Not Forgive.

It's only a matter of time before resentment settles in. Personally, I have gone to something similar and I've never forgotten...it gets in the way of a real friendship. I wasn't interested on being friends again...the friendship was OVER.

BTW, I think she'll just use you until she finds some new friends and settles.

Are you kidding me? It's been 7 years! Of course forgive her! Geez, and why would she bring it up, she was a foolish kid in high school and now she's moved on. People do stupid things when their young, you should give her a chance. Why not let sleeping dogs lie? What's the point in rehashing out something with an ex high school lover? You would never have married him (more than likely, it's very uncommon to marry the kid from high school and if you do, even more unlikely you'd stay married). I do think you should take a step back and realize what she did isn't the end of the world and probably saved you from being with a cheater anyways! Again she was a kid, so were you, and now you both should (have) grown up a bit.

I think is a matter of TRUST...not of past actions. I'm not the poster but I could never TRUST my "friend" again.

Have a drink and if you don't click then move on.

I say Not Forgive for one main reason: if it was genuinely your friendship that she wanted, she could have contacted you at any point in the past seven years. However, she only chooses to e-mail you once she's all alone in a new city with no friends. I'm sure she's hoping you won't bring up the past incident and simply introduce her to some new people. She's being selfish once again...don't reply and move on.

Forgive her. It was 7 years ago people change. I went to my 20 year reunion this summer and no one was like they were in high school in fact we all had a great time and the one person that couldn't get over something that happened just looked like an idiot when she refused to talk to someone. We all make mistakes and you can dwell or move on. Meet her for a drink and if she is someone you want to rekindle a friendship with than go for it.

My gosh, forgive. I graduated high school 5 years ago, and when I think of how different people are when I run into them, I can't imagine holding a grudge against someone for what they did when we were kids.

Besides, you say you "don't care about what happened seven years ago," so why is it an issue of forgiveness? You clearly have already gotten over it, so it isn't.

Not forgive! I know people make mistakes, but her stabbing you in the back with your boyfriend was not a one time mistake. People like that will stab you in the back again and again as long as you allow it. If she'll do that to you once, she'll do it again.

I'd never forgive. There are enough people in the world that you don't need the extra weight of someone who did something this sh*tty to you. I don't know, that's just me - I don't forgive betrayals. She screwed your guy, for f*ck's sakes. In my world, she could drop dead for all I'd care.

Forgive, but only if you can be wary. Being friendly to her in a new city does nothing but show that you can be mature and adult in spite of what she did to you. Maybe she glossed over her cheating in her e-mail because she didn't think it was the appropriate place to discuss it. If she really has turned over a new leaf and is sorry, you might get a friend back. If not... oh well!

I say not forgive b/c in her email she should have said how sorry she was and how she regrets it.

Forgive you will feel better.Have dinner and talk maybe she has grown up!Some things you do at 18 you would never do at 25.

Forgive her, but only if it is brought up (which in my opinion, she should bring it up regardless if it was 7 years ago!). I can understand your concern, but you were and still are the better person. Show her that by taking the high road. I doubt I'd go all out and become great friends again, but take a day and show her around the city. You have moved on and are doing great and you can take this opportunity to show her that.

and it sounds like she wants to use you to make friends

Okay, I guess I'll be the first to start a chain of echoes:

I wonder if *anyone* who has recently submitted a story for this particular weekly poll actually comprehends the definition of the word "confession."

i say meet up with her and see how you feel-THEN decide

She's had a long time to contact you, but it seems like she might be doing it now out of convenience.

Agreed with nonnymouse! You can't confess someone else's sins. I never liked this feature to begin with because getting a group of women together to collectively judge someone (who is anonymous but probably reads the whole thing) leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but lately none of these have been even jiving with the format. Not so much the fault of the people submitting them as the person posting them - the editors/DearSugar should pick up on this. Oh well.

I agree - why are people "confessing" to other people's deeds? Me no likey.

I am undecided. You should meet her first and see what happens before making that call.

Not forgive. Why would you invite this woman back into your life again? Besides, if she was a decent person, I would think she would have bought up the past, and expressed some remorse. JMHO.

Personally, I say hell no. I had two friends do this to me - one kissed my boyfriend behind my back and had everyone keep it a secret - the other slept with a guy I was seeing and lied to me about it. Regardless of the guys - who were problems in and of themselves - that's not the type of behavior you want to invite back into your life. I don't speak to those women anymore and ignore attempts at reconciliation. I'd either ignore her or tell her in no uncertain terms that while you're not bitter about the guy, you're not sure she's someone you want to be friends with based on her past deception, and you wish her well.

