i think he still has feelings for you, but to me it sounds like he wanted to see what else life had to offer him in nyc. i think he just isn't ready to make any sort of commitment to you right now and maybe you should try to see other people. if he really wanted to be with you right now, he would be.

sorry sweetheart as the book says "He's just not that into you". Sounds like you are head over heals in love with him...I don't know if he feels the same....if a man really loved you and wanted to be with you..he WILL move heaven and earth...find someone that will move heaven and earth

I agree with missbecca. He might love you, but he doesn't want to settle down yet, he wants to see what else is out there... you should do the same. See other people. There's no point waiting around for him. He doesn't want you to do that, or else he would have tried to maintain a long distance relationship with you.

I agree with CYL.

Personally, I don't think he truly loves you. When it comes to people, don't pay attention to what they say. Pay attention to WHAT THEY DO. Their action tells you all you need to know.

Take your heart, and walk away.

Be with someone who really loves you, and values you in his life.

CYL- i was going to say the exact same thing! you guys DID break up because his feelings for you had changed. if he was really that into you, he would have tried to keep things together long distance because he wouldn't have wanted to risk losing you. now that he's back visiting, he's being physical with you because he can & it doesn't come along with all the "boyfriend" connotations that it used to, like caring about your feelings. it's hard, but you have to move on. you can't sit around waiting for someone that may or may not come around eventually.

I agree with all the comments the ladies made above. If I was truly in love with a woman, something as trivial as moving to the other side of the continent would not stand in the way of being with her. I would be busy trying to organize mutual visits and perhaps, if it was at all possible, trying to get her to move to NYC. I agree with GlowingMoon, you must focus on his actions, not on his words. He has decided to free himself from the commitment and go on with his life, now you must make the same mental break - however hard it is - and go on with YOUR life. In the course of this new phase of your life, perhaps you will meet a man who will - as CYL noted - move heaven and earth to be with you.

There are so many hot and amazing guys in Van-City... why waste your time on a guy who is macking on the millions of single, gorgeous, successful and cut throat b!tches in the NYC?

Move on = moving up.

Also, there's probably a really good chance he wont be moving back to Van when he's done his thing in NY. He is probably going to want to stay in that area or he may be offered a really good job there too.. Good luck!

If he truly wanted to be with you, distance would be no object. Let him go and stop letting imh give you wings.

He's saying you guys may get back together if you're "paths ever cross" again?

WTF?

You should move on. Because it's true... Your paths may cross some day. But they're not going to cross if you're just waiting around for him.

You need to move on. He has.

Obviously he has moved on. He's keeping his options open, one of his options being you. Men seem to like that strategy so that they always have someone, and that they wont ever be bored, whether in NYC or Vancouver. I used to be in the same situation with a guy while he was in California and I was in eastern Canada! A few weeks later his response was the same, but eventually he came to me completely dedicated without me saying anything to initiate it. My hunch is that if a guy doesn't want to commit to you, or doesn't respond in a way that you want him to respond, it usually means that he's not worth it. He already said that he is just letting what future brings to the two of you, meaning that he's not willing to actually work to stay with you. Given that it's a few years in the future with billions of people on this planet, chances are it wont happen again. A guy is worthy of your time and devotion if he's willing to do anything to be with you instead of saying that he wants to see what the future brings. You deserve better.

Sorry but i disagree! He's doing something great for his career, which should come before a relationship at this stage! Congrats to him! And he's being very mature saying that "if your paths cross" which is usually just a guy trying to sound very manly and unaffected. If you see marriage with him, then I say definitely wait. But wait with a note....don't be opposed to meeting someone new and going on a date with them, but don't make it a physical relationship until you are broken up (in your own heart). Maybe your man wants to know that he can say that he's busy with school trying to make himself a career and a life (for eventually the two of you!) and needs your support but just needs to check out of relationship status for a while. He may just need to know that you're not going to flake and run and be with someone else while he's - in school! This could be a test for him to know whether or not you'll be the one in his life after it all.
And to the other posters...why should it be him that's moving through everything to be with her? Why can't she?? I think it's very wise that you two take some time, get on your feet with where you are going in life, and then meet up! B/C otherwise if he moved back to you or you moved to his city, then we'd be getting posts saying how you are insecure b/c he has this great job and you don't have *this*.
So concentrate on bettering your life, keep him in mind and talk to him on the phone still, meet new people and friends, go out, maybe even go out on a date and just trust your heart.

