My mother-in-law's puppy is being put down today; he's had a heart defect since birth, and against everybody's advice to put him to sleep when he was little, we decided to keep him alive as long as he was doing well and could still run around. He's had a wonderful, happy life for the past 15 months, but with the Summer heat, he's been having more and more trouble moving around, and for the past few days he cannot get up at all. His heart can't keep up anymore, so it's obvious it's time to let him go — he's suffering now.
I called my mother-in-law this morning to tell her I was thinking of her and to try and comfort her. We talked for a few minutes, but then she started to cry and we hung up. I feel terrible because she was holding it together and I fear that I made her break the dam of sadness, so to speak. I was reassuring about the fact that she's doing the right thing and commiserating about her grief. I told her I was sad too (I named that dog!) and asked her to give him a kiss for me before they put him down because I couldn't be there, and that's when she broke down in tears.
Should I apologize? I was going to write her an email later today to see how she was doing, but should I also include an "I'm sorry I made you cry this morning," or do the tears just come with the territory?
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You were just being thoughtful and trying to comfort her. She was already upset, tears were bound to happen at some point. I wouldn't worry about apologizing. Give her a sympathy card, maybe some flowers if you want. Then just don't press the topic unless she wants to talk about it.
1You didnt do anything wrong. She felt comfortable enough to cry with you becasue she felt that you understood her pain. Write her the email but dont include "sorry for making you cry" if you do that she'll feel embarrassed. Dont mention her crying ever, dont judge her and dont blame yourself.
"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
2Oh gosh, you don't need to apologize. It obviously touched her what you were saying. Just leave it at that.
3No need to apologize. You did the right thing by calling her and letting her know you were sad also. I agree with what the previous posters said. You expressed your sympathy. She'll remember your kindness. You did good.
4You didn't make her cry. She did it to herself by choosing a puppy she knew would suffer and die at a very young age. She should be ashamed of herself allowing him to suffer like this.
After the dog has died, send a nice card saying you're sorry for her loss. Do not apologize for anything you've said or done, because you're not in the wrong here.
5You don't need to apologize, it isn't your fault. That's like when you're out with a friend who just went through a bad breakup and you mention something that she somehow connects to her ex; you don't apologize for bringing it up, you just comfort her the best you can. Your MOL is upset, but you aren't the cause, all you can do is comfort her.
6what a weird question. don't feel bad at all! the tears come with the territory. i don't think there's anything wrong with saying at the end of your email something like, "PS: i'm sorry for making you cry this morning. you've been so strong, and i really admire that."
7it's totally NOT your fault that she was crying. I'm positive she appreciated your effort - most people wouldn't call or anything. you sound like a great daughter-in-law. just try to be there for her.
8you did a sweet thing to call and comfort her. it is a lovely thing that you guys tried to nurture the puppy's life, even if it went on too long. but now she is doing the right thing again by putting it to rest. maybe email her later and tell her you're thinking about her, and you didn't mean to make her cry. I'm sure she knows that anyway.
9There is no need for an apology, when you speak to her again ask her how she is feeling and thats all. He is in a better place anyway and if he was suffering the best thing you guys did was to put him to sleep. xoxo Yadie
10No, not at all. What you did was very kind and considerate. It was very decent of you to try amd calm and reassure her. My Shih-Tzu had a heart attack when he was 10 and the veterinarian wanted to put him to sleep. I said no, I would see how it went and it "resolved" itself and he lived for another six years - running around and everything. So I can sympathize with your thinking on the puppy. You are a good person and a wonderful daughter-in-law.
11You didn't make her cry! She was already upset, and she felt comfortable enough with you to let her true emotions show. Don't feel like you need to apologize and say that your sorry for making her cry, because then she might be embarrassed!
12Oh my goodness. This is so silly. You didn't do anything, she's just sad about the dog (it's not like you killed it). Let her grieve and cry and all that. It'll pass.
13She cried when you empathized with her grief. You needn't apologize for that -- it touched a part of her.
If it were me, I would think that an apology might sound a bit (inadvertently) clumsy. It might turn a moment of tenderness into something slightly awkward.
Just keep supporting her. You sound like a fantastic daughter-in-law.
14You didn't make her cry, the situation made her cry
15Agreed. You did nothing wrong. If anything, I'm sure she's grateful that you were thinking of her and took the time, y'know? I've lost a couple of pets over the years, and I was going to cry regardless, but I always appreciated someone reaching out to me and showing that they cared.
16You don't need to apologize; it might make her feel guilty for making you think that. Just support each other.
17I would have reacted the same way if I were you, and if I were her. This sounds like a completely normal situation for when a beloved pet dies.
18My dog has terminal cancer and my mom, boyfriend, and I cry a lot because of it. So trust me, she wasn't crying because of you. Just be there for her when she needs you.
19I wouldn't apologize. The fact that she cried doesn't mean you upset her, only that she trusts you enough to show how upset she was.
I'm sorry for your loss!
20How sweet! Don't apologize, she was obviously touched that you were so thoughtful as to call her...I agree with everyone else, maybe just send her a card or something and let it go at that.
21apologize for what?!
it's sad the pup is sick and has to be put down. but it's not like you caused it.
I thought you were gonna say you said something f*cked up like, "it's just a dog" or "you didn't have it that long anyways".
you have nothing to feel guilty about.
22I agree with everyone.. You definitely didn't do ANYTHING wrong, why would you need to apologize? It's not like you didn't care about her and the dog, you obviously do..
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