Forgive-poor you! you need to focus on forgetting him. assume it is going to work out between them, and know that you can't find happiness on your own if you keep wasting your time thinking about someone who is unavailable. if it didn't work out and he went for you, your friend would probably not be too happy about it, anyways. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself its not meant to be, and let go!

forgive, since you said that you'd never act on your emotions. what a difficult situation! you poor thing. but yeah, like kamiko says, you just have to suck it up & try to move on.

Forgive. Friends should come before boyfriends though so technically neither of you should really have dated him without the others explicit approval. Did you tell her it was OK? If you gave her your full approval then I don't know... you just need to focus on forgetting him and maybe finding somebody for yourself. This guy would be off limits if they broke up so it's pointless wasting any more emotional energy on him really.

Definitely forgive...Actually I lived similar story
but you should know that feelings can't be controlled but we can ignore these feelings and don't act upon them Just relax

Allow me to tell about my story: well I have feelings for my boyfriend's best friend and he have these feelings towards me as well
and it is really difficult...

Forgive........there wil be a man who will sweep you off your feet waiting in the wings

What's to forgive? You can't control your heart, but you have controlled reacting to those feelings. I think it is pertinent to note that he didn't choose you, but I'm sure there is someone out there who would. You should consider distancing yourself from them both until you have found love for yourself, and if your friend has a hard time understanding why, eluminate her ~ I'm sure she will then make it easier for you. Once she knows how you feel, it would be a little sadistic of her to try to pull you into their little love circle....and at that point perhaps fair game.

I applaude you for being such a good friend. Its hard to control your feelings especially when Im sure yall all hang out quite a bit. Why not see if he has a friend he could set you up with or something?

Forgive, I've felt the same way. Just don't act on it. Trust me, it doesn't work out

Forgive, since there's nothing wrong at all with having feelings towards someone - just so long as you keep the feelings in check. I had those feelings towards a close friend's husband. It took a while, but I did finally realize that the feelings I had were a longing to have what they had. He was a great guy and they had this great relationship that I wished for myself. My guess is you're probably feeling the same thing.

get your own
Remember its no sin to be tempted, but never dwell on feelings you know are wrong.

Forgive. Poor thing. Maybe you should stop spending as much time with them and let yourself fall for another guy!

Of course forgive! Who voted NOT forgive??? Like everyone else has said, these are feelings and you haven't acted on them - as painful as it is for you ...

Forgive. You haven't acted on your feelings...and you value your friendship with your girlfriend. I'm sorry sweetie...I know it must be hard. You definitely need to find somebody to take your mind off of him.

13 people vote not forgive??? Who are you people??? It is not your fault that you have feelings- they are feelings and you cant control that. Just dont act on it. My advice- try to hang out with them less and focus more on dating other guys.

I now see why feelings aren't at all logical. You're not even dating him but in you're own way, you're pitching a tent for him. Go figure.

i think you are fine. You arne't going to act on those feelings. You will meet someone someday that you will like or love just as much. Feelings can't be controlled. Just accept that and you will be ok.

"i think you are fine. You arne't (aren't) going to act on those feelings"

How do you know?? When you have those kinds of feelings raging inside, they're not that easy to ignore. It could be she hasn't acted on them because the moment hasn't presented itself. All it could take is for the two parties to inadvertently show up when the third party isn't around with just one reckless comment or action to the poster.

Although since the "boyfriend" doesn't sound that interested in her, maybe she doesn't need to decide which relationship is more important, as one could just be a fantasy. The only risk being wasting her life in the interim of trying to live someone else's.

Forgive. But I think you need to take some distance from them. For your sake as well as theirs. As she is a close friend it won't be easy to explain why you don't want to see her that often, but if you want to move on with your life (as I think you should, because he is with someone else) then you need to focus on yourself and other people right now.

WOW. I put forgive. But I did it thinking that everyone would be the opposite (not forgive.)

Way to be open minded community!

you want what you can't have!

back off...take time off THEIR relationship and look somewhere else! If you stop being "his friend" or trying to "know" everything about him and focus on finding someone for yourself or just start hanging out with other people...it'll help!

NOT FORGIVE! What, are you nuts?? That's your friend! If you have feelings for HER boyfriend then you need to get out more girl. that's just wrong.

