You're in a happy, committed relationship with someone you love dearly. Last week, you ran into an old guy friend who you hadn't seen in months, and he seemed more than excited to see you. You exchanged cards, and the next day there was a friendly email in your inbox.
You wrote back some light chitchat, but before you knew it, he'd already responded. This time fairly flirtatiously. He's unaware of your relationship status, and he seems to assume you're single. Though he hasn't overtly said anything to make you certain he is flirting with you, you feel a little uncomfortable with the way this is going. Since you don't know his relationship status either, you don't want to mistake an innocent catchup session with something more, but at the same time, you don't want to give him the wrong impression. You're completely off the market, so it's an awkward situation to say the least. How would you handle this?
Free People
Lancaster
Beyond The Valley
When I meet an old friend (like a old boyfriend or an old guy friend) I usually just throw in the boyfriend somewhere! Like "Oh yea, I love hiking too. The other day my boyfriend and I took a gorgeous trip out to the mountains!"
They usually get the point.
1This has happened to me a couple of times. I handled it poorly. What I recommend is to throw a casual reference to your significant other in there - it could even just be your boyfriend's first name (he'll assume you're coupled up, or else ask you directly). Make sure to say something like, 'I'm so glad we've reconnected and gotten to be better friends,' too. Make it as casual as possible and if he really is just e-mailing you to find out if you want a date, then you'll know. He'll either ask you directly, stop e-mailing you, and/ or continue e-mailing in a friendly and casual fashion because he likes you as a friend (this is fine IMO as long as you know when to cut it off if he goes too far).
2agree with the ladies above. Casually slip in something about your current state but dont make it obvious. Keep the conversation ligth and friendly and if he says something blatant like "Yea, I remember how amazing you look naked. Would LOVE a reminder" before you get a chance to name drop your man then just say something like "Yea... I dont think my boyfriend would like that very much. But how about coffee?" He'll get the point and if he is still interested in just friends, keep chattin.
3i agree with the ladies above. i always slip in something about my husband. that gets the point across. and if they're still creepy, i think hes a douche and drop all contact.
4yeah i agree with the previous comments. if he asks you what you did that day tell him you went to lunch or something with your boyfriend, or if he asks you to hang out, be subtle and say something along the lines of "I had plans with my boyfriend that night but I will see if I can reschedule or if you don't mind maybe I can bring him along because he would love to meet you as well" etc.. if he starts to hint that he wants more than a friendly conversation I think you need to be firm about the fact you are in a relationship and if he doesn't stop with the comments that make you uncomfortable then its time to cut him off.
5if i was annoyed by his flirting i'd just avoid him
6otherwise, get together and drop a hint or not even drop a hint, just be like, well i started dating an amazing guy...what about you? girlfriend?
I'd casually mention something like a great restaurant "we've" been to lately or something of that nature. Then he'll know you're unavailable without it being too awkward.
7Honestly I wouldn't say or do anything that I wouldn't normally. Trying to mention the boyfriend casually isn't always easy, and most of the times it comes out sounding forced. If a guy did it to me I'd be really annoyed, like "presumptuous much?".
8I would just drop the phrase "my boyfriend" throughout the conversation occasionally as casually as possible.
9never make assumptions, it just makes a ass of you and me
10=A S S U M E
thats the rule i always follow
you'll never go wrong with just be honest. Let him know whats up and thats all.
11In this situation I would probably just let it play out until I knew for sure what his intentions were. I recently had an ex send me and email asking if we could hang out because he misses me. I responded with " Well, I dont think my boyfriend would like that very much" To which he replied "well, he wouldnt care if you didnt tell him" and thats when I told him to F off. But in that situation I knew that his intentions were not to just "hang out" with me. in this situation I would just keep in friendly and if the conversation went the way of relationships then I would let him know.
12I've never found it difficult to refer to my partner casually in a sincere manner, befitting the context of the conversation.
Just chat as you normally would; it's bound to come up during your friendly discourse -- gently direct the conversation toward it, if you are uncomfortable in the grey.
13I agree - I would have casually referenced my husband. Even though I'm married and wear a wedding set (with a sizable sparkler), some men do NOT notice it. I've always been able to casually mention hubbie, and that worked out. Using the royal "we" works well, like "'We' live in so-and-so," "'We' love that restaurant," etc.
14Don't flirt back. after a while he'll get the message. Or casually mention something you're going to be doing with your boyfriend.
"Oh, i'm soo glad it's Friday. Seth is taking me to a nice relaxing diner at that new place on 5th street...."
leave it at that.
15oh, I didn't read everyone else's comments first...
16Duh, you drop the boyfriend bomb. "My boyfriend and I went to check out the new art exhibit." Or whatever. Don't gush about him, just casually mention him.
17I would be completely upfront & say something like, "Geez Mr. Flirty! Don't you know I'm off the market?" It sounds playful but is informative at the same time. AND it lets him know that his tone is coming off as a come on.
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