I've been there!
Maybe this can help you, this is what happened to me...some girls give me really good advices.

http://teamsugar.com/117396#comment-575907

I set the limits with him after this incident.... NO TOUCHING! and no private dances.

I go with him every now and then, and I actually feel more comfortable that way.

But the most important thing is about setting the limits where you dont feel comfortable and then trust.... it took me a while.

my ex-boyfriend used to go to strip clubs (not that frequently), but in order to understand what it was, i asked if i could go with just once just to see what the big deal is and what was going on just so i could reassure myself and erase my insecurities...maybe you should go one time and see what it's all about - the majority of places do not allow the guy to touch, even if getting a private dance - after seeing it happen, it really didn't bother me anymore.

In my personal opinion, stripclubs and pornography are morally wrong. I am no bible-thumper, not catholic in the slightest, but nevertheless that is what I believe. And so, I would never compromise my morality by being with someone who does not respect my beliefs.

Ask yourself why you dislike these things. Is it an issue of personal insecurity, morality, trust? You need to figure out why you dislike it so much, and work from there. If you find that your uneasiness does not go away with time, there is no sense in being with someone who cannot respect your intrinsic beliefs.

Women are taught, from the time they exit the womb, to be tolerant of things that make them uncomfortable. We are supposed to grin and bear it. We are supposed to aspire to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect lover. Just because stripclubs and pornography fall into the societal norm, does not mean that you have to agree with it or tolerate it.

I totally think that if you are just plain out against it and if he cant understand that it makes you uncomfortable dont compromise. I dont play this game when your with me your with me I dont want my man looking at ANY female other then me and I show him that respect that I dont go looking at other men.

I'm actually pro strip clubs! I actually think stripers are powerful! I actually think these women are in fact strong women, hey if i had the body i would definately consider it, i don't see it as degrading in anyway. I think a lot of these ladies are happy with their job and they earn really good money for it! If my man wants to go once a week with his friends, I'm totally cool with it. I might even go with them (if they let me!). I would tell him 'not to spend so much on tipping though'. That would be my concern.

I see Deba made a good point about private dance. I wouldn't let my man do that unless I'm with him.

M155 J4ck13, finally we agree on something! Thank you for saying what I wanted to say. It seems that we all try to be so ok with everything. I don't want to have to feel uncomfortable and suffer through something. Its disgusting.

I don't get why people have difficulty accepting the fact that porn stars, in particular female porn stars are happy with their job! Porn is the only industry that I know for a fact that women get more money than men "always". I remember a lot of feminists in the 1970s were saying these women were oppressed but a lot of the porn stars argued they were extremly happy with their work and work environment! I still hear the same thing from many porn stars. I also don't see the link between porn and rape. I don't see why having sex on camera is morally wrong? (the same way I don't see why taking the clothes off for a living is degrading, i think women who go after married men are in a way degrading themselves) I don't use porn but I am not against anyone using it to better their sex life. I think it can be a fantastic tool. There I've said what I want to say.

My case is not against the stripper herself. My best friend is a stripper and your right they love there jobs. But I just dont like the fact MY man would be looking at another women. I do have insecurity issues I always have. I just think if a mans girls is really uncomfortable with it then he needs to respect that and if he cant then she needs to def find someone that respects all of her feelings even if some might think that they are ridiculous or whatever.

~*~*~ MOM Im Bringing Bubbles back, them other toys dont know how to act! ~*~*~

This is one I feel really strongly about. Pornography and strip clubs are deeply degrading to women, and encourage both men and women to objectify the female form and see women and their sexuality as things to be bought. For every overly-plastic woman who claims to love her job because it's 'empowering' (it's empowering to do what you're told? it's empowering to act out the male fantasies that feminism told us we didn't have to comply with? it's empowering to dress in skimpy clothes and make nice for sleazy guys for better tips?) there are another ten or twenty who are duped or coerced into the trade, abused, and ill-treated. Any woman who says she is empowered by being part of the sex trade is condoning its furthest, most repulsive reaches. I realise I'm putting this very strongly but I feel passionately about it, and my advice to the writer is to tell your boyfriend to take Feminism 101, stay away from strip clubs, and invest that time in looking at you if he wants to see a hot woman (and presumably you won't even make him pay...).

My boyfriend claims he's never been to a strip club which I think is almost weird. Hell, I've been to a strip club or two in my life and I'm not against them. He says it's a pride issue with him and he is a stubborn bastard so I kind of get it.

Anyway, you know, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who went once a week. That's just me. Once a year wouldn't bug me at all. Once a month, I'm not sure how I'd feel. I think it's different for everyone and it's not right or wrong to feel uncomfortable. You either do feel uncomfortable with it or you don't, you know?

But I would totally recommend going to check it out for yourself.

What make you think these porn stars and strippers are doing what they told all the time smith? Do you think they don't think for themselves? Do you seriously think these girls are so stupid! LOL If you are talking about hard time in their jobs, I would argue every job has a bad side to it. My friend was a chef in high end restaurants she was subjected to sexism all the time. She couldn't lift a big pot of food, other chefs thought she couldn't handle the sauce section (main course), she found it frustrating. Women in finance suffer from the very same thing. They find it hard to get promoted because of the old boys (from oxford, cambridge, harvard, yell and so on) in the finance world!. Why is it repulsive to enjoy sex???? I don't get it. Many porn stars don't have a problem on camera because in real lives they enjoy sex so much. They think why not being paid for doing it! And if you did take feminism 101 you would know the arguments pro and against porn Smith. There is no link between porn and rape. Women in the industry aren't doormat. They speak their minds. They get more money than men. Men in the industry have to come to get paid but the women can just fake coming to get paid. They can say no to various types of porn (like working with large people or working with what comes out of our butts, there's a market for those movies for strange people). The bottom line is I think to say strippers and porn stars are disgusting is just plain naive. I also think it's quite a horrible thing to say to these girls.

