I'm actually in reverse. I'm the one who does NOT want to get married and have kids but my long-term boyfriend does so he's just dealing with it for now. He has tried to persuade me many times but I am stubborn. Maybe eventually I'll change my mind but I doubt it.

This is so interesting! Lately I have not felt a need for marriage, the purpose or anything..I dont know..I am not 100% against the idea of possibly getting hitched one day but more and more I find myself not believing I necessarily need to..Now I have been dating my boy for over 4 1/2 years and he knows this and seems fine with it for now at least lol

It would only be counter-productive. I do want to eventually be married and i wouldnt give that up for anyone.

ha! i'm currently in this situation. i've been with my current bf for a year and a half. he is everything i have ever wanted in a bf, and i love him more than anything. for this reason, i've kind of put my marriage clock on hold. i definitely have always seen marriage and children in my future... and i know for a fact i will have them both someday... but right now i can't imagine my life without my bf. he's not 100% opposed to marriage... he just says he can't see himself there in the near future. so, i figure i'll stay with him until the urge to marry and settle down becomes overwhelming. then, it'll be time for an ultimatum.. and if marriage still isn't in his plans... it'll be time to move on. i'm only 25 so i'm in no rush.

If someone comes right out with it, take them on their word. At this point in my life most everyone I know is married or getting married, and I'm never been really into dating for fun - plus my most recent breakup was from a three-year domestic partnership (which I no longer believe in doing). I wouldn't waste time dating a man who wasn't interested in marriage at this point, though it might not have bothered me a few years ago. If he didn't express any objections to it, I probably wouldn't bring it up myself directly, but you can always tell about people who are really anti-marriage (and I totally respect that, it's just not me) because it comes up in conversation all the time. Nope nope nope.

it would be a deal-breaker for me. Being married has brought a new level or security to my life. I know that's just a trick of my mind but whatever works! I have zero problem with other couples not getting married.

To be honest, I don't know if I believe in marriage either. I'm pretty cynical. So I wouldn't have a problem with dating someone that didn't believe in it.

To be honest, I don't know if I believe in marriage either. I'm pretty cynical. So I wouldn't have a problem with dating someone that didn't believe in it.

i honestly don't know how i would handle this. i probably would cry, and then see where it goes, and try to talk him out of his views. but if he doesn't budge, i dunno...depends on how much i love him i guess

Not sharing the same values is a recipe for disaster. I don't knock people for being against marriage or those who want to be married. But both people have to be on the same path in order for a relationship to work - that applies to most other values that impact your future.

Depending on how much he truly believed he never would marry.,.. it would probably end the relationship.

Something I've learned watching my family and friends decide, or decide not to, "get married":

Everyone's idea of what makes a wedding and a marriage is different. If you assume for even a second that your expectations are the only way it works you're in for trouble!

Personally I believe in trying to be with someone for a long committed relationship, but whether that's marriage or common-law doesn't really matter to me. As long as there's a party with an open bar and it's not in a church

Im the same I'm anti-marriage and anti-children. Iv'e been with my BF for a little love 4 years now and I know hes talked about and and so have his friends relentlessly. Him and they are 10 years older than me so stands to reason but I dont see the point we are in a comitted relationship and I don't need a document to prove that. Waste of my damn time to put together a wedding and hate kids so there. : )~

i think dating is pointless if marraige isnt on the table. but that said. that's just me. i think the most important thing is for the two people invovled to be on the same page.

I don't know if I'd want to start dating someone with different views, because I don't like the idea of persuading someone to believe what I believe. I wouldn't want to change a guy's fundamental beliefs because I would be afraid after we were married that he didn't wholeheartedly WANT to be married to me...

its def important to be on the same page, be it pro or anti marriage.

I've never seen marriage in my future. I'm not against it, and I don't rule out the possibility of getting married, but it's definitly not something I really want or need. So, that wouldn't be a problem at all.

I'm in this position ... I haven't made up my mind what to do.

