My brothers both married in the past three years, and by coincidence, their wives share the same birthday. Mine happens to be seven days later. My immediate and extended family has already fallen into the habit of celebrating all three of our birthdays together, and I don't like it. I would much rather have a nice dinner with my family on my actual birthday, as opposed to a hectic barbecue with a bunch of people I may not even consider close to me (like my sister-in-law's family, for example). Would I be totally out of line to request my own birthday celebration this year?
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Tod's
Beyond The Valley
L'Autre Chose
No! You should pretend you cant go to the group celebration and say you'd rather go out to dinner on your actual birthday minus the two tag along sister in laws!
1My answer depends on how old you are. If you are under 18, ask for your own celebration. If not, then I wouldn't do it.
It sounds like you don't want to share the spotlight.
I guess I just don't think my birthday is such a big deal that it warrants my own party with all attention focused on me.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I like having a dinner with friends etc. But if I had a good friend or family member with the same birthday I'd be just as happy to celebrate with them.
2I am a huge birthday person. I think it's YOUR special day and you should be allowed to celebrate it as you like it!
Your birthday is a week after these girls' so after the big party by the time your special day comes around everyone has already celebrated so you feel very unspecial. Talk to your close family members and mention that you'd like to have a birthday celebration just for you on your actual birthday to celebrate because you dont want to be pushed into your SIL's celebrations anymore. Tell them that you'd like something smaller with only your close friends and family instead of a gigantic party with a bunch of people you barely know. Your family should understand.
Good luck!
"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
3By the way, pop, I agree that if one of my best friends or my sister or something had the same birthday we'd celebrate together but I wouldn't consider my sister in law a really close friend... I'd consider her that chick my brother married. I wouldnt want to have to share my special day with some girls who joined the family a couple years ago and happen to have a birthday near mine. They can celebrate together... I'd celebrate mine on the right day a week later.
No shame, OP!
"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
4Yes, your being a big baby. I LOVE my birthday but also know that it is tough for my family to get together in one place. My Mom takes me to dinner and we go shopping for my gift. I would only really be annoyed if it was for a big birthday.
5I don't think you are at all. Half my family and almost none of my friends even REMEMBERED my birthday [not even my own dad], so I can relate on the whole "feeling un-special" thing. I don't think its out of line to have your immediate family have a dinner with you on your birthday. And if you don't want to go to that BBQ, then well, don't go! Do your own thing.
6You're not being a baby. I hate huge gatherings and much prefer quiet dinners of 10 or so people. If anyone asked me to participate in mass celebrations with people I'm not very close with, I'd refuse.
7I'm sure you're parents and brothers would love to come to your dinnerparty, even if the two celebrations are a bit close together. It'd still be nice to go to your sister in laws' barbeque, as a guest, not a birthday-girl. People can be real touchy about that kind of stuff
8No, I don't think so. It is your birthday after all, and if your family's okay with your request, that would be really great. You did try it their way after all for three years. And if you'd be doing most of the planning and preparations anyway, I don't see the problem why you can't have your own celebration
9Oh and happy birthday
10I would be totally pissed as well! YOU DESERVE YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY! plus its 7 days later!
11I am a total birthday lover, therefore I don't think its much to ask to simply want to have your own dinner. I think you should tell your family that instead of something big, you just want a small intimate dinner with them. They will probably be happy about it!
12Even though not everyone looks at birthdays as something major, it's clear that you do. That should be enough for your family, who is supposed to consider your opinion and feelings important, to want to honor it the way you'd like them to. It's not as if you're asking them to fly everyone out to Las Vegas for a weekend of drinking and gambling in a high-roller suite. It's a quiet dinner with family, and since it seems that your family is close enough for you to get together for a hectic barbecue, it seems that they'd be near enough to come over for dinner.
Let them know how you feel, then plan something nice and call them up and invite them over.
13Of course not! You should be entitled to your own special day. I'm with you, I wouldn't like sharing my birthday and having a big family bbq every year. I'm selfish and smart enough to know it but that doesn't mean I should have to apologize for it.
Tell your family you'd like to have a quiet dinner just for you. I'm sure they'll understand.
14I just wanted to add that some people/cultures consider it bad luck to celebrate a birthday before the actual date, so you could also use that as an excuse if your family balks at the idea of a separate celebration for you.
15I don't think you're being a baby about it. I'm not a big birthday person, but I understand wanting to celebrate with people who you are close with and to be acknowledged. It's hard to do that when you're around a bunch of people you don't know. Maybe you could attend the group birthday gathering and treat it as a family gathering and then organize your own get together and invite those close to you?
16no no, you're not being a baby. for one, it's a completely different weekend...let them celebrate together and you can do something on your own. that's silly to even question it, and it's not very nice for your family to assume you would want a joint celebration. being part of the larger celebration is awesome, of course, but you also deserve a dinner or something smaller on your actual birthday day. just tell your parents this year, casually, and i'm sure everyone will be more than happy to accomodate.
17Do the group celebration if you can stand it, then request a dinner the next week with your close family. Tell them that it's more of your thing than a big bbq.
18you aren't being a baby. perhaps try organizing your own thing, but also go to the group celebration out of respect, and grin and bear it because your own fabulous, only you celebration is coming on soon! even if you can't get your family to come to your own do, get a group of your friends together and have some fun. you deserve it.
