My husband and I were having sex the other day, and although I was enjoying it, my body decided not to cooperate so there was not enough lubrication. He hadn't finished yet (I'd orgasmed earlier), and so I tried to keep going until he did. Unfortunately it got to the point that it simply hurt and he said, "If you want to stop, then we can."
I took that to mean stop everything, but apparently he actually meant stop intercourse and assumed I would get him to climax in other ways. We laid there for a few minutes, and then he seemed to get upset, which is when I realized I had misinterpreted "stop." Of course then that entirely killed the mood, and there was no way it would have been comfortable for either of us to feel as if I was doing something out of obligation. Should I have understood what he meant? Was I being selfish?
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One question: do you climax EVERY SINGLE TIME you guys have sex? I'm assuming that's a no. I definetely would not feel bad, and I personally find oral sex gross, although on special occasions or fooling around to get him aroused I'll do it. You're not being selfish at all. I mean do you think that he worries about making sure you climax this much? Girl, you're fine. Don't worry about it. Next time just blow his mind and he'll forget all about it. Guys can be really simple. Haha
1It sounds like you have some major communication issues for being married. It's not that hard to keep lube on hand, or he could have gone back to foreplay to get you aroused again. There are also sexy ways for him to guide you where he wants you, either your mouth or hands, so I think if either of you could communicate there wouldn't be a problem at all.
2Oh dear I guess I skimmed over the "married" part. I agree with the girl above me, if you guys are married then it shouldn't be weird. I mean you guys have probably had sex quite a few times, he should pretty much know how to get you aroused again.. and you getting so dry it hurts? He shouldn't take it that far.. geez. He probably should have stopped before it got that far anyways.
3I think it's a miscommunication thing. Just tell him you thought he meant 'stop everything,' then tell him you'd make it up to him next time and do it. Like luisa said, keep a lube on hand and he can go back to foreplay again to get you aroused if you want to go back to intercourse. Other than that, just try to please him orally or by hand. Just always keep line of communication open, darlin', it shouldn't be a problem next time so don't beat up yourself that hard for that one time.
Good luck.
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
4No, you were NOT being selfish. Personally, I find it annoying when men always expect us to satisfy them: example, through blowjobs or whatever, but most are perfectly fine with it if we are not satisfied with sex or don't orgasm. Think of it this way: how many times have you had sex with him and not orgasmed? Was he really concerned about it after he came, enough so to give you an orgasm right after sex was over? Ummm just tell him that you were too tired. And also, always use lube!
5It's ok, it happens, it's not dramatic! I assume you guys have been arguing about this, and I advise you to stop right now, because it's really senseless. It's called a misunderstanding - you thought he meant he wanted to stop everything, he thought you'd finish him off. Big deal. I've had this situation happen a bunch of times, and the best thing to do is have a laugh and say - oops! Next time I'll know...
6(By the way, when it's happened to me, it was the other way around... and I did get mad a couple of times, until I realized, if I don't voice what I want, the poor guy can't just read my mind!)
7i've seen more communication in a 1 night stand...if you're married the communication should be detailed and much more functional.... he can't expect you to read his mental smoke signals.
8In the scope and span of a marriage, this should ultimately prove to be an insignificant little exchange. Definitely not one for the memory book.
Misunderstanding, different communication styles -- you know, what the others typed.
My question are these: Do the two of you frequently misunderstand one another? Are the two of you often mismatched in your sexual activities? OR was this just a little tweak, for a single encounter -- not representative of your general dynamic?
If the latter, let it blow over; no big deal. If the former, then you should tend to those issues right now, before they become a toxic pulse in the marriage.
But I'm guessing (and hoping) it was merely a few moments of disappointment in your husband's evening. No harm rendered.
9huh. i don't really know how that could be misinterepted. Once I start to get dry, I just give him oral until he comes. That way he can get off and I'm not uncomfortable.
"but most are perfectly fine with it if we are not satisfied with sex or don't orgasm." -- i don't know who you've been dating but i've never had a guy who wasn't upset anytime I didn't come and would definitely try harder the next time.
10it would have been nice to help him out. but it happens from time to time.
11You should have finished him off another way then and kept a smile about it.
(I'm not saying it's okay that you were in pain, trust me I've been there.. but he's your husband.. Not some random guy you're f*cking. His feelings are probably delicate. Unless you were in tears, you should have found another way to finish him. The next time you have sex could have him feeling confused and frustrated. Or what if he's like fk it, he'll just do it all himself instead of wasting his time hurting you. This will stay in the back of his head... and for Christ's sake, buy some lube.)
12It was just a miscommunication. It happens. I don't think it's a big problem. Just apologize to him and explain why you got confused. Then do a little something special to make it up to him next time. Don't be so hard on yourself. No one is 100% satisfied 100% of the time. Sex is disappointing sometimes. Honestly, I don't think this means you and your husband have big communication problems. I think everyone has misunderstandings, and you can just learn from this. Maybe have a talk with him how you need to be more comfortable expressing yourselves clearly during sex. If he or you specifically want something, you should be able to just ask rather than making the other person guess.
