When I read your post all I think is it is all about you and how you feel what about how he would feel if he cut these friends out of his life? I totally see where he is coming from he is an adult and perfectly capable of choosing his friends, not only that it sounds like he is being completely honest when he does spend time with them. Would you give up a good male friend that you may or may not have dated if he asked you to? I know I could not do it. You need to find a way to get over your insecurities and truly trust him. Get over it or let him go.

I agree with cubadog, get over it or let him go. Hes an adult and is capable of making his own decisions. If anything inappropriate was going on or if he was choosing them over you in any kind of way then you would have a right to say something. They were his friends before you came in the picture and they'll still be if you aren't. I think you need to talk to someone about these trust issues because it doesnt sound like hes given you a reason not to trust him.

It sounds like it is your own insecurities that are the problem here. There is nothing wrong with him staying friends with his exes. It actually seems like a good point that he can be mature enough to remain friends after a breakup.

You are very insecure and not ready for this type of relationship. Damn, what is going to happen if you even date a man that once was married and his ex wife was in his life? You are being very childish expecting him to cut ties with people on your behalf because you can't handle it. And if you two break up, what, he's supposed to be able to jump back into their friendship and not have them mind? If you can't trust him around them, then forcing him to cut ties won't fix the problem. Then it will be female friends at work or women in general. You have to deal with your insecurities before having a mature relationship. It only looks very bad on you and will cause a rift in your relationship. Plus his friends will likely think you're overly controlling and try to get him to break up with you (hell it's what I'd do!) if you try to make him stop being their friend. Grow up a bit!

Well, if she breaks up with him, then presumably he'll want to keep her as a friend (since he keeps his exes as friends). And then he'll find a new girlfriend, and she'll be able to see firsthand what he does with his female friends when his girlfriend isn't around! If he does try to mess around with her, then she'll know that she was wise to break it off! If he doesn't, well, maybe he'll become available again someday....

haha, awesome advice The Hermit.
I mostly agree with everyone who has commented so far...but the OP does have a point that this guy isn't taking her feelings into consideration.
Is there some way to compromise, like maybe he can only hang out with/talk to those girls while you are with him for a while until you feel more comfortable. Or just get any of the girls to go out to lunch with only you and get to know them better to make yourself feel more comfortable...but whether it was my insecurities getting the best of me or not, I wouldn't stay with a guy that didn't show more consideration for my feelings. He should at least make an effort to make you feel better.
P.S. I personally feel that it is extremely difficult (but possible) to have platonic friendships with the opposite sex, ESPECIALLY EX'S!!!

they are his friends so you'll have to get used to them. he should be able to carry on with platonic friends of the opposite sex, just like you should be able to. if there are no signs that he is having sex with them, then why do you need to feel insecure. he's going to dump you if you keep harping on hime about something this petty.

he didn't do anything wrong! you didn't say what kind of texts they were...so I'm not sure about that part. if you feel insecure why not just join everyone (in a friendly manner) when they hang out so that you know everything that goes down? it really depends how much you like him though..

Do you not have any male friends that are exes? Or did you just date really horrible guys before him that you didn't want to stay friends with them?

Regardless, not all women are out to steal your man even if they are exes. Stop being so insecure if you have no proof that nothing other than friendship is going on. You are disrespecting him far more than he is disrespecting you.

if he tried to tell you who could be your friend you'd be hearing things like "controling", "abusive", "warning sign".

you don't trust this man and that's the bottom line. i think you should break it off, you don't believe the words coming out of his mouth. nothing else matters does it?

if i was in your shoes, i'd be insecure, too.

it's just too dawson's creek-ish. lol. i'm sure many people stay friends with their exes, but not close friends, you know what i mean?

anyway, i agree with the hermit and dear sugar.

good luck

I have ex's that i'm still friends with and some of them are even my best friends. They are guys that i've known YEARS before meeting my husband and if my husband would have ever asked me to stop talking to them while we were dating...I would have told him to get over it. The're ex's for a reason..but it doesn't mean that they are not still great people to have in my life and share a friendship with.

you're not doing anything for your relationship by not trusting him right now. understandably you're a little upset, you have a right to be. but until you've seen evidence that something else is going on, chill!!

