I think other things are a better indicator of relationship success. For example, has he properly invited you on dates and taken you out? Or has every date so far been "Let's hang at my place/watch a movie in my bedroom"?

Do you jump at the chance to see him or keep your schedule open in case he calls? Or do you require that he plan ahead and put in a decent effort to see you?

I slept with my boyfriend on the second date which was almost 3 weeks after we first met and we've been together for a year Sunday. I think it depends on the guy and as luisamapacha said, depends on the way the relationship is forming.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Luisamapacha~ I'll answer you since I'm not really worried about being anonymous (we've all been there right!)

We've had a nice mix of "traditional" dates; aka we've gone out to dinner, drinks, a concert, baseball game...the usual stuff, as well as spent a few quiet nights in with a movie. I've also met a few of his friends...so I know he's not keeping it hidden or anything.

As far as being available, it's been a similar mix....we've made plans in advance and met up last minute so it's hard to say. I've been careful not to be too available, but i really do enjoy spending time with him (obvs!) so who knows! I've been out of the dating game for quiet a whil so I'm a little rusty on all this. Thanks!

IMHO, Your the only person who can really answer that question. Early on in a relationship, 2 people make assumptions almost about everything, including sex. What your really doing is setting yourself up for failure or even worse, self-doubt.

Ask your self this, would you be asking your question if you DID NOT have sex with him, on your own terms and time? This is in my humble opinion, is a 2 way street, he might think that your too easy and you would fall for him no matter what.

One of my guidelines in life is this: No one knows more about YOU then yourself, Never assume that the other can read your mind, COMMUNICATE !

I think you're fine then. You're better off letting things develop at a natural pace, instead of being like "Oh, I have a 4-week rule," or "It's date #3, therefore I must do it even though I'm not ready."

I know when you really like a guy you want to make sure you do everything right. I think you're okay.

This type of situation is so subjective. I slept with my current boyfriend on the first date and we are totally in love and happy. I agree with Luisa that other factors are better indicators of where things will go. I think a lot of women become much more emotionally involved in a man when sex becomes part of the picture and this can cause them to become blind of important indicators of who this person is and where the relationship is headed. A perfect example of this is my friend who slept with a guy right away and then thought he was the bee's knees. She completely ignored the fact that he was a flake, a liar, had a drinking problem, and was (in my opinion) insane.

welll.....
I slept with my boyfriend the first day we went out!!! Bad me!!!
We went out with friends and I got hammed and yea...
BUT
We are a year and a half into our relaionship and just LOVE each other and we have a house together and are getting our puppy on Saturdya
So i guess it all depends...

Thanks guys! I guess I just needed to know that other people have been in this situation...and that it does not always end in doom and gloom! I know some more traditional "rules" style daters would say this is a cardinal sin and we are bound to fail because he "got what he wanted." But like Phoenix31756 mentioed...it's a 2way street and being intimate was a choice we both made together (and sober! lol)I think the best way is to keep an even mind and let things happen...and not force it. I'll tell you, the start of a relationship is the best and worst!

@ AmyLyn

Right now am in a shooting match at another post here, I just wanted to let you know that YOUR the only person that can really know for certain about how things should be. Regardless if you see things as right or wrong, your the only one who can be blamed or pat your self on the back.

People in general are more complex them computers, the only way to know for sure if your doing something right is when nothing goes boom!

The trouble here is the way we all been brought up and it's this that we have so many issues at.

^^ I agree, I don't think I did anything wrong but it's hard not to second guess yourself when you have people tell you...."oh no you ruined it!"

Depends on you and the guy....i slept with my bf on the third date (oh I know SOOO typical) but we had marathon dates and he tried so hard and made me this cute little dinner and just melted my heart! OUr first date was like 3 hours long and our second date for like 6 or 7 hours long and so was our 3rd date. We always joke around saying that really...our 3rd date was like 6 or 7th date...since the average person doesn't go on a date for that long...and it was kind of soon for BOTH of us..

the boyfriend & I rushed it a bit -- we slept together after 2 or 3 weeks of dating.

No doom & gloom though, we measure our time together in years now =)

But I was good friends with him for quite a few months before so he wasn't a stranger. I guess it depends how well you know the person and how you feel about the relationship. The problem these days with jumping in the sack too soon is it doesn't give the other party time to get an STD test..

I completely agree with Louisa. Relationships are more than just sex, look at all the signs. But I do know plenty of people who have slept together right away and are perfectly fine. I'm just not that type. I'm a relationship person, and feel more comfortable having sex knowing something is established and not just casual

I totally agree with luisa, she hit it right on. It takes more than sex to make a relationship work, and it depends on every couple. I really don't think that a guy will act a jerk just because you sleep with him early on, if he does, then that's ALL he wanted from you, just to get laid, and who wants a guy like that around anyway?

