Dear Sugar,

I dated someone for almost three years until he started to feel less for me. We thought we solved it, but a week later we broke up. We continued to hook up afterwards, but it didn't take long for him to date someone else. Eventually I did too, and I love my boyfriend more than anything, however I still think about my ex sometimes. We talk and see each other every once in a while. I've held onto all of his emails, cards, and gifts and whenever I go through them, I get very emotional and think I want him back. Does this mean I still want to be with him or is he just my first love that I won't ever forget about?

— Past Pleasures Paige

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Dear Past Pleasures Paige,

I don't think it's at all weird to harbor fond memories of past relationships or a specific ex, and there's nothing wrong with caring for an ex and being in love with your boyfriend, but if the longing for something else is affecting your current relationship then perhaps it's time to put the past to rest. Stop lingering through all the remnants of your old relationship and avoid hanging out with him for a while. Try to refocus your energy on the present and making new memories.

If after all this you still find yourself wanting your ex more than your boyfriend, perhaps it's time for serious reflection away from both men. Realize that in the end, it's not so much a matter of whether or not you want your ex back, but rather if you truly want to be in your current relationship. Only you can decide what's right for you, so listen to your instincts above all else.

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