And depending on your age...you two probably shouldn't settle down, not that he's not ready to you and "not that into you." Plus it's ONLY been 2 years, and he needs to get a career going, all very good reasons to NOT settle down. He's doing the right thing, so take some inspiration and do it for yourself as well:)

First of all kudos to him for being honest about it at least. After all he could easily have done the wrong thing.

But in the end you should definitely try and move past this. I'm a pretty firm believer in cutting off contact with ex's because there is just too much baggage with the friendship. Just don't fight for something he doesn't want and waste precious time =D

Don't wait around for him. Do your thing. Move on.

I feel like he wants to start a new chapter in his life (like many young people in this situation)

When he comes home, he wants the ole trusty p*ssy. sorry, but this is just being real.

I don't knock the guy, atleast he told you up front instead of having you sit by the phone every night, hoping he calls.

But i also wouldn't be so readily available when he comes to town. He can't have his cake AND eat it. Get some other b*tch to be your hometown f*ck buddy.

This is why we as women should focus on ourselves and our careers. You always hear about girls passing up stuff because they love their man. you rarely hear about guys doing this...

don't be a donkey.

haha i like Asia's advice!

Whether it's love or not, it's hard to think rationally when all you're thinking about is, how can I get him to kiss me? If you do nothing else: Shut down the sugar shack.

What exactly do you have to gain by waiting around for him?

"If you're paths cross in the future" then maybe you'll have a chance?

That's just his way of saying "I can't predict the future." It's not his way of saying: "Wait for me, I'll come from you years from now, my lady love."

Pining away and unrequited love are fun for songs and movies, but in real life, they suck!

Move on. He has. You've got nothing to lose.

Move on, move on! He broke up with you — the relationship is over. Immerse yourself in fun activities and make new friends, and when the time is right, go on a few dates. But don't sit around waiting for this guy. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but despite the fact that he wants a little kissy-kissy when he comes home, he does not want a relationship. I've been there — know it hurts — but in time you will be in a better place.

sh*t darlin, when Bella tells you to move on, you know you REALLY need to move on.

He said. if your "paths ever crossed again". Most likely...that won't happen. At least he didn't play any mind games with you like most men would [that sh*t sucks...trust me]. He probably does still love you - but he had an opportunity he just couldn't pass up. And its obvious that his love for you couldn't have been that strong if he didn't want to try to make it work. Either way, you sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders, and a good heart to boot. You can find another guy, I'm sure of it.

i really think that you should leave this guy alone if he really loved you the way he says he does he would find a way to make things work...

"he realized that he wasn't able to hold down a relationship with his busy life in a new city" > This is the type of ginormous pile of bullsh*t that a guy who truly loves you will not say to you - or even think. Vancouver - New York? My (very busy) boyfriend and I did New York - Lyon (France) for a year and a half, and because I was an illegal alien, I had to stay in the US, so he was the only one making the 14 hour trip - MONTHLY. That's how I knew he loved me. Your guy can't even consider having a long distance relationship? WTF? I'm sorry, but he doesn't love you as much or the way you'd want him to. I hate when other posters throw this kind of judgment on people they don't know, but I can't help but think it in this case.

With webcams and the internet and free international calls on most providers, and that great new invention they have: PLANES (!?) I don't see what in God's name can stop you from at least giving it a really nice long hard shot! Unless... oh wait, yeah, unless he's in New York and he wants to move on. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean, but unless he's a quaker and isn't allowed to use electronics, his only good reason for not giving you his all is... he doesn't want to.

Please don't wait for him. The chances of him coming back to Vancouver are slim (I know what it's like to move to New York for a couple of years and stay 10). The chances of him being the same person when he moves back are slim to none, and you guys will have taken such different life paths that the connection will be broken. And - you cannot screw up your chances at a great full life for the remote chance that maybe you'll run into him at the drugstore 2 years down the road and he'll have been chaste and loyal to the memory of you, pining away for you in his internet-free New York.

