I have a friend that I met at school; we became fast friends because we were in the same class. We've known each other for almost a year, yet I often feel we're not friends at all. Lately she has seemed extremely fake and insincere around me. She's obviously bored when I talk and does not talk to me outside of class. To be frank I would prefer it if we were no longer friends, but I have no idea how to go about it since we will still see each other on campus (it's a very small university).
To make matters worse, my best friend from high school was visiting, and my friend decided to tag along for dinner. She got embarrassingly drunk and ended up sleeping with him that same night. I later spoke to my best friend from high school about it because it bothered me a lot; he apologized profusely. But the situation didn't sit right. We're a few years apart in age, going in different directions in life, and have next to nothing in common. I've since gotten over our initial bond and now get extremely annoyed whenever I see her. How do I go about breaking up with her? Do I just play nice until we never have to see each other again, or should I confront her?
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melissa
Julia Cocco'
Petit Bateau
Stop hanging out with her. When she invites herself along say "Actually I kind just want it to be me and so and so" or "yea sure you can come, I'll call you with the details" and then just dont answer her phone calls.
No reason to do a big huge confrontation with her. Be polite til you are done school but also try to avoid her.
"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
1Honestly, no matter what it'll likely end badly. I had a friend of like 4 years who constantly lied to me, was into drugs and smoking and drinking (whereas i was not) and had unprotected sex all the time.... finally I tried to just "drift apart", but she wouldnt let that happen for some reason... then, other people began egging her on to confront ME about being a bad friend for that!! So, I told her no, I just didnt want ot be your friend anymore. I tried to be nice about it, but then those other people still egged her on reassuring her that I was the bad one, not her.
2The way I see it is that eitehr way you go, it can go ALL wrong. My thoughts, if i were like you, was to still do what I tried to do. Try to "drift apart". Just slowly stop spending time you usually spent iwth her; make it look unintentional. Make her be hte one to ask to do somehting if she wants to hang out or something, and be, well, insincere like she's doing. Maybe she doesnt want to be friends with you, either, anymore for whatever reason! If that doesnt work, then I'd say try the polite informing.... whatever you do, dont bring other people into it... theyre the ones that ruined my own situation. Hope you have luck!!
Just phase her out slowly. I don't think it will be that hard to do because it sounds like she is not that interested in being your friend anymore either, particularly when you said that she does not talk to you outside of class.
3It's going to be awkward no matter how you go about it. So just cut off communication and 'phase her out' as Janine said. Make other friends and forget about her, she doesn't sound worth worrying about.
4It sounds like she's already trying to phase you out. So, make life easier on yourself and just move on and find some new friends.
5Ah, she sounds like what I call a "first week friend." You meet someone during the first week of classes and bond over something fairly superficial, spend a lot of time together, and then realize that you don't actually have anything in common, and may not even like this friend very much. Usually this process takes a month or two; I'm surprised that you've stuck with this girl for a year. Have you not made other, better friends since then? I would definitely encourage you to cultivate a new circle of friends that *doesn't* involve her. Turn down the next few invitations from her, and don't ask her to go anywhere, either. You can remain civil, but distant, and hopefully she'll take the hint.
6I feel for your situation. It is hard to breakup with a friend. I wish I knew how myself.
7No offense but she doesn't seem to like you either.
Don't do some big dramatic break up. Just be polite and distant. Sounds like she's been trying that for a few weeks now so it should be easy.
8This is great. I'm trying to figure out something similar (my path is just going a WAY separate way..).
Going to dive into this post completely on my lunch break. Thanks for posting.
9Just quit hanging out with her as much - let it be a natural transition.
10Honey, obviously you don't have any gay boyfriends, so let me tell you - Girl - with friends like that you don't need no enemies.
Stop being such a little girl about it. Do NOT just let things fade away in a passive aggressive manner. Women do that because they don't like confrontation.
Confront her with her crappy behavior. She's an awful friend, tell her off, tell her she doesn't deserve to have your friendship. Getting angry at her and letting her know exactly how bad a person she is will make you feel better and get this thing done and over with, so that you can pursue friendships with women that treat you LIKE A FRIEND and not a frenemy.
11the chick in the picture for this will forever haunt my nightmares. I can just picture her saying "I will eat your soul"
"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
12I agree with Pop don't make it so dramatic. It sounds like she is phasing you out too! Stop inviting her to tag along to places and when you see her in class just say hi. I don't understand why you are upset with your friend for sleeping with her do you have more than best friend feelings.
13Yeah, confront her and tell her what a horrible person she is... that sounds like a brilliant idea, for a drama queen.
Someone not liking you and sleeping with your best friend doesn't make them a horrible person. Jeesh.
14I agree wit cubadog and pop. Just be polite and nice but don't invite her out to do stuff and when she invite you out just tell her you have some plan of whatever. Just drift apart natural. Doesnt' sound liek she values you much anyays.
15What I did is just drifted away. But there are times I do get messages and saying "i hella miss you. where have you been? let's hang out again." blah, blah, blah. But I don't respond back. And when my other friends why I don't answer, I just say I'm busy.
16Braaaaaains... braaaaaains! Giiiiive meeeee your brains! Aaaarghhhh... growl... slobber... sniffle... raaar!
17Stop inviting her places, politely decline when she invites you out, and put your foot down when she invites herself out on trips with your friends. Eventually, she'll get the point. Until then, don't let her ways consume your strength. Being non-chalant will get the point across just as quickly.
18I went through this about 5 years ago, It's hard but you gotta do what you feel is best because if you don't end it now, think what's going to happen down the line and you'll some cute apt and she'll want to be your roommate.
I agree with just seperating your life, don't meet up for lunch on campus or stop and talk between classes, etc... Sooner or later she will get the point and move on to another friend.
:D at Fallen, i so agree on that picture she does look extremely
evil.
19This is classic narcissism. She was probably very outgoing and very nice when you met. Now you're pretty much just one of her possessions. Everything is on her terms, her rules. It's all about her. Don't take anything she does personally because she's not even thinking about you when she does things. Her world doesn't go very far outside her mirror.
Confronting her is the wrong thing to do unless you still want to be her friend. If you confront her, you're putting energy into the relationship. That's fine if you want to keep the relationship, but realize that you'll never "fix" her. She's always going to screw someone she thinks you like, be inappropriate when it can lower your social status, and do whatever she has to do to put herself in a position of power above you.
Disengage. Stop putting any energy of any kind, positive or negative, into the relationship. Stop answering when she calls you on the phone. Don't respond to her e-mails or txt messages. Block her if you can. If she sees you and wants you to stop and talk, you don't have time -- bye. If she tries to hound you or ask why you're busy, ask her to please leave you alone. Be polite, but assertive and very clear. You do not have time for her anymore, ever.
Remember -- you don't actually owe her any sort of explanation. You are not required to give her any reasons why you don't want to be around her. This is your life, you get to decide what it will be, and no one else has a say in deciding your life. Your friends won't try to control you. They'll support you. A fake friend/narcissist like this will try to demand an explanation as a way of controlling you. Walk away. Don't respond. Disengage. Don't look back.
Walk away. Don't respond. Disengage. Don't look back.
20How to be a happy, and How to make people happy.
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