Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for three years and he recently told me that he needs some space. He said that we should be "friends" for right now until he gets himself together. He has been through a lot, and seems to push everyone away. What should I do? Should I give him space, or just put this relationship to bed? I love him and don't want to lose him, but the fact that he's pushing me away instead of coming to me for support makes me think he's not on the same page. — Helpless Helena

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Dear Helpless Helena,

If your boyfriend is asking for his space, as much as you might not want to give it to him, you unfortunately don't have much of a choice. Three years is a long time to be with someone, so I can only image how you must be feeling, but with so little information here, the best advice I can offer is to trust your intuition. I'm still on the fence when it comes to taking breaks [1] — sometimes they are a tremendous help in a relationship, but other times they just delay the inevitable: a breakup.

If you love him and think there's a chance to work it out, I'd give him the space and try to patiently wait as his friend. Since you're even contemplating calling it a day, something tells me this is not the first time he's needed a break. You have to ask yourself if you think he'll be able to get whatever it is he needs during your time apart — the desire to work on himself is a completely different situation than if he just wants to date other people. Have a chat with him; let him know how you're feeling, make him aware of what you want, and ask him if he's on board for the same thing. Once you've had a good heart-to-heart, you'll be better equipped to make the right decision.

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