you have to tell her what you think and how you feel. listen to her and also make sure you are ready to give example and tell her you won't judge her or constantly tell her shes wrong for being with him but let her know shes better than that and she doesnt need to deal with someone thats hurting her.

If we're true true friends I'm gonna tell her what I see and think. She should at least listen to what i'm telling her. She my not be able to see it cause she's in love.

The guy in this story has issues which is why he is placing them onto the friend if it continues she will become in the end a lonely woman with no self respect for herself this will make it harder and harder for her to leave him and drive her friends away.
So before this happens to her she needs to be communicated with not told this is where the fun begins so with this in mind you need to tell her a story of a woman who is in the same boat as her say it’s a different friend and ask for her advice to help the pretend friend. This draws her out of her relationship and makes her into an outsider of her own.
When she gives you her advice which more than likely will be she has to do something either a conversation with the man for change or leaving him is when you explain the person is her she will be shocked but it will give her something to think about.
Then finish with how much of a fantastic person you think she is and how worried you are about her and as a friend you will always respect her decision.

I would talk to her gently, and check-in on her. I would do this out of concern. If she's okay with his behavior, I would respect her choice to be with him. However, personally speaking, I would have some reservations.

our good friend are like this. he likes to control her and she unfornealty lets him. i called him out on it...called him a *sshole to his face...he called me a b*tch...we got into a big yelling match......then i took his wife upstairs and tried to explain why i did that...she understood...but she chose to stay where she is at. he tries to order me around...i just tell him to shove a white hot poker up his ass, and do it himself and shut-up.

saucey, no offence and your advice is really very good, but you really need to use punctuation. I had to read it twice to fully understand and separate sentences.

inform your friend of your observations, and let her know that no one has the right to tell her to do something, not to do something, as well as allowing someone to verbally step all over her....regardless of what someone might say to her, tell her that what someone else thinks or says about her that's hurtful, negative, or untrue means nothing, literally NOTHING....so tell her to stick up for herself without feeling weird about it. There are people in the world who enjoy verbally abusing others, in part bc it makes the abuser feel like they have more power, more authority, or that their existence is somehow superior to another persons......remind your friend that with the verbally abusive person, the hurtful things they often say are more a reflection upon themselves and their own shortcomings, and so they end up taking it out on someone else, verbally abusing and hurting them. remind a friend in such a situation to be highly aware of whats going on, and remember not to take any verbal abuse personally, or, completely cut off contact from someone that's verbally abusive and hurtful. NO ONE deserves to be verbally pushed around, and those who partake in it are themselves messed up in some way. Stand up for yourself, and don't feed the abusers need for more conflict in order to inflate their distorted sense of ego. in one ear, out the other, or get away permanently.... long term verbal abuse victims sometimes end up w terrible trauma, thoughts, hate themselves, and become more prone to substance abuse to "numb out" their pain. learn to break cycles quickly and early on, for the welfare of anyone or everyone involved.

Ok, so i have been in this situation for over a year now. My best friend has been on and off dating this guy who is completely emotionally abusive. She had low self-esteem before him but has none at all now. He constantly blames all the problems that occur between the two of them on her. If he does something wrong and she does say something (not often) he always has some sort of excuse as to why it was done...and the stories are always SOO dramatic. So i have tried talking to her many times. Have told her what i see, have told her how it has changed our friendship and how she is not allowed to hang out with me or has to hide it when we do hang out. I have told her i am concerned and only want the best for her and that if i really thought she was happy i would ignore it all, but that i can tel she really isn't.

Supper Frustrated and dont want to loose my best friend of 8 years!

any advice please let me know!