Does he give you reasons to be insecure about his friendship with his exs (ie has he ever had a fling with them after they became exs or gotten calls from them a like 3 am)? If he has given you no reason to be insecure...relax and breath. Who do you think he is going to run to, to complain about you wanthing him not to have contact with his exs? Yup...his exs who are still his friends.

I think that I agree with the other posters who say that it's your insecurity that's a problem. All you wrote in your post that everything is GREAT between you guys...and so...what's the problem? It's one thing if he's slacking on you (after 2 years, some guys do that) and paying more attention to his exes who happen to be his friends. Or putting you in lower priority compared to his friends (female). Then, I can say, oh you've got something to worry about.
Your bf is right, he's an adult who can make his own choices and as long as he knows not to cross the line, then what's the deal? I understand that you're worried/concerned, but it's your own insecurity. And some men DO keep exes as friends, y'know, especially if those exes run in the same circle of friends.

Is this a good enough excuse to break up? If you think it is a deal breaker, then, it is. But WHY WAIT UNTIL 2 YEARS? Surely you've known that he's kept in contact w/ his exes..from early on in the relationship.
Either you accept it or you don't, but you can't make that choice for him to choose either you or his friends, he'll end up resenting you for asking him to give up his friends. How do you feel if he ask you to drop all your male friends who are in the same circle of friends?

You've talked to him over and over again about something that makes you insecure for no reason. You said you prize the relationship and love him strongly, and you've been together for two YEARS, but that's not good enough for you- he's also got to only be friends with whoever you want him to be friends with? that's a tad controlling. don't let your insecurity drive him away. or he'll find someone else who is a mature enough woman to handle a guy with a friend who doesn't have a penis. take it from someone who's been there.

What an insecure woman!
I have friends like that and my ex-girlfriend never understood. She could not get it through her head that she and only SHE was my girlfriend. Those other women were nothing more than mere sex partners.

"The fact that he is not changing something that causes me anxiety makes me wonder whether he values me and my feelings"

This is what he would say:
"The fact the SHE is trying to change something that brings me happiness (friendships) makes me wonder whether SHE values me and my feelings".

My BF was very jealous of my guy friends and would constantly throw ultimatums at me to break off the friendships. And I hate when he talks to his ex, and I wish I could poke her eyes out with a fork or make her disappear from the surface of the planet.

BUT I don't ask him not to talk to her anymore. I only ask him for permission to be insecure about it and sometimes have a rant or two -

I allow him the same thing with my guy friends, and that way we both get to continue seeing our friends, yet let the other one speak up about their discomfort. The fact of the matter is, it's not about anyone doing anything wrong, it's about our own insecurities.

If you can admit that to yourself, it would be a great first step towards accepting his [completely normal] behavior. And maybe by seeing you're tolerant and understanding, he will start seeing them less (which it sounds he's already not doing so much!) -

give and take, you know?

You're definitely insecure. Ohh my gosh, my boyfriend was the same way. I'm good friends with an ex and he told me to not be stay friends with him and I just got mad at him. But we talked about it and he's ok with it now. He's even friends with my ex now. So I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want him to do the same thing to you. Just talk to him though and make sure he understands how you feel. You should meet the girls also, maybe it'll help.

I'm with ajennilyn (and several other posters) - I think what would help the most is if you spent more time with this "group" that includes his ex-girlfriends and got to know the girls more. If his relationship with them really is platonic, it will be obvious to you and you'll be reassured that you have nothing to worry about.

I have a similar situation with my fiancé - he remains fairly close with a few ex-girlfriends, and at the beginning of our relationship I felt extreeeeemely threatened by them. But one has become a close friend of mine, and every time I see her interact with my man I know that things could never work between them and I am reassured. However, I still feel uncomfortable when he gets calls from those I know less well.

In any case, get to know these exes, and I think you'll gain confidence in your relationship and his commitment to you.

Matamoros: I respect your honesty, but I am sure your comment does nothing to reassure the original poster that her bf is not cheating! If you are admitting that you were sexually involved with these women while your were still with your ex-gf, then I would say that your ex had just cause to be concerned/'insecure'!
I love it when men call women 'insecure' when they are jealous of someone else you were casually f*cking. I think that most men would feel that way in the same situation.