Probably deal-breaker for me. If he said he wanted us to live together and have everything in a marriage except the certificate, change of last names, tax benefits, and the children (Which I don't want, anyway.), I think I might still be uneasy. I would definitely want a marriage to look forward to because it shows how serious he is about me and how much he is looking forward to a permanent future together. That's just me--I'm a bit old-fashioned.

If I was just dating, I guess it wouldn't matter much... but this was one of the reasons I ended my last relationship. We just ultimately have different goals for the relationship so we both knew it wouldn't work out in the end.

If it were a deal-breaker for me, then I would not involve myself with someone who did not share in the same goal.

Simple as that.

(I know you cannot control who you fall in love with, but you *can* control your involvement with that person -- I know, because I have in the past. It sucks, but it is possible.)

Incidentally, I've been married for over a decade to a man who is easily compatible with me. We are well matched in our goals and ideologies.

If I wanted to get married, this would be a deal breaker.

With that said, I'm currently married. I enjoy married life. It agrees with me (and hubbie, too, as he admitted). However, if the worse case scenario occurs, and we end up splitting up (who knows for what unforeseen reason in the future), truthfully, I don't think I would re-marry. I think I would like to start a new chapter on my own. I think I would still lead a happy life without marriage. As much I like my marriage, it's not the key to my happiness. Sorry, I just went off on a tangent.

Nobody wants to get married anymore. everyone is poppin' babies and free-f*ckin' because they don't wanna get divorced, or they have issues with the church, or whatever f*cking reason they have.

I don't knock them.

But I do want to get married one day. Yes...little, b*tchy, selfish me wants to have a hubby and kids to feed.

and if i met a guy who didn't want that, i wouldn't stop calling him immediately,

but he honestly would get put in the "so much for him...maybe i'll just use him as a f*ck-buddy in desperate times" category.

in my experiences with dating, this comes up before i ever have sex with the guy, so it gives me enough time to not get sprung off of him the where i end up knocked up and unmarried. i never bring it up (since i'm not trying to get married right now) but it just happens to make it's way into the conversation.

I honestly couldn't be with someone long term who didn't want to marry me so this would be a deal breaker for me. I believe in marriage as a lifetime commitment and I take it seriously. I've been married for 10 years, my parents have been married for about 40 years and his parents for 32 years. I'm not saying marriage is easy we've had our rough times like any other couple but I think its worth it to always try to work things out.

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't ever want to get married, I am a very traditional girl who wants to get married and then have lots of babies

I would date someone who didn't want to get married - you can't help who you like, but if I couldn't get him to change his mind or even think it over then it would be over between us because I want to get married and have 4 kids.

I'd like to get married and start a family in the next 5 years, so I don't waste my time with men who are opposed to marriage. Most men I go out with are in their 30's; by that age they usually know what they want out of life, and there is no point in sticking around and trying to change their minds.

OTOH, guys who are opposed to marriage in their 20's are more likely to change their minds in their 30's (men have biological clocks too), so if you're both young it might be worth sticking around (but not too long).

I want to be married and have kids. I don't see why I should have kids with somebody who isn't willing to protect me financially/securely/emotionally with legal documents.

It would be more for the kids benefit than mine but being married has it's legal advantages.

That's all it is nowadays anyway?

see, to me getting married is something that is important to me and always has been. I am a bit traditional in that sense that i want the whole marriage and children thing. I wouldn't be able to be with someone that didn't share the same goals no matter how amazing he was and how in love we are. When someone wants something really bad and the other person does not you may overlook it for awhile just because things are so wonderful, but after awhile both sides will resent eachother. The person that wants to get married will constantly drop hints and try to change their mind, and the one that doesn't want to get married will feel the pressure. nothing good can come out of something unless both people are on the same path.

Marriage isn't for everyone, but that doesn't mean that one is not committed to their partner/relationship, or doesn't have a strong sense of family.