It's hard. Loving someone for 2 years, they become a part of you. Such deep feelings don't go away fast, and it doesn't seem natural. But you don't have a choice. All you have is your self-esteem, which you are pooping on big time if you sit there and wait for a guy who doesn't truly want you to; and your life, your career, your interests, your dreams, which you'd be sacrificing. Please don't. Be strong. Look ahead, move on - and don't forget that HE already is/has.

He's gone, baby. Cry for a few months, then raise your head - and, f*ck him.

yes yet another comment telling you to "MOVE ON" lol. sorry hun but if he wanted to still be with u... he would be. if anything hes keeping you as back up... he wanted to keep his options open for whatever may come his way in NYC. but at least he was honest. he could have just went to NYC with u on the back bunner while meeting someone new... either way he doesnt value ur relationship enough to keep it going... he set u free , so u should go.

spending years apart is worth it if it makes him have a more successful career in the end. don't you want that? you should wait then.

He is not that into you. If he were, he would take steps to ensure you would stay in his life instead of stringing you along and prolonging the breakup during his visits. I strongly suggest you move on, and take a serious break from seeing/ talking to him. If he comes back to you, it will be of his own free will. Right now he's just using you. I'm sorry.

Sorry, move on.

asia84, you couldn't of said it any better.
what if you stay waiting around for him, you miss the "one" because of it and he finds his?
don't live your life for others.
"if it's meant to be, it'll be."

he's trying to hold his place in line, which i think is very unfair. don't do this to yourself. take him at his word "if our paths cross again in the future". what does that even mean? 5 years, 20 years? no, no, no! you get on with your life to, and don't look back. it was great but IT'S OVER. forward movement

I agree with many here- using distance as an excuse is a cop out, because if you both wanted it to work, then distance wouldn't make a difference. He obviously doesn't want to keep you in his life if the main reason is millage in between the two of you. If he doesn't change his mind soon, just move on.

I'm actually inclined to go along with what Berlin is saying. You can keep him in mind, but check out other options as well. Things will sort themselves out eventually.

I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 years and it sucks, but it works if you're with the right person. We were only dating for 3 months when he moved 700 miles away and there was never any question that we would do the LDR thing. I think the move was a convenient way to break up with you without really hurting your feelings. If he wanted to be with you, you'd still be together. So move on.

i like to consider myself a realist. i think that long distance relationships are stupid - and beyond expensive between gas and airplane tickets - especially i f they're permanent or for long periods of time. if this guy moved to new york soley because that's where he got into school, he has no equal options in vancouver than what did you expect him to do? wait around vancouver - not bettering himself just so you two could keep dating? if you're reasonably young, i hope this is not what you wanted him to do. i wouldn't want someone doing that for me. if he didn't try to include in his plans, never speaks about you joining him out there (if that's a possibility), or ever talks about coming back to vancouver, then he likely doesn't want to be with you. if the plans for you both to be together at this time were just not realistic, then keep in touch if you can and see him when he's around. but be honest with yourself. no wishful thinking. if you think that there really is a possibility of you two being together in the future, then date in the meantime - because you know he is - and flirt - because you know he is - and if the effort to stay in touch is mutual then you truly never know what can happen. if you find yourself being the only one who reaches out to him, or he never invites you to go see him - it's likely he's moved on and maybe it is in your best interest to do the same. unless youre one of the disney princess do you really need someone to "move heaven and earth" - lets be serious now? there is no white knight, there is no tower youre trapped in, sooo the dramatic gestures - in my opinion - likely aren't necessary. but honesty is so just make sure youre not fooling yourself. while it is always easy for everyone to say drop him and move on, we all know that it is never that simple.

dang, Karlotta kept it real!

i too agree that long distance is crazy and expensive.

BUT

if i loved someone enough (i actually though about the extent of this) i would be more than willing to hop on a plane and alternate trips to see him.

but he's thinking about himself, and you're a donkey for waiting for him.

let him do his thing, and you move on and live your life.

i find that it is that simple to drop a guy.

out of sight, out of mind.

you cry for a few hours. feel like crap for a day or two, and get on with your life.

been there, done that.

it's easier when the muthaf*cka is on the other side of the continent.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, the best way to go on about it is to let the bloody guy clarify if that means he's trying to be nice about letting me go...like...fade away into a distant memory slowly...or if he's afraid of LDRs. That way, I'd understand where he's coming from so that I don't OVER-ANALYZE or JUMP INTO CONCLUSIONS.