She asked you to be her maid of honor. This traditionally means that you help her organize the wedding etc. but if that's not what she wants from her maid of honor then why worry about it? Be there for her if you want to be or take yourself out if you dont feel comfortable with it. Either way, it's HER wedding and you can either support her decisions, no matter how random or left out you're feeling or you leave the wedding because you want to. Maybe she picked you because she felt she HAD to because of how long you've been friends.. just like you accepted because you felt obligated to do it. I suggest talking to her, going for dinner etc and asking her what she expects from her maid of honor and ask her why she picked you. Tell her you're honored and you want to help her. Also, maybe ask why she chose you.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Truthfully, I haven't been to many weddings or even been involved more than once. But that one I was involved in, the bride did everything, the MOH of that party only helped out pick out bridesmaid dresses and that was it. It really depends on the bride, it is her day and she'll do it as she wants. But like fallen said up there, if you don't really want to be the MOH then don't, it'll show in the pictures.

Uh, you clearly don't know what a MOH is supposed to do. It's your job to organize the bridal shower and/or bachelorette party, and be there for any last minute things the bride needs on her wedding day. If you must, tell her you don't feel you're doing enough and ask to clarify what she expects from you.

It's not your wedding. The Bride knows what she wants and how she wants it done, so stop feeling so offended because she's not letting you be a bigger part of *her* day. Ask her to clarify your role as MOH. It may be that your entire job is to stand there and look pretty. She may need more help when it gets closer to the big day.

You said "I don’t really care what dress she gets", meaning your don’t care what she decides for her wedding, right? You just want to be there with her in this time, and you feel you’ve tried and she remains distant. What you've said leads me to believe you are worried that your friendship is broken/over and less that what’s being decided and so much that you don’t know that you should be in the wedding or not. Correct? I agree with Fallen85 she asked you didn’t she, there must have been something there even if it was long ago. You really should get with her and talk things over, find out why you are drifted, once you get things out in the open you can decide if there is still a friendship there (hopefully things work out, Good luck!)

I was MOH at my BFF's wedding. My "duties" were, as luisa said, organizing the bridal shower and helping with last minute stuff. I offered additional help, but she didn't need it. She always told me what she was doing and did ask for my advice. It didn't hurt my feelings, if she didn't take it. It was HER wedding!!

Since you mentioned she's vindictive, do you feel she's hurting you on purpose for something? If so, the vindictive problem is a whole separate issue. Sounds as if you're turning all of her actions as a way to get back at you. Asking if you should take yourself out of the wedding, is this your way of hurting her? Don't know if you've thought about that. Relax and enjoy the ride.

If you don't want to be her MOH, don't.

But as far as the wedding stuff goes... the MOH doesn't need to know all the wedding details, doesn't need to be wedding dress shopping, doesn't need to have input on the reception and all that stuff. Those are not things that you should be expecting. I only say that because it sounds like you are peeved that you weren't included in these things. To play devil's advocate, if you are repeatedly calling her to give advice/opinions/trying to plan wedding things, she might see you as a bridesmaidzilla who wants to take over and not want to talk to you.

It sounds like the bigger problem is that you two aren't close anymore and you don't seem to be too fond of her. if you don't want to be the MOH, the approach I would probably take is "I am so honored that you asked me to be part of your day and I am here for you, but perhaps So-and-So would be a better MOH/ I'm sure you realize that we've grown apart over time and I just want you to know that if you want to ask someone you are closer with to be your MOH, I won't be offended and will still help you with anything you need." but only do that if you're sure you want to drop out, because it's bound to start drama.

I was maid of honour for one of my best friends, and besides organising the hen night and designing + making her wedding invitations (as my wedding gift to her) - I wasn't part of any of her planning (getting her dress, picking a venue etc etc etc). In fact, I didn't even pick out my own dress! I did talk to her often about the kind of dress she wanted, and how she wanted the ceremony to look etc - but that's just the way our friendship is.

I think the fact that she chose you as her maid of honour, even though you may have grown apart, means that she still values your longtime friendship. Just because she doesn't include you every step of the way doesn't mean she doesn't want you there.

Just let her know you are there if she needs help with anything, organise a great bachelorette party for her and be present & supportive on the day.

When my friends get married, I try to be there as much or as little as they want. Basically, I don't have any expectations about being included in this or that. I don't want any drama, and I'm pretty sure they don't either.

I think if someone asks me to be MOH or something, the first thing I'd do is ask "So... what does a MOH do?" so I know what they're expecting. And do the stuff they're expecting if I can do it. Turn down the position if I can't.

I'm getting married next summer and I periodically call my MOH to update her, but she's not making any decisions. I would be very hesitant to be your friend, because it sounds like it always had to be all about you. Read an etiquette book and see what you're supposed to do. You're going to end up ruining her wedding with your drama unless you stop it. If I was the bride and I read this post and knew it was from you, that would out you from my wedding party and probably from being invited. Her wedding is not about YOU!