13You should have offered to finish him off. Absolutely.
14I'm sorry, but I'm in agreement with the "sucks to be him" clan. Really, there've been times when it couldn't get done for me either. I wouldn't feel bad about not getting him off ONE time. Give me a break. The public's general attitude that a man's sexual satisfaction is NECESSARY while a woman's is occasional is kind of a load of sh*t. And I don't see anything wrong with the lack of lube either. Obviously you weren't that into it and you shouldn't be pressured into continuing just to make him happy. Your body was responding to your lack of desire.
15"The public's general attitude that a man's sexual satisfaction is NECESSARY while a woman's is occasional is kind of a load of sh*t."
Who is suggesting that? Where is this public general attitude?
I don't get off every time I have sex, but my boyfriend always offers afterwards. And I fully expect him to.
Is this a HUGE issue in their relationship that she didn't get him off once? No. Should she have offered? Yes.
If he doesn't ever offer for her then that's a separate issue. But I'm not dealing in double standards here and I think many others aren't as well.
16I don't agree with a lot of you. Sex is not one-sided; it was not necessary for her to offer to finish him off. If she wasn't feeling it, why should she have to force herself to get back in the mood to do that for him? There will always be another time. And like everyone says, he probably gets off 99.9% of the time and how often does she? He can stand to not finish one time. My husband says finishing by oral isn't nearly as good as finishing by sex anyway, so why can't the poster's husband just wait until next time?
Oh, and he should not have gotten upset with her. If she misinterpreted what he had said, he should have just rephrased it and then it was her choice whether to do it or not.
17I would have assumed it meant stop everything, too. But with the few guys I've had a lot of sex with, sometimes we'd just both get really tired. So I'd say I was done, and soon after he'd just give up too. But maybe thats because we had a lot of half drunk sex at 3 in the morning haha. Liquor d*ck maybe? Anyways it was never really an issue.
18Popgoestheword... I'm with you... I most def. would have offered. he's your husband... why not make the man you love happy?
19*** I'm not saying you're wrong for not offering to finish him off... but if I were in your position I would have... i mean, what guy WOULDN'T want to be finished off.
20your husband is a cry baby. LOL. you're married, you've got the rest of your lives to finish each other off
21I love that sometimes we tell women don't worry if you don't come its the enjoyment of the experience but then we are expected to get men off each and every time. I wonder if more women demanded that they get off - what the outcome would be.
"The life of the nation is secure only while the nation is honest, truthful, and virtuous." Frederick Douglass
22We don't have to come every time
23Sometimes just penetration is super hot enough by itself.
AmandaKrups: "I don't agree with a lot of you. Sex is not one-sided; it was not necessary for her to offer to finish him off. If she wasn't feeling it, why should she have to force herself to get back in the mood to do that for him? There will always be another time. And like everyone says, he probably gets off 99.9% of the time and how often does she? He can stand to not finish one time. My husband says finishing by oral isn't nearly as good as finishing by sex anyway, so why can't the poster's husband just wait until next time?
Oh, and he should not have gotten upset with her. If she misinterpreted what he had said, he should have just rephrased it and then it was her choice whether to do it or not."
Amen to that!!!
bellaressa: "I love that sometimes we tell women don't worry if you don't come its the enjoyment of the experience but then we are expected to get men off each and every time. I wonder if more women demanded that they get off - what the outcome would be."
Amen to that too!!!!!!!!!!
24Ladies, if you're not demanding it, you should be!
25popgoestheworld: "Ladies, if you're not demanding it, you should be!"
Definitely. (My sex drive is worse than a hand-happy adolescent boy's. I don't care every time.. sometimes I just want to connect with him. But MOST of the time? It better be happening.)
26Why should the woman have to work harder - the man should work equally harder to ensure his women is always satisfied. He is not a baby who always need a nipple and tap on the back after he is finished.
"The life of the nation is secure only while the nation is honest, truthful, and virtuous." Frederick Douglass
27Pfffff, it's NOT a big deal. Yeah, offering to finish him off some other way would've been nice but my goodness, it isn't necessary and he was silly to get upset over that. Good point being raised - does he finish YOU off EVERY time? Doubt it.
28Oh man, lol lol! bellaressa!!
bellaressa: "Why should the woman have to work harder - the man should work equally harder to ensure his women is always satisfied. He is not a baby who always need a nipple and tap on the back after he is finished."
I just have to say Amen one more time!!!!!!!!!!!! lol lol lol.
Why on Earth are we told, even on this website sometimes to treat men so carefully!? They have such fragile little wimpy ego's, and they can't take any real criticism or they just fall over and die pretty much!! I'm so sick of it!!! It's like they are little kids that haven't grown up yet!!!!! They should learn to take criticism and handle real life just like we women can. They go around acting like they are the tough guys and they can handle anything, but when it comes to stuff like that, if we don't tell them they are perfect and pat them on the back a couple times a day they just keel over and die!!!.....::end rant before I go off for hours::: hahahhahahah.
lol lol
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