b*tch alert!

You're not the bridezilla. This girl is really inconsiderate. This is about you, and she's making it all about her. DearSugar could be right about her having some sort of issue or problem at the moment, unless this is what she is always like. I would talk to her and tell her you're hurt she bailed on the party, and let her know that since there are four bridemaids she needs to be a little more cooperative to make things easier on all of them.

I'd say kick her out of the wedding. if she's ok with causing this much drama now, I can't imagine what she might do the day of the wedding! Politely tell her that her role as bridesmaid has been relieved of her and also that she is no longer welcome at the wedding. may be a bit too harsh but hopefully it will be a wake up call for the terrible bridesmaid.

i agree. she clearly hasn't been there for you at all. this is your big day and don't let someone like that ruin it for you. she did have an obligation to be there and the fact that she couldn't settle on a date that was good for HER and then finally made one and bailed is totally sh*tty. who knows maybe something will come up and she won't even make it to the wedding.

Tell her she doesn't have to be a bridesmaid. Sounds like this girl won't be your friend beyond the wedding anyway.

No, this girl is really inconsiderate. That's just not something you do, ESPECIALLY when everyone else has moved around their schedules! very rude.

this is totally not cool of her. just cut her out of the picture, it's not like you get married everyday.

It sounds like she inconvenienced you on PURPOSE. I think Dear is right in suggesting that there are underlying issues here.

She needs to check herself when people are struggling to accommodate her schedule and she bails after all the effort. Check in with her to see what is really going on. My best friend had one bridal party member that was doing a lot of b*tchy, inconsiderate, and at times cruel things. At the root of it her marriage was falling apart at the time and being involved with a wedding was really hard for her to deal with while her world was crumbling.

You are totally not being a bridezilla. Sounds like your "friend" doesn't even care about you. I'd cut her out. She's too much.

I'd kick her off the court. I have a girlfriend who got married two years ago. Her Maid of Honour at the last minute stop calling didn't go and try on the dress she was MIA. Long story short she got kicked off the court and then was bitter at the wedding because of her replacement. Unbelievable. Plus she wasn't dressed appropriate for a wedding. She wore a summer dress that she should wear to a beach getaway. The Nerve. It seems like you bridesmaid is testing you. You are stressed enough with the wedding so why don't you tell her to take a hike!!!

Get rid of her, as soon as you can. She could even be secretly hoping you'd kick her out, and has been acting horribly so you'd do just that. Wedding planning is hard enough as it is, and you don't need the added stress.

Wow I would totally kick her out of the wedding party and not invite her since she would probably whine and b!tch about not being in the wedding party anymore.

You def don't bad vibes on your wedding day and she would certainly bring that.

In the future, you should become very "busy" every time she wants to get together. You don't need people like this in your life. She is selfish and inconsiderate.

You may not be a bridezilla per se, but you bought wholeheartedly into the bridezilla culture. A wedding is about joining two lives, not about having an army of bridesmaids and the most outrageous bachelorette party. You didn't say why your friend is going on vacation at that time - maybe she can only get time off work at that specific time, her travel companions have inflexible schedules, or she wants to attend a specific event at the destination - in other words, her live does not revolve around you and your wedding. Please realize how lucky you are to be marrying the love of your live, and stop worrying about the ridiculous bachelorette party.

maybe you dont want to kick her out of the wedding, but i would definetly take certain precautions... dont give her the rings, dont make/let her run certain errands that are important to the wedding by herself... keep an eye on her.

and definetly talk to her about this behaviour. maybe she actually wants out but doesnt no how to say it

She's jealous and she'll find SOME way of upstaging your big day if you let her continue. REPLACE HER! She doesn't want to be involved in your wedding anyway.

im kind of with choclatine on the whole caring too much about the small stuff.

why do u need 4 bridesmaids anyway?

but on the otherhand, if she didnt wanna do it she should have graciously declined. or at least she should have "dropped out" before ppl planned things around her.

I don't think she has "bought into the bridezilla culture" at all, nor do I think it's anyone's business why she needs 4 bridesmaids. I've seen weddings with 10+ bridesmaids, 4 is pretty normal.

She isn't freaking out over something trivial. If this were a non-wedding related event, the friend would still be in the wrong here.

Inconsiderate and unreliable.

*the bridesmaid, I mean.

I think that brides feel that they are owed something by their bridesmaids. She has probably already gone out of her way to contribute to your wedding, ie: paying for a bunch of crap like her dress and helping to organize things. Her being in your wedding is a favor to you, not the other way around. Take a moment to think about her situation, not yours.

