it all depends. (my husband and I talk A LOT while fk'n, so I usually know what's going on in his head. When we're not having sex it's like whatever to me, because it's mainly fantasy. We talk about things/people/things I want to do or like.. things to really make him think and drive him crazy, etc and vice versa. We usually have something ready and lined up for the next time to keep things hot.)

Make sure you're not just paranoid before you assume that though. It could be anything going through his brain.

fantasies are normal but not every time
he shouldn't be able to be doing it with just anyone when he's with the woman he loves

that is true too.

if it was just every once in a while, okay, but not if this is every single time. but how do you know for sure that's what's going on?

I'm kind of confused. Is this your speculation or do you know this for a fact? Did he tell you this? It's normal to have fantasies and for your mind to wander a bit, but he should be thinking about you during sex. This is not being a typical guy.

How do you know he's not thinking about you?

i said forgive but if it makes u feel terrible like you say you should talk to him about it & maybe go to couples counseling together.

i think it also depends a lot on what the rest of your relationship is like...

I think everyone's mind wanders sometimes during sex, so that's forgivable, but if you know for sure that he really does this every single time you have sex (how, though?), I think you and he need to discuss why it's so impossible for him to engage with YOU when you're doing this very intimate thing that should be enhanced by your closeness and connection, not just some animal thing he could do with anyone.

Find a guy who actually wants to have sex with you, and his fantasies are of you. He'll most definitely treat you with the love and care you deserve.

If he never thinks of you (or even if he usually thinks of someone else or multiple others but excludes you), it's pretty effin' degrading -- and atypical.

But how do you know? Did he confess this to you? (Man, I wonder what brought on *that* conversation.)

Yikes. That's terrible.

Seriously, the True Confessionals make less and less sense every week.... Umm, wow. Anymore, I just skip them, they're confusing.
Fantasizing during sex is normal, but how do you even know that he's doing it? It sounds like you're assuming this rather than that you know it.

I guess I'd vote forgive - for fantasizing every now and then on someone/something else;
but NOT FORGIVE - for telling you!

WTF??!?!?! How cruel is that!?

That's a horrible thought to me - that my BF may be thinking about some chick he saw on the subway while he's making love to me; he assures me that it's never happened, even when he's "by himself" - and even though it's insanely ridiculous, I choose to believe him, or my feelings would be hurt. At least he has the good sense to lie to me (I guess it's possible he's not - let me cling to THAT thought!) - but if he admitted to me that he's thinking of someone else, I don't think I could ever go naked in front of him again.

So it's not normal if he fantasizes about another woman EVERY TIME he has sex with you; and it's clearly not normal that he told you either - he's sending you a message, loud and clear. I'm sorry because I can only imagine how painful it must be. But I'd keep my head high and walk out the f*cking door without looking back. SELF-ESTEEM, sweetie! It must be way low at the moment because of that douche you married, but look yourself in the mirror, lift your chin up, and pack your bags. You deserve better.

I said not forgive because it's one thing if he fantasizes about someone else every now and then but if he never ever thinks about you while he's making love with you that's just a huge NO in my book.What IS he thinking about?

Nah I cant get with that. If my husband is making love to me but is thinking of someone else (now how would I know, dont know but maybe I could tell from the way he's 'acting' or communicating with me during the lovemaking seesion) then I would be very hurt and I really wouldnt know what to do. But I do know there wouldnt be anymore sex and we would definitely have figure out our relationhip first and if we are even on the same level. Whoever is making love to me should be making love to me not just with their body, but with their MIND and SOUL too, and if they are doing that then it wont work!

meh.. I wish there was more explanation about how she knows her boyfriend's mind is wandering off during sex..

but assuming that the guy is indeed fantasizing every single time during sex, I put NOT FORGIVE!!!!!!!!!!

Others might not agree, but I think sex between two lovers is an extremely intimate, precious thing that shouldn't have any distractions. Not many people realize that a lot of respect and courtesy is involved in sex too. Just because it's fun to fantasize, doesn't mean it should happen every time, especially to the point where sex is meaningless with or without your lover. What happened to spiritual, emotional connection?
I mean, how hurtful is that? In my opinion, that is not intimacy anymore, it's getting laid.

When you find out if something is causing him to fantasize when he is with you, then be honest with him and ask if he's always been that way.
If he has, then HE has to do something about it, and appreciate you and the intimacy between the two of you more.
If he hasn't always been like that, YOU have to do something about it.. stimulate his senses? make things more interesting and sexy?

My boyfriend and I have a very intimate relationship and whisper during sex about how much we love each other... I could never imagine thinking about anyone else while I'm with him... Maybe this might change few years later, but It would break my heart if my boyfriend ever did this to me. People say it's "normal", but to me it's really not.

AMEN MissChita!!!!!!!!
You said everything I was thinking, but more clear and concise

Really well-put, seraphimm!

I need more information. What do you mean he doesn't think of you? Is your husband straight?? Is he thinking about another woman? Or a MAN?? It depends.

geees didn't even think of that GlowingMoon..good point >. >

seraphimm and MissChita said it best. I agree.

I also think that it is two completely different things to: 1)think about something else or something else while having sex. 2)To imagine you are with someone else while having sex.

The first one is ok every once in a while, b/c yeah, sometimes your mind wanders and you think about a past lover or maybe famous person or whether dinner is burning or whatever else might be going through your mind...it happens, we aren't always super focused.

The second one though, is not EVER forgivable to me. To actually replace you with someone else in his head is not ever ok, b/c that would mean he cares nothing about you except as a hole between your legs (excuse the...rudeness?).

Gross! where is this a coming together to bring enjoyment to each other? To care about the other person and want to bring them pleasure? I can see faceless others entering into our thoughts at times other than the actual act, but in the midst? The only time I'd find myself doing that is if I wasn't into the person I was with at all. I'd ask him directly why he doesn't keep his mind on the person he is with.

Honestly, I don't really understand this. How do you know what he is thinking about during sex? Have you asked him and he told that he wasn't? Because if so, that is a pretty callous thing to admit to. But if you are just assuming this is the case without any reason to think so, then you are being paranoid. I don't really understand how this is a forgive or not forgive type of issue.

Thinking about something else during sex is perfectly fine. Everyone gets the odd or unexpected thought while doing just about anything. It's almost how the best ideas come while your on the toilet or how you remember that you need to clean the oven while your sewing a button back on your pants.

However if I caught my man thinking of someone else while we were in bed I'd probably be very hurt and upset. For a touch of variety I'm cool with changing my hair/makeup/clothing but its still me, if he were thinking of someone else he'd probably get a good smack.

seraphimm and misschita, i second that. like jude said, well said. lol.