Hmmmm, call me paranoid (which I really can be quite a bit), but I'm thinking that is sounds like he was a little more than friends with this girl when you two were separated. And I wouldn't be to fond of him suddenly being friends with a girl he was "crushing on" when y'all were together anyway. How are they just good friends now? Is he over the crush? Or is this his way of getting to be closer to her without doing anything "wrong"? Your gut might be trying to tell you something here (I'm big on guts these days, I'm a recent convert to believing in them very much).

On the other hand, if you really think that they are just friends and nothing weird is going on and it's just you thinking about things in the wrong way...then I would say that starting off, it's probably a good idea to meet her and get to know her a lot, with your boyfriend around and possible without him. That will make you feel better about her because you will start to think of her as a person, and not just the ideas that she represents to you. Then maybe, every time you think about her and start thinking about your past sadness and pain, don't let yourself, make yourself think something good about her, for ex. how friendly she is if you get that impression when you meet her, and you can "re-train" your brain to think positive when she comes to mind and eventually it will be a habit. And you could always talk to your boyfriend about how you are feeling about this girl, so that he understands where you are coming from and doesn't try to push you to meet her and get to know her to much before you are ready.

Seven years and no wedding date set? This relationship is not meant to be.

I can't say I agree with Luisamapacha about 7 years without a wedding being too long. If you started dating when you were very young 7 years isn't very long at all, and since I do not know the details, I will decline to comment about the length of your relationship.

Maybe you teo were in that make it or break it phase. He just needed some time to separate before taking that next step and knowing what he wanted. maybe he had cold feet. who knows. This girl was probably just around when he was going through a difficult and confusing time, and that intensified his feelings for her at the moment. clearly it never turned into anything more because your separation isn't all that long and he snapped out of his "feelings" for her really fast. Also the fact that he is sure that he wants to be with you and only you and by asking you to move in means this unsure phase he was going through is over, and he's sorted out whatever issues he may have had.

He also said that he would be willing to cut off contact with her. You will never be happy knowing he is still friends with this girl and hanging out with her when he once had feelings for her. Trying to get to know her will make it seem forced and you will also come up with scenarios in your head about how he was acting towards her, looking at her, or you'll get suspicious every time she calls because you are insecure about him being in contact with her, and I can't say I blame you after what happened.

I would talk to him. Let him know that while you don't mind an occasional contact here and there, but that you feel uncomfortable with him continuing a close relationship with her when you are still trying to reconnect and strengthen your own. that should be both of your priorities right now. If he cares about you and is really trying to make it work with you he will agree.

SEVEN YEARS isn't too long? Please. Let's say for argument's sake they got together when they were 16. That means that by 23 they STILL don't know if they're meant to be? No way. These two are hanging on out of habit. Nothing good is going to come of this.

Muirnea gave you some good advice. luisa, I enjoy reading your blunt honest opinions/advice. They crack me up sometimes. I have agreed with them though.

Uh, isn't this the same question that appeared yesterday? "You Asked: Are We Ready For the Next Step?"

God I can't believe the pressure people put on people to get married!? I love my boyfriend but I don't want to marry him, so what?!

God I can't believe the pressure people put on people to get married!? I love my boyfriend but I don't want to marry him, so what?!

we just answered this question like yesterday or something

Actually oddly enough I understand this completely. Before my husband and I started dating he and I were best friends and he had a girlfriend who absolutely despised me because we lived near eachother and hung out a lot and she couldn't because she lived a town over and couldn't drive and he didn't have a car so they didn't get to see each other often. She would accuse me of being at fault for their failing relationship because from her perspective I was "the other woman" and was deeply hurt by it all. When he broke up with her and asked me out, she would send me hate mail constantly about how I really was "the other woman" even though that's really false. I was just a friend. But to her the thought of me and my name would hurt her as well as it would hurt me if he mentioned her to me. Because we both misunderstood things, got hurt, got angry and completely didn't want anything to do with each other.

A year later I sent her a letter asking for forgiveness about the situation and that I was sorry about how things turned out and I was sorry that he hurt her. I was completely sincere and wanted her to know that I was not who she imagined me to be...she told me to "F*ck off". I accepted it and went about my ways. I found out that later he started talking to her again (after we were married) and she sent him messages about still loving him. I was irked but I didn't say anything. I was worried about what was going on in her life. About 2 months later she added me on myspace, I accepted and she told me she didn't want to get in the way of my marriage and she accepted my apology in the end. I told her I was concerned about her and I hoped she was doing alright and able to move on and she told me she was and was sorry about sending my husband those "I love you" letters. She was just depressed and having a hard time and wanting to relive the past. Which I understood.