To the poster: I would agree that you sound very insecure. If your bf has done nothing to make you think that he is cheating on you, then perhaps he is just the type of guy that is able to maintain friendships with ex's. This is a good thing because it shows that he does not have really bad breakups, he can treat the women maturely and still be friends. If on the other hand, you feel this way because of suspicious behaviour or your female intuition, then that is another story altogether. I would understand that you feel concerned that he will cheat on you with those ex's. But if he is a trustworthy guy and you believe him that he would not do that, then you have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise you will destroy the relationship. You need to find a way to deal with your own insecurities and issues (is this perhaps related to being cheated on in the past by an ex?). If you believe that this man is honest and deserves to be trusted, then you have to just accept his friendships and trust him. Would you be ok with it if he asked you to end friendships because of his own insecurities/jealousy? I seriously doubt that you would be. Good luck to you.

First, from ajennilynrushhh' comment, I don't think we always have to talk with those girls. Be careful... There are also some stupid girls who think you're just showing off that the man is yours now, or any other shallow thoughts that would have never crossed your mind even for any reasons.

Nell, there's one thing you should keep in mind...

Men love new things, so you'd better worry about new people in his life rather than the old ones. I've read in a mag, that they love to try new things, while exes don't give them any new sensations. Our men already know their good and bad side, their when to do this and that. So it won't be that interesting anymore. They prefer to look for new ones. And it's true if your man said that they broke up for reasons. If he's mature enough, it's it, and you don't have to worry.

But if, he does something bad after the trust you give... It just means one thing, you deserve someone better.
Try to have faith in him ^^ I'm trying to do so... Not easy, but doesn't mean impossible, right?

This man might just break up with her because of how insecure and nagging she is, then she won't have to make this decision at all!

Well I dont usually post replys but this really caught my attention. i can totally understand where you are coming from. My now husband had a similar situation going on while we were dating (and still does). He is still friends with a couple of women that he dated back in high school and shortly after. I wasnt ok with it at first. I started dating him at 19 so the situation was still dating scene was really new to me. My feelings regardless of what i SHOULD HAVE been feeling according to all the people that posted on here was "this guy is so great and im so in love with him that it kills me that these women could take away this man i love". I finally had to come to grips with the situation. What i did is I started monitoring the relationships between them. That sounds silly but its true. Seeing what his relationship was between them ie. what they talk about and how they interact with each other ect. Eventually I came to terms that these women really werent a threat. I got to know them not as my own friends because they arent, but as his friends. My husband understands that it wasnt the easiest thing but we communicated. As long as i was able to talk to my husband about it i was ok. If they want to hang out that is ok with me. I dont appreciate them hanging out just one on one. We have an understanding that it should always be with a group of people if i am not present. Which i think in any marriage its the way it should be. I can ask him even now (which i rarely do) whats going on with them and their lives. Be prepared of what he will say though when you ask that question. When he tells you about her affair with another man that she met at a bar you have to be able to accept that for what it is and not start the whole parinoia situation again. Just remember that hes with you for a reason and he loves you. Keep the communication open and strong and you should have no doubt on him or what his relationships with others are. It can work you just have to work on yourself a little bit.

"I respect your honesty, but I am sure your comment does nothing to reassure the original poster that her bf is not cheating! If you are admitting that you were sexually involved with these women while your were still with your ex-gf, then I would say that your ex had just cause to be concerned/'insecure'!"

No.
She was just crazy.
It's not like I had sex with them every day or anything. It was only when my ex had her period and/or I had a bit too much to drink.

Matamoros, that is horrible advice, I can't believe what you said!!!! You cheated on the girl and now you are saying she was insecure! Well duh!!!! Why does it even matter if it was every day or not? It doesn't!!! She wasn't crazy, she was right.

I agree with karlotta! Good advice!

Hi everyone-- I'll expose myself, I'm the ORIGINAL POSTER. Thanks so much for the comments, but please keep in mind that the post was SUBSTANTIALLY edited by DS. Maybe your opinions will change once you read the whole story: 1) my BF was still having occasional casual sex with two of these exes when he and I first met (before we got serious) 2) One of these two exes was still in love with him and when she heard that he'd started dating me, begged him to stop. 3) An ex-fling of his even followed him back to his house after all of their friends had gone out to try to get him to sleep with her. This happened 6 months after he and I became BF/GF, and actually after she and I had met. She still calls occasionally under a number of ruses, including "business advice".