Now see, you're just a bunch of things I'm not going to type out on here.

I have a friend that talks about my husband every time I talk to her or see her and it gets SO old -- especially when I can't tell her she annoys the hell out of him. He thinks she's loud and obnoxious and doesn't like me to have her over. She is always telling me things to tell him and he's always like Wtf!?! I don't even know her. It gets OLD.

You should be ashamed of yourself wanting what is HERS. Get your own man and stop being so jealous and childish.

I can't stand it when people are so envious of what ISN'T theirs. It's like, you only live once..so if you want something like she has go out and find something for yourself to call your own.

Forgive. This has happened to me on more than one occaision. I never acted on my feelings of course I think that it's not unusual for women who are close friends and have so much in common to have the same taste in men. Now I don't know that's the case with you but that's what it usually is for me. As long as you don't do put the moves on the guy then it's fine. I mean you can never chose who you like. It just happens.

Forgive.

Incidently, unreturned love sucks, doesn't it??

man, some chicks are a bit judgmental. sounds like some of you posted here without even reading the girl's situation...christ.

anyways.

this has happened to me, but I was the girl that got the guy. I felt bad for my friend, because I almost felt as if I stole him from her. but she took it in stride, and moved on. its good that you haven't tried to sabotage or ruin their relationship in any way...I respect that. its time for you to get out and find a man you can call your own, though. besides, double dates could be fun. ;D

Forgive. Because..
1. You're not acting on it (the feelings you have for your bf's guy).
2. All people have not so nice thoughts all the time, the important thing is they remain as that - "thoughts". Keep a conscious effort to clean your thoughts once in a while. Heehee.
3. You're aware of you're feelings and that they're wrong and that you wouldn't do anything to hurt your friend and her relationship with the guy.

Get a life. And I don't mean it in a condescending way! No! What I mean is, get out, explore, mingle! You never know.. the guy you're bound to be with might just be waiting 'round the corner

Just don't act on it. You would lose a friend and guys will come and go.

Get over it and find your own guy. I think you need to realize that you can never be with him. even if they do break up, that would be a mean thing to do to your friend to end up being with him. You will find your own prince! Don't worry

I say good for you for not acting on your feelings. But you need to find a new guy pronto, and stop hoping that your friend and this guy break up. You should be happy for her! Seriously... the best medicine is to find a guy of your own. Strike up a conversation at the store or something, you don't exactly have to go out to bars seeking some booty.

I think that maybe u should stop hanging around the both of them, hang with ur best friend without him...
I know its hard to ignore such strong feelings...I'm sure u'll b able to find a cute distraction in no time!

I said forgive but it seems like you could use some distance. I don't think things are going to get any better for you if you keep putting yourself in the position to have to avoid your feelings. Something could happen that you don't want. Maybe get out on your own more and then you can gain perspective. This guy may be great but he's obviously not the one for you if he and your friend are happy. There's someone just as good waiting for you.

i said not forgive. not beatdown and hate, but not forgive. because, there are a jillion people in this world, and i think if you are so close to your best friend, you could take more time to look at all the other jillion minus 2 people in the world.

i really think dwelling on certain thoughts is a way of trying to come up with making thoughts reality. and i don't think that's right. everyone here is saying you can't help your emotions, but believe that we are in control of everything, even our emotions, eventually.

that does suck though, i'm sorry. but look at the jillion - 2.

"i really think dwelling on certain thoughts is a way of trying to come up with making thoughts reality. and i don't think that's right. everyone here is saying you can't help your emotions, but believe that we are in control of everything, even our emotions, eventually."

I agree, alexask ...I know I probably came across strong in my comment yesterday (And maybe it IS because I forgive my friend for not being able to control her feelings.. I just don't say anything.. even though he would never do her in a million years [and yes, she has tried at one time..]).. but it's like --

Sometimes I really do think she sits around fabricating some fantasy life about him. I mean, she always goes on about how he knows all these people that she knows that he really doesn't know, LOL.. and I don't understand that. I don't know why she insists on something that isn't real. Or how she tells me that he and her like the same music, when she REALLY doesn't know what kind of music he likes. Like really! (And what really gets me is the times that she has left his DJ sets with my other flaming friend, both saying how the music "sucked". I'm like how can she not remember all of this?)