The idea of what an ideal woman is doesn't depend on strippers or porn stars. It's a lot more complicated than that!

One more thing there're various types of porn available in the market. NOT ALL OF THE PORNS ARE FOR MEN. Some are made especially for women. Many porns don't show passive women enjoying sex. They show women in the dominant roles doing what men beg them to do in the films. No porn doesn't reinforce the idea that women are "passive", "weak" or "women are only good for sex" and "need to be looked after". Like I said things are lot of more complicated than we think. Don't just blame it on porn man!

Men are visual, sexual, and they like to fantasize, and they hate rejection, so the strip club offers all four things in one neat little package.

Some male friends took me to a female strip club as a joke. Because of my inquisitive nature, I asked the women a lot of questions (the guys hated it... said I ruined the illusion for them). I found the women very sad. It wasn't that they are unintelligent --some of them were quite bright-- it's just most of the girls placed all their value in their looks. And they equated that value with money. In other words, if someone was willing to pay to look at them, then they must be worth looking at. A few were in school to be teachers (!), nurses, etc. But I know that most were headed on a downward spiral...

I had 2 college friends who started stripping 'on the side' to just make some money to pay for books, food, rent, etc. I'll even admit I considered doing it too. I was a ballerina & modern dancer and I had been nude on stage before in a local production of "Hair". I'm glad I didn't get involved. I've seen them get sucked into that world of sex and drugs. First you are on the pole. Cha-ching! Need more money? Do lap dances. Cha-ching, cha-ching! Have no energy? Have some blow or X. Can't afford the high? Just dance in the private room for a few extra hundred. Next thing you know, you are prostituting yourself or doing porn.

Not all strippers/strip clubs operate that way, but I'd say that's the exception and not the rule.

-the ceeg

I used to see female stripper's a couple of times way back since 1991 in Rubery social club as a member & strippagram in the pub so I barely felt abit turned on I used to see them on TV when I was a child so I seen male stripper's on TV documentaries it looked really disgusting showing their genitals in public.

well,i'm pretty pissed right now.
my boyfriend is at one at this moment.
and i dont think that any one should go to a strip club if they are in a relationship!
it makes me feel like i'm not enough for him and that he hasto go to see a bunch of naked "women" for fulfillment.
it really bothers me.

My boyfriend went to one last night. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.

This is an issue I also feel strongly about, but for the opposite reason as some of the previous posters.

I do not see how stripping and porn is immoral. In fact, I see it as a fabulous way to spice things up between you and your husband or boyfriend. My boyfriend and I go together to strip clubs about once every few months, and we both get so aroused and excited about watching the women and also the men that we can't WAIT to get home and ravish each other! Even when he's gone to strip clubs with friends, I have no problems at all with him looking or even touching. He used to live with a couple of strippers several years before he met me, and he's been honest with me about all of it.

So, he goes out with the boys, looks at some T&A, and who does he come home to? ME! Who does he tell he loves after we make love? ME!

He and I know how the stripper game works...it's all about the money, honey!

I am not a jealous nor inhibited person sexually. I find that there's so many ways for a man and woman to explore and enjoy and I've had a much more robust and full life incorporating these things into it.

Would I do something I was uncomfortable with? Depends on what it was...anything involving other body functions, children, or animals is out of the question. One thing I do know, it's always good to have strong boundaries, no matter what they are. Don't ever let a partner intimidate you into doing something you don't wanna do. While others may have limits different than mine, my limits are there, and they will not be crossed.

I completely agree with smith. Porn and strip clubs are degrading to women and just because they willfully take part in it, doesn't mean it's empowering. As time progresses, women are forced to allow their men to get away with more and more because "they can't control themselves" or because it's "perfectly natural and healthy". The fact is that men want to have their cake and eat it too, and I highly doubt that if they can't even stay away from a strip club, they would be able to go to one and not touch.

SpilledCandy wrote "So, he goes out with the boys, looks at some T&A, and who does he come home to? ME! Who does he tell he loves after we make love? ME!"

I hate this lame excuse, it doesn't even make sense. In a monogamous relationship, sexual activity is supposed to be exclusive. Why don't men just spend private dancing time with their ladies? I think men who choose to spend their time in places looking at other naked women and paying for it rather than spend their limited sexual time with their girlfriends or wives are just little brats and sickos. And they're not good enough for any woman.

I wish more of my peers would put their foot down about this issue, I know a lot of my friends that look the other way or pretend it doesn't affect them and that is just bullsh#t. A person can only spend so much time a day on sex, including voyeurism. A man should spend that limited sexual time with his lover. If he's spending sexual time away from his woman, it's affecting her because she is losing out on sexually getting off time herself. Plus the fact that he's spending THE COUPLE'S money on other women AND cheating is just sick.

there is absolutely NO talking to my guy about strip clubs....i tell him what i feel and he comes back with "you just don't understand"