Just recently my aunt and uncle celebrated their 30 years of 'being together' (not married). They claimed that they are not the 'marrying type' - to take one step further, they are 'beyond the supposed idea of marriage'.

They explained that for the two of them, the act of marriage encaptulates the idea of love, committment, family and security. However they don't need a 'label' of marriage to promise each other these qualities.

I think this is a very interesting thought.

This hits home. I don't believe in marriage nor do I want to have children. Many men that I meet find this odd, perhaps because they have the assumption that ALL women want to get married and have kids. If I make this known to the man I'm dating and he still chooses to stay in the relationship knowing that he wants those things, that's his decision. I'm not going to change my beliefs just to satisfy someone else.

I've never been one to dream of getting maried. The idea of a traditional wedding terrified me, i'm too shy to have all that attention on me! Thats not to say if i met someone who did i couldn't be persuaded to do something smaller and more personal.

I have kids and a home and a long term happy relationship. I am perpetually "engaged" though because of many reasons. I don't feel comfortable marrying in a Faith that is not my own and as yet my Faith is not recognized in Canada, even if I were to travel to the US where it is recognized - Canada would dismiss and discard it the second I got home.

I consider myself married because we have "married" each other in our own private way. I know he'd like to make it "official" but really, why do I need a judge to say its so when I already know more in my heart and soul than any lawyer could ever determine?

I personally could never do it. I've always wanted to get married, and having the person I love refuse to on principle would break my heart, besides the fact that I would never hear the end of it from my family. I've always had models of good, long lasting marriages around me - my parents have been married 25 years, my grandparents 61 years, my aunt and uncle 33 years - so I know that couples do argue and fight, but there are always ways to reconcile and compromise afterwards. Getting married, for me, is more a proud announcement to the rest of the world that two people have promised to love and care for each other until death. If I wanted to take that final step and give all of my heart and my future to a man and he refused because he "doesn't believe in marriage" and sees it as shackling him, I don't know if I would be able to get over it. I would feel like he wanted to hide us and our relationship or that he wanted to keep his options open, and that would wound me very, very deeply.

I think people who don't go and get the official certificate (nobody is forcing you to have a big ceremony) are a little silly because you are not providing legal security for yourself or your children.

I wouldn't buy a house or have children with a man who would not sign a marriage certificate with me.

"It would only be counter-productive. I do want to eventually be married and i wouldnt give that up for anyone."

- I really don't understand this view point, surely the point of marriage is to show your committment to that special person that you want to share your life with. I think if you rejected that man only on the basis that he doesn't want to get married you would really be selling yourself short!

And the legal protection for de-facto relationships in my country is wonderful, it's basically the same (in hetero relationships) as for married couples in terms of shared assets, decision-making power etc so that (very unromantic) reason doesn't fly for me either.

I do however understand the perspectives of those people who would base this decision on perceived differences in values because that could cause problems for some ppl if it was faith-based etc.

Overall I'm really not 'into' marriage as I just can't see the point! I'm not religions, don't need the secirity and my family doesn't expect it (my unmarried parents have been together for 30yrs and have a wonderful relationship)

(sorry about the long post!)

- I really don't understand this view point, surely the point of marriage is to show your committment to that special person that you want to share your life with. I think if you rejected that man only on the basis that he doesn't want to get married you would really be selling yourself short!

And what? Sticking around with someone who doesn't share your views on what you think is important, makes you generous? I can't treat my love life as if it were a GoodWill store.

i agree rock and republic. i just don't want to be with guys who don't "believe" in stuff in general. like i hear about guys who don't believe in valentine's day because it's a hallmark holiday, that kind of bs. anti-sentimental. get a life, guys like that should just date walls.

Marriage is screaming out loud, I love you and I'll prove it. I'll sign the papers too. I'm married to a European man who "lived" with his ex girlfriend for nine years. During the ceremony as we cruised in a canal boat having a big party through Amsterdam she happen to see us from a bridge. How do you think she felt? Probably that he was willing to sign the papers with me, and not her. Thats all folks.