You're probably right to have your feelings hurt but try to focus on the fun time you will have. You don't mention what kind of vacation it was--I got reamed out by a bride for daring to go on a family vacation to Europe with my brother who had just gotten out of the army. so maybe she is inconsiderate or maybe there is other stuff going on. who cares for now--enjoy the friends who are there. But based on people's suggestions that you kick her out of the wedding, think long and hard about that because that happened to me, and, well, that's like TNT for a friendship.

I agree with chocolatine. So what if this bridesmaid misses the bachelorette party? Everyone has a busy schedule, just like you, and she's entitled to decide her personal schedule as she wishes. It's sad and unfriendly of her to miss this party, but in the end...so what? Is there really a point in getting angry at her for it? Let it go and accept that this friend isn't the type who is willing to open her schedule at all times for someone else's social calendar. Learn to live with that aspect of her personality and enjoy the positive traits she does offer to you.

xfuchsiax, of course she is obsessing over something trivial - it's a friggin' bachelorette party! Read something other than Bride magazine, and you'll realize how trivial all this wedding hoopla is.

Being asked to be a bridesmaid, is an honor. It's the greatest feeling in knowing that your friend really considered you a great friend and wants you to be a part of her special day! Out of all the people she knows, she wants you to be part of wedding. and for her to sit there and tell the other bridesmaids that's she's busy, that is being inconsiderate!!! You are totally right to feel upset, that's totally not cool.

"wants you to be a part of her special day! "

Special DAY is right. I'm getting married in October and while I would have been bummed if one of my b'maids couldn't make it to a shower or b'lette party I know those are ancillary activities and that people are busy and have lives and budgets.

I don't know, I could go either way here. Either she's being very rude and inconsiderate OR she's purposefully avoiding your bachelorette party. Maybe she has a controlling boyfriend or maybe you guys party harder than she does...? Either way, it would probably be better if she were just up front.

I do have to say, though, that it's a bit of a pet peeve for me when brides expect that celebrating their big day includes events and massive prep time.

I think the girl is a bad bridesmaid. People like her are the reason I didn't want a big wedding. I mean, ok, it is only a bachelorette party. But when you agree to be in a bridal party, you are basically given a timeline that says "this occurs on this date, etc. etc." If she KNEW that this party was taking place and decided on a vacation after knowing about it, that's bogus. By this girl not telling the bride "Oh, sorry I can't make it" right from the beginning, she's looking like the b!tch. My biggest pet peeve is when someone says they'll be there right up to the time of the event, then says "Crap I'm not going" or just doesn't show up at all.

Maybe she's bitter. Who knows?

Just suck it up and have your party without her. She's the one who is missing out right?

I don't know... since when have bridesmaids been EXPECTED to attend all the showers/bachelorette parties/etc, etc? When I had mine, those who could come... came.... and those who couldn't... couldn't! Because my family and friends are so spread out geographically, I wound up having three showers and two bachelorette parties (I assure you I am not spoiled rotten and I did not want this many parties, but because of where everyone is, I just had multiple small parties). Even though I told her not to take the time to, my Maid of Honor came to ALL of them because she was so excited. I had other bridesmaids who came to one shower and one bachelorette party... I had bridesmaids who came to no showers and no bachelorette parties because they were busy.

The only thing I cared about was that everybody showed up at the wedding, which they did. All the activities leading up to the wedding are fun excuses to see your friends, but they really don't matter. The only thing that does matter is marrying the person you love, and in all honesty, you don't need bridesmaids for that to happen. Having your closest friends there for that is fantastic, and as long as your friend shows up for the wedding with a big smile on her face and a huge hug waiting for you, that is truly all that needs to happen.

Look, I think she was really rude, and you should tell her so, but life is life. If it were me, I wouldn't kick her out of the wedding. I'd rather not have people excluded for my wedding, even if someone was rude like that. Have a conversation with her about showing up on the day of and make sure she buys her dress! Otherwise, yes, this will change your friendship, but I wouldn't kick her out.

When I read the original post, the thing that strikes me isn't the "bridesmaid shirking a duty" aspect. This situation seems to be more about a friend who said she'd be an event, made everyone plan the event around her schedule, then bailed at the last minute without a good excuse. Whether this had happened for a bachelorette party, a birthday dinner, or a weekend trip is irrelevant. Doesn't matter whether she's a bridesmaid or not -- homegirl is a flakey friend. Definitely understandable to be upset if everyone tried to accommodate her, and she pulled out anyway.

