Dear Sugar,
A friend and I have been talking about moving to New York together after we finish college next May. We haven't discussed anything solid, but we both think it's a good idea to live there because of the areas we're specializing in, plus, it's my absolute dream city!
My problem is that I'm currently in a relationship with a great guy, and have been for about a year and a half. I'm almost 99 percent sure he doesn't want to go to New York when he graduates — I've brought it up with him before — so I feel incredibly guilty about considering doing it on my own. On one hand, I feel like I'm making plans behind his back, but on the other, there aren't any real plans yet; it's all very, very tentative, and we may not even go through with it — a lot can happen in a year. If I feel something is right for me, should I go through with it regardless? This decision is consuming my every thought! — Apprehensive Annabelle
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Dear Apprehensive Annabelle,
Making plans after graduating from college can be incredibly exciting, but also very stressful. Since the world is your oyster, making the decision as to what to do and where to go can get overwhelming, so start with writing a pro and con list so you can weigh all your options. While I'm sure you love your boyfriend and he loves you, you have no idea what your future holds or how your relationship will manifest itself out in the real world. With that said, if New York has always been your dream, I say go for it!
To avoid making this a secret decision, open up the lines of communication. Tell him this has always been something you've wanted to do and if he's not on board, this is a perfect time to discuss your options — you never know, he could have something up his own sleeve or he could have changed his mind about NYC.
If you decide to go your separate ways, try out a long distance relationship for a while. If you can't live without each other, one of you can make a move, but at least you will have tried to live out your dream. If you don't, you could end up wondering what it would have/could have been like, and worse yet, you could end up resenting your boyfriend. I wish you luck on whatever path you choose!
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