I think that you are making her wedding more about you than you should. Its great that you wanted to be there with her to pick her dress and be really involved but each bride is different and your friend sounds like she has everything covered and wants it that way. Just be there to support when she asks for it and you'll make her life during this hectic time that much easier. I do have to ask, are you married?

I'm getting married next June and my MOH didn't come get my dress with me (not that she didn't want to, but I was out of state with a bridesmaid and found it then)...it wasn't a bid deal.
And a lot of the posters are slightly misinformed. Your MOH does not have to plan your shower or bachelorette party. It is very nice and kind if she does, and albeit is what usually happens with one party or both of them, but she does NOT have to. All she MUST do is show up at your rehearsal, wedding day, dressed, and witness your marriage license.

Even though my MOH is my very best friend of too many years to count, I'm not expecting her to help me plan my wedding. When the schedule works out, she comes along to see the options I'm considering and I value her opinion. But there's many things that I'm doing without her. Her most important job is just being there for me when I need her. It's more important to me that she's excited and supporting me through the planning process. I suggest you just be there for your friend. Offer your assistance, and leave it at that. She'll let you know what she needs. She has enough drama going on right now, she doesn't need a MOH adding issues to what sounds like an already fragile friendship.

This isn't all about you. This is her and the groom's day and if she wanted you to help plan the day she would ask you. If she needs your help she will ask you for it, at this point it sounds like she has everything under control. Not every MOH is that involved with the wedding. I think you had an idea in your head of what it was supposed to be and now that it is not your vision you are upset. Bow out of the wedding because you do not want to be in her wedding not over petty stuff like her not loving every idea that you send her or being there to pick out her dress.

Take yourself out of this role if you feel slighted or uncomfortable. I think you two need to have a discussion about your role. When I asked my matron of honor and attendants I told them all I wanted was for them to be in the room as I got ready, stand up at the wedding for me, and grab a fun meal the day before. I communicated expectations, they accepted knowing what they were getting into. If I were in your shoes I would want expectations communicated with me or I would step aside if the person couldn't communicate what they wanted.

lol....i didn't help my best friend with her wedding at all!!! her mom and her did it all. all i did was show up and it was a honor to be by her side at that moment! think about that!

Uh... maybe I missed something, but I've been MOH and didn't expect to have ANY say in planning the wedding or finding the dress. That's not really your job as MOH. I wouldn't be offended by it unless she explicitly told you that you would have input in those things and you didn't. Otherwise, chill out and don't do anything drastic!

You have to remind yourself that this isn't YOUR wedding, it's hers. She can pick out HER gown and hell YOUR moh dress if she wants. Be thankful that she's not asking for your help in planning the wedding because it seriously sucks to have to plan one.

You're job is to mostly plan a shower, bachlorette party and to straighten her train at the alter.

oh lord. get over yourlself. this isnt YOUR wedding... therefore... not YOUR decisions. Since when should she have to create a wedding plan schedule around you? this is her day, not yours.

Well, it's her wedding and it's really all about her. Your role as MOH is for HER. If you're so up in the air, just ask her what she would like you to do as MOH. If she doesn't really have an answer, then you can just be content to have the title and not have to do a whole lot if she wants to do everything herself.

Ummm why would you feel hurt that she got her dress without you? My best friend got married and I never got to see the dress until the day of. Her aunts gave her bridal showers, so all that I had to was throw an awesome bachelorette party and keep her calm/hold her flowers/train on the wedding day. You need to read up on the duties of the maid of honour. Usually it is planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party, and sometimes it is also helping with the invites. But ultimately, it is her decision about how much she wants you involved. Maybe she planned to do all this stuff with her mom! The best thing to do is say to her that you want to help, what can you do for her? Just ask her what she wants you to do. You really have no reason to be hurt or offended here. It is her wedding, and you should be honoured that she asked you. If you really don't want to do it, then take yourself out because if you really don't like this girl, then what's the point? But to be honest, you sound kind of self-involved and I think you're being way too sensitive here.

I agree with 7kimba7.
If you don't want to be the MOH, then don't. But you should definitely talk to her about it.

YES, take yourself out. You don't care about her or her life and she obviously doesn't need your opinion. If you don't run with the same circle of friends why don't you just finish the friendship?

Oh boy. I have a friend who is a bride who feels like her MOH is not doing anything for her - reversal, I guess?

Sit down with her, talk to her. Tell her how you feel - that you want to be a part, but ask her what she wants. Remember, it's her day, not yours. Make it clear that you only want the best for her, but to make sure that there's nothing you can be doing. If she's happy running the show and you doing nothing - suck it up. She'll be glad to hear you care so much.

"I really don't care"

You said it yourself... you don't really care so whats the big deal? Sounds like you're just trying to be a drama queen.
Its HER wedding, not yours... she doesn't need to give your input any consideration if she doesn't want to. Everyone has their own idea of what they want for their special day. When it comes time for you to get married, you can have all the input you desire.