In my opinion, these are not benign exes, guys. These are women who allowed themselves to be treated like f*buddies in the hopes that he'd re-/commit to them. Two tried to undermine his relationship with me (albeit, over a year ago, but still, they crossed the line). While he views them as platonic friends and his actions show it-- I suspect that he's still a romantic hopeful to him. These women are part of his larger group of friends so I understand that it's hard to NOT see them from time to time. Still. I'm also resentful because it's not like I put him in the same situation-- I'm from a different city, so never hang out with my ex-bfs.

The ball is clearly in his court to do the right thing and I do believe he's crazy about me and hasn't cheated on me. But it makes me wonder, particularly because this is an issue that bothers me so much-- why allow these girls to call or text? Why try to be their friends? He will not change his mind on this and insists that I trust him and that he's doing right by me. He tells me that these women were grossly incompatible with him, and I can acknowledge that obvious fact too. But I worry that this situation shows a lack of priorities and poor judgment. Sorry for the long post, but I'm curious- does this change your reactions? -thanks, Sarah

Thanks for the update, Sarah. It makes me understand your insecurity a little more. But, I think you need to at least try to understand where he is coming from. These girls are a part of his group of friends. He can't just cut them out. And he would feel seriously emasculated having to tell them not to talk to him because his girlfriend won't allow him. You say yourself that he is crazy about you and is trustworthy. Trust him. He's completely earned the right to be treated like an adult. I find it a little disconcerting that you are so insistent that he run around in circles to accomodate your feelings while you don't even seem to be considering his.

If he's not succumbing to any of their desires, then Sarah I believe you just need to trust him. i read your update, and I whole heartedly understand the paranoia that those other women will work their way back into intimacy with him. I really do understand, but as long as he isn't doing anything with them, then don't let them ruin YOUR relationship. You've been together for two years. That's an accomplishment to me. Those women are not something to lose the relationship over. If he complains that you need to 'get over it" when you complain about it, then tell him that you are allowed to complain about it. He knows your uncomfortable with the situation and will complain but let up on the ultimatums.

[IMO giving an ultimatum on such a washy subject is silly. pick your battles, because this one doesn't look like you'll win. some people just date losers and are way too nice to cut ties.]

Okay, your explanations DO change my mind a WHOLE lot! I would never be able to accept that from my boyfriend. Not because I don't trust him, but because him choosing to hang out with women who were catty, seductive and sneaky, and who undermined our relationship - however long ago that was! - would simply be disrespectful. I mean, common, that's just wrong. He's got his priorities all screwed up!

I would try to have one last chat with him about it. Ask him how he would feel if the situation were reversed; and really paint the picture for him. Then tell him you're not asking him to never see them again (because that would be unreasonable, since they're in his circle of friends), but only not to initiate contact, and to nicely, tactfully ask them not to do it either. They cannot maintain one-on-one relationships, and that's it.

That would be a compromise, and if he can't appreciate that you're making an effort and make one in return... personally I'd pack my bags and go. When you start folding on stuff that really matters to you, and keep quiet about what is hurting you (which is obviously what he'd like you to do!), then it's not a healthy relationship, and however great the f*cking guy is, I'm sorry - he really isn't if he can't do that one thing for you.

What is more important to him - you, or having these girls in his life? And when I say you, I don't mean having the honor of dating you (which he should be grateful for every darn day of his life, thank you), but simply your well-being and your level of emotional comfort.

Don't nag, don't put ultimatums. Have a quiet talk where you try and compromise. And if that fails, get out the door. The thing is, if he cares about you, he'll come running after you, and do what you are asking for. Good luck!