I definitely agree that not all bridesmaids/friends need to participate in every pre-wedding event. Weddings & corresponding parties are expensive for guests, and I am making sure my friends know I don't expect them to attend everything. But in this case, I'd be frustrated with my friend too, regardless of the whole bridesmaid/bride aspect.

Wow. She's jealous. And rude. Get her out of your wedding.

yep, she's selfish. those people are really hard to deal with. they put themselves first and don't care what you think. its better to not have to deal with them at all.

Um, what about this scenario indicates jealousy?

Maybe I'm just a bad bride, or maybe it's because I have been in this situation but i think the real psychos are not these "bad bridesmaids" but bridezillas who revoke this blessed position the second a b'maid ceases kissing ass.

OK, i'm done ranting about this

I'm with Dear and bigestivediscuit. It's not you, it's her. And it definitely sounds like she's jealous. I would ask her if she'd prefer to be a regular guest rather than in the wedding party.

oh my goodness...this exact thing happened to me. I was a maid of honor, and the bride's future sister-in-law was so difficult...we organized the party around her schedule and then the day before she was supposed to come (we were all there already) called and said she couldn't come....It was ridiculous. I have no advice, but I would talk to her and tell her if she can't handle being a bridesmaid, or does not want to, she doesn't have to...

People can be so inconsiderate...

Zulkey, did you think I was referring to YOUR situation, because I wasn't - I just now read your other comments.

But since you asked:
This girl obviously knows EVERYONE scheduled the bachelorette party around HER. And ..~Oh!, I think I'll just go on vacation instead~.....

Fk'n b!tch, doesn't sound like much of a friend. I'd go live it up with the other considerate girlfriends.

Maybe she IS genuinely busy! Maybe she took a vacation because that was the only time she or her partner could! A bachelorette party, in my book, is nothing to stop your whole life for. I'm sorry. I think weddings are becoming really, really overdone now.

oh no Glamourpuss--don't worry about it. I clearly have issues about this since I still obviously feel very used and abused based on my own experience.

This is why I've never accepted to be a bridesmaid. Brides and fellow bridesmaid think they own your schedule. Sorry but last I heard it was the bridesmaid who was doing many of the favors. A bachelorette party is not THAT important. The wedding and your marriage after are. And, who knows what her vacation is for? For all we know, it could have been a family emergency.

i have to agree with all the comments saying this is no big deal- weddings really have gotten away from the point- several showers, dress-fitting dates, shopping, jack & jills, bachelorette weekends. i mean, bridesmaids cannot be expected to drop everything (families, weekends, money, personal days at work) to accommodate all of these!

It's not that deep. Geez!

Although it isn't her duty to attend the party, as a friend she should have been more considerate considering it was planned to be convenient to her. I wouldn't get mad at her but I would talk to her about it, healthy communication between friends is needed as much as communication between partners in life.

Deidre said it best. The wedding part doesn't even matter. This girl was rude because she made everyone else plan this date around her and then purposefully went and planned a vacation on the same day when she knew everyone had been working to include her in the party...wow. There is no excuse for rudeness like that unless it really was an emergency or something like that...but if y'all are close enough to have her be your bridesmaid, it seems like she would have told you if it was an emergency, instead of just calling it a vacation. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone that's so inconsiderate and has no manners anyway...I would just not go out of the way at all to include her in anything anymore and just leave the important tasks up to the other bridesmaids.

What a b*tch. She should know better. If you had dinner plans and she planned a vacation that would be enough to piss me off but this is your wedding time so it's so much worse. You aren't asking too much. I;d talk to her and see if she feels like she's not up to being in the wedding or if there is something in her life you can help with .

that's definitely not cool - i think that if you agree to being a part of the wedding party - then you know that you're signing up for a few additional tasks. when you're part of a group of people who are planning things, you may have to compromise. the other girls went out of their way to make it work for her and she was still disrespectful.

the thing to remember though is that weddings bring out sides of people that they didn't know they had. jealous sides. she may be acting out because she's jealous that she's not the one getting married and that she's not the one that people are planning for. i wouldn't put it past a girlfriend to jeopardize things because of those emotions.

ilanac you always sound so level headed on your comments (down to your vegetarian comments also).

I'm also curious what would happen if the OP decides to have a baby or children. How will her friend act then? People/friendships change when you/your-friends start having children. Will so self-centered then also? I'm not saying she can't have a life (Sh!t god knows I get busy), but it appears as if she doesn't want to be apart of the wedding.

will she be so.. (juggling too much crap here at work to be playing on here, eek.)