of course its normal. everyone gets to thinking during the engagement. if you don't have any major problems then its definitely cold feet. try to extend your engagement if you are absolutely not sure but i think what youre asking here is how you can guarantee that you will be together forever and that you will still think you made the right decision years from now. You can't. the best you can do is be honest with eachother and to yourself and know that you are doing the right thing for the moment. a lot of people go into their weddings truly in love and then later on things dont work out and then theres people that go into their marriage completely scared and unsure and they end up together forever. theres no way of knowing you just have to hope for the best. good luck and congrats!

It's normal to have jitters. Sometimes it's okay, but in your case, the wedding is still "a few months" away, which to me means 3 or more. You shouldn't be having doubts this far ahead. Normal cold feet kick in a week or two before the wedding, maybe even upon arrival at the church.

Allow yourself to think about the idea of calling off the engagement. Sit down, write in a journal, ask yourself if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this guy, and let yourself answer honestly. Don't worry about wedding costs, what people might say, how he'll feel, etc. The rest of your life is at stake. If you brush away that little warning voice now, you'll only come to regret it later.

The average age of the first divorce in this country is now 29. I'm 30 and can't tell you how many friends of mine are already divorced and sharing custody or acting as single mothers. They went into marriage thinking "things would get better" or thinking "he'd grow up" or worse, "he'll get better once we have kids." So many women are anxious to buy a house and have kids that they dive in when they're not ready, or not with the right guy.

The guy you're about to marry is the same guy you'll be with forever. He will not change. He will not grow up if he hasn't already. He will be the same guy, exactly who he is now, forever.

how do you know when "normal" cold feet kick in, luisa?

2 to 3 weeks? since when? where is this documented?

I've never been married or engaged, so I have no idea what it feels like, but I would imagine the thought that it might be wrong/rushed/whatever could cross your mind as soon as you make the commitment.

Whether it hits when you're first engaged or a few months before the wedding, my point is that true cold feet don't kick it that far ahead of time. I believe "cold feet" is defined as a last-minute scare, a feeling of nervousness about what's going to happen. I do not consider "cold feet" to be a long-term, lingering doubt that sets in months before the wedding.

My educated opinion is based on conversations with many, many divorced friends. Including two who are in the process of divorcing right now. In nearly every case, they say, "I knew before we were even engaged." or "I knew it wasn't right when we were planning the wedding." This girl needs to listen to that voice.

Sometimes when I imagine myself pregnant and having children, I get an anxiety attack. Ok, so it sounds like it's got nothing to do with your predicament, but it does - big commitments are f*cking scary. Not asking yourself all those questions would be weird - however crazy in love you are. That's what I believe anyway - and I think what you're going through is normal, especially when you're cumulating all those stress factors. Now think long and hard whether you LOVE this guy - like, is he family? Do you love him warts and all? Or did you get swept up in the wedding fantasy? Sometimes when the going gets rough, I look at my boyfriend when he's sleeping and wonder what I'd do if he had cancer (I know, I sound like a nutjob - but the image really gives you perspective...) - and the answer always comes back that I'd want to be there at every minute and that all the crap we're bickering about is so minute compared to my love and devotion for him.

I'm sure this didn't help much, but all I can say is - being scared of committing is normal. There's no timetable on cold feet. You guys need to relax, maybe take a weekend away, and remember why you're doing this in the first place.

Most couples get cold feet before the actual wedding. Even the fighting is normal. It seems couples put so much of their mental energy toward having the "perfect" wedding. Plus with the new jobs, that's more added stress. You and your bf have got to be mentally exhausted. It's okay to take a break and not think about what has to be done next. It'll all work out just fine. Spend an evening with the bf, don't talk about wedding and other crap. Just enjoy each other and remember what brought you two together. Chill Out!!!!

I'd go with the other advice. Just take some time out, maybe a mini-vacation somewhere or something. Do you need to have a massive wedding? If you feel that a huge wedding you need to plan is too much then scale it down a little, nobody is going to slam on you for that!

If you are having jitters then it IS normal but you just need to go with your gut instinct.

Nothing is ever "normal" it is just what is common:) Normal doesn't exist so don't get caught up in comparing yourself with others. You certainly should get cold feed IMO because you are truly coming down to the end where there isn't any going back. You can't just get in an argument and break up, you will be legally bound. You are just coming to a very mature realization that this is the person that you are about to be contracted to stay together with, say vows in front of many, and you don't want to go down a path that will lead you to divorce. So it's very smart to question whether or not he's the right one because if you don't, then how will you ever know? You can't assume the answer to a question that is never asked. A wise thing to do is sit down and figure out why you are questioning if he is the right one and then address each of those issues separately. THEN you'll know if it's just jitters, smart thinking, or really that you're realizing you made the wrong decision. Don't be afraid to question it! Better now than getting hitched and then finding out.