Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years now and he's a great guy, however, recently I've developed feelings for his best friend. His friend is everything he's not; confident, grown up, gorgeous and charming.
At first I dismissed it as a harmless, idle crush. But this past weekend it was my boyfriend's birthday and he over did it on the alcohol and got really messy. His best friend was my hero that night. He took care of my drunken boyfriend and me, making sure we both got home safely and that I was OK.
Since then, all I can think about is the hug he gave me that night, as he told me that everything would be OK. What does it mean now that I have this huge crush on my boyfriend's best friend? What can I do about it? I really want to date him. In A Mess Jess
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Dear In A Mess Jess
You can’t go there girlfriend, so don’t even think about it. If you care at all about your boyfriend, you’ll back this train to nowhere right on up. He will resent you for breaking his heart and moving in on his best friend. What's worse is that you could wind up causing an argument between two friends. You don’t want to be that girl; no one will trust you or like you for it.
Remember the episode on Friends in Season Four called "The One With Chandler In A Box?" Joey made Chandler spend Thanksgiving in a shipping crate as punishment because Chandler kissed Joey's girlfriend Kathy. As much as it stinks, you’ve got to fight off this urge.
Try and spin this so that you can still have him in your life somehow. Although you can't date him, you can gain him as a buddy that you find attractive. Not only would your boyfriend be pleased if you guys became friends, but if (or should I say when) you and your boyfriend break up, you’ll be able to keep him in your life because the relationship was always strictly platonic.
On a side-note, can we address that you don't think very highly of your boyfriend and maybe you should consider that he isn't the right guy for you? If he only knew that you thought he lacked charm, good looks and confidence he would be crushed. I'm sorry that I can't give you permission to go after your boyfriend's best friend, but I do think that he can remain in your life as a pal. Good luck.
Geox
Pierre Hardy
Vila
Good point, Dear. That's what jumped out at me, too. You may not even be as into your boyfriend's BFF as you think. It may just be ANYONE other than your boyfriend seems great, because you're not happy with your boyfriend. Deal with that issue first.
1Jen, that is a very good point. And I have experienced it on a personal level too. This girl is probably just looking for ANYONE but the man she's with. That is the real issue.
2Jen great point.
3In addition, people choose friends for a reason. This great guy has an immature irresponsible dopey friend, could it be that HE is like that, only you can't see it yet? HOw do you know that in three months with THIS guy you won't meet another of his friends whose even more attractive? Maybe you have "overlap" issues. I would suggest leaving your bf, whom you obviously don't see a future with, and be single for a while so you can figure out what you want. If mister wonderful finds his way into your life then maybe its meant to be, but until then, cool it.
4In addition, people choose friends for a reason. This great guy has an immature irresponsible dopey friend, could it be that HE is like that, only you can't see it yet? HOw do you know that in three months with THIS guy you won't meet another of his friends whose even more attractive? Maybe you have "overlap" issues. I would suggest leaving your bf, whom you obviously don't see a future with, and be single for a while so you can figure out what you want. If mister wonderful finds his way into your life then maybe its meant to be, but until then, cool it.
5speaking from experience of falling for a guy's best friend is never a good idea. there is always that saying that birds of a feather flock together.
6Dear has some really good and sensible advice.Do yourself a favor walk away, because sometimes the grass in not always greener on the other side.........
7sounds like you've outgrown your bf and need to move on, but NOT with his bestfriend. you subconsciously want out. leave.
8i'm in a very similar situation...things are not good with my boyfriend and i and one night I was the one who drank too much...my boyfriend yelled at me and came after me and his friend hugged me while i cried and brought me in his room to sit on his bed while he calmed my boyfriend down...he also walked me out to my friends car....it's not the first time he's done something like that...since my boyfriend is a jerk..it makes it easy to see the good things about his friend...i'm pretty sure i'm in love with his friend now...and i know it's because most of the time i can't stand my boyfriend..i only stay with him to be around his friend (roomate) i know it's a bad situation but i don't know what to do
9idk what to do im lost i feel like im in a hole trying to dig my self out but i just get deeper and deeper example I don't think about him all week or at all then he will call me or i will see him and then it starts all over again i love my boyfriend but i cant help but to wonder what it would be like to be with his friend every time im around him i get all kid like and i make sure he notices me by saying random stupid stuff to get his attention im not sure what to do should i tell him how i feel or just leave it alone help
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