And hithatsmybike is correct too, the good thing about 'waiting' is to be able to discuss about STD, take the test, etc.

Good luck.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

I have talked to several guys about this, and most tell me that if a girl sleeps with them on the first date, they may no longer consider her gf material. But you did wait for a few dates, it's not like you did it as soon as you met him, so I think you are fine.

Thanks for the advice guys! It's good to know some many of you have had the same experience and it worked out fine!

no you havent doen anything wrong, u too guys where fine about the whole thing so pls stop streesing about what u cant change, just have fun dnt let anything to come ur way

my girlfriend and io we had sex the first week we meet and the thing is that she is now pregnant and wea are both fine about the whole thing so pls just be there with ur partner and things will work out one of the good days. pls hung in there this the thing i used to tell my babe

No, there are no rules. I've been married for almost 4 years to my husband and we didn't even wait a day. If he doesn't want to be with you because of that he is not the right guy.

I don't think 3 weeks is rushing into it at all. 3 days, maybe.

Totally depends but 3 weeks seems pretty good. I was actually surprised when my friend told me she had been dating this guy for a month and a half and they hadn't slept together yet. It just depends on a lot of factors in the relationship. I slept with my current SO before we were even officially dating (we basically hooked up as friends) but it's been 2 years now and I wouldn't change a thing!

I mean, me and my boyfriend waited a week and a half, and we're going to be together for 10 months on August 10th. So no, I don't think it eliminates you as girlfriend material, especially since you were both sober and he has been introducing you to his friends as such. It's not like you slept with him on the first date, either. So I think you should be fine. Sure, it might not be the right choice for everyone, but you went into it with your eyes open, so I really don't think it will be the end of the world.

Don't over think it because of "rules" or whatever, if you have a great chemistry then having sex is just what comes next and there is no shame in that! I think it's very archaic to think that having sex ruins relationship potential- women should not be afraid to enjoy sex! My fiance and I (since everyone is being honest here) had sex 3 wks in when we started dating . . . obviously it did not ruin things for me as gf and future wife potential

cmd0610, isn't your fiance French? Not to generalize too much, but I think the French are far less uptight about sex than the Americans are. They enjoy it for what it is and don't attach morals to it. I think it's a very healthy attitude that more people should adopt .

There are a lot of great points on here. I often tell myself that sex is just sex and it's not a big deal. However I tend not to take girls too seriously when sex comes early (within the first couple weeks for sure.) I want sex to mean something to me again like it did when I wanted to wait until marriage. Sex happens when it happens in relationships for me and more often then not it's the first couple dates but I'm starting to realize for a relationship that I want to last a lifetime, I'd like sex to wait for a while.

So my mind is playing devils advocate right now. And saying what if you wait and get to know a girl and she is not good? Wouldn't you rather know early and part ways? I'll stop now because I could honestly right a book on this topic.

As for the poster. Every guy and every relationship is different. If you all go out and have fun and things are wonderful then you need not worry about this.

right should be write, yes I hate when I do that, sorry

I think it really depends on the person. I've never had a problem with it. I have had sex early on in the dating process and ended up getting very serious and long-term with the person afterwards, not just once but a couple of times (and I was always the one who ended up leaving, so I doubt there were any judgments there on the guy's part).

I think if you both have the connection and the desire, just do it. If his opinion of you suddenly changes afterwards, and he judges you, then that's his problem, not yours. Do you really want to be with someone who's going to judge you for something he wanted and participated in as well?

I don't think it matters. I slept with my ex on the 2nd date and we were together for 3 years. I decided to wait 2 months with the guy I just dated and that lasted about a week after we slept together. So...you never know!

*I forgot to mention that in all of those cases, the guys were the ones who pursued the more serious relationships (and marriage).

I personally opt for waiting a bit to have sex. I also have never had a one-night stand so I guess I am just not comfortable sharing myself and my body with someone that I don't know is worth it. I take sex very seriously, and I feel like now days if you give it up too soon then what kind of guy are you pursuing? I want a guy to look at me and know I am the kind of girl he wants his parents to meet, not just some girl at the moment. I don't mean any offense in what I say, it is all just my opinion! And I do in fact know plenty of people who got intimate early on and are now married with children! I think it all just depends on how you really feel, and the type of guy he is. Best of luck!

I personally opt for waiting a bit to have sex. I also have never had a one-night stand so I guess I am just not comfortable sharing myself and my body with someone that I don't know is worth it. I take sex very seriously, and I feel like now days if you give it up too soon then what kind of guy are you pursuing?

I agree with you, Blondie. This is exactly how i think.

I agree -- there are no rules. Do what's right for the both of you.

Well some ppl view sex/ making love as something they do with someone they are in love with...others dont and do it for whatever reason. If your person A then you should wait if not then....theres no need to worry.