19I don't see anything wrong with doing both, like attending the party just to be nice and then telling your parents that you'd like a quiet dinner with them on your actual birthday...
20It's your birthday, so you are entitled to celebrate it however you want! This year instead of letting others plan you a joint barbecue with the wives, tell your family you are planning your own party. Than invite them to it.
On a personal note my father's birthday is two days before mine. I was born the year he turned 30 and he is known for saying to my mom, on the morning of his birthday, "You better not have that baby on MY birthday."
Needless to say, every year both my dad and I get our OWN celebrations even if his birthday is the 14th and mine is the 16th.
21I am huuuuge on my birthday so I totally get it. My cousin was due on my birthday and I did NOT want to share my day. Luckily she had the baby like 3 weeks early
I think you're totally within your right to ask your family to have dinner with you for your day. The only way I would think it was unfair is if your family is really spread out and you were insisting that they all drive a long distance to celebrate again. I at least think your parents should be making a fuss for you on your birthday.
Happy Birthday
22if you do want your own celebration, be sure to thank your sisters-in-law for how gracious they've been to share THEIR birthdays with you--after all, it may not be their ideal birthday party either. let them know you want to do something different this year and that you'd love it if they came. make sure to go to their celebration too.
if you're worried about coming off as a baby, just make sure you're handling it with grace and maturity, not a tantrum.
23Damn, you should WANT to celebrate your life with your sisters (by marriage or not). They are your family and you sound like a spoiled brat. What a way to make them feel like they aren't truly part of the family! Now I understand wanting to do something separate for your birthday with your friends, which by all means. Or you can do like a multiple day celebration, but to make everyone go out of their way to celebrate yours separately? Yeah, grow up.
24Birthdays are definitely your own personal holiday -- you should do what you want to do FOR YOURSELF. That does not mean that everyone else will (or should have to) adhere to your plans. So opt out of the big family-shared celebration if you don't like going. If you want the more private b-day dinner, you should be the one to organize it; you can't expect your family to put in the effort one way but not the other. Definitely express your feelings to them, but you can't demand that they follow your new method of celebrating...more like ease them into it by asking politely that they attend something else you set up. I don't think it would go over well to pitch a fit and ask that they throw you a separate shin-dig.
I think theCatsPajamas is dead-on when she says that maybe your sisters-in-law don't care for the large celebration either. I'd keep that in mind when you bring it up!
25yummm yeah I think you are being a big baby
26Are you 12? Time to grow up sistah. Sorry. I just know someone who threw a hissy fit in the EXACCT same situation pretty much and how ridiculous she looked at 25, sooking to get her way
Me, my mother, and my sister in law all have the same birthday. We usually take turns on who gets to feel the most special that day. My sister-in-law turned the big 3-0 this past year, so we had a big party for her. Mine is a couple of years away, so that will be my big day.
Learning to share is a very important lesson. Good luck!
27Sharing your special day with your mom: understandable. Sharing your special day with the chick your brother married: No way.
"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
28I also believe birthday celebrations are very special. My family has separate parties for all of us.
What about throwing your own party? I know it's not as special as someone else doing it. You could then subtly mention, celebrating on your actual birthday is very special to you.
29"On a personal note my father's birthday is two days before mine. I was born the year he turned 30 and he is known for saying to my mom, on the morning of his birthday, "You better not have that baby on MY birthday.""
Party, I wish my dad said that to my mom! I was born on my dad's birthday & it was not fun to share! I don't care so much any more, but as a kid I never had MY day. At least my dad says I was the best birthday present he ever received.
To the OP--I think it's fine to want your own thing as long as you aren't whiny about it. just organize a dinner on your birthday and invite your family.
30I would not be thrilled to share my birthday with sister-in-laws, mostly because I was in the family first (and permanently.) Maybe if there is the one big family party, but your birthday was still acknowledged on your day, then I can see how this could be okay.
Honestly, who wants to spend their actual birthday with their whole family? One big day with the family, then the real day with your friends sound better to me!
31It's your birthday! So no I don't think you're being a baby about it, it's your day! I've been in that same situation on sharing birthdays. Like one of my friends, me & her birthday is close. Our birthdays are 5 days apart and she always wants to share a birthday with me, but I don't want to anymore so I stopped sharing and done my birthday the way I want to. So you should do whatever you want!
32My birthday is right around Thanksgiving end everyone is busy shopping and cooking turkeys to think about me! I've gotten used to it and really .. gettin' older ain't all that exciting =/
33plan your own party! invite your close friends and family, and if they ask about it, say that you want a smaller knit group and less chaos.
make it more personal, go crazy with it, have fun and then happy birthday!
34I think you should celebrate it with your sisters and then do something more intimate with your immediate family. If you insist that the barbeque (which will still go on, no doubt) is for them and not for you to everyone who goes, you'll certainly come off as a spoiled brat. I mean, besides landmark ages like 18 or 21, there's absolutely no need to make a huge stink about birthdays. Keep your family dinner plans on the down-low at the cookout and celebrate twice!
35Well, I think you've the right to voice it out. Not in a rude way but with a mindset of wanting to resolve the matter so that there can be a win-win situation. May be your family hasn't have a clue that you are boiling inside. But I do agree that one should take into consideration of the limitations of having a separate celebration the way you want it. May be one of the alternative is to accept to celebrate not on actual day or not all family members will be able to attend.
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