...or when I'm on the phone with her and she hears his voice and she's like Is that ....? And I'm like yes..? But she swears that doesn't sound like him.. That's because he wasn't using his DJ microphone voice, duh! Lol.. it's like she has this IDEA of who he is from the club. And that's only like 2% of what a wonderful (devoted) person that he is.

But yeah, and then she always tells me dorky things for him to laugh at and half the time he is like "Why would I care?" .. And it's even harder for me to make up something to act like he gives a sh!t. I just feel sorry for her because I can't tell her these things. And it's even gotten to the point to where she'll stoop so low to say things like her bf hates my hair?! Why would I care about those kinds of things when I don't even know him either and I'm not in a relationship with him.. LOL. At least My Man loves my hair - and that's why I make some of the choices I do in my life to keep my man happy, not her or her man. (Which I don't even think he said that.)

I try to put my space there, but sometimes I think she only comes around because of him (and she's so blind to see he hides from her).. I mean, when she comes over she's all trying to look in the windows if I have her outside (because he doesn't like her in the house because she's so up on him)...but when I look at her in her car she's all staring at the windows to see if he's looking out at her. It's so silly.

And for the most part, there are some women that I'm just not jealous of.. it gets so tiresome.

I mean, quite honestly: the girl that wrote this about her best friend is kidding herself if she thinks her Good Friend doesn't know about her huge crush on her boyfriend. Does she really think that her friend doesn't know when she gets all bright-eyed around him?

...it's just so wrong to be sad about what her friend has with this man. Her friend probably works hard for it.

And then, the main thing is that, he didn't pick her. We can't control our emotions.. I'm not going to sit her and say that I've never liked any of my gfs bfs.. Even my friends guy is kind of cute, but I could never waste my time on something that isn't real. I just don't get why she and I guess this girl don't get it or see the real reality.

I have even told my husband before, if you want to talk to her you can. If you want to do her (back then at the time) go ahead. There are other men/women out there to give real love if it isn't really there. And in my case, and apparently her friends: it is there/here.

Sometimes it's just best to try to put more space where it's needed. I think many times in my life I keep growing further and further away from the fantasy world that people around me are living. That or I am finally seeing certain people's reality.

g1amourpuss-
I think you're being really ignorant by assuming everyone's situation is like yours. I think it's perfectly possible to crush on someone without making it at all obvious, especially if you're intelligent and considerate of your friend and really don't want to be found out. It sounds like your friend is a desperate and pathetic idiot, but not everyone is like that. Why do you think she's necessarily "Bright eyed" or acting like she likes her friend's man? It sounds like you're just a little over-emotional about your own situation and are trying to prove something to everyone here about how your man would never want to get with your "friend", when in reality this isn't about you and the girl who wrote this post isn't necessarily like your loser friend. I really don't think there is anything wrong with feeling a certain way, as long as you don't act on it. Of course you can try and get over it, but you can't deny those initial feelings. It's obvious this girl doesn't want to ruin anyone's relationship, and that should say enough about her character. It's not like she would lie to everyone on this site so they can give her advice on a fake situation.

Maybe I should be really ignorant and think that she is Dull-Eyed around him then, lol... especially when she says: "wishing things wouldn't work out for them" like it's not wanting to ruin her friend's relationship ...or something.

And also, you are wrong in believing that I think her 'situation' is completely like mine (when I'm offering up scenarios that might be going on in her head), because trust me .. (I didn't post everything and) It Isn't.

So far there's nothing to forgive or not forgive. You can't help your feelings however you insinuate that if things didn't work out with them then you'd try to make things work between the two of you and that I don't think is forgivable. You should never dates your friends ex. That always works out badly.

you suck! lol. harsh, but the truth. if u liked him, you shouldve asked him out first. but u didnt make any move and now ure wishing that they dont work out so that u`d have a shot? wtf woman! dont 8 years mean anything to u? move on. stop being a selfish b*tch. it would be another story if u were in love with him or something BEFORE she started going out with him but u only started liking him that way (u just had a crush before) after she started going out with him. i wouldnt wish a friend like u for anyone. u dont even deserve her, or him for that matter.