I'd forgive because it's a negative thing to hold onto resentment but I wouldn't want her back in my life.

Why bother? You said that in your mind the friendship was over. Don't look back.

I agree with serial, don't look back and in your mind you said the friendship is over. It took her 7 years to contact you. She just wants to use you because she's just lonely.

She doesn't sound genuine.

NOT forgive, but only until you meet with her. If she apologizes for the past and her mistake, DO recognize her genuine effort...

but if not, f*ck it. move on.
it would take me A LOT of apologizing and time for me to get over something like that.

FIRST LOVE ladies, FIRST LOVE.
that sh*t isn't easy to get over.

Sometimes, great friends start as enemies.

The way I see it, she showed you her true colors when she decided to mess around with your boyfriend. You can move on from that no problem, but can you/should you ever trust her again around your boyfriends? In my opinion, once a "friend" shows you that she has no problem hooking up with someone you care for, she cannot be trusted, even years later. What's the point of being friends with someone you cannot trust? You would constantly have to watch your back, and make sure she's not going after another man in your life... I voted not forgive, but I think the issue is more about not forgetting.

Apparently I got against the general consensus.

A lot can happen in 7 years, I am in no way the same person I was 7 years ago. From what I understand it was a high school relationship that drifted a bit into college.

So that meant you were about 18 ish when things didn't work out. Now you are 25ish? I think you should hang out and see how things click. She may be way too different, or you may be and the friendship doesn't stick.

But I don't think holding a grudge from 7 years past is healthy.

Like some others have said, meet her for a drink or for lunch or something, and if you two don't click and you are still upset about what happened, walk away.
You don't have to be her friend, but I think trying might be a good idea.

This was 7 years ago when the two of you were in high school. People change a lot in those years and I'm sure she's grown up. Go out with her one time and see how things go, if it's awkward or you're not getting a good vibe from her than you don't have to pick up the relationship again.

I think the question should be: Does the other girl want to be friends with someone who is judging her based on something that happened 7 years ago while in high school?

Honestly, don't contact her for her sake. No need to lower yourself to hang out with someone you deem "unworthy" to be your friend.

Let's hope you haven't made any mistakes in your life and that people aren't judging you as harshly for them!

There is no forgiveness in Siddmanland!

A part of me wants to say forgive; give her anothe chance; it was so long ago, blah blah blah. But she was untrustworthy beyond the point of forgiveness once. Chances are, she probably would be again, given all the right circumstances. I say, pass.

forgive if you want, but DON'T invite her back into your life. you can do better than this woman, and since she's only contacting you because she needs something it's not a true offer of friendship. she sounds like a user.

If it were me, I might forgive, but I would never forget. I would never trust this girl again, and I would not want to be friends with someone that would do that. No matter how much time has gone by, that tells me what her values are. I think that a girl that would behave this way was never your true friend.
Even if she has changed considerably, it sounds like she wasn't even the one to tell you what happened, so she was also dishonest. Won't this issue be in your mind the whole time that you are with her, anyways? And if you do decide to see her/become friends again, never and I mean NEVER introduce her to a boyfriend or guy that you like.

I completely agree with gossipqueen - this girl has no sense of loyalty or decency. My guess is that she just wants to latch onto you for a little while so that she'll have SOMEONE - obviously she NEEDS to have SOMEONE - make friends with your friends, flirt with your guy friends, then once she's plugged in she won't feel like she owes you anything. She sounds like a toxic friend to me. Don't bring that back into your life. Don't stay angry at her but just MOVE ON from her.

she's just using you
i might say forgive under different circumstances, but why would you want a person like this leeching on you and your friends in a city you've worked hard to become a part of? she will just do what she did in highschool again, with new people...why bother?

"There is no forgiveness in Siddmanland!"

But are there spoons?

no point in risking the possibility of the past repeating itself plus, you'll never be able to forget what she did to you and you'll always be waiting and wondering if she'll do it again.

This same thing happened to me my senior year of high school.
7 years later, Ive seen the girl and been polite in person, but as for being friends... ummm thanks, but no thanks

I think you should forgive her. It happened 7 years ago, give her a chance. You also have to remember that people make stupid decisions especially when they are in high school.

dont forgive that freaking wh*re. he was ure first love and she did this to u? she played u and she never even considered u. real friends dont do that. never forgive her. seriously. b*tches like that are the worst. she wouldnt mind doing that again if she finds ure current/next guy attractive. do not forgive her or trust her in anyway.