they are very good suggestions.. I also would like to add that a life coach could be very helpful in this journey. he/she can give you tools to figure out what it is you want and can help you dig deep within yourself to answer questions that may have been lingering or even hidden that you may not know what is there. If you'd rather not go that route, check out the self help section of your library or bookstore for other suggestions.

Good luck and have fun!!

I could not have come across your story at a better time. i have a wonderful boyfriend of 1 1/2 years. labor day is my birthday and i just realized i have been stuck in his apartment for the past two days and it is killing me. i was invited out by friends and family but i declined now i am bored to death with nothing to do. worst of all i wont be spending my birthday with him because he is going to his familys house and i do not want to end up sitting on someone elses couch on my birthday because i am not familiar with his family. i just realized i put everyone else off for him. a habit i have to change. also i have nothing to keep me occupied. i guess it is time to reevaluate huh?

I'm 23 and been in a relationship 5 years, married 3. It's hard not doing something for him or for my friends so I wrote down what I want to do for myself: meditate when I can, go to church (nice quiet time and I get to remember why I do so much for those I love), read a book...ANY book, and finish the book I started writing. You haven't lost you, she's just buried and you got to find her again.

I've been reading a lot of these symptoms people have...and while I acknowledge that depression and other mental chemical imbalances exists, it is NOT an excuse to take responsibility for your actions. A lot of people believe there's something wrong with them because they have ADD, PMS, PMDD or whatever abbreviations are out there...and most people take the easy way out and just band-aid the real issue with pills like zoloft and ritalin or whatever. In the end, the only thing that you need to do is admit that getting better is getting off your butt and do something you've never wanted to do for a long time and that requires CHANGE.

Whatever that is, no one here can tell you. How you're going to do that? We don't know. If your inspiration is a thing or a person, you better find it.

In the meantime, watch this movie called "Charlie Bartlett". This is the synopsis and wraps up my entire point (this movie may very well be the epitome of your crisis).

Charlie Bartlett has been kicked out of every private school he ever attended. And now that he's moved on to public school, he's simply getting pummeled. But when Charlie discovers that the kids who surround him--the outcast and the popular alike--are secretly in desperate need, his entrepreneurial spirit takes over. Hanging up his shingle in the Boys' restroom, Charlie becomes an underground, not to mention under-aged, shrink who only listens to the private confessions of his schoolmates, and makes the imprudent decision to hand out the pills he's proffered from his own psychiatric sessions. Meanwhile, at home, Charlie keeps charming his way out of an inevitable confrontation his adoring but utterly overwhelmed mother Marilyn. Then, Charlie Bartlett makes his big mistake--falling in love with the beautiful and bold daughter of the school's increasingly disenchanted Principal, who is hot on his trail. As Charlie Bartlett's world and fledgling psychiatric practice unravel, he begins to discover there's a whole lot more to making a difference than handing out pills.

I felt like this once. So I signed up for AmeriCorps and moved away for a year. I didn't know anyone within 600 miles of where I was living. Each day I woke up and had no idea what to do with myself because for the past 3 years I'd been so wrapped up in wondering what my ex wanted to do every day.

It was strange, waking up every day and asking "What do I want to do today?" I ended up reading a lot, writing a lot, learning to cook, learning some Ojibwe, going dog sledding, coaching a girl's soccer team, volunteering on the board of a non-profit and the list goes on.

You know what I used to do with my ex-boyfriend? I watched TV all day.

Ask yourself... what gives you joy? What gave you joy as a child? It's a big, beautiful, crazy world out there. Go explore what makes you, YOU. Go find what makes you tick!

I think that you'll find the very process of that search is what brings you the happiness you desire. Happiness is never the end-game.

This could have been me last year (when I also would have been 22). I love my husband to death but I didn't have any hobbies or fun things to do for myself. What I have started doing is just realizing when I'm doing something I enjoy and make an effort to do that more. I love being online so I do that for a little while each day. I also made a list of all the things that I enjoy so if I'm ever bored or can't decide what I want to do I pull out the list and just pick a number. It's best to have a broad range of hobbies. Lately I've been working on redecorating our house so I'm trolling blogs and websites and magazines to get some ideas. I'm also going through all my family's photos and scanning all the ones I want so I can get my own copies printed up. I have been listening to music a lot more. I read tons of magazines and books. I workout and enjoy being active. A lot of these things you don't even need to leave the house to do. If you wanted to do something outside of the house you could join a class or spend a night every week with your friends. I think it's good that you realized this and want to change and do things for yourself.

I've had a difficult time trying to find what makes me happy outside of my relationship with my boyfriend, too, and the relationships I have with my family and good friends. It's so hard to step away from all of them to figure out what you need and want out of life, but sometimes, it's necessary to do so from time to time. Otherwise, we'd be left having no concept of who are as individuals and growing bitter of everyone we love...

The best thing to do is to try anything that interests you, like a great deal of the people on this posting have said. Though it can be scary (meeting new people and trying something different), it will help to give you a better sense of who you are b/c you'll figure out what you like to do and, hopefully, continue doing what makes you happy (by realizing the importance of it and the excitement it brings you).

I wish you all of the best!

What fascinated you as a child/young girl? What were your interests then? Can you incorporate them into your life now in some way?