I didn't read the advice given, but my cousin was in a similar situation.
My cousin has been dating since she was 11 and probably sleeping with with people since she was 11 as well. They were usually 7-10 years older than her. Anyway, she met her now, dead husband (they knew each other for 13 years), when she was 11 and he was 16. Anywho, she had tons of boyfriends and slept around and whenever they got together officially and broke up he would sleep with someone. He also had bad friends who he had known for years and I'm pretty sure he was involved with them romantically. When she was 19 she got pregnant and had his daughter when she was 20. He was 25. He got serious and started to dump his friends and tried not to be a bad influence on his daughter and tried to become more fatherly. So they got back together and when he would go out with his friends he would act like an idiot and get drunk or do drugs. They broke up and got back together for the next 3 years. Eventually he got more into religion, became a Christian, moved in with her, broke up with her, slept with someone, got back together, proposed, and then she got pregnant with twins. They got married when she was 4 months pregnant and then he died one day before their one month anniversary.
My point is that if he didn't give you any reason to doubt him then don't. My cousin knew what her man was doing. He did stay in touch with these people, but didn't really talk to them as much and didn't really hang out with them often. If he did then he behaved like a father should to 4 children. (He only had one child that he officially claimed was his with her and she had 2 others with a different man, and a third with either her dead husband or her friend's ex.) Maybe your boyfriend just needs time to figure out what he needs in life and he needs to grow up and so do you. You don't know if you're going to spend the rest of your life with him. If you do then try and work things out and don't accuse him and if you're not then still try, but in the end if you lose him then you'll find your true love.

Not to be a negative nelly, but I dated a guy who was friends with his ex, and he finally admitted that he was in love with her but she didn't want anything to do with her so he was ready to move on.

He cheated.

I'm not saying that your guy will cheat, but I'm telling you to make sure that he doesn't have feelings for them. If you are seriously worried about them, tell him that you're uncomfortable and see if he would maybe not see them when its just them alone and maybe somehow to get him to invite you out with them so you feel more comfortable.

DearSugar, can you please explain why you edit these posts beyond recognition? It's honestly frustrating, and I personally don't see how it's helpful at all to the people writing in! I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my time trying to help someone whose problem isn't even accurately represented!

Rant over.

To the OP... I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a few of the women have some intentions toward him and that must make you uncomfortable.

I have to say, I respect your boyfriend for telling you "no". I think a lot of guys would just pay lip service and say "okay, I won't talk to them anymore" and then just do it on the sly.

So the situation you are in... you at least know what it is, if that makes sense. In other words, he's pretty directly addressed your question with an unequivocal answer.

That puts the ball in your court. You get to decide if this is something worth ending the relationship over, or if he is worth dealing with some insecurity over.

Think of this: relationships that stand the test of time involve both parties doing what's best for the relationship. this obviously involves more than just "not cheating." it doesn't really seem to me like your bf is thinking of the relationship and your feelings. these are unnecessary and damaging friendships. though you can get over your insecurity about cheating, you will always have the nagging feeling that these girls are trumping you and that even if they say bad things about you, your boy will continue to see them in your face against your will. in a relationship, you should consider yourself as one and so, if the girls say bad things about you, it's like they're saying bad things about him and thus, why would he want to hang out with them? your boy should defend your honor always and shouldn't hang around anyone, particularly ex's, who defame you. just my 2 cents.

So... from the OP's update it sounds like he knows they're interested and in a way he's kind of stringing them along giving them false hope because he finds it flattering. If that's the case, he's probably messing with their heads and hurting them too. Aside from the disregard for his own girlfriend's feelings (and yes, they are a little on the insecure side but still understandable) why would anyone want to be with a man who treats women that way? I realize many people are capable of maintaining platonic relationships with exes, but the minute any of them disrespect the new relationship in such a blatant and pathetic way as was described above, they should be cut out, no questions asked. If I was the OP, I'd never put up with this crap, but if you stick around, you don't have the right to complain or try and nag him into changing. He won't.

The new info you posted definitely changed my opinion of the situation. Although I would still not say for certain whether he is cheating, I think that his honesty about these situations needs some examination. Why is he telling you these stories? Is it just to be honest with you, or is it to intentionally make you jealous? Is he the type of man who gets a big ego boost from having women around him that he knows still want him? Or does he keep them around in case you two break up, so he can have a f*ck buddy? I am just wondering why he wants to maintain friendships with women who don't have much respect for themselves or for his relationship?

