Dear Sugar,
A friend and I have been talking about moving to New York together after we finish college next May. We haven't discussed anything solid, but we both think it's a good idea to live there because of the areas we're specializing in, plus, it's my absolute dream city!
My problem is that I'm currently in a relationship with a great guy, and have been for about a year and a half. I'm almost 99 percent sure he doesn't want to go to New York when he graduates — I've brought it up with him before — so I feel incredibly guilty about considering doing it on my own. On one hand, I feel like I'm making plans behind his back, but on the other, there aren't any real plans yet; it's all very, very tentative, and we may not even go through with it — a lot can happen in a year. If I feel something is right for me, should I go through with it regardless? This decision is consuming my every thought! — Apprehensive Annabelle
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Dear Apprehensive Annabelle,
Making plans after graduating from college can be incredibly exciting, but also very stressful. Since the world is your oyster, making the decision as to what to do and where to go can get overwhelming, so start with writing a pro and con list so you can weigh all your options. While I'm sure you love your boyfriend and he loves you, you have no idea what your future holds or how your relationship will manifest itself out in the real world. With that said, if New York has always been your dream, I say go for it!
To avoid making this a secret decision, open up the lines of communication. Tell him this has always been something you've wanted to do and if he's not on board, this is a perfect time to discuss your options — you never know, he could have something up his own sleeve or he could have changed his mind about NYC.
If you decide to go your separate ways, try out a long distance relationship for a while. If you can't live without each other, one of you can make a move, but at least you will have tried to live out your dream. If you don't, you could end up wondering what it would have/could have been like, and worse yet, you could end up resenting your boyfriend. I wish you luck on whatever path you choose!
People Tree
Pringle
Juicy Couture
If this is something you really want to do, you need to decide if it is worth risking the relationship for. As well, is just a 1.5 year relationship worth risking not following your dreams.
I would mention it to your boyfriend in passing, just so it doesn't take him by surprise when you really start planning. but i wouldn't say anything final about it until you really really really start the planning process.
Honestly, I think that you should go because boys aren't worth not living your dream for
However, I just want to double check that you have, or plan to, visit(ed) NYC before the move?
1I say go go GO! You're young and you've always wanted to live there - reason enough I think. Try the long distance thing and if it doesn't work out, no harm no foul. There are plenty of fish in the sea and many swimming around in NYC I'm sure.
I'd be giving you different advice if you were older or engaged or married to the guy, but you're not!
2Do it, or you'll regret it forever.
3You are about to get the degree you worked years for...put yourself out there and get the job you want in the city you want. Its the one time you get to make these decisions without worrying about anyone else.
4You only live once.
5calm right down and wait for a bit until the time comes
6and then decide, is he the man you want to spent the rest of your life with? is it feasible? is it likely? does he feel the same way?
and if that's the case, then make a decision with him and make sure you live close enough that your future is possible
if you can honestly say you don't know to any of those things, then move with your friend and have the time of your life
Moving to NYC was the best thing I ever did. I was involved with someone and knew if I didn't do it I would regret it for the rest of my life. The key is to be honest and open about it. If he truly loves you he will support whatever decision you make. Your young go have fun.
7Moving to NYC was the best thing I ever did. I was involved with someone and knew if I didn't do it I would regret it for the rest of my life. The key is to be honest and open about it. If he truly loves you he will support whatever decision you make. Your young go have fun.
8I agree with Dear Sugar's advice. If you really want to move to NYC, then you should. This is the time of your life where you're not tied down by family or a job, so you can take risks and do the things you really want to do. You may not have this opportunity again if you skip out on it now. Explain your plans to your boyfriend, don't keep him out of the loop. Tell him you want to keep a long distance relationship going, and show him how you can schedule visits with him and such. At this point in your life, I don't think a man should be changing your plans. Just see how it goes. If you and your boyfriend are meant to be, you will find a way to make this work.
9Is this the guy youre going to spending your life with?
10Chances are not, so I say do what you gotta do to better yourself and career. Boys are a dime a dozen, Im sure youll find someone in NY if things dont pan out with the current boy.
Yaaaay!!!! See you when you get here!
11I think that you should move wherever would be best for you. If this guy and your relationship are that great, you'll find a way to work it out. Take advantage of the time in your life when you're free to live wherever and however you choose--don't tie yourself down and give up opportunities when you don't have to!
12You are young, so my advice is to GO FOR IT. Just know that NYC is fabulous, but really expensive and a stressful place to live. I recommend feeling it out before you move here - for example, try to have some sort of income lined up if you can, even if you're job-seeking, and make SURE you know the ins and outs of the rental market. Don't limit yourself to living in Manhattan because there are some really great places to live that aren't too far from Manhattan that will cost you less. If you and your guy are meant to be, then you'll work it out, I promise.
13You should move!!
14Move! Remember how on "The Hills" LC didn't go to Paris so she could stay with her boyfriend? She soo regretted it and then they broke up anyways!
15On a side note, I need a life if I am relating things to these people.
GO!!!
I was moving to NYC with a friend and stayed for a guy (wasn't the only reason, but I didn't want to leave him) Of course we ended up breaking up. My friend got another roommate, so all my plans were shot.
One thing that might make it easier is to not move until you have a job. That way it's not "I'm leaving you for this city" but more like "this amazing opportunity came up."
16Seee!!!! Prime example!
WE (females) are always the ones dancing around things and compromising sh*t. If his a*s wanted to go to NYC, you would've known about it by now and you would know that you have up until May to spend time with him.
Personally, I say go. If you are in your senior year, it's gonna be time to plan very soon. Looking for a job, making connections, etc. Tell him what is up. If it's meant to be, he will be there, and you two will be Jet Blue's most valued customers.
But if he's not feeling that, then you know he's not the one, because he can't respect your dreams and goals.
I worked DAMN hard for my college education and to graduate Cum Laude, and i'll be DAMNED if ANYONE stood in the way of my dreams.
even if you want to spend the rest of your life with him, you have to think past the fairy tale phase. do you want to become his wife, pop some kids, take a job in a secondary city (for your industry), and wonder what if??? all while he steady climbs the ladder of success, and leaves you at home with the kids and that ugly dog he bought without discussing it with you first??????? HMMMM!!!!!???
17GO!!!!
If your relationship with him is meant to be, you will make it work whether you are living in New York City or Antarctica. Any guy who isn't supportive of your dreams does not deserve you.
18Don't think twice, GO! You've been in the relationship long enough where it is probably stable enough to handle long distance. Regardless, you will never be young again. GO FOR IT!
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