We became friends and things got better between us and we were both able to move on from out hurt and misunderstandings.

So coming from the opposite side of the stick. I say you should confront her and become her friend, even if you only feign it. It will help you put your heart at ease and be able to move on.

DJ Pouncy on http://www.justiceradio.net

I completely agree with missjules. Something similar happened to me a few months ago. My boyfriend and I broke up for three years (he was older and went to college and I was still in high school). We got back together when I came to college and have now been together for 5 years this time around.

We had a hard time being apart that first year, as I was letting him go off and experience college and he was letting me live out my youth. I recently found some emails after he left his email open on my computer and realized he was having an email relationship with a girl from our hometown (his age). We had a pretty big fight and he admitted that they had a summer relationship while we were broken up.
I think that the relationship with her occurred when he was having a hard time dealing with us and it intensified his feelings for her. They remained close friends and continued an email relationship that bordered on flirtation.

I asked him, for my sake, to stop contact with her, and I have no regrets. He did it out of love and respect for me -- she hates us both for it but thats just something she's going to have to deal with too. If I hadn't done so, I would be continually thinking about her. I still do and I'm working at that each day, but I couldn't be in a place where I was ready to trust him if I felt like something could still be going on.

Befriending her even if you don't mean it is a bad idea. You will be so transparent. I have an ex who I'm very close with. He's been married for 7 years and they have 3 kids together, but it was VERY obvious to me that she connected with me on Myspace and sent me e-mail updates only because she was jealous and insecure and wanted to keep tabs on me and my friendship with her husband. All this despite the fact that he and I almost never talked, out of respect for her feelings. If we did "talk", it was via public Myspace comments or some other way that everyone knew what we were talking about. And they were little things like "Hope you had a good birthday" etc.

I have another guy friend, also an ex, who had to cut off all contact with me for about a year during a relationship. His gf was incomfortable with his past with me, and he and I respected that and didn't talk or hang out. He was willing to do that for her.

In summary, your boyfriend is keeping his options open and most likely only hanging on for comfort's sake.

Sometimes people are more afraid of what they don't know. I say that you should just try to make friends with her as well.

Forcing him to cut off contact isn't the right way to go. It's never a healthy dynamic.

If you're staying with your bf, do meet up with her, see how she's like, etc, like pop says, there's that fear of the 'unknown' if your bf doesn't hide any type of communication with her and won't hesitate to involve you in their activity or discussion (when he's not wanting to involve you, there's that possibility that he's b*tching about you/the relationship to her--which sux).

But I don't want to sound paranoid myself, I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my bf was crushing on her before the 'break' although you may think that the 'break' wasn't because of her, there's that possibility that she was a factor in your bf's head to go ahead and ask for a 'break' with you. And there's a possibility that she 'rejected' his advances when he's on a break with you then being that she's nice, she keeps being friends with him regardless while he decided to renew the relationship with you.

Then again, just see how she is and do involve yourself with your bf and Her activity to see what's going on, before jumping into conclusion that your bf may still be crushing on her (I'm pretty sure that you're feeling like that as well, that's why you may feel she's a threat). I just hope that he won't involve her in any arguments between you and him.

Good luck.

(I could've sworn that in the original post, you said it was a 'break' instead of a break-up like this GRoup therapy claims)

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

If your boyfriend wants you to meet her, then he probably has nothing to hide. In fact, meeting her will make you feel better and less insecure. Then you can see her in person, in real life, instead of in a fantasy where she is the evil beautiful woman stealing your guy away from you.

I think that the three of you getting together will do good for you. If they had something to hide, why would they want you to hang out with them? When your BF holds your hand in front of her, or she brings her own BF, you will see that all your worries are silly and far away.

Even if you want to be negative and suspicious, shouldn't you go check out your "competition"?

In my opinion you should go meet her. If you still feel threatened or uncomfortable after a few tries, then maybe you can have a serious talk with your BF and explain how you feel. For now, why not give her a shot?

Protect your heart until you find someone who can do it better than you.

Also as a side not. You can't run away from bothersome things if it has to do with someone you love because if you run away it's going to bother you more. In the end it will help your relationship with your boyfriend because he wont feel restrained and he'll feel respected that you trust him as well as it will help you overcome your fears, doubts and pain. It wont happen straight away but your hurt will never go away if you don't overcome it.

DJ Pouncy on http://www.justiceradio.net

The only way that you can let go of what she represents is to actually meet her.Just be open minded and be nice when you meet her you don't want to be hostile,just see what kind of person she is and the realationship she has with your boyfriend, if you still suspect anything after meeting her talk to your boyfriend about it.