The other thing I have to say is that these women sound like pathetic, insecure and promiscuous girls who are unafraid to pursue a man who is already in a relationship. Why would he even want to continue relationships with individuals like this? OR are his stories about them total exaggerations to make himself look more desirable? Certainly, this guy is no god, just a man. Is he like a GQ model or something? Why are these women so pathetically desperate to be with him? I suspect that either he enjoys women like this, because it boosts his ego, or else he is making up/exaggerating stories about them to make you jealous. But the bottom line is that he is disrespecting you by maintaining friendships with these women. I am sure that he is fully aware of the fact that the stories he has told you would make any woman jealous. Why is he trying to manipulate your emotions to that extent? Even if he is not trying to be manipulative, just honest, I would wonder why he was attracted to women like this in the past. I think it says something about who he is. I don't think I would stay with this man if I were you. Good luck to you.

I can only imagine the anxiety and stress this puts on your and inevitably your relationship. In my opinion he's not going to change or he already would have. Cut your losses, remember him for the good times you had together, and finally find someone that will truly respect you and love you with all their heart.

Even with the new information, you do not have a right to tell anyone who they can be friends with. you need to trust him. If you do not trust him enought to let him continue this contact with his exes, there is no relationship. A relationship is trust.

Maybe it's just me but I feel like life is too short to spend time wondering whether or not someone is or potentially could cheat on me. I absolutely love my boyfriend beyond a shadow of a doubt but I love me more. Basically every girl we know tells me he's hot all the time but I don't worry about it. Obviously he's with me for a reason. He still talks to some of the girls he went out with in high school and I don't mind. I'm actually kinda glad. It shows me that he's not a dirtbag. I know if he had done something shady to them, they wouldn't want to be his friend now. He's been awesome about my past too. We just moved to my hometown in TN together. He shares many common interests with one of my oldest guy friends, so I introduced them and they now hang out practically every weekend. My friend here is someone I thought I was in love with 3 years ago, though nothing ever happened. I was upfront with my boyfriend about it from the beginning though and he's never had a problem with it. I wouldn't have it any other way. We trust each other. What's the point in being in a relationship and spending all that time worrying about sketch things.

The thing is, you chose to continue dating him even with what he was doing with his exes. Don't drink the poison and expect him to die.

I was in a similar position, and the underlying problem was that I didn't trust him. I am not the jealous or controlling type, but my ex's past relationships made me uneasy. He eventually told me that he had cheated six times in the past, though not on me, of course! (Yeah, right.) He was an untrustworthy individual, and while before that admission I had no real proof, I knew deep down he was a dishonest person.

My husband has female friends that he's known longer than he's known me, and I am not worried about them in the least because I know my husband and I trust him. I also know these female friends.

It all comes down to trust, and obviously there's a reason you don't trust him. Maybe the signs are there that he's dishonest, or maybe it's your own issues, but either way, without trust, you might as well hang it up.

I was in a similar position, and the underlying problem was that I didn't trust him. I am not the jealous or controlling type, but my ex's past relationships made me uneasy. He eventually told me that he had cheated six times in the past, though not on me, of course! (Yeah, right.) He was an untrustworthy individual, and while before that admission I had no real proof, I knew deep down he was a dishonest person.

My husband has female friends that he's known longer than he's known me, and I am not worried about them in the least because I know my husband and I trust him. I also know these female friends.

It all comes down to trust, and obviously there's a reason you don't trust him. Maybe the signs are there that he's dishonest, or maybe it's your own issues, but either way, without trust, you might as well hang it up.

I was in a similar position, and the underlying problem was that I didn't trust him. I am not the jealous or controlling type, but my ex's past relationships made me uneasy. He eventually told me that he had cheated six times in the past, though not on me, of course! (Yeah, right.) He was an untrustworthy individual, and while before that admission I had no real proof, I knew deep down he was a dishonest person.

My husband has female friends that he's known longer than he's known me, and I am not worried about them in the least because I know my husband and I trust him. I also know these female friends.

It all comes down to trust, and obviously there's a reason you don't trust him. Maybe the signs are there that he's dishonest, or maybe it's your own issues, but either way, without trust, you might as well hang it up.

Okay, so I hit "post" once, and my message posts three times?

So not to be obnoxius and add another post to my series here, but I just saw the rest of the story posted by Nell.