Yes chocolatine he is- and of course generalizations are hard to make, but it is fair to say from the impressions I've made that the French have a different yet healthy attitude about sex. That impression is easy to make even just from reading their version of Cosmo which is so different the the US version and more fun in many ways hehe.

I think that the reason early sex CAN ruin a relationship is because its an indicator of how hard to get you are. But, it's not the only indicator-- if you aren't a doormat than your attainability shouldn't be limited to your sexuality. If you still make your life your priority and don't become this (or any) man's beckon-call girl, your fine.

My fiance and I slept together after two weeks. But it took me two months before I'd even occasionally call him, and he knew he had to call way in advance for dates, etc. My point is, being hard to get is more about other factors than sex. If you still are a hot commodity, the chase will continue with or without sex.

My fiance and I actually spent the night together on our first date, but we just cuddled. We talked on the phone for the next entire 48 hours we were apart, eventually admitting how hard it was to restrain ourselves that first night. We actually discussed and we slept together the second official date (though we'd been on the phone, IM, email, text, etc for the last 4 days straight). The first time was actually kind of awkward, but from there we just fell more in love and things definately got hot and heavy. It'll be 4 years this December, and we'll be married next June.

I think its silly to put time limits on these things. The guy is either going to be into you or into the sex. I dont think it really matters when you do it, if hes into you then it wont matter. If hes just in it for the sex then, theres nothing you can do to change him anyway. My current boyfriend and I had sex on our first date (say what you will). We've only been together for about 2.5 months, but it hasnt doomed us yet. I think women spend entirely way too much time and energy worrying about these things.

I have no comment about the story other than it's a personal choice...

The one thing I wanted to say was...the girl in the post photo looks EXTREAMLY young to be in a post about sex lol...she looks like she's 12.

There are no rules in love! LIke, NONE WHATSOEVER! Everybody is different and every relationship is different and nobody can gauge what will happen to a couple by using the general rules.

I personally never waited longer than 6 DAYS to have sex with my partners, and it hasn't prevented me from having great, long-lasting, beautiful, loving relationships. I've actually never had a guy lose interest in me because we'd done it (but that's probably because I'm so incredible in bed - - just kidding.)

Making him wait for the sake of making him wait is just mind-f*ck game-playing, and that's 10 times worse than just going with the flow and the feeling of the moment. Stop worrying about this, be yourself, enjoy the relationship (this is the great happy part!) and have a great time!

And yes, I'm French (as Chocolatine said, we're way less uptight about that kind of stuff, and most of us Frenchies get married too!)

My boyfriend and I met, hung out only two times, not even really dates just in group settings, and then the third time we hung out we had sex. Oh and now we have been together for 2 1/2 years and lived together for 1...and he is the best thing that ever happened to me! SO it all depends!

guess what? my bf and i met as neighbors before i went away for a year a broad. we both fantasized about each other for a year without talking or communicating . while we may have been with other people at that time, we were just waiting to see each other again. the first time we actually went out on a date the lust between us exploded and we dabbled in some sexy stuff. now, we're engaged. we've been together since and i can't imagine it being any other way. the situation depends but the lust between the 2 people should really be genuine in order for it to be more than just another 'hook up'.

My friends had this guy they have been wanting to set me up with for a year. They came to visit me and the guy at the time was dating someone.He was a cool guy but I knew he was with someone. Well a week before my friend's wedding he was wanting to hang out but I truly had plans. Then at the wedding my friends purposely sat us next to eachother. We talked and were having a goood time but I was also mingling with everyone else. Well throughout dancing he kept finding me and brining me close to him. Add in some wine and talking by the beach we kissed and ended up having sex that night. All my friends think it is no big deal but I usually neverd o this, especially if it is a guy I would want to date. so I am feeling like it makes me look easy and I ruined something that maybe could have been. He still wants to hang out and even before this happened wanted to, and at the wedding talking about hanging out before we slept together, during the wedding he also was the one pursuing me as I tend to eb social and mingle with everyone. but I feel like it messed up the whole dating and getting to know eachother because we have already crossed the line. It is out of my character and I guess I feel like I am judging myself so is he. I mean we hung out since then and he was cool but I just don't know. Weddings and wine for me equals lots of flirty OH MAN

I'm glad this post is here!! I met this guy one night about 3 weeks ago, both got drunk, started making out. But later on that week he suprisingly asked me out on a real date, and we are really compatible, he's really sweet, etc. Our actual dates are just like any normal, wholesome date (getting to know each other, etc) but in between the 2nd and 3rd date we ended up having sex. I keep doubting myself that he wants me only for that, because that has happened to me before, but this (and the fact that we are still dating) has shown me that relationships like this can work out, and in my case, it doesn't look like he just wants me for the sex!