Nell--this is SO similar to the situation I mentioned before, and I know it's hard because you're in the situation and we're onlookers, but I think you need some space from this guy. That's what the "me" now would tell the "me" whowas dating that ex I mentioned, but honestly I wouldn't have listened b/c I made excuses for him.

THERE IS NO REASON FOR HIM TO KEEP THESE GIRLS AROUND IN LIGHT OF WHAT THEY'VE DONE. They want more from him than friendship, they have already disrespected your relationship, and they don't belong in his life anymore because they've also disrespected you. If they wanted to stay friends with him, they shouldn't have done those things. And he should realize that.

Turn the tables on him. Ask him how he'd feel if your ex tried to sleep with you and you insisted on staying in touch with him anyway.

I really think you should move on, but that is easier said than done, and you'll only do it when you're truly fed up with it. All I can tell you is that as someone who has been through something similar and come out on the other side, this is not what a healthy relationship looks like. My husband would never have done this to me even when we were just dating. There are good guys out there who will put your feelings first, and would cut ties with women who are panting after them out of respect to you (and their own genuine distinterest).

ok it's not about having or not having the 'right' to tell him who to be friends with. if you're his gf you have a reason to be pissed that he's hanging out with chicks he's banged recently. there's nothing to be 'friendly' about with them unless they're conversing with their genitals. lets be serious people, how many good 'friends' do you really have? are they going out to bars and drinking together? all the usual suspects...

basically i think it's time to give him a taste of his own medicine. if time with his 'friends' is so important than hang out more with your friends and do something that you know might make him feel insecure. the point is that you told him you feel insecure and he kinda blew you off... instead of making you feel better about it. i think he doesn't understand how you feel bc he hasn't been in that position. he probably even likes the attention he's getting from these chicks and i'm sure he likes the feeling of knowing that all of them want to be with him. see? that ALONE pisses me off.

start being more distant and if he becomes alarmed tell him how much damage your insecurity is doing to your relationship- maybe that will make him 'GET IT'. unless the girls are also being friendly with you, there's no reason for him to be so friendly with chicks he's slept with, you're his GIRLFRIEND.

After reading a handful of posts, I think a lot of people are speaking from past experience and projecting their situations onto Nell. I am in this exact situation and in NO WAY do I want to compare mine to hers because every little different detail makes it a different situation. I do think there is one bottom line... it is crossing the line a bit asking him to completely cut off contact with these girls. HOWEVER, asking him to cease certain kinds of behaviors with these girls is not an inappropriate request. For example, limit the number of texts or what they are about. Tell him you consider this and that flirting, even if he doesn't and would appreciate a more platonic relationship with them. Ask him to involve you in those friendships...maybe you'll even like these girls or at least look at them differently once you know them. There is NO RIGHT ANSWER, only helpful suggestions.

Ok first i was like wow this girl is being a little too insecure for her own good now I think wow this girl is allowing herself to be treated like crap. You say the exes are letign themselves be disresepcted but you are with a guy who casually is having sex with women and is in some way giving them encouragement and won't listen to you when you say this is unacceptable. I'm all for friends of the opposite sex because it is possible to be platonic but come on this guy has no respect for your feelings get rid of him already and find a real decent man

I wonder if you feel these insecurities in all situations where the two of you are separated? If so, then it would be detrimental to your own well being to work on the insecurity issues that have you in this emotional trap. If the insecurities only arise when he is out with the female (ex girlfriends) friends, then I am inclined to think that somewhere along the line, no matter how subtle, his behavior in regard to these women has sparked some suspicion. My next question is why are you left home on these adventures? Why are you not included in the fun? I would also like to add that if you search books pertaining to "healthy" relationships, about 90% of them cover this issue, and although it is acceptable to have opposite sex friends, there are boundaries that should not be crossed in respect to your partner, and further... opposite sex friends in which you have had an intimate relationship is a no-no when you are committed to someone else. It is not appropriate or healthy behavior, and you two need to have a heart to heart talk. If he becomes defensive and unable to have some understanding and work toward a compromise, then I think you are justified in your concern. Then he may need to make a choice, and if he would choose ex girlfriends over your relationship, then the man doesn't know what love is